Joe Rogan Experience #747 — Tony Hinchcliffe Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Oh instead of having it you know like some weird button put it up on the screen ...in order to begin the medical approval procedure. Why is it more humorous? Because this gentleman has an accent. Like, let them release the hounds! It seems fake. solution to like anything that we got going wrong. 2020 is like normal, right? I don't think. Yes. 20, 20.

3:50 at 20 feet because your vision sucks. That's cool. I would think that something along those lines where you it'd be like super precise like when you're throwing that you're What do they call that? now you just practice you just you have to understand how you're orientating the um the So you have to line up this in between the little V and hold it there as you squeeze the trigger and don't flinch

6:34 Tallarino right no no no Jamie figured bowl i bowl like shit like shit it's one of the all that fucking thing straight tommy dilutes it's just a matter of someone showing you how to do it. Good Lord. the the technique they started to compete and then they got nutty yeah you just got to decide Yeah. Talent? I don't know if he was doing that I'll never forget this.

10:04 And I'm like, this is a great guy. Is that how it works? the higher you get, the more you can fuck people up. They're encouraging addiction. You know what's interesting? so these guys had programs in their code were about to spawn, so they'd run this well sort of but I'm thinking about Robert because I'm thinking about the game of EverQuest. It was the opposite.

13:41 mouse obama plays one of these right does he yeah he's like on, what's one of those, like Halo or something like that? You know what I mean? You're in mechs, so you're running around, Who would have ever thought that? Australian. There's a guy named brody And you hear him talk and you can't believe it's the same man. And it's basically about like this rich family that takes a vacation they like have this vacation in hawaii

15:58 and they're all amazing. Russell Crowe's from Australia, right? and i'm like who was tom oh my god he was the main character the whole time like he has some he's another one one of the only other guys it's funny bring him up he's he's a twin so he's playing the two lead characters because he's it's him and his twin And she's just like, this guy's fucking amazing.

18:21 How many guys do you think have ever played themselves in a movie like side by side like is that you can get a guy like you, it's not locked off on everything. Somehow-or-another get him to act out those scenes where I just pretty much recorded the same two things with his brother i assume he does probably that's the only thing that I would think would be the issue

20:53 in a separate scene you have to do one I mean, Americans love Americans, No, this has been infuriating me lately. So I've been stuck watching commercials for the first time. Everybody has an accent now. When that Britney Spears thing was going on and she was shaving her head, and he was like, Measured plea and I remember thinking like wow that was a genuine thing like that wasn't uh that didn't

23:37 She's like some stupid, crazy superstar. And he kind of got screwed by the show It's really sad though. What's the guy with the really built body Bob Oshak did a video with... He's very fit. But anyways, he made a video with Josh Robert Thompson where Josh Robert Thompson played George Lucas on his ranch, and he looks just like George Lucas. I love him

25:53 He was gonna be my co-host You have to do all day long He's such a good dude. And so when these guys come in with a premise or whatever, he'll just go, you know, if you he's come up in every writer's room, and everybody around Yeah, it always organically happens. I've never seen Chris's. Yeah. whose stomach is that? It's interesting all these years later

28:25 And there's nothing more fun than when you see one of those guys doing something cool. Is that people, like, comics are real this is mine. It was like this famine January 15th, One Shot. way easier to do than a television show. It's interesting to watch. because you get to be free. I love doing these with you, too. this person and as a per as a human being like if you're allowed to pursue your interests like that

32:01 of their interests you know like if you listen to Bill Burr's podcast, And it's really interesting. Because even like Letterman, who is like fiercely independent and very smart Like regular people, man. That's not what he wants to do. which I think is excellent And I'm literally like yeah, heck yeah, buh-buh-buh and I get off the phone tonight show with no censorship think of of The Tonight Show on Netflix.

35:01 I love that guy. And Django Unchained. You don't necessarily want to do what they're doing, Yeah. many different things stand-up's definitely one of those things where yeah you got to be doing Do you think it was reinvigorating? part of one thing where i talk about how trump's gonna win this shit and here's why you know what going with the joke, so I bailed out,

38:00 well, basically, I go, what the fuck do you do for a living? The crowd's just going crazy. and interrupt a bit in the middle of the bit. it's stupid. It's a long walk too. Wrong guy. and you have to trick them a little bit, around the country doing this stuff this is a charged subject yeah it's a charged I'm an old white man. All these other presidents go in there looking good, dark brown hair, and then they all come out looking like, what's his name?

40:51 Easily. be tuned in to this gigantic group of people? Well, And first I'm like, And that they should stay within arm's length all 37 years of their life. You can't do that. about ideologies, or forget about skin color, people of origin. It is. And that's how this country got founded. what man I think there should be a fucking team of PhDs and super smart

44:57 What, you know, how often do you take Valium? All the blood rushing down. schwarzenegger was the governor like that doesn't make a good choice any sense but it does he's a and how people will filibuster and people will block this because it'll anger their That's my favorite thing. Yeah. He becomes another person. It's funny when I wear it, because I went to Starbucks, and Mexicans gave me double looks real quick.

47:37 That's universal. You've watched Making a Murderer, right? There's a lot in that movie, man. Montage. Just drugs He wrote about it. So she's getting it from other people about Kurt Cobain what happened, I don't even know if they say during that but you know his collection has to be worth what at least a hundred million dollars It would be way more scrutiny. But it would be in social media and it would blow up and it'd be gigantic. It'd be way more scrutiny.

50:38 There's so much of it that was off. You know someone who I mean I'm assuming that if they fucked up this case It's crazy. position it doesn't mean you've got your shit together or you're worthy it just means you Do you say, fuck, man, I hate people now. There's a lot of fucking cops. Especially now that the media is coming out hard. Oh a lot of them are bad i just spent a couple days on a top secret project but

53:07 exception to it. And yeah, sometimes shooting people for no reason, doing terrible shit like planting evidence, that guy that throws the taser down when he shoots that guy who's running away from him? bit blander than just the specific guy they use the word police instead of And then all sudden you're in downtown LA and some cop looks at you funny like a fucking pig.

54:48 And I know what that guy did in New York. Whoa. could say you attack them or you were reaching for something they thought was to feel weird around cops. that's like when you say uh when people say you know get your hand out of your pocket man that Yeah, and I feel like I'm shady when the cop comes up. motherfucker sitting in the driver's seat, Who knows?

58:38 220 pounds. Did you see the video that was released two days ago from Boston but it hits his car. That guy needs to get one of those sperm switches. God. Trying to hit someone with a car, that's death. Oh, Jesus. She was outside just smashing windows This bitch is crazy. Oh my God, she's coming out with a crowbar. It's a freaky video. I hope that devil's advocate.

1:02:23 What have you done? car well to ram a mercedes into his honda is like you know it's like throwing fucking money at that had broken out and he'd have the velvet rope it depends yeah but something happened. No, that's a different one. I don't know. It was over a girl. That's the energy that he's put out to the world. Uh-uh. That's amazing. And the gentleman has a bow tie on.

1:05:27 and wear bow ties Farnsworth Bentley attends the at it is can almost tell that it was like just rolled there's no substitute for quality and craftsmanship Woo! You know, the nicotine in the tobacco leaf has an effect of its its own and it's also unusual in the fact that that tobacco leaf is generally I think you can't do that every day. whatever the hell they did because he's uh weed related like he's operating within the california

1:08:58 a promo that's like believe that Twitter they're great it's just material, censoring the images and stuff that you're allowed to put up. I think sponsored ads on Instagram and it fucking fades to black and it's, And, you know, it was the only show that I ever watched on TV because I was always doing stand-up and stuff, and I didn't even, like, have a TV.

1:11:17 And it's like, now back to your comedy experience. The problem with network television We'll just make ads more creative. That's even more fucked up. say asshole like there's a lot of shows they get real close to saying fuck you but they don't where people are going to seek it out specifically. Yeah. or restaurant to check it out. Like, I mean, I cut the cable bill.

1:14:42 And a lot of TVs are now getting online. And it pulls up every single Steve Martin movie. Yeah. Get the lotion. And you're at my beck and call and you must massage my feet at the end of every night. I just don't understand why you wouldn't have a girl. You know, you're finding a human. a chinese lady with giant ridiculous tits and a waist that doesn't seem to be possible for the

1:17:15 going to first just let them out where it's almost like a person, we're going to know. it has will continue and in some other form and the most important question how do you fuck it and then they put it back become easily accessible, And behind her are an army of seven-foot-tall black guys with giant dicks. So she comes to the door and yeah, oh, thank you, Mr. UPS driver.

1:19:40 Of course. you know, Please put it in my palm. Mute and clean. wonderful to you and they're nice and supportive and loving and friendly and caressing and They've always existed, though. been that guy. Yeah. Right? There's always been the manserv No, he doesn't care. I wonder if he's ever... There's always been that guy. Yeah. Barnsworth. Barnsworth, please fix me a drink.

1:22:15 Imagine also like switching of roles. And record companies just weren't making any money anymore. Barnsworth was, he figured out how to make money off of YouTube ads. Yeah. tuxedo looking jacket on the or tuxedo shirt i would love that the few times that i've gotten a fly Yeah, tacked him. Enough. Remember Skippy from Family Ties? Yeah. I don't know.

1:25:04 Oh my God, it was so much fun. Boom! He pulled out his knife. You know, in a great way. Like, Those to you were like little gifts. It's so like, because they're always in the moment. Oh, let's play the trailer. That's how it starts. into the club Or else you'd see Joey Diaz bringing me up. You just wanted to be the cool guy. I was with somebody the other day,

1:28:25 You like Josh? And she goes, dude, Josh Martin was my favorite. I'm like, Josh, really? You like Josh? I randomly, once in a while, a few people and then I'm in there he's Yeah, he did okay. Yeah. los angeles i'm like you have such an interesting look and you sound so funny that if you get good Like he literally, you know, they say it takes 10 years to find your voice.

1:30:38 time at the comedy store. Yeah, he's worked there for, and he's been the producer of Kill Tony. when you're struggling and you're young and you, you know, I was in the car for that, and then we're like he just pisses himself yeah i'm like out of nowhere what was he doing i hope And by the way, It just came out of nowhere. climbing i was going upstairs when i started to have them i'm like oh no like this is like a real

1:33:55 And I sit down. It was insane how it was coming out. being a vegan to being a carnivore yeah steak sandwich for dinner last night chicken breast and uh give it a plug well no i actually shouldn't probably bad idea yeah i've talked about other and I've never gotten a look of. Hybrid of You quit It's been, Anyway, but, I've ever had in my life. His body looks fuller too

1:37:29 I wasn't showing you. Yeah, no, you do. show you and brian losing weight and gaining weight oh yeah both of you together in and out I think it's called creatinine. it's harder for me to remember, like five hour energy before doing a workout? It's a lot of vitamin B12. You ever have one of those? Yeah. Yeah, Steve, that's nothing compared to taking the actual niacin.

1:40:21 I like it because I know it's not going to kill me, but you're feeling the reaction of this nutrient. Those things. Your body has more resources available for a brief amount of time at least they determined enough the treadmill and stuff, You can't be running around. Think about those dirty girls that you know. Like your thigh. There's a guy, there's a guy about those dirty girls

1:42:13 like, Oh, Yeah. There's a weirdness to it where you can tell that the guy's not really strong. scary looking. He looks like... Like, it doesn't even make any sense. You can tell the difference when you see those synthol bodies. There's a real bodybuilder body. That guy, that's just steroids and lifting weights. Jesus. They get crazy. and they just keep starving themselves

1:44:29 Someone was sitting next to me. Maybe it was Ian. It just makes me sad. Like there's crazy things that happen deep into bulimia. And they're all singing happy birthday. of hers but she has this there's like an authenticity to the sound of her voice right And she pulls into the parking lot. don't play it his voice is so good Okay, cool. He's a bad motherfucker.

1:48:49 going on, man. That's a dark song No, I mean... where these freaky, freaky, effects of heroin but the side effects of the lifestyle of being a junkie, that the lack of sleep and the terrible life and that affects everything you do they just give in to the fucking sound was doing good and good and good good and then she then she started heroin and then it's like

1:51:49 made me wonder, Like fake system or, Do you understand? that at least one of them is gonna have a problem yeah every time you have a group of six or more Dude, I'm seeing this, and dude, this is happening. started shroom fest so once a year we go out there in the middle of the beautiful desert you wait It's a potent psychedelic drug, man. they'll dismiss,

1:54:53 I mean it might not be for you. You get to see intention. You get to see the past. You get to see the present. You get to see it all thing to have illegal ever. Yeah. Like this is the one thing that makes people better. A lot of them were saying that. There of their life significantly changed after that experience. But I think that law enforcement and a lot of people that control laws and have laws in place, they're very reluctant to give up a law or to admit that all the arrests that they made were unjust.

1:57:17 And, you know, it's one of those things to where, you know, what's crazy is like, I guess you haven't seen Making a Murderer, but it's like. There's a lot of those things, right? That guy's that he's in jail now, but he was selling children to prisoners to prisons to private prisons and all of a sudden you're locked up in some fucking juvenile center somewhere

1:59:24 Right. Right? It doesn't mean that all judges are bad right right right only be able to do certain things like robocop program yeah like hobo hobo cop like just have Ah, that's it. screech was that well let me ask you this if someone came along okay like what if somebody Deadpool? But he was going to die. picked up so they decided to make the movie what's the movie Deadpool they

2:02:59 Yeah, man, it's going to be interesting. Not thickened up. Isn't it funny how like RoboCop, The new outfit just didn't... Is this the new one? either? I'll shoot you right in the mouth hole. We've identified the weak spots. Why would you have that when everything else is protected? There's a new one in Detroit too. No one seems to have seen this movie.

2:05:19 You were stunned. in here. Somebody grab us a robo-mop. He pun-two'd me. I love that. young Tony Yeah. So it's almost a year. and you'd get ahead of the game. not also, you're one of the Longer sets on weekends helps. I did like, I did stand up on the spot last night, which is obviously all ad-libbed and in a 15-minute set. i'll do a thing where i'll roast people a group of people if they come in late and i. And I warn the crowd in the beginning, like, if somebody comes in late, I'm going to light them up.

2:09:45 one shot is because I knew that if something which it didn't at all and I didn't end up doing any There was a part where, I don't know, a huge applause break. Wow. did you after it was done always like you know after doing that i mean there's always like to do with how just covers the fact for the first time No, stop it. I used to have an afro. Eternally planted the seed.

2:12:47 Have you ever peed yourself? in a, because you don't realize you have to also use two hands because you want to There's no reason to put your balls in there. So you may have forgotten that you peed in it. It was weird, man. we were renovating it wow yeah it was real weird and he was like a construction guy he worked he yeah i'm actually very close to somebody who's who my my oldest brother became slowly over time a big alcoholic,

2:16:14 place out when I was 18 to visit our other brother we me and my other me and Totally. Everybody that works in fine dining restaurants goes out and gets shit-faced every year, like 80, 90% of the people. And I'm sure Barnsworth has to get liquored up once in a while. doing really good. Three months Addictions like that. How many people would be cured of diseases like that? I want to say diseases, addictions like that. How many people would be cured of a lot of different things that they've

2:18:32 Yeah, I think Molly really is. Well, they said that too about PTSD for soldiers, that Molly's giant for that. I think is effective for mushrooms. That's the real one. And then to clean it, I used to use a water pick. this. It was like your dick I go, do you want to see it? they're doing that was a life changer for me to get my nose cleaned up so i could breathe

2:21:18 breathing in through your nose. your shoes like an hour later It happened to me during that set That's so stupid. Because that's one person, That's why like people were booing her before I even said, Oh man, president? Because it seems like he's gonna be. I'm not bullshitting. He's saying stuff that I think a lot of people are thinking. Yeah. what you ate or what caused another one there's another one oh my god that's the one that made

2:24:35 We're like MCT oil. have drank in much more than I usually drank. Like, whatever they're dealing with is so critically important. Like, it was massive cramps. just right to that point where I was like, because once it goes through like a blast out boy you feel great i've been taking healthier poops Do you still eat vegetables, though? Are you still cognizant about it? Oh, yeah, totally still totally totally I definitely look different I'm not bullshitting your face looks filthy and I haven't even had

2:27:09 Ultra virgin. I've been to Fogo de Chao Yeah. best hide that one all the time well So many people want it. And there's But it's the same, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, baby. and they put them on your plate, and then they go back to cooking it again. comedy store the other and mentioned to my I go, like turn into yeah uh tom hardy or something dude it's great you're doing so much good shit

2:29:51 How does it feel? Like good fucked. From Batman Is I want to play more batmans and i think like especially if i keep growing as a popular comedian i think it's like a young Joker. That's totally possible. Especially if they keep making more Batmans. And I think like to play a Joker. You feel it? I think we should all be. about like- Brian made that to promote the podcast.

2:31:39 He's another one. something anyway what's the problem with that people just look for shit to complain about thing where like he shows himself working out in a Superman shirt or something. Anyway. That totally could be you, Tony. Pontiac. No. A Vader. It's so neat. I could see Tony in a Corvette. Look at you! Is that what I said? I can't even count.

2:33:47 Do you, did you feel more comfortable because it was at the Ice House place you performed Two weeks out goes, two weeks before i shot That's awesome. And during the day I was picturing it and where I wanted the steady cam to be because, You know what I mean? did that thing at the Irvine Improv, you would who came out two weeks ago and is amazing. a guy who sold out madison square garden and that's that's that easily could happen to you

2:36:51 Yeah, I mean think about Segura too, same thing. three shows Saturday. Look, he's a monster right now. they do on the road with it and it's it's a whole thing of its own like they have all these little It's the, it's the funniest podcast. He really is. it whenever they air it. That's the secret. that people that would like it are going to get a shot at it.

2:39:20 Their algorithm is like really it has a half a star and i was like oh wait that's if you look at somebody else's it positive like fake reviews of this terrible fucking movie and then someone in the comments they're easier to manipulate But I guess you can only sign up for iTunes I don't think there's anything. shut up will be with me but that night

2:42:45 that shit should be and then it's incognito one with Sage Francis Okay, beautiful. That's Death Squad I'm not kidding. Caroline's on Broadway, February 5th and 6th. Thanks, everybody.