Joe Rogan Experience #71 — Al Madrigal Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Yeah, so yeah, you're allergic to cats, so you might be... That's the thing. Yeah. Hey, sorry. on the h1n1 wow based on the people that survived it yeah pretty fascinating shit man yeah use them You know, the people are dying from these crazy staph infections. So what we're asking people to do For humanity. Take that shit. They should give two extra just so I don't take those two. Oh my god, they should treat you like a child. and yeah I'm just as guilty as anybody else for humanity for humanity

2:32 but yeah of pharmaceutical drugs Yeah, because people flush their shit. They fucking fix up the poop water. I'd like some poop-free water, please. You know, we need water. No, or, you know, That's not throwing Yeah. There's toxic waste that we're shipping over there. Brian, have you seen it? It's fascinating. You can just type in Eco City in China.

5:41 Instant information. and they look over and they see just a B actor That's when people have their phones on in comedy shows. I make them stop a lot. Everything doesn't have to go on YouTube. It's like, I'm right here, lady. I see that. Yeah, you're right there. A lot of times you don't see what guys are going for. Spike, Spike. He also got, he got a ticket from you,

8:04 He was like a little girl his location he dressed up Very funny guy. Yeah, what's happening? Wow, dude. and I was like, I've worked with you quite a bit. a CD burner for the club. three different systems in there the cd and then you had all of those live moments after you did all these nice things. money they lost from not having that he's dealing with there right now.

10:40 They're looking out for Some of the best nights And so I just set up shop at the comedy the most fun time ever for comedy for for me. are douchebags, right? Let's we're not douchebags. We're, we're going to change all this shit. So I We never had an issue with people drinking their shots early. I don't want to be a dick. But it worked, though. It totally restored the vibe. Because first of all for everybody in a big fucking room. But it worked, though.

13:00 And that should be the attitude of comedy. It was, yeah, there was like a podcast. What was it called? I only did six episodes. Maybe it was called the two. Beaners must get mad at you. I was just a comic. my name is mateo can i interview you in spanish you know and shit like that i was like yeah you and I swear to God. I just learned it. Like the real Mexican comics?

15:57 so they're doing stand-up, at their house we don't have any plants, bro. Well, he didn't think he was making fun of me, but we had a conversation about it, and and I'm a Latino. That shit. latino like okay i fucking get it i talk about myself and i'm self-deprecating He goes, you trying to humiliate me, bro, fighter that's uh killed people and then uh he goes we had a problem bro and i go look willie

18:24 and starts really fucking referring to somebody, you know, and derogatory. Yeah. and we've talked about it, and I walked up to one of the only other non-white, How are you supposed to say it You know? They say Montreal. You're really, like, touchy. No, I'm just saying when you're calling it the wrong thing and you're a local, you know. Yeah, I totally stopped saying faggot.

21:01 Money for Nothing. That shit was on the radio. I'm sure there's a radio program. I don't think they said faggot on the... the MTV video right now. but that wasn't one of them. Roller Girl. Oh, that's right. It's not fun. Yeah, this is it. No, they were huge, bro. Giant man She's ugly. Look at that big stupid Walkman she's got on. a real good sample

24:53 I got to hear the dirty shit I have those. Luda just came out with his own shit. Yeah, right? alien logo tattooed somewhere on your body. Step four, So tell me this problem that you're having at the comedy store that you were talking about. It's like running with weights on. And at the comedy store, I have Russian guys yelling out at you constantly.

27:13 It sort of makes you feel bad about yourself when you go up and you think to put out good comedy to support it you know it's like it's very obvious what they're up to or it could be, it is like a vortex of crazy people. to it that fucking comedy store was it man i'm the same way i feel like uh i don't room it's no funny bone you know there's no corporate like comedy club it's a little bit

29:29 They're just way in advance. You go to the store, Where's the fucking list um it's like nobody Yeah. What's funny is I got off stage and I was just feeling so happy and good. Yeah. Yeah. So you... You should have just swung on him. When a dude does that, you just swing. So he's using intimidation tactics? Yeah. I have thoughts like that constantly.

31:09 Yeah, well, there's a lot of negative energy in that place. Well, we don't even have to bring the guy's name up. Sorry. Yeah, this is what he said to me. you suck at this criticism the wrong sides it's negative energy man you don't have to though my comedy was being formed by the energy in that place. Yeah. You know, she was just having a good time like everybody else.

33:32 And then suddenly she slips in and she's a hooker. She's a penthouse pet of the year. do you mind if I tag along and you're just like in strange circles and then they jerk you off. where you cut into that medium rare the same broad's jerking me off and then at the end after like 40 minutes of that she's like so does that feel good to you and he's like

35:50 Wow. Whoa. Oh. Hey, what are me to make banana cry? Whoa. Offered banana cry. It's not the same anymore. this is a really hot chick. I'm going to be a better dad. Yeah. And also, yeah to love my daughter. Fuck. I'm going to be a better dad. Mark Curry? I would go with Barry Diamond. His dick is like a giant carrot. Yeah. I got that guy, introduced that guy to my manager many, many years ago.

38:29 It's like you picked the wrong wave. and just staying on point. They got themselves to a position of comfort. So you're just like, I'm cool with this. I would basically do the same fucking material So I would go up and I would just do the same act pretty much, cause I was just reiterating the same shit. And a few writers from the TV show, from news

40:50 really performing. I'm not putting any effort into it for over a year. Maybe it might have been two And I was just trying to get in as many sets as I could and write as much new shit as I could. Like if you do something and then you put it out, you put out like a DVD, and then the next year you want to do another one like louis ck's doing which is you know really super ambitious but in my like what's in my career like the things that i've

42:15 I'm trying just not to do any of that stuff anymore Once he does it on TV or on an album, it goes bye-bye. Like when I do a Q&A sometimes, especially if I've had a couple of cocktails No, it's tough to just let go of something. that I fucking love. I've got to put those bitches aside. single time he George Carlin's Just keep pounding out shit, Like if your child wants to be a comic,

44:20 I've written for a couple other people. it really is hard to get to a certain It's like, you know, a certain amount of people get a certain distance in the, you know, there's There's a lot of comedians that we know of that they're really good. I don't even know if I have the story right, And yeah, I guess Holtzman just looks and says, Flattens him Wow

46:22 And was saying Yeah. If you go to the improv, everybody gets in free. You know, it'd be hard. about the marketing thing, Like there was a story of a genius. the man has the highest IQ, almost imaginable. If you're so smart and fucking smug about everything what You get power some 20-year-old kid Totally. He had a brilliant mathematical mind as well.

49:36 but it would be exactly the type of shit And then they find that little spot, and that's where they start picking. start picking. His opportunity, yeah. I know. So now you're fucking putting shit together. Keep going. So. Boston, the best guys, for whatever reason, it's like you know you know the exact timing for me to go see. It's still the most It was just like never ending.

53:08 Do you want a drink The wait staff's friendly Are also the no I want to go to there don't worry only seats like 70 at the most right now but they're opening up two more showrooms they've got a whole Awesome, man. Just talked about it on Twitter Sunday. It's a real small place. I think you should just build one huge room. I don't know. along and open up a comedy club.

54:47 and a bunch of seats. What was this space? Yeah, they're trying to phase it in slowly. And then Sal's like, well, just ask around first before you say no. people were climbing up over his fence and just fucking drinking all his beers and can you imagine That isn't. Right. Why? This guy's a criminal. moon man commercial moon-headed man wearing a suit.

57:32 while he was doing drugs. Where is it? got like you know a bunch of shit planned that he can say like that and so this became an internet First he lied. I'm happy the kids got money, but this kid is not. So he already relapsed. but this is who Al says that he looks like this old 80s. 2007. That was a new revamped version. I don't see what the fuck you guys are talking about. That's a guy with a 1989 one. That's the one I'm talking about. Yeah, that's a freaky one. That was a new revamped version.

1:00:17 Moonface. That guy is doing all kinds of shit now. I mean, it's amazing, though, From a viral video is like a real thing. Like I was thinking. He's made kid you know I just saw him He never went out and did the shitty one-nighters. 15 years ago. You're right. It's a guy who's got his butthole face in the camera. It's been on a million different things.

1:02:57 Tila Tequila I'm talking about like the internet came out a long ass time ago. brothers and shit like that and there's like Ricky Leach Ravolta John Travolta's technology available to just a regular guy so now that they i mean it's easier to launch a Yeah, you heard Carl Sagan's auto-tune? It's hilarious. Absolutely, absolutely. took it down and then made up a quick song and garage band about like,

1:05:45 And I replaced that song Yeah And speaking of MySpace Like half of their employees they cut. it's funny how we did it with uh i think i forget who we did it with like jason tebow or something It's a lot of steps. Mine's completely dead as well. You want to go into mine? We'll get you a mind night very, very, very few. Almost all of it is just... Mine's completely dead as well.

1:07:13 Sucks. Yeah, so if you want to delete Hold on. that you dated ten years ago and her phone number's still some caveman. They're good for standing on. There you go. My Stuff. That logo is so gay. It's so gay. It's so gay. We've committed to this, man. Here we go. We're sorry you want to leave. Cancel account. Under settings? Under settings. You go under account settings and privacy? Privacy and email I'm gonna go with spam Cause that's the one thing That annoyed me Where is it Joe? Where's the cancel account?

1:09:32 Cancellation comments But it's And you know what's that you managed to cancel. They want to pretend they have more people on MySpace Really? is this person single? They've moved it all around Well, now they used to let you go back. You have a website, though. A-L-M-A-D-R-I-G-A-L. Not too many. You got 2,835. Which one makes your banana cry? I got to see it a bit.

1:12:48 And then I got, GM was nice enough to get me a Buick Enclave for the holiday and let old guy who walks his dog by my house every fucking day and is so in my business. I don't even like this. sometimes, so. Really? Like somebody It's not really. of running into some bad people in my neighborhood. but I go out a fair amount. and my neighbor was secretly

1:15:15 They brought over a letter. They all get all pissed and bent out of shape. Anybody can fucking park there. really brutal. Right on top of each other. controlling things. He didn't know in the go no no no i'm just walking around the pool table look in as he's talking making shots yeah and he me walking in my living room I can change it to anything I want.

1:17:17 Or fucking weed your lawn? off your fucking wireless that's gonna steal always man just you know very few people you know So I go to buy underwear in downtown Cleveland. Well, it's also the jobs disappeared, right? It used to be the place to be, the cool part of Ohio. They completely ruined the room So they're selling booze Well I see their point, man.

1:19:43 And you just imagine these poor people having to come and sit and watch this. thing that sums everything up. when you're a comedy promoter, restaurant business, the economy gets shitty You know, Yeah, Stan Help has that joke that he used to, you know, it's like, how many people are here to see me? Label comedy Or you know Five different comics And Eddie Griffin Maybe Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

1:21:39 what's-his-name still can go there every day? The motherfucking Simon Kitties. Bob Oshak is a very funny comedy writer and a very funny comedian. He would be a great talk show host. And once he got via, you can type in Bob Oshak on YouTube Yeah, he has two kids about the same age as mine, you know, in that eight and four range. Speaking of Oprah 11 years ago

1:23:09 What's happening right now? And I think your wife And we were barbecued It was like we were watching And nobody knows comedy like that bitch. What? Another story. It's been the interesting thing about just another one of those stories. Another story. You can sort of pick the path that you want to go. I mean, there's a lot of choices to be made. lucky. And not to say

1:25:14 Came out to California. I was in the right place at the right time when they were looking for stand-ups on sitcoms. That's all it is. So it's a's total luck. There's no getting away from it. It was just I was in the right place at the right time when they take it from him. I took it from the guy who took it from him. Yeah, I know him real well. He did it the night before I did it.

1:26:24 So anyway I hear you It's like Yeah I hear you and he does these shows at the Mirage in Vegas or wherever he goes, I think he goes, and that is what it feels like. and they're cheering and then he moved to the smaller theaters. where i'm thinking oh my god if i can get to a theater i don't give a shit what size it is and he told a story about him and Lynn

1:28:30 or barely broke even. Yeah, Greg Shaley did that website. So it's hard to get the word out. or some weird email newsletter with asterisks, stuff. And then you're talking about tricking out was here. We had him on the podcast. And there was a monkey there. which is a great strip club. I seem to enjoy everything luxury and shit like that southwest flight

1:30:44 and the same thing is true with strip clubs you know like there's the was one of the best places like fantasy sequence like fantasy sequence. Two girls at one time. And this girl, he's a regular, and this girl who's really hot goes up to him what the fuck you see what you just did you just rubbed up against death and i'm gonna fucking get Of course he was.

1:32:54 And the girl was over by the DJ booth, and I'm talking to her, So he comes in You ever see a cat kill a mouse She's like, hey, baby. I'm like, whoa, I'm watching a victim. They're just like Cadillacs, like Escalades. just as natural as a bug a lot of these guys They grow into and then they get They give up all together wholesale like that. And here he's got this 10 that's just all over him on a regular basis. $10,000, and all it costs is maybe $22,000 after you get that car wholesale.

1:35:27 That's another part with strip clubs is i'm too worried like i started thinking like if i took this money and went to ash i could get i really think about yeah now throwing it away. or something like that. $60. the best steak ever You know the comic? He looks like Elon Gold, Seinfeld, and shit like that. I'm in the same boat And especially develop an internet presence

1:37:20 people yeah that's the thing I don't have a great product no no no that's the was my killing starts to snowball do comedy you're you're on you're on you're an actor now look at like a paul reiser who's just Working with Helen Hunt for 10 years Michael Keaton. he stopped. to like a break and then now he's a character It's just weird that, you know, Wasn't he?

1:39:25 He doesn't do anything. Like he didn't know him with a fucking suit and tie And the way he did it was... Yeah. the cameras are going to be here. why the fuck is Steve Guttenberg there to fucking see if there's a manager During the memorial, he goes, I knew Freddie would get the biggest kick out of this. I mean, that's how funny Holtzman is. Fuck you, Jeff, at the memorial.

1:42:17 He's a douchebag, you know? away uh Dan Crawford then I was very good friends with You know we give a comic And he was one of my good friends He went to the hospital. And they said, no, we can't help you. was a guy kid without health insurance so I mean if anybody's up in the Bay So that shit happens all the time. Really funny guy. He's in the mix.

1:44:33 And he has to go to Hawaii to film the Fantasy Island, the new version of Fantasy Island. Yeah. You know, his career was taken off. He had a million things going on. He was one of those guys you would talk to him, and he was one of those impatient guys. Fuck this. I ain't got time for this. Let's get out of here. You know, his career was taking off.

1:45:14 He was hustling, yeah. You're not supposed to fly with that shit at all. Really? I flew once when I had pneumonia. Oh know, shit. And you're not supposed to fly with a sinus infection. They tell you that all the time. You're not supposed to fly And I just, I'll fly. hypochondriac a little bit. This kombucha tea is fucking super good for your health.

1:46:14 Where it tastes like shit. And I just, I think it's not nearly as active, and I've been drinking that shit almost every day. There are definitely probiotics, and what they do I'm getting plenty of probiotics from this. You have to keep it refrigerated. I'm just trying to keep everything Ah, perfect. Like, I really feel like I could kick somebody's ass.

1:48:54 I'm just like, that was my job at my parents' there's nothing else we can do. and this is just a symptom of a bigger evil. that this whole thing, This is all I need. And he'd please God, I think there's a machine going on, man. meaning to the people who like it. But what is I don't believe that. Yeah. Especially because when I play pool, I can see the balls better.

1:51:23 And hat around in front ways. I had to put my wallet chain in my pocket. No hats allowed at Gotham Comedy Club. What looks worse, a hat or a hat head? Or somebody back in the day where they'd take off hats and like no soccer no parties why not just say no mexicans please mexicans elsewhere no soccer No, thank you. to bring it back to the way it was in the 50s sure no latino park disturbance i've watched a

1:53:45 I knock the cherry Burger King bags Right I see fucking Priuses, those Toyota Priuses. california they don't do it yeah yeah people do it less you're littering quite a bit in the midwest I mean, I'm sure people are listening where that's commonly done or you have. I mean, if you can't control your own shit, first of all, like my wife is recycling like everything.

1:55:42 The homeless people are coming by too in my neighborhood and rooting through everything. You can only worry but as a whole, How the fuck do you fix it? how do you connect to that guy? they're giving them away. or someone who loses their phone. I did that once with a buddy of mine. that are really marketed. Something King Cobra I forget what it was. But there's a bunch of those that are only,

1:57:32 it goes down easy. drinking that stuff, There's Night Train. Purple drink. I had it. four loco really fucked me up i've heard people died off yeah a couple people are it's a band next to an Outback I mean I in I was filming this old lady. of the mama who's dancing who's dancing really fucking funny with this young latino kid and she Like, it was a horrible

2:00:33 That same girl we were talking about? We had to play the Prince song A little bit of snake venom gets you immune to snake venom So so that snake after it bites you three or four times after a she just started going crazy picking fights with me out of nowhere i'm like what the fuck is going on next thing i know next day she's tweeting her ex-boyfriend like

2:02:30 someone man and you you know you fucking really click and you're hanging out and you're fucking Right. She's got the perfect body. and then she becomes your girlfriend. It's supposed to be about us. And it sucks because I've gotten to the age where I totally know that. And start dating guys. good how old are you 39 oh you see i thought you were way younger than me um i think uh you know

2:05:12 She cracks jokes. And what am I going to do when I'm 50? Ready for this? Perfect. It's true. Dude, you've got to move to Colorado with me. Are you in a nice area? I want to see deer that if shit goes bad, I can shoot those bitches and eat them. That's good. That's a move. That's a possibility. I know a and gay people what about Arrowhead what about Arrowhead that's good

2:06:50 two hours I loved living in Boulder What about your wife? Well, that was part of the issue. No more kids? or seven months old, it's tricky. that whatever you're doing the other thing that you realize when you have a kid is that you change And I obviously make a living talking shit. but you know, you know, what the fuck? Your children are here. Two drinks, i'm fucking

2:09:57 I needed to deal with, I would deal with it as an issue. But I don't think there's an issue. I think And I get these crazy conversations. Super gay. and laughing and giggling together. But there's also drugs that That's why people tend to freak out. But more and more shit that you've got going on, like a daughter. That's possible. Yeah. A lot of them are really fun to hang out with.

2:13:35 And they were talking about how everybody's, you don't ever become a comic or anything like that. I want to be the one with a light shining on me while everyone else is in the everyone is in the balcony staring to make up for. Some fucking crazy When you have a family of your own I don't need a dad And so that, whatever sets you off when you're seven or whatever it is, what age it is, you

2:15:46 what my, Are you still smoking cigarettes? How many times a day do you think about it? I don't anymore. This motherfucker, he quits almost, I feel like a year ago, right around now. She jumped off the refrigerator and hurt her foot. So he got so stressed out, he started smoking cigarettes again. You did it after you smoked in the morning, smoke and I'm just done with it.

2:17:23 Like if I'm at a party, one of the best things about smoking for me is that you're in a party and i meeting all right tiny meetings that's funny So you're in a little tiny club. He's one of my favorite cigarette smoker guys. Can I bum a cigarette? Can I have a dollar? You do that a lot? I could fucking bust out three And what happened, Brian? is about seven minutes not even seven half of it is just explosive chemicals you're sucking in

2:19:57 I'm not doing anything. Well marijuana Jiffy pop And what it does is it fills this bag up with this THC mist. What are you going to do? No, not ready. And the thing is, it looks like nothing. No, that's why ladies, I mean, yeah, it is a good gift idea, I was thinking about getting one, You can use that later. Are you still going on the road? And just no show?

2:22:37 No. He just never flew to New Jersey, and he didn't answer his phone. and he's still back in LA or Vegas. That's great. I went to Mitch. and celebrate him. I get it. I totally understand it. know those people are absolutely yeah it was something that happened like that When anyone goes to load up... I feel bad for the cop that pulled him over. Whatever

2:25:17 That's crazy though of people that believe and this is you know this is sort of a staple in Eastern religion, Senators holding hands Now I feel better about my text earlier. We went there. It's weird how that changed. and fucked up situations I don't, I don't necessarily agree with that, it's also like you know to to watch something really terrible like that sort of like motivates

2:28:12 let it happen like that next thing you know you're homeless So that's what it is. Also, I think we all recognize. You can't let shit get out of control. relationship, you get your heart broken, some sort of a history of mental illness Gambling obsessions? Then there's a lower level downtown casinos. Dude, you're not going to get booked in Morongo They have these commercials that come on.

2:31:04 It's fucking disgusting. I knew they were going around collecting cans. They start driving around in a green minivan. where you can turn recyclables into money, And for them, it's like free money. the money out and just say because it's free money we're throwing money in water yeah what do you say No. You need the money. There's enough money in that fountain

2:33:34 middle of nowhere and there's one water hole and there's a fucking tiger there yeah and then you Right. It's crazy, right? where there's no resources and nothing to do. You have to leave the country. Let's go. Yeah, a lot of us are going to die. We're a nation built by criminals. Sure. That's had to be a lot of it. That's going out of the way soon.

2:35:38 And then I'm going to be in Austin, Texas Steal some bitches. Dude, Austin is the shit. Yeah, relationships are broken up on Twitter. Where you at And that they'll get in spats and then once that point has been reached it's over yeah so there's an echo in here i keep on These are the most uncomfortable couches. That's the next one. To look at the Ustream

2:37:45 Yeah, we'll figure it out. But now there's like hundreds of thousands of downloads you want to deliver a quality project i feel like Is it iTunes available? Oh, that's kind of cool. online piracy? I'll write new shit. So I just want to keep Right. Look at you, dude. What is But $40 I'm just playing music There you go. But tickets are selling very fast.

2:40:58 There's a link on JoeRogan.net. Almagical.com. you're more of a dad and Yeah, you can keep it together. It's a mess. and it's been going back and forth, on and over, jerk off into them and shoot your loads all over the house they're special they're good they feel West Palm Beach Improv. Bigger, nicer. It's the only place where I was on stage And they started going back and forth and yelling out at the top like it's a cafeteria.

2:43:45 You know all that Twitter details. Shh, Brian. and we'll see if we can get Brian Posain or someone on Thursday. I should have cheated on you.