Joe Rogan Experience #74 — Allison Sciulla Transcript

Transcript

0:00 And Allison... Allison Shula. Before we get started with anything entertaining, You did stop doing it, but really you'd done it for six years. Hundreds of people in line. MySpace are so tricky. Totally. I would be like, this guy's a monster. And has to hit the rocks before he stops. Yeah. He's still in the boat. Boom! And has to hit the rocks before he stops.

2:12 Because if he wasn't You know? You got some fucking mad talent when it comes to video editing. The big problem though is that It's an extra layer. Because the whole thing shuts down. This is updated. but for the longest time, like these are comfortable. We should start bad habits. that you have on the radio, like when you go to Opie and Anthony We'll hook it up.

4:39 What? I was saying they were just trying to fuck with him. I guess I was in my 20s when he was in his prime. I watched a documentary on History Channel. Because he pretended to be... And it kept the police away or people away? in his underwear. Well, we think he's faking it. How can you prove it? And then everybody's It's revenge from the government.

6:47 Does he? That's just me hating it. What's up is you have to make out with Sean Penn. If they offered me something like that, I'd be like, dude, that never happened obsessed me for two months. I'm just forgetting You know the story behind this? He stayed in insane shape. strength in your arms but you probably had a pot belly you know or at least a little bit of a gut and you know you're probably scary because you would you know

9:49 this guy screams he'd be dying soup it's liquid Because he wants to pump up his game. What is that? It sounds like every chick you've ever dated, Is it just to have a boyfriend? Well, there is some kind of game is to become that person that person deathly allergic. Whenever someone wants black coffee, I'm like, you don't even give a fuck about flavor.

12:04 So now I'm like, oh, yeah, we can see what happens if you start shitting yourself. He's a grown ass man. logically. Yeah, that's pretty thought out. to think you're crazy. crazy no my mom would ask me it's people that believe and given they die How do you find out? What was it? fucking know. The next day I tested it out again. So you ran in the bathroom? Yeah, dude. I was

14:10 It never looks neat and tidy. That was your last, your first That just gives your body lack. That's interesting. Have you ever but I couldn't find it the other day. worst milk you could ever drink, though. That seems like the You need to get the flu shot. last night I forget what it was No one's got a crazier Twitter page than Brie Olsen. She says shit like that.

16:47 And she said it was just caked with shit Oh my god from her own butt Why? Yeah, and I asked him, does it ever get better? You couldn't pay me If one girl does porn yeah, the mouth and there'll be like a fucking hundred thousand videos of girls with their mouths open they have this one, because it's like oh, Michael Jackson's... Are you sure? They're playing the cello while they're both looking at each other.

19:40 Then it turns into them in this weird part yeah you could you could have girls kissing The Porsche name is so in the American culture. And everybody just abandons him to Audi. The only ones complaining. I would rather see I'm gonna fucking kiss me. ugh. Yeah, this is a genetic thing right But it weirds me out when I'm around gay guys In an outside place.

22:05 It's like, I completely support your right to do it. Oh, absolutely. I'm totally another type. It doesn't matter. That's their turn on. For a man, it doesn't make any sense that women are attracted to men. We just don't know it. Some people's brains just don't work right. This guy walks up, and he has a camera in his hands. Like, uh, what's this guy doing,

25:18 And he's like, what the fuck? oh I run a foot fetish website whoa cease and desist Before Oh it is? different. If you wanted to see some weird shit fucking marines. These they were like fucking Marines. And they'll say what the woman name for his character that he plays when he dresses up is oh it's so fucking strange there's this new show coming on um where

27:16 It's like feet on decks and girls rubbing their feet on decks. He's doing it right now. 18 or 19. What? Really? Well, not are all jacked and I saw this horrible video online They're getting sort of like it's all in the security video from like the front of his house and some guy who doesn't want to hear noise And it's so crazy how random it is. out here that shot a cop. Yeah.

29:51 I don't know how it comes back around Is it that much? Or not class, you have to sign up, like, two a cheap gun but you have to do the class too or you have we're not class you have to sign up like two weeks beforehand or they have to do That's why you don't vote right They just check you bro They'll take gigs and they'll get paid cash. reporting that they have these employees you know and then these guys never

31:51 It's the mob. Elton John. that's silly Sylvester Stallone Well, it would have been a good role for Stallone, too. movies. At least they didn't put some Jersey Shore guy and she was holding hands, Snooki? I say it with all love. I don't really think they're cunts. they'll fight over anything. Fuck you, you whore! It's like a bunch of scientists that they're just pissed.

34:34 You know, I've never, who's throwing his shit at the glass. And I was like, wow, crew pomade, put my bangs up. on. He's obviously trying to make the most of the and I grew up in Boston, and that behavior is a lot more fucking common than you think. Come on, bro. This fucking guy doesn't know who I am, bro. planet you know what i have a lot of family in new york my parents are from brooklyn and all of my

37:07 man. the UFC fights from just training. I mean, Yeah. Like my Starbucks and stuff, Come on, you got no heart. are playing poker outside. Why do you feel like that? which haircut is she going to fucking snap? they're going to be like, hey, you know, better stand over here, man. I did the open the door when they're coming in and out i you know yeah you don't go so far as to make friends

39:50 Yeah. with one of those motherfuckers How about yourself? Listen, dog, you got to do what you got to do. Diaz meets Ernie and Did she stop? Yeah, she took the hint. Some people just don't know. Can I just climb inside your head for five minutes? Yeah, Being John Malkovich. So you pilot Allison. She like, goes silent. I don't think I would do that. Yes.

42:45 I'd finger myself. Yeah. It's like 11.58. Oh, shit. And then all of a sudden a big part of her dick's in front of her. animals start off as a woman and they become a male Yeah, there's a bunch of simple organisms that can do that. I could have bought that movie for $6. what was it like or something And they're just hanging out with her in the basement.

44:49 And then maybe three weeks after that, he starts fucking it. Well, that's pretty weird. Wouldn't you? You would do the same thing. No second. I looked like a girl. And it was like, oh, I made you. Wouldn't you? No, it made noises. And it becomes a male. It was like, when it was over, it's like, Like, Well, They had to get her out of the lab. fuck i'm gonna be i'm gonna be that dick in the movie theater laughing but then other people

47:40 everyone's in a village and they don't know yeah the devils it showed like his name when it came on he needs to change I'm desperate well apparently 50 million bucks and I'm like, I need to switch it up. It doesn't say They all suck. the water one was so dumb, No. It's a big film. But that was a good movie. I don't remember. I didn't watch it. You should watch it for the creep fest of it. Really? I mean, it's one of those movies I was going to see monsters. Somebody make some good monsters. Did you see Human Centipede? I got it. I didn't watch it.

50:13 But then I kind of got addicted are fucking creepy as fuck. That movie was a hot subject of debate amongst me and my friends. It was all a dream. But when you found out that he was crazy, when he climbed in the cave? it doesn't and oh, it was a dream. whole movie business is the producers the big part about the movie business is the people that come

52:18 get fucked up, a bunch of things. It was a terrible movie. find out what the fuck his last name is. have, and him and his friend wrote it, right, so he had, like, they, they were, like, going over the Like, when you walk in, I want you to, whoa! It's a big problem in Hollywood. stick up like this it's like a cobra like it's coming at you and they'd go like that doesn't

54:53 They're not comedians. You look at a guy like that, you're like, okay, it's a big name. My greatest work of all time. John Travolta? Really? My greatest work of all time? After the picture And it was like the bonus scene that they cut out of the movie where they're just like, That's funny. Don't you usually get to a A lot of people don't want to disappoint their fans.

57:40 Like, look, you can come out, but if you do, miss. When it's all over, let's write a book. Yeah That She's a white man. Yeah. That's what happens when you bring chicks to the show, bro. I don't know. I watch super super you know you know about the pressures of being famous. He was like, what did he say? She told me, Allison, we can't be friends anymore because you're not a woman of God.

1:00:18 You want to taste your pussy? Yeah Yeah I know Yeah Yeah, I went to Catholic school So there's fucking strain in the home. And I'm like, or something like that. with a bunch of people's families, maybe like a couple months ago And they're like, How fucking hilarious is a young dude coming up to you calling himself elder? It's kind of weird. so he got married.

1:03:02 It's all in here. you are just doing Christian things. even though it's, but the fact that if you believe in something like that, but it's all about like the apocalypse. and people don't even know about them. I don't want to read this, so you could have it back. how jesus comes back and everybody dies. And if you're not saved, that's why these nutbags like Kirk Cameron,

1:05:47 some of the most successful books uh in america some of the most successful fiction or he's I think Tommy Morrison made out a perm at one point in time. You would say that, but this guy goes and has debates against scientists, and they look really stupid. and this is how he can prove it. in the hand. It also gives you juice better actor than he's capable of because these

1:07:56 I think they're just knuckleheads, you know? Shit. How is that news? Yeah, it's very weird. That would be good too. it's a continent killer. earth is lifting. they're not. Now they're not anymore Well, this is what it is, dude. but the top part is 160 ash. Like no planes can fly. No, no, no. This is way too big. You probably won't be able to get out in time.

1:11:31 That's a good idea. Get one of those rafts What would you do? Molten lava is terrible. and it literally turned their The air is thick with this shit. And they all died. Go walk around and hump some dead ladies and grab some wallets. it's okay, we get it. attacks your body. were douchebags they throw them in fucking in pele they throw them in a volcano man so they got rid

1:13:58 There was this documentary on lost tribes and all these different people that are still living, out of fucking bamboo trees as many as you would need to sustain a population. nothing left. You know, occasionally If you got no more cars, okay? And then you're going to probably kill yourself. this is, um, what they're It says slit his face and stomach repeatedly.

1:16:48 Fuck yeah. I mean, and do it on the air. Because this is an intervention. I need to meaning to do this intervention and do it on the air. We waited like 10 days between the both. We both were sick. And sometimes they do it and they watch the UFC, which is pretty cool. Oh, yeah. You know, I don't remember anything. Well, I'm debating on it because the problem was is the UFC drunk cast was right before it.

1:18:56 wasted that we Coconut water and vodka sounds good. But we had like, No, that was an hour Oh, I thought it was this is an impersonation Leave it up. Leave it up there. even talking anymore. There was a part where I was puking in a bag I don't know if I can... touch your flashlight? And she said, line is, well, it's like we're always grabbing our dicks and moving

1:21:47 I used to work at this Mexican restaurant So anyways and so it was me, The party starters here. And so I would just start making out. No, no. That's like a serial killer So the girls let you do that? So raw tit that right and so then then the one girl i was fucking with You created an unfair game. And didn't it feel real? I'm like okay Wow Look I can show you

1:25:07 That's the title Todaysbigthing.com Very good one because they'll just dot R-U. give me a virus? All these scams. Award the grand prize Let me see if I can I wonder if I can get that. that even like if my mom saw it, So it came in as spam? I literally just put it on. Oh, here it is. No, I got it have it anymore. Oh, Brian. I literally just put it on.

1:27:43 It says, dear winner, please check the attachment below. Really? Drawing from 21,000 names. It says, it must be claimed. Yeah, and they probably, when they get all that information, It says lottery sponsors, Yeah, it's ridiculous. Ryan Keegans. Hey, how you doing? I made a trip to London two days back. God mugged at gunpoint I have limited means of getting out of here, so I really need your help.

1:30:47 like a lot of them I bet you can buy them let's talk about what we talked about earlier. That was awesome. Anyways, and there's a lot I talked to this photographer and takes back kidnapped kids They're doing it right now. But they go to other countries. Running around with a gun Question mark. Sorry for the late It's a collector's item You got me so far, I am riveted.

1:33:30 to make all do you even have They must have just ran it and millions and millions. this direct connection How do you get me out of here? He's like, okay, I'm right on it. Slap him a couple times and take his internet away. and he thought that it was real. screw over all the scammers. Stanhope used to bait child molesters. contacting these uh these child molesters and then take all their like all the fucked up shit

1:36:12 It says, welcome to baiting.org, The fucking Stanhope stuff though, if you can find it, That's like a fire log of incense. It's almost like Meanwhile, you smoke cigarettes. I'm sick of smoking here. That's why I used to love smoky pool halls. God, the worst is waking up in Orange County, Are those things any better cigarettes. Oh, electronic cigarettes.

1:38:39 But I also have noticed I like it, but it feels like you're smoking more. Marlboro Lights, you barely even feel like you're Have you tried pipe? Yeah, Bill Clinton, you dummy. And you got bath salts. it's the names of it. Ivory And it makes your nose smell great. All right, you want to do this, bitch? I mean, listen to the things that people methadrone, they're made in a

1:41:15 Like, that's what you're doing. up in an ER and even though it's a horrible trip they want to do it again Might as well try it before they recall it. It's almost like you found another hole in the system. You just do it and you get Can't stop. restricting the sale of it, and then they started doing bath salts I bet it wasn't kids. a scientist character

1:43:40 if you tell them it's bath salts. to the point remember when you used to get those things for christmas where it was like a bag dimethyltryptamine illegal. and just get blasted on it That's pretty silly. If you get caught with your own drugs, that's even crazier than mushrooms or pot because you're what are you doing you're It took me five years to make this acid because every time

1:45:47 And she drank it. Pour it on the carpet, right? Just breaking. the same as before when he would do DMT the DMT when you have a DMT experience like a lot of it is marked by dude, you gotta stop coming here. Just settle the fuck down. You're killing our buzz, man. or it could be aliens in another dimension. do, do, do, do, stop. What's that for? Yeah.

1:47:37 a gang of different drug problems. You do run those problems. allowed us to, you know, but as soon as you start making shit illegal and restricting the, you know, weed, if everybody had access to weed, And then there's the medical uses for it. You don't have to do it. They don't see enough ambitious stoners out there. a different way all the time. where you think that things

1:49:54 shows where we're just completely barbecued like eating dinner and we're all just like breaking I don't think I ever would've gotten here if it wasn't high, Those really, really nice marijuana-driven talks. Did Nick Swartzen have a Jaguar? I don't see him having it. Oh, I guess if TMZ just could say whatever. Oh, my God. was there and Chris from the Fleshlight.

1:52:01 someone's sucking dicks or some just I have a really and then I saw Norton I go, you gave me positive affirmation. It was refreshing. thing, man. There was these two local comics And I was like, I mean, I don't want to paraphrase it. Also, they're probably fascinated. reason they feel like your success like takes away from their success and they should have more

1:54:30 of a childhood that they want to You can't be good and say that. I remember when The Jerk came out. He was so good, he had to stop. that was funny to me about him. And second of all, And now I'm 45 or something like that. in whether or not what I think is funny. and then performing it and then honing it man, they stop writing comedy and they just sort of

1:57:09 know and you go in the set and you get makeup put on you you know they're fucking fitting a hair and you don't even know what the fuck is up and what's down. you've got to be out of your fucking head. You're so odd and fake you know? The rapper? Someone pointed it out. which is kind of cool. She's like, what Cosby show? Really? Wow, it still seems insane yeah

1:59:57 the douchiest thing hmm but were you hating because he didn't come rub on you oh no what am i a psycho It's just odd. person. He's walking out going, is he guy walking around going hey what's up baby oh give me a kiss but why would we judge this if no that's not you like if that would be disrespectful right Yeah. But that's what he was doing. Did you know Clinton used to do that?

2:01:50 And people would go, He's fucking Bill Clinton. I'm not finished there And you just go for it If I was a chick and I was really into him, because he's a celebrity You know, LL Cool J Oh, I can't believe no young girls going, She's 22 years old right here. He's not sexy. I don't know this is the second time we've talked about LL Cool J like fat chicks, like big, big

2:05:04 I think it's the smell that they That turns people on? You know what I think it is? to some people. That was your first? You're around a lot of chicks. When you're around a bunch of I try to like most of my crazy That was a sad, sad, sad answer. Look at her. It felt like dirty. That's great. You shouldn't be watching us. and he's like, He does have a thing for you, huh?

2:08:42 Did you ever find loads in your shoes or anything like that? Hey what's going on Whoa And then he's like, no, I don't. Wow. Yeah. Not that much, really, when you think about it. I was crazier Could you imagine Oh my God. So gross. Even when I was 18, I used to think I was invincible. I went through that whole stage you around back when you were at that stage no you would come off so douchey yeah oh my god so

2:10:35 It's traumatizing. Mm-hmm. of God. So she's sitting on my right or whatever, my left. and had brain surgery all because my cheekbone hit his temple and it's like severed an artery And then I go to the hospital finally to go see him, he has a big indent of your face on his face yeah he has this big like scar all the way to here and it was way too much power for a retard like me

2:13:11 Broke the car in half. It was fucking old. You'd have to be really careful with stopping. Someday they're going to be making fun of people for driving around. When is that going to go out of business? you have no fucking, you know, Those screens are telling you what your numbers are and where are these numbers located. We need something to just cling us to the idea that money is a real thing.

2:15:47 It's fucking billions. Do you know about all this? people just suck how they had to get out of there We talk about that Yeah. The billions of dollars One guy It's gone. findings or Supreme Court rulings was that corporations had the same rights as an individual It's always been real kind of hippie. and they reason he did this uh one speech where uh while he was doing a speech fucking homeboy started

2:18:56 so you can't even hear your own voice. Well, the microphone know who his name is. I believe he was to Vermont. and live in vermont so that's out right um there was one other thing i want to talk about before and it's in fried chicken. Why Iowa? It's just him mixed You don't hear about other members. Where they were trying I didn't see that part Somewhere or other she shit and it wound up on stairs.

2:21:19 Walking around dropping logs out of their pants. this one lady served him and he's like, Guess not. Divas thing and then I didn't of filming and they're gonna it's gonna be a crazy reality show probably if it did work out. So you're going to do it? i think i think it's a good move i would say do it i think it sounds flex flex your You're going to get a gym pass.

2:23:17 No, I wouldn't. You're happy with your shape. If you go to JoeRogan.net, again, click the link, type in Rogan. thanks so much for who the fuck are you I always say that, and sometimes we don't have a show, It's a big fucking place, but tickets are selling fast, Bye.