Joe Rogan Experience #7 — Brian Redban Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Thank you. Thank you. Takk for at du så med. hi everybody hello Hi, everybody. Hello. and this one says, and I said at 2 o'clock because I'm an idiot, Have you met people that have their Twitter set up I have to take you off. And then it got crazy, you know. It's amazing. Your blogs are for smart people like readers. But at least if you write it down for whatever reason

5:30 uh what was it about those vice tv guys those guys that go to liberia and talk about all the Maybe the lions that you were talking about, the lions last week that amped up. Maybe they Googled it or something. You go back to the URL It's like you solved Keeping them real. there was a they were stuck on an island and they were like regular size lines at first they presume

7:20 They didn't look real. Like they just showed this woman that was 12 years old, it's terrible ah super rare though so don't worry about it yeah but it's I'm going to give you exactly. You are? You know what I'm saying? Yeah, it's pretty nutty. once a month for like 10 minutes and they just showed you a bunch of products and then they're Right. TV shows are better when you let them play from the

11:01 Bam! just like, really? This is getting Yeah, well, you know, it's a lot of money, man. I want to give it away if you haven't seen so I'll in time with nuclear weapons. Like, what the fuck are you upset i like being in a world and not imagine watching avatar Avatar and every five minutes you've got to see a commercial. They think that just by conditioning people to be used to them interrupting it over and

13:08 People get excited for previews, man. Dude, it looks sick. You know? the master of that shit. Did you do the makeup They'll probably fuck up. you'd worry he's going to do something fucking crazy. It's a weird thing. That's how bad it is. I would love to talk to that guy. You go back and you can see it. Rent it on Amazon. No, this is really nothing.

16:20 No Country for Old Men. are you pretending that well in the real world things don't turn out well this isn't the real Yeah, well, the one guy was a fucking Marine, but he was one of the blue guys. You can see it that way And there's a lot of people Yeah, but could you imagine, though, in Afghanistan every day. so far as to make artificial ones Maybe we can all be cool.

19:48 You're shaking your boobs. We're not that nice, okay? You know? They've got technology, but they've got chaos. And, you know, it doesn't, it's just a mess. That's like a part of their culture almost. bullshit going down. There's always this motherfucker's mad at that motherfucker, Something's got to be done unless you're, to be done unless that's what people really want.

22:41 Avatar is nicer than people. Pinch Alright fuck yeah bitch yeah Do you wipe standing up or sitting down? Yeah. No, no, no. Those bitches, they pack up in your pipes. totally love one of those. Well, because It's white and there's like steel and chrome. No, it looks like metal and fucking. Place your asshole here and we'll clean it off for you. Wow. No, it looks like metal

24:59 and you turn it on and water goes inside We need something for girls. I guarantee you, in the future, there's going to be toilet seats that look like celebrities. Toilet seats that look like celebrities and they clean your asshole. your asshole it's going to look like like those wax figures like that's famous really except it's Megan Fox immediately.

27:17 A guy's image is eating your ass. Who would you do? like Tracy Lourdes screen you know that story they did a bunch Meatloaf was one of the guests She's pretty hot now, but god damn. I totally understand. favorite too i think yeah i just like her because she's like real. She's like, hey, look, here's a picture of my butthole. You're like, yeah, kind of.

29:37 And she's like, I got to practice more. soccer balls fucking flying by you. I mean it's really wicked. It's just like chemtrails discussing I thought of the other night. Or should we do it at 3 in the morning? He was like, you know, it was so crazy. People always fight. Wowza. But sometimes even dudes who are geniuses at anything, whether it's playing chess or being a martial artist,

32:48 Yeah, I can't tell you that story. No, I ain't thinking deep. But if he asks look at that I've been addicted to it. Yeah, I was really stoned and no one pre-warned Yeah, but there's something about the way they did it, man. I don't necessarily know if that's true. I mean, that's what, I think that's what the best guys would want. The only thing, sometimes I think that I would substitute knees on the ground for elbows.

35:38 Boxing, any kind of a bad cut and they'll stop the fight like right away. I mean, he was busted wide open, It was incredible. and they didn't like it. you have to like step back yeah you know she's got it whatever it is she's got it she's hot down and she's singing at the same time. If you can't, shut up. Lady Gaga I love chick songs. I think someone told me on Twitter recently too.

38:33 it was a joke. it's french for the tiger the breeders You just can't wait to get rich and get nutty and fucking lose their marbles and think that they're the reason why this band's there in the first place. or something like that It seems like bands, They don't go out like... He's still fucking running around, and he still takes his shirt off and shit and he looks like a monster you know looks

41:31 people that worship him and live for the fact that bruce springsteen is alive and their whole day Whatever the fuck it would be. Still lives in Jersey. I'm talking about me. They're different kinds of dudes. so many badasses come out of Philadelphia. like aggressive you know you know I'm saying like it's like that's like kind so many abandoned houses that bears are starting to move back around that's nuts yeah bears in

44:35 And it's not getting any better. are starting to jk just got news today that she has two recalls on her Toyota. I said that he's figured out that it's a software error oh my and so now we're thinking wait our cars would go like hi uh we're going down the freeway. We're going about Toyota bullshit. I don't even want to hear about this, man. I think actually it was a Lexus that... Jesus.

47:04 I swear to God. Lexus. It's a Matt recall. Otherwise, we could get in trouble. So you just made something up about him you can't be saying that make that up Brian Probably. This is no way to run a fucking internet show, ladies and gentlemen. Mm-hmm. No. That's software duplicate. That ain't it either. That's it? Yep. There. Oh, no. This is software.

49:49 That's fucking terrifying. It connected to the car. That's not going to save you. One of the many reasons not to buy a prius you know a Prius and they ran it around the prius it's like when you drive it fast it looks like it's a piece of shit yeah it's like which is I'm talking about Did you tweet that? How you're supposed to do it. Yeah, because you're stoned.

53:00 Damn. This is all... This sounds like some fucking you know, and then come up They got it down, man. I'm a little bit of an Apple bitch. And it's like people are freaking out about this. I know. Why does everybody want Like, what? God damn, people are dumb. They have, like, the picture of the Calvin and Hobbes peeing on the Chevy logo. When you go to a sub shop and you go

56:08 Not as much as last year. Is that trouble? Hey, Pinocchio, you're going to get in trouble. I was at this girl's house. very difficult to drive up to visit her How high am I? Right when I turned on the TV, they were showing it. It was like a weird, what is that? with a bunch of people and we all had to watch tv because we were in middle school and then it

59:12 Totally. He goes, oh, I'm sorry. On the ground? But nowadays, can you imagine? You know what's really fucked up? Is this whole sexting thing with young kids and what's We are so lucky because my shit would have been everywhere. you make all kinds of fucking mistakes. boyfriend's cock and it's online. Lesnar is he he says that Brock Lesnar is like a white guy with black guys genetics check this

1:02:27 that about you? Hold on, this is dumb. Let me shut this off. ladies and gentlemen, where you can't believe there's a lot of them that's fake. it never totally got hard but he was all a black guy's giant dick It was early in the morning. Right. But that's kind of cool. Pauly Shore. Really? Yeah, and now it's abandoned. I thought that was a funny movie at the time.

1:05:44 He's like, my hair, my hair. Back when that came out, I was a Dice Clay fan. movie, Ford Farrell. That was funny, too. Where he's jumping off the building. He's like, my hair, my hair. So many nights go up, and he was just crushing people in the audience. When Dice Clay blew up and when he started doing Madison Square Garden and shit, moving to California years and years later is that I would go on and I would have to

1:07:23 the fuck i am but dice Dice Clay was the coolest. That was a crazy moment in comedy. When I was a fun moment that was a crazy moment comedy you know Hmm. What is your name, dude? Yeah, I'll be doing it somewhere. And I'll let you bitches know. it's not a fun environment like that video they're like I would recommend vaporizers. To be sucking out of a plastic bag, something seems wrong.

1:10:17 You know what I like about that one? I like that one better. It's weird. Because, first of all, because you don't have to keep lighting it. You got a Zippo? I think there's a residue, man, It's like a toxic funeral inhaling. you can fucking suck off Or go with the vaporizer. and then you connect that to this machine. I don't like that anymore. I think he did it. He tried it and documented it.

1:13:03 but you don't test positive. but these are like calm the fuck down these are like intense people on weed you know like to be It's a good career. living. You can get some to if they wanted to mellow out of the weekend like serpico remember when serpico got high back Ladies and gentlemen, if you only watch one blaxploitation movie from the 70s, My hall, my vines, my car, my vines, my clothes, and a white woman like you.

1:15:49 but they'll never be as funny as something that's supposed to be good, Sort of like Showgirls is. the 80s too when i was a kid i was a howard duck fan i would uh buy howard the duck really books He was trying to get laid. I think they're doing another one, but it seems, I don't know. movies, when you do a certain amount of kids' movies, after a while i just gotta go well it's hard for me to

1:18:11 Just lived a terrible life. the 50s you know. And then by the time What's the reason for that? James Irvin's build beats the shit out of some young boy I have no idea. and they fell in love This is not in the real. Incredible. This is back in the Tanya Harding days. She was a dark-skinned chick. Because she was attacking. Like I met Michael Moore once.

1:21:38 much there's so much to him you know I'm saying and a check even if a chick is God damn. I sound like before it's going to happen with two people having sex. and he's invested all of his time to learning the stock market and swindling people, yeah Money Japan doesn't look like a bodybuilder couple scratches like it's crazy yeah you know I mean it ain't just that he's

1:24:13 and that baby would look like a combination of those two, they can have babies, you know, you know what I'm saying? Tigers and lions make ligers. It's changing now. How dare you? Why are you encouraging him? Not Nibiru is a myth. mess. I think that's why people look at it. and go on Earth and create human beings They even had Pluto. languages and trying to figure out the roots of the word, they don't necessarily believe

1:28:09 the Sumerian culture is crazy. What's more fascinating than this idea of a planet because engineering. The giants, they made the monkey to the DNA of the alien. This is the crazy monkey that looks like a human once asked stupid questions sit in my lap and That sort of sounds faggy. It's difficult to maintain. I don't feel like, it's like if I dig a hole in the dirt in the backyard,

1:30:48 Really? That's what it feels like. It's like you have to do it enough so that you're comfortable enough so that when you Did you live in mountains you could be like all up in the mountains chasing coyotes I had a dream that jaguars the apocalypse you know which is like supposedly the group of people that control the world you know the global It's still the same shit.

1:33:38 taught me this in school they ever teach you this in school do you remember this yeah do you yeah If we were in high school, like I was in high school earlier than you, I mean, that's how big this volcano is. We'd be fucked. It would fuck everything up, man. stayed inside your house and relaxed, Well, they know that there's been smaller ones where it's just killed a lot of things.

1:36:17 If you could go to Europe. that, it's going to create a gigantic tsunami that engulfs the whole east coast of the United It's going to be insane and it's probably going to happen. There's so many different things. but there's always ones Can you guys still hear us? Yeah, that dude just nailed it on the head. If he lives in Japan, he's money. Where did Money Japan say?

1:39:21 It might take billions of years, but it's going to happen. Crushing all our satellites. Breaking everything, no wireless internet, no Oprah, everything shuts the fuck What the fuck would we do? I don't know what... hey, let's talk about real things that are freaking me out. You know, there's the big picture, like, what are you going to do with your life?

1:41:41 the corporation ceos are taking hundreds of millions of dollars in payouts for bonuses and all this insanity and you're an infinite amount of space. When I think about life, when I think Let's just be cool about this. of need, to realize that he has to step up, that there are certain times in history where men have fucking story, you know, and that represents everything that's best about America, like a guy

1:44:33 I'm not going to be United States' bitch over this. you know, there's got to be better ways around this. You got your laptop right there? Nas? you don't get sick of the same music i do but i like i like going back to it on occasion think about life you're gonna think about a lot of deep important shit when you're high on an got the big Dr. Dre beach headphones on,

1:47:05 I like new music. I used to be the What? And sometimes we're going to look at what you have to say, and sometimes we're not. would land and listen to what and the other one is it's a little gay Tori Amos crucify. I Most of the time I don't drive with my fanny pack on. something wrong with a fanny pack is because you know You fucking strap that bitch on right there and you got all your shit right here.

1:49:23 I've worn that shit on stage before. The reality is I'm a 42-year-old married dude with a family. bitch. Maybe your boner. I saw boners like, you know, walking through the airport for some reason. because it kills your boners. And if you're getting your boners will just start firing up. Yeah, if you're not paying attention. your car on the corner and her cousin's going to watch it. Why? Because you're horny. You'll

1:51:41 You know what, man? on my left knee. like cutting back and forth When you're going back and forth like that, The amount of pain those guys have to deal with. at them football's a crazy ass game man you know when football will be the shit when they can fix You know, I got crazy. You know? And then your consciousness exists in a machine? Does the well of souls accept you?

1:54:38 the whole idea of living and dying is to know that this is a stage don't be greedy don't try to live Stop it. or you hold on. Yeah, I've seen that guy, that Professor Aubrey de Grey, and working on all these different science for anti-aging. I'm going to grab this bitch so you know what the fuck I'm talking about. I'll give it a try. It's a horror movie in space.

1:56:49 that shit. Rotten Tomatoes? I'm kind of more excited about the Tour 2 28%? Damn! Conses. 28%? Damn. I'm not looking for perfect movies I want crazy shit with monsters and explosions Because I'm kind of interested to see, Perhaps. Listen, folks. I want to see the Wolfman. Anyway, a lot of people thought that movie sucked, and you might think it sucks too.

1:59:43 I'll watch that shit again. You want to have spring water with lemon in it. You know it's pig assholes It's a hot dog. hot dogs. You were doing so well before that. Yeah, dude. really were they they were bursting to the scene and one of the most, one of the biggest changes in our human culture ever. there was nothing like it there was nothing like it. There was nothing like it before. It changed the culture.

2:02:27 Mother's Little Helper. They were good, dude. But I liked Young MC a couple of songs. and doing it really fast to show you that he's good at it. That was a great fucking song. yeah that shit was up early in the morning dressed in black you know what it was freaking me out i I might have been a CD player. to shoot people like wow this is crazy it's i'm listening to music about then i started getting

2:05:19 were freaking out people were putting two live crew in jail for being too dirty yeah they were That's okay. Damn. Fuck yeah. credit was sound garden i think sound garden love sound garden sound gardens there's blow up the But goddamn, he was awesome with Soundgarden. Yeah. two yeah basement of my friend's house the first time I read so I'll be a WF

2:07:53 It's so weird. I don't remember. all i'm a quiet sex man. I'm very good at guard passing. I don't like that at all. But he doesn't like slapping them in real life. But it's a thing, and dudes get hor dudes get obsessed with feet. You know, I don't know what the fuck that is. What the fuck is that all about? But it's a thing. And she's nutty. doing it so rough you know some girls they want you to lick their clit like this right they want you to go like this and other girls they want you to lock on that thing

2:10:45 don't get all excited about that ass fucking. Right? A lot of gay dudes are like, it's hard to get your asshole pounded. All you have to do is just put it in your Google, go to a site, and it's free. Like, how the fuck are they able to do that? Well, I've always said about porn, why would you need to make more porns? There's like And go to meet her at the AVN Awards and sign autographs with them.

2:12:51 How many porns are there? I should probably do that. I wonder how much I can get Thomas Ward was in. Yeah, he's a really tough guy too. He had a boxing match with Mario Lopez, but Mario laid them thangs on him. and he's really athletic. He's my buddy, man. Like a really nice guy. I'm going to follow him. There this whole thing I'm gonna follow him Oh, the video, the porno video?

2:16:15 derek's always working i wonder where i mean maybe um websites are eventually going to start Okay, we're going to film that. If you go to Ustream at night, They already do that, though. Suck it. That's all Pal Talk is. Yeah, that's been happening since, like, AOL days. Where the fuck You know, it's funny. it's so intimate and revealing about you. they can just do it perform in front of everybody like dudes get creeped out but if a guy you're at

2:19:05 Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. It's almost like clothes and covering your dick covering your pussy it's 110 degrees you don't have to wear fucking clothes okay and if there was no laws against Or it might be the exact opposite and you're seeing people's floppy tits everywhere. Trust me. Yeah, maybe you can't handle it. Come on. I don't mind. I'll do whatever she wants.

2:21:33 and there's no no one like is like all psyched up about girls being hairy some like that shit Right. down and get all oiled up and try to look all sexy, what you're trying to do is you're We want this bitch to get rid of all the hair, get rid of everything. We're going to get rid of it. Whatever we want to do, we want to make you as less monkey as possible.

2:23:25 hairy. I mean, it was incredible. He was like an animal. He really was like a monkey. I mean, Three girls in a cup made you gag. Tracy Morgan. one cup. How dare you People are doing live shows and you pay for them? Maybe it's the ejaculation at the end. If you haven't seen it, you must watch it. and parts of her body are pressed forward and are larger.

2:25:49 areolas. these days. that's real? for like four months. on your back and do some fucking squats. Okay. What is your whole 24 hour day filled? You can't I think... That's why guys are attracted to them. They have birthing hips That feels better. Trust me. ass. I know it's completely ludicrous the opposite sex and whatever whatever the fuck it is we we we try to we try to be in it we try

2:29:10 but it's all desire to be loved you know it all comes from some weird thing we want to be here like this and this guy's get his pants up to his ribcage and they're all and, you know, you watch TV and you see Father Knows Best, Every generation's fucked up. Except right now, it's frozen. The Taliban is putting explosives in women's suicide bombers, and they're getting these women and humiliating them and getting them to the point where they...

2:32:01 that designation look at that dirty bitch oh that's her yeah oh think you deserve that designation. Look at that dirty bitch. What makes you think that's real, really? It looks pretty fucking hot. Now? Did you retweet that gentleman? in this world anymore? That Coco's butt implants thing. I'll get it right now so that's I think that's the end you can't leave me. I don't know who that is, but I'm happy.

2:34:06 Peace, peeps.