Joe Rogan Experience #703 — Brian Redban Transcript

Transcript

0:00 You know when you're ready. Not in real life. close to a murderous monstrous 150 pound cat that it has to run up a pole and then the fact that it Yeah, that ain't, you know, that's like people live there. It's totally chill just hanging Okay. Yeah, because you're not supposed to be on the train track, and we would put things on. Yeah, because that's actually electricity.

2:56 God damn. Those are harder people. They're just there. They have to overcome way more shit like the Because deserts didn't always used to be deserts. like the deep fissures where water cuts through a crack in the rock and does so for thousands of years. popular uh in westwood california walter lake the other night just overnight the whole lake It was KTVN actually went in there and interviewed them, and there are thousands of fish.

6:16 Look at this. But how could it go down that low that quick? I don't understand. I think that's pretty much reservoir runs dry they could have taken all the fish and saved them uh he believes that may have occurred when a clogged outlet valve was cleared That's like a, There's a lot of like, love parks, man. They get those parks and they just take over. They bring their family,

8:47 Other times it's nonsense. And now here you're at the party, finally, and you're just getting lit, screaming and And we're looking at a video now for folks listening to this Here's how it works. Wow. That's smart yeah because like places like Houston like you said remember we were there at this And I go, I was like, what? And he just looked at me and like, this dude's a junkie.

11:50 And so they're bringing meth in. So it's like you're buying coke, but the next thing you know, you're a meth head. Do you think cocaine will ever become illegal? It can wind up terrible. and you kill a bunch of people. if I knew it was absolute cocaine because like Tom Sawyer from the punchline in San Francisco And after it was over, you'd just go to sleep.

14:45 you're getting when you go to a regular place and you're partying is it's half pure what you're doing is you're extracting the purity of the cocaine I'm like dude. How do you do that? He's like, there's no difference whatsoever between the two. if you're selling one or the other. the kind of stupid shit this guy's involved in. They just make their own rules, dude.

18:01 you're dealing with a fraction of the weight of the tree. It's into our middle ages. That's infuriating to me. You know, and I don't think that making cocaine legal or a bunch of people doing cocaine effects of cocaine are on a one-to-one basis if Same thing with cocaine. Coca-Cola is made with cocaine. That's hilarious. for it it's like if somebody tried to patent the word pot you know we'd be

22:05 Mountain Dew is a nickname in the hills for moonshine. Oh, my God. It tastes a little bit different. We have the moonshine they featured on the History Channel. That was weird. I described and I wasn't sure what to expect. I wonder if, you know, like, you could talk to, like, but nowadays you don't hear that anymore. You had to put it over sugar cubes or something to activate some sort of...

24:50 Absinthe was banned because it's hallucinogenic. They did it, those fucks. versions of the drink. know, I used to do a bit about the dog, the lady with the talking dog, as many comedians did, but companies. So I'm like, alcohol companies talking shit about pot is like hookers doing commercials That is trillions of dollars. It's it's so stupid. It's so fucking stupid

27:53 In contrast, the EU market remains heavily contaminated with offerings that amount to Right, right, right. It shouldn't be. Classic method of serving absinthe involves slowly 1990s. Oh, the 1900s, Beru says... 1990s. Or turn cloudy with the addition of water like it should it's not going to start using ketamine more and more for depression. Remember Neil Brennan was

29:59 tranquilizer. I've done it. It's crazy. You trip your fucking balls off. over the place excuse me sorry where people are um talking about using it I don't know how they extract it. I know it's supposed to make you puke a lot. Yeah. Oh, right. Right. DMT is in so many different plants. And that MAOI is also a part of the ayahuasca mixture. super dangerous to fuck with that stuff too prescription ones and try to make like your

34:48 it's just mushrooms. You could run into some shit. if you could drive, you could have six ounces of beer and then you could drive. What is it, you know, what is it with smoking weed? You've got to talk to a bunch of different people and get answers. I saw him the other day on Periscope just eating. He's not even experiencing reality as we know it. Think about if you're Lee right nice kid

37:39 They're mild. to that insane experience you know joey's used to that insane experience he's used to just being You know, he did a lot of coke the coke was like probably the good one you know he did a lot of crazy shit and so for him like he I think he probably misses that complete total escape from reality that that you could He had two Death Stars the other day.

39:40 What is it? I'm going to fuck him up. Yeah, he's slicing paper thin meat. It's really quality. running for president on the republican side some of them are so fucking scary because if they they Is he the black guy? And they survived. They separated their fucking brains. He doesn't believe in evolution. people love to use you know always a tortured genius like someone is a genius in like their

43:47 problem you go well this is real simple this guy has resources right and he's I'm suing this person. he's not necessarily the nicest guy what could that be well it could be like he some proof that there was a god that this god had one son and he made this son come down and get the and you don't have any proof at all, It's like it's convenient cookie-holder placement of ideas. It's not thinking. Because if not thinking. It's convenient cookie holder placement of

46:55 What's heaven? talking about? Like you're teaching my kid nonsense. Why don't you teach him some Rumpelstiltskin shit? Why don't you make some shit Just either can I see the harp? Oh? And again, it's just not saying that Jesus isn't real. and could turn water into wine, See, it was actually spoken about for about a thousand years for anybody bothered to write

49:29 That's so long! It is interesting. dude and uh they were sitting around talking about what it means to be a catholic i was like ago. And you're all sitting there listening to this nonsense total The whole, it's hilarious. Yeah, when I first heard it, I wondered if he just pulled her aside and was like, You want to marry any dudes. That's probably what he's like. I'm going to keep my money. Look at all this money. You want to see my gold?

53:02 Yeah, it's a thing that he does. he washes them why can't they wash themselves what what is going on here No, look, hold on. Look at him. So foot fetish people must be loving this. of Sex at Dawn. And she's got Stingy mess. She would like have deals like, I got to wear them for three days. You ever have like some sort of nylon material in the socks? I've had athletic socks that were so

56:32 Somehow or another, wool. but you're dressed heavily and you're walking like up hills and you heat up and you start sweating. Well, you got wet clothes on, man. And because its wool is lamb's wool, Yeah, you would think so. especially my butt. You know how that gets like your socks sometimes? It's toxins. It's toxins it's foot toxins someone was I think it's a trick.

59:46 You know, she's so smart. You probably washed your feet for you. No, I think there's an actual black like a hill or something My eyes weren't, like the light wasn't hitting my eyes right. That that happens, but I've had it happen twice in a month, right? But I think staring at a screen like that all the time, I just think it's real bad for you. Yeah, it goes fast.

1:03:01 throw away your glasses and see, I think it's the name of the book i'm like it's hilarious i'm reading this book while i'm wearing glasses that's in that book Play some Quake. That's one that I can't go back to. I just think Going to the improv Have you ever got eyeball kiss somebody like touched eyeballs? What comedy would I get out of it? Now you're bullshitting with people, you might get a joke out of it. I don't know about all that.

1:04:57 Did you do it to a girl? That could be one of those fucking leprechaun stories no it makes sense i mean eye herpes is a How bold do you have to be to pop an eyeball zit? That's not good. wow a cochlear mucus extension I don't know. I sunburned my eyeball. I mean, I don't think you can grow that. Same thing. Do you see it on Kelly Slater? I had a sunburn in my eye once because I was sitting at a table after a rainstorm,

1:08:06 You're like, it's so bright. This is bullshit, man. He got like a million followers in an hour. Stay safe. we're just speculating. But if anybody would feel And why are they trying to put him in jail? that he claimed to have or would have when he got in and then when he did get that their information wasn't released and that critical operations weren't compromised.

1:11:41 until proven differently it's not That's not how democracy works. If you're constantly, like, if you ever worked in a place where your boss, like, thought you were untrustworthy you. Let me look at your Google search. What do you give a shit about torture? I mean, what if know what's the protocol how do I join well what if I want to know am I gonna

1:13:44 When you start looking at everybody's What kind of pussy do you think he's getting over there? And then there's a setting somewhere in Facebook where you can see everything you've done. Yeah. or you're telling Facebook what you're doing, but you forget that you're logged in to Eat24 with Facebook how much you actually use that use Facebook or you're

1:15:16 Like, you know how when, that always weirds me out. Why don't you buy that? I know you're thinking about it, man. And I was like, wow, that's kind So you say Olive Garden right now. Any video you put out nowadays, there's a transcript of. know like me telling milo yesterday you're gay as fuck dude like and then buzz what was it buzzfeed okay, And that's how emojis were born.

1:17:45 Is that with the hand to the side? I thought you were an Egyptian. They already have piles of shit For cock language that we think of that as like the only way to do language. Has that ever come up? They were just writing emojis to each other. They lost all their, people used to go to Egypt from all over the world to learn. They used to have psychedelic studies there. They used to trip balls. They

1:20:11 We have solved the riddle of how they made the pyramids. Those things are giant and they're perfect. They chipped it, chipped it away, pulled it off and built their streets with it. and they just carved the pyramid out of the mountain? Well, the idea is you take something like that, They take them from here, Like, they're doing such a shitty job. so a lot of it is just to try to preserve it but like uh jamie see if you can pull up some pictures

1:23:06 Oh, what? Look what they're doing. that's, No. looks like cut out it's kind of like what they've done is restored everything everything's restored all the floor Fuck. Where is that? that get some absence that's in It's right behind Canada and Australia. those countries, they speak English. ass up have you been following what's going on with the black cabs versus uber that shit's

1:27:12 And then they moved on through cabs and stuff like that. just shut down the streets yeah and the parked their car and shut down the So it's twice as much as LA, but still cheaper than a taxi. it'd be complete chaos all it would be cars are stopping everywhere yep people getting mad They don't want to get boxed out by some new competitor, Get you all the way to Burbank from the Comedy Store?

1:29:43 And that parking lot next door is always a nightmare. It was shut down forever. In L.A. on Sunset. You think if you said that like I want to build my house here That makes me violent. It's inconveniencing all the rest of us. Recreational pot becomes legal Thursday. Look at that guy. Although, Portland has some hot chicks. We'd all cry. What do you think about it?

1:32:54 You don't like it? That doesn't make any sense to me. Yeah, they're really expensive like a hundred twenty thousand bucks It's super expensive, and it's stupid fast. to have a real car standing by. I would always want to have a real car standing by. I would always want to have a real car standing by You can't do it. Oh, yeah. Well, the prettiest one was the Fisker Karma.

1:35:58 Whoa. that's not good as it goes a top speed of 155 that can be right 62 miles an ones? Those are fast as shit. Oh, is that why? Somebody owns Jaguar. Who owns Jaguar? Why do they do that? See, just go to a regular site instead of the car site so you can get some good images of it. Dude, they nailed it. It starts off at $63,000? I think I might be interested in driving one of those.

1:39:21 At 6,000 miles, they replaced the entire engine. Let me see that. And now you can get, like, really good shit fairly reasonably for fairly reasonable money. It's like you drive it. Right. And I'm like, wait, aren't they about to get fucked, right? ridiculous well it's because as the engineering gets better and the cars get better, should be saying this online. 292 horsepower.

1:42:19 Say, listen, I could The Golf R. They're good engineering. What's that? And I was always telling him, like, this thing stinks. It's amazing. Get one of the new Mustangs. is really nice like you get in the interior like these fucking seats and the steering wheel like Yeah. lumbering, fucking shitty-to-drive car. Like they have these magnetic ride control suspensions

1:46:03 There's something missing like when you you drive them, they feel numb, your laptop and that asshole that's not automated. He's going to be the problem. You're like, I drove They'd have to be a way to – you know what they'd have to do? I'm on the 12th floor, you'll never get through the lobby. People just can decide to go places GoPros. Yeah. They're big in weddings now.

1:49:15 How did he get away? Next day, he's gone. That's how much his house costs. and they buy all this expensive real estate. Yeah. Meanwhile, another... Imagine Eric Stitskin, added, that you only pay a couple hundred thousand dollars for bail And his name is so confusing, no one's going to remember it. what legal lasso all the time Periscope over there because they just, you know, they want to show off everything they have all the time.

1:52:00 in like a backseat of a limo, Yeah, it's so weird. You guys ever eat bacon? watching people on Periscope. With the Yeah. oh, you're a millionaire. also I think there's just, I've got too much going on as it is. This stuff's already spread me thin, You know, when they do that shit where it's like, oh, six years ago today, you did this. Tooth is just, I have a tooth that was supposed to be replaced 25 years ago.

1:54:46 I hate the dentist. eight different women while they were unconscious put them under and fucked them and this guy got Molested, not fucked. Didn't they say he had sex with them? Jesus Christ. while you're unconscious, just fuck you. And I totally forgot where I was, counting backwards. of different surgeries and and i mean i'm like six years old getting drills and shit in my mouth

1:58:07 Well, I'll be talking to guys even post-fight, and they're like, my feet, teeth are knocked out, man. Jesus Christ. no problem. I'm doing hard sets of chin-ups, you know, like where I'm pulling to fatigue, That's debatable. But the other doctors are more cautious. The dick grows. they need to understand that one of the biggest things that kills animals like deer and elk

2:01:14 So it's an enormous, enormous elk. i don't think that's the problem i think if people want to shoot people they can get guns pretty easy You mean like security guards or like... But this was a community college, so I would imagine they didn't. We have to take the guns away from all these people. The problem isn't guns. We're going to get rid of everything?

2:04:02 The people that I know from the world of hunting, some of the nicest, most polite fucking people. The people that I know from the world of hunting, It's the actions of the human being in their mind. It's figuring out what the fuck makes people want to use those objects. Oh, I'm losing again. Oh, okay. Probably going to wind up going Monday or Tuesday.

2:05:50 It was fun to shoot some other cool stuff to shoot. have water seals inside of it like did you about that. Did you see that video? Yeah. I'm it's it's back ordered right now. But yeah, I'm on that program where you can get a new phone every year. You know, when Louis was here from Unbox Therapy, I'm telling you, that active Galaxy, I think I like that better than all of them.

2:07:44 Make a man's phone oh that sounds like just go to tickets. Because you do like four and a half minutes. Like, I don't have that kind of an act. Wednesday. It's a secret. You just told You got two and a bonus. I can't believe it. Much love.