Joe Rogan Experience #70 — Brendon Walsh Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Okay. Ladies and gentlemen, Brendan Walsh, please welcome Brendan Walsh to the podcast. you know i mean i love dallas and i love houston and i love the cities in texas but like there's a strange before acid was illegal and yeah i mean i watched the um the end of hair last night uh you Yeah, music comedy guy. They work great, you know? He's like, well, if I see your act,

2:17 Yeah, and they were palling around a lot. You can get it on Netflix or whatever. invested in the movie. You're always creeping people out No. like if you go to england try to use it it's not going going to work. And data and voice. Yeah, you can't use. Let me look online and find out a good restaurant. On one hand, it's like, can't you just hang up the phone? On the other hand, that is kind of cool to somebody listen to pandora or something well on one hand

4:30 Most of the time, you're sitting here going two miles an hour. Do you like you don't do it at all? It does Bluetooth, so you can actually tell it to press a button and say, call Brian. More like four or whatever. Way easy To New York a lot and back and forth. I get in the car, I do it all the time. just like you know it's like, all right, No, I'll do like just right around 10 miles over the limit, just under.

7:46 pimps out his card that like you know like need for speed drifting he probably drifts around Yeah. Yeah. brian the utopia would be that they would no longer exist and we would use robots for retarded We wouldn't be afraid anymore. We've got to help those people not be stupid You ever met a dude, though? much going on up there there's a lot of people that are just like that like you have to some

10:17 Yeah. That's all you need. is marijuana being legal and jetpacks, That's right. and it's great, but I've noticed trying to do things on that so much nicer dude this is what happens I can go on my Twitter. That's what the biggest problem is, is overcrowding on towers and the handoffs. Right. During South by and I thought, you know, this is just the way coverage is.

13:42 If I can't talk to you, if the phone cuts it, that's number one to me yeah iphones are way better than blackberries does to me it happens to me there's there to me there's one place that i know of where you just want you to be on it too right you knowholes. Come on, man. Get with Sprint, same team as you. When you have AT&T, which is you're paying probably

15:42 Strippers all have that? What is T-Mobile? You don't even have the iPhone and you get that shitty service? Not even close. This is not just a phone. And somebody showed it to me recently. I was like, yeah, I'm whatever. I just, I never fuck with that shit. And somebody showed it to me recently. It's like, you know, at a certain point in time, people look at things and they just

18:10 you know uh we didn't have microwaves like if you wanted to make a potato Of course. or you're trying to call a radio station It would read the number as it was calling in and it would say it out loud. when an iphone like when you get a phone call and it's coming in and you see that full resolution and there's so many fucking people working on this shit all over the world i mean yeah and you know

20:35 But this thing is so perfect. What's cool if you have a flick. Through the TV. and you can do it to anybody so i could do it to yours like i could type in uh yeah add joe's You do have a trackball on it. I can, like, this is crazy. Don't pay attention as much. Stay a bit behind the curve and just do it fucking it's plenty it's good and which is like old printers and LCD screens.

23:22 Orgy time. gets upset? Not really that funny. Yeah. You know, it's got to be after, you know, has big tits or whatever right and you're like hey fucking no no i'm not down with that mom There's those out of line guys that are looking to say that. No, I didn't. There's so many things that you just don't even notice. When you put those images all over the place like that, they consider that.

25:56 You're saying you did it. The new season for Top Chef, like last season, was in Washington, D.C. You make it as big as you want so i put Oh my God, you must. I misjudge. So I just had to get up onto the roof and then use another, like, an eight-foot ladder to get up to the billboard. Well, it's done. Well, they just, I mean, it was already there. like I had a guy on the corner just to see,

29:03 there was a certain like because we weren't like drunk or high or like there was a certain kind of innocence and like money to fix a billboard it's not but. But people that have sprayed the side of buildings Okay, but some of the graffiti guys How do they sell you the wall of a building? watch this documentary so we're gonna put wiener we're gonna fill it in with, yeah. So it just said billboards in my wiener hurts. It was in November and like I was on the road and I got back and saw it.

31:34 down oh fucking we missed it by literally a few hours can't you just find like a schwarzenegger Abortion clinic billboard or something. Just put wiener on her stomach or something. through the gift shop yeah it's this camera guy he fucking is this crazy french guy that just what the point of the movie was like how crazy that journey is what what is art you know there

33:52 Really? I just saw Winnebago Man. Really? What's so interesting about this guy? like that wasn't really me i'm fucking like he's got problems and he's angry he's just like kind of just not making any sense whatsoever it's just a weird strange just pile of words hot pods And she had, like, targets on them. That would be what you would hit, right? yeah, they might do something really fucking crazy.

36:55 Is it your fault that they're that fucked up? This is a recent Gallup poll. Yeah, fucking yeah. more like three um i totally agree but people but these like generations who are just being born de-evolution race where we just fucking dissolve into some blob like creature yeah and you know when there's money and when there's technology, the evolution is at a fucking staggering pace.

40:06 That's what it is. There you go. And they get angry at you. He's got something for you. Okay? Like, I don't have Netflix. Let's browse. Yeah, Amoeba is a fantastic place for that. it was not bad man I was pleasantly surprised with a girl that's in this... I don't like them. I just want lions came to life on a Stephen King book? I like that movie I love the whole

43:45 badass, cool motherfucker of Stephen King books that he wrote. and I would tell people that I would read Stephen King, they're they're exciting but but you know yeah people would like mock you they would mock you that is like some of the greatest songs ever. into the more kind of poppy, I think, Yeah. You know what it was? The Uptown Girl, even, I mean, Uptown Girl shouldn't even bother me.

46:40 Such a bad motherfucker he is. What's up with that? Respect. in the bank? old Ren and Stimpy's a real bear like this is that john krikofalusi guy and he's like sick with rabies and then he Awesome. Cartoon Network does, right? How strange is it when you watch those old cartoons, but you can't make a cartoon like that now. where they kind of do that in, within a cartoon.

49:43 Like, South Park is for adults. Yeah, a little bit. Droopy Dog and Boo Boo had the same voice. Exit states left even. Do the head thing. But they never talk about it. and they could hold hands. and shit. that ever walked Oh, I haven't met the right woman. that they were allowed to show violence like war and all that, because you grew up during Dust is coming off the top of him.

52:36 But that's called yeah I think it's just funny when you like a guy like the Three Stooges. G.I. Joe is a lot different than it was into this show. Yeah, he is. And the question And he goes, full speed ahead. Maybe he did this Halloween special for CBS that's supposed to be insane. Really? This gay get a copy of it. But it was like 1976 maybe he did this Halloween special for CBS

54:39 first time I ever saw Vajana I was like You know? See some pubes or just some pee? And it's kind of cool. It's like homeless dude just fart on. It's like a shop vac. Birds. and it's for some computer thing. You're not cleaning my carpet. We're just trying to get our business out there. you could just make a deal with a bunch of different businesses and say, hey, we'll print up little cards for you.

57:53 you're just putting little cards down at the coffee shop postcards with your picture on them Yeah, Howard still plays that. each other no but there's something funny about it was so ridiculous yeah because there's always Oh, man, it's a weird, the bodybuilder talk is weird talk, man. I want to avoid getting the implant, but I'm just trying to bulk them up.

59:39 I'm telling you, they're not that bad, bro. I can't even wear pants. My dad kind of has big calves like that, too. This podcast is also sponsored by marijuana There's something gay about But then somewhere along the line they're spending too you're checking yourself out more in the mirror. It's right there. Now I gotta get an infrared camera for this room

1:02:15 Like a fluorescent fucking lamp. Huh? Yeah, me too. They sent me to this Catholic school So evil I'm like, this is all craziness. Yeah. It fucks you up. it's like this thing they do around easter where like a bunch of kids you put on a little play or home and she's doing it right when my mom's coming to pick me up too which is also like oh great my

1:04:59 And she's like, you don't do that in God's house. It's the next day. Their issue is that they, first of all, they've committed to something completely and totally Yeah. There's a certain amount of rules that you just say, well, that's the way the rules are. I wasn't like one of those kids like, fuck you. Always guilty and joyless. whole life is goofing off your professional but then i feel guilty about it or like do you really

1:08:16 something instead of fucking worrying about you know taping a fucking set on a tv show like right right four minutes of jokes um but also like i yeah i just to it i'm gonna fucking flinch because i don't have the fucking balls or the you know confidence to be around people and what's fun and all getting to kind of give them a framework of how to think about things.

1:10:07 feeling. That's crazy. Cool. I'll see you next Sunday. It was all the school shit, like, nuns and priests. And yeah, well, it's, I mean, yeah, nobody's cracking any fucking case saying that the Ari was like a serious practitioner. It's Doug Stanhope. It's your fucking stripper-ass phone. What's going on? He fucking posts it online every day. in the morning. I hope to run into you.

1:12:53 What, what? Just having to come up with 20 celebrity names, I'm rooting for him. Oh, I've done it, yeah, for years. That's my favorite hate. They're not even celebrities like that. And then the girl who fucked Tiger Woods Are you in LA again? We'll talk soon. We've never done a speakerphone to microphone, cell phone, impromptu conversation. Except one time when I called in to a Seattle station instead of him.

1:16:09 Oh, do you want to do a So I put up some local comic in San Francisco. He lives in a fucking crazy yellow house in the middle of nowhere. He's really doing it. No. Maybe I could fly from the UFC to you guys. That's a wild west, baby. old-timey hotel Have you? Does living in Arizona, Yeah, like one or two. if they all saw it as like an abortion be right and uh and they're like yeah doug's best friends but they it's like i don't think they've

1:19:18 Doug does not get enough credit. Stadiums. if you wanted to construct a comedian It's all constantly evolving. that I could think of. I've never seen Nick live when I was doing like he always had what are you doing there anyway that fucking Boston He's talking about people in Katrina not getting rescued. And Nick, if you hear this, I apologize for butchering your joke i'm

1:21:48 but there's a lot of people they disconnected with them Some guys just fall That's a possibility too. or a coke head Who cares if he humps a stool for a fucking hour? You know, like nobody wants to babysit him There's always a dude, Everybody has he's always got this I was talking to him with you remember It was like talking to Robocop. Certain comics just have good energy.

1:24:34 you could be living the party all over you'd be a pro comedian a stand-up comic out there running is getting longer and longer because of supplements and exercise and taking care of your body and There's going to be some crazy shit in our lifetimes could you imagine but for whatever reason I was 130 when you were born. and they'll have a girlfriend that's in their young 20s.

1:26:39 and all of a sudden, bang, we're into the rocks. know have some wine have some steaks and then we're gonna watch uh you know name movie here Yeah, she didn't know who Gene Hackman was, And if a guy's like in his late 30s hang, Or, about the young girl too someone because they know like this you know i'm sure he's right around the corner and they've been

1:28:59 I'm not saying if it's you out there and you fit this profile, than we do then you have a It just bums me out that like, It shouldn't be just some random load more difficult if you kill know they can leave their 55-year-old wife 55-year-old broke dudes aren't worth shit. But the wife is kind of screwed. It was his pension, everything he ever saved his entire life,

1:31:27 Nigerian scammers. He flew to London he kept doing it. the email logs, Well, what I was saying This is some weak-minded crazy person And then all of a sudden, You never know, man. Yeah. get one of those hookers. Yeah, The Simpsons movie. There's a website called Netflix streaming. they're dealing with something you might as well be what'd you do i don't know my microphone just went crazy some of these people

1:34:33 And he's going to... He's not together still. Yeah, yeah. No, no. how to survive he's a fucking uh what's the word i'm looking for? A sociopath? Well, he's a sociopath, because life is so chaotic environment and i don't think people realize it's even going on yeah you know i don't think i didn't happened well i was at the down the street at the comedy store but things there's a guy on twitter

1:36:58 which is brilliant. It was by the Roxy, you know, like the Rainbow and all that hard rock section. Oh, my God. that fights don't happen every single Because I got a fucking... looking to pick on somebody yeah yeah out his aggression and there's yeah i can i you know He's missing the whole point of doing martial arts in the first place. I mean, I've been in fights growing up.

1:40:43 shit to people i'm like hey hey hey hey hey you're starting something that i'm a part of now and this might stupid to you want to what have you become John Heffron's a big fan of that. He comes up with And like remember And he puts himself in the same state. where you just, and his consciousness has it, that's the theory. whatever works for whoever,

1:43:09 when you're about to go on stage. But then it's like, what do I do? what do I do? where it may his state of mind thing i feel capable of doing not that i never like i never piss and moan about having to do a show and it's like, I fucking, like this is the last thing I feel capable of doing. Yeah. start to kick back in? Is it you or is it the crowd?

1:44:59 or right whatever and and then you're like, oh, yeah, then it fucking, yeah, that changes everything. this isn't a mutually beneficial thing then. About eight years. I didn't... I think the good thing I got some comedy out there. I'm so jealous of my hair. It was a lot of shit, actually. I have it back there somewhere on a cassette. 21 oh you're just like look at me and then people like why do you want me to look at you and then

1:47:55 You go to a comedy club and some 21-year-old goes on stage. guys just don't have a knowledge of like it's like you're not the first guy to ever fucking is brilliant it's like well fucking sam kinnison had a whole thing about it or yeah uh or there's then you should probably know what other people are doing. Cause there was a, I'm like, man, you've got to know about that one.

1:50:24 This dude reinvented it in 1990. You didn't didn't know you just did well that's gonna happen i didn't have enough time to eat either there's a right aid across the street i bought hot pockets It's just weird. This is how famous it is. who are like kind of, you know, on my peers, you know, like a you know don't yeah it's like it's like well i don't want to ruffle any feathers you know

1:53:23 Whoa, don't even say that, man. Well, yeah, I didn't sleep the night before. that it's a dissenter that's like not that good yeah everybody's like god it's so cool to be around It's just like the way, it's like, it's just all these elements are combined to like, just make this perfect. doug benson was talking about that in some interview i saw with him where like it's like

1:55:59 most part we're pretty fucking lazy about writing and about performing and about you know like I'm the worst with it too. That's what it did earlier. No, no, no. That sucks. Oh, just saying. You don't really know. and, you know, how I performed has changed. I mean, how many times have you ever seen a guy who starts out really good Yeah, that's brutal.

1:58:53 oh wait this is a much better tag than what i've been saying for the last eight months yeah there's got to be some fun involved and the reality is when you're in college or you're Yeah, because you can. is I get my writing done or whatever. about what they think. I don't have that light going on juice my computer right here i'm not going anywhere so any ideas that i have if i'm watching

2:01:30 I bet it's for your phone, too. this everquest thing all you have to do is like press you can get it you get the web page the web at the comedy club and go, oh, there's the bit I was just writing. It's like you can keep all your notes, The beautiful thing about it is that it's not just text. you can read of devices online or there's Put your tongue on it.

2:03:44 What are you doing to yourself when you do that? Like the guy who's a guy. started working the road from there just doing shit shit midwest stuff just opening random guys the guy on the road with you yeah it's kind of kind of twisted but i did the idea of like random not gonna like him and vice versa if people are here to see the singing and dancing guy who's like

2:06:30 here and there. fucking make more than they're getting paid from the club that week off their like who farted t-shirt middling for you. at the comedy store crazy i don't mind anybody going on before me with the exception of like famous guy like you know I did a lot of those sets at the Comedy Store. I went on right after him to turn the mic up. onto the stage and he would be drinking and just And he would just be sitting in his chair. They would have to carry him onto the stage.

2:09:14 Yeah, yeah. It's hard to watch. You know what? You were going on after Richard Pryor. time to get him through. It takes like five minutes. crawling through the room yeah like literally creeping And I thought all the funny movies I'd seen, like Stripes and all these different movies that were great, I mean, the whole room is just crackling He had nothing to say.

2:11:43 In my opinion, if I had to pick one guy yeah this like sort of friendly Like, okay, Richard Pryor. I did a show for, I still do weird one-nighter things. Do you really? I love that place. but it was just a cacophony. fuck go, man. its wallet and found out where it lived and went and face fucked its mom and it just like just noises for the last seven minutes if anybody has any suggestions i mean i'll try to make

2:15:51 Well, it's not, it was one of the most, it was pretty fun actually. remember we did it with dove david off nick thune me and was there another person there was a post had no idea what the fuck you were saying. It wasn't set up for talking. and looks at me and Nick Thune on the side. He's like, you're listening call in uh no it was just like a nightmare stage story like it blew my fucking mind

2:18:27 I don't know. nightmare he you know practically got booed off stage and then all these people tried to rape him I forget how it happened, but I wound up tweeting congratulations to Nick Thune, newest cast member on Saturday Night Live. he's gotta be like pants pulled down by derby bitches Ari Shafir went on no more bars and we just put on myspace if you have a place me where it is. We'll work out a door deal.

2:21:00 Yeah. He's like, I'll charge $20 at the door. He kind of thrives on that shit where he's like, a crazy, insane idea? kneeling and she's looking at her hands and she and he would videotape them i'd hang out with them i'd go over doug's house to drink and be but I do try to place you guys are you know like people want to hang out after the show usually it's like i'm

2:23:29 and he drove and the lizard man the enigma Wow. there's some photos online. He's got giant ear plugs and all these different lip piercings and nose piercings. She was like married to or dating that Enigma guy for a while. Find a picture of her Cat Lady, maybe That's what I mean Oh, my God. she's got tiger stripes, like black Would you fuck her? You would be down for a fucking chick

2:26:26 you know general standards like oh she's super hot but like i was fucking there was so much fun Look at this. If you haven't seen Catman, you've got to look it up. Yeah, some crazy cap. It's called, which one we're talking about? Evernote. he's fucked up on heroin and all kinds of shit I mean, Yeah. like he's a bad guy of doing things just there's They've never had to make something out of nothing.

2:29:17 have to realize is that we have a certain amount of requirements. I mean, there's a lot of shit that was required of our bodies back then. Hey, guess what? Your body has a that's what it was. They're repressed. It's real easy to like, they married my sister. You know, right? Isn't that better information We were looking at the walk around it of people walking around

2:32:06 If all of a sudden there was some new religion where everybody inside the box. What does the box Like Waco. It's really like some As long as it already exists, You bet they are, right? Neck-stretching broads. If you're some crazy She can just swallow my dick or some shit. Bro, people are nuts. company that was trying, I mean this is like the 90s Way, way, way ahead of its time.

2:35:16 2000. No, I didn't. until they got DSL up here. I could get. Just like how wireless internet goes through radio spectrum, this goes through a light spectrum. internet, and then, you know, on the other side of the house Yeah, we should probably just wrap this up. I think the show starts at 8.30. It's like John Oliver and Friends. the 14th, 15th, and 16th.

2:37:34 Sun Valley, Idaho. I think I did it with Ari. That's a trip. Yeah. That's who I did it with, Brian. and yeah, the New York thing. Sorry. That's Ari Shaffir and Joey Diaz. I'll see you tonight, cocksucker. I got to do what I got to do. No one's made me laugh as hard. you could get a Fleshlight for 15% off. if you can get past the fact that you're fucking a rubber vagina and you're a grown man this is

2:40:29 get it. Tuesday and Thursday Goodbye everyone.