Joe Rogan Experience #754 — Brian Redban Transcript

Transcript

0:26 Yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy right that's more like brody yes a little buffer a little drawn out maybe maybe a little buffer in there it's time that dude blew his knee out once doing that he blew his acl that's how much he

1:06 No, no, I mean. these um pretty uh lightweight carbon fiber braces you could walk around in it like okay It pops back in. It's a nice blue sparkly cane. What do you think that is? It was weird. It would just kind of give out on me. replace your ligament. It takes a long time in Leap of Weapon style? Yeah, exactly. It was exactly Sucks. because if it's just a meniscus tear dude i'm

5:15 Yeah, in one month. It is. it's like as you get older your body just sucks more and more at processing the kind of food that What does it mean? The evil alcohol. know the people who are your ancestors come from specific backgrounds your diet is gonna be like That type needs a lot of carbs it seems like that makes sense getting some kind of like you know scan of your body of what your body needs or lacks or needs

8:34 more than one type of diet? It has more resources to fight off illness and inflammation and things like that. tired anymore i feel like i can feel the food work almost it's it's interesting how how just I'm bouncing around. They've said that they've done studies that show that depression can be cured just as easily with alcohol. People that really started doing a lot of cardio, doing a lot of running and things along those lines.

10:52 And then you need some, it's more, i couldn't like like my blinds didn't fix it or anything so then i went to the store the hardware There's a place in the world that has blue lava. On Obtanium Island or something? I'm looking this up. I wonder if it... Turned into Papa Smurf. From this? I wonder if that was their diet, too. Rare blood disorder. Oh, that's different then. This is a different guy. I wonder if that was their diet too.

13:55 Oh, yes, blood disorder. into this scientific explanation of why drinking colloidal silver can permanently Oh, in this thing? and the ignited sulfur burns with a blue flame. as well as reveal the surrounding landscape. Why does it look almost like comic book-ish? The fact that he's See, that's the problem. than it would here in Los Angeles. You go through some of these

17:25 Yeah, it's really bad, right? I don't know if it's something that's easy to ignite. You can, man. I don't know. It's great. Right. No, they can't go home. That's true. It has to be a lot. They're gases. And then now it's like just blowing out into the air. You know what? We're just so lucky there's smart people out there. Jesus Christ, they got this lane cut off so they could fix the road. What the fuck?

22:06 And that's what we did. This is crazy. That's a beautiful sculpture. There's going to be so many drones flying around, Amazon Prime crap. as American taxpayers. to make some laws against that if it becomes a real problem but like yellowstone like look at They know that coolers usually have food in them. Right. This is all a dream. you can like play things on your Apple TV from your phone.

26:04 And the other day. Dude, that's illegal. You better stop right now. I've just been going, YouTube, gay porn. No. Playing gay porn. wow have you ever wondered if, like, we can feel Wi-Fi? GPS signals. I'm sure it doesn't. I think if any animal, the cat would be the first thing that, I mean, the cat's tripping on ghosts, you know? They can feel things, you know, they're looking like feel the ground moving their pads on their paws are like really soft

29:01 But there's videos, thousands of videos on youtube of people trying it almost Like, get the fuck out of here immediately. from ungrateful roommate little massage with a little thing do you trim it or do you have somebody just hang out. Spaz is not around She's a very cool cat. total lottery especially cats cats usually don't get along with other cats like it took my 19 year

32:01 Like my cat Oliver is brutal, man. It's always her jacking him. But they're both such pussies because they're both ragdolls. Yeah, I mean, cats are some of the funnest Robert Schimmel. it's always like a happy, There's a lot of people that, You know, sometimes people just decide they don't want the stress of performing anymore. It's just not it's not worth it. It's not worth it to do that to your life Yeah, you maybe also like painting or maybe also like writing books or maybe you know

36:12 You hear the hardcore bros talking like that. because like say if you started some pursuit in your life like if you started off and you were a No, because I suck so hard at the new things that I'm doing already. I'll shoot like sometimes 100 hours in a day. My friend Johnny Rivett sent me this photo of this young girl. And on the X itself at 50 yards they're just

39:21 I have a no they wouldn't let you in really it? It's a weapon. It is a weapon. Yeah, it's a weapon. No, it seemed... You know? and you just start stabbing everybody? but a skateboard, made it so that it's not anymore because like they thought that you beat people up at the pool That skateboard's got trucks, metal. their cue. And so the exact impact it's going to have. So they have to balance it out. And a lot

42:59 hit somebody ahead with that it's gonna break for the most part probably right, but if you get one of those fucking house cues stuff above it that hard shit you could you could hit them as hard as you want you probably wouldn't But, dude, you'd be surprised. I've got a new one. Once, yes. Fishing's fun, man. It's flopping around the deck. and you can see him down there you fucking cast to him and you throw a piece of meat that's

46:48 And he's flopping around in your boat. They're going to make that crossover. We're going to be forced to be vegans because of technology. are fucking monsters they're cannibals it doesn't mean we don't want to kill them or don't want to let them live or want to extinguish all of them. Could you imagine if you could read minds and you just looked out into a pack of wolves?

49:22 eat it until they're done. They kill again. They kill again, don't just accept chickens into the fucking yard when the dog's seven years old I'm tired of talking to people about this like yeah wolves are awesome like there was a um Have you heard about the people taking dogs It's just like hundreds will come out of a rat pile or like in a dumpster and shit like that.

52:05 but like is it like an asshole and vagina like every other animal it's a no it it is a uh i It's so funny. It just seems soft. Is this the I guess this is just a little portion of it. Yeah. He says down here it's unlike anything he's ever seen, And in the time it took me to walk from that car to the payphone, yeah and I was just thinking like what is it like to sleep in these buildings it going there you can't you can't stop these things look how many of them there are wow and

55:35 And so now I've been freaked out thinking there's a rat in my house. we try to figure that's fucking i hate this but cats will find shit you know i you know cats will They're like little fucking massage demanders. maybe like he doesn't give a fuck he just wants wants massages. Period. Give it to me. Just hang out with me, man. life growing up because we're like holy shit he got off he got off oh my god everybody was pretty

58:13 to this day when you see him on TV just making this murder thing's interesting because of like you know like the technology And these people would have been able to they would have been able to find footprints in the fresh snow. did it right they never figured out who did it. They've linked him to that JonBenet Ramsey thing, too, the same serial killer.

1:00:43 The the real autopsy series. I can't watch dude that guy there's like a trail that goes on the bottom of it and then somebody told me I don't know if this All of the rocks. Yeah, I think how much can they clean up? I'm just going to go to this suicide bridge It's fucking real though. I don't know why it's called, but there's this thing in Mexico where it's a restaurant that's up in the air

1:03:02 Oh my fuck. What if you're eating with Mike Goldberg? Ladies and gentlemen Back and forth Yeah I'm so glad that nobody ever got hurt doing that. I'll promote a Joey Diaz and I wasn't going to eat one but i ate one george i Who drops acid, though, at like nine at night on a Sunday? lee's just sitting there tripping on acid in this random office building somewhere

1:05:50 And there was kids around. you're just guessing whether or not this is going to make sense no thank you yeah I think peyote is right isn't there a masculine mask yeah when I was in high school was mask you Quaaludes, yeah, that's the bill Cosby drug. Is that yes, okay look. Yeah. Well allegedly I heard that it was – that Bill Cosby was about to buy NBC and it was –

1:08:31 I've heard that too. I don't know. I don't know. We're talking about the same cases this is because there's so many cases yeah it's another smoke and fire that's a that's a terrifying one though Is it lying unconscious or just not remembering now? You'd be like, what? blackout like like i had no idea how i got home i did had no idea like anything that happened

1:11:33 like super common to blackout where it didn't used to be so it just wears on they black out and they get behind a wheel like as if that's going to be the tipping point is that if we just this whole country just says Well, Brian, you have a prescription. And it's the same DUI. marijuana in your system you got a dui no matter if you have a license no matter if you have

1:14:52 That could happen for sure. if you want to just get crazy, Really? They can't handle all the input. I was watching this lady text and drive yesterday. No. we try to figure out what's going on it's it's a quick flash it's happening right in front of our And the new ones with their similarly short lifespan benefit from all the information passed on by the ones before them.

1:18:45 You pull the visor down, put your fucking shades on. It's not enough time. and Mega Upload. We're going to put of humanity that's going to be just as fucking terabytes, and it would just be filled Dude, imagine if they figure out a way to not just download your consciousness, So you get in your car and you're talking to you. I'm driving, bitch. I can't see.

1:21:55 Yeah. So you have to be like, I'm sorry, Bill Burr toaster. It's too many of you fuckers. Mm-hmm that you could do that like you could make your own Where they're gonna have these artificial people that you can have sex with that are you're not gonna be able It was good. They're starting it up again, too. I think it's totally possible that we're going to be able to replicate what we are.

1:24:48 Do you think, like, Obama recently said something about how he's Because they don't want to let us know that the zitka virus is coming yeah sounds like an old school Dabbing it. So they might be able to figure out something that can regenerate healthy tissue and get rid of the bad tissue. Because they're going to be able to fix everything. you think they don't have the new

1:27:09 I don't know. No? These to be the section sometimes that's the only place you get a seat on the plane was in that section Oh! So if someone still has to light one up because they break the rule, sell their health short and the the wide range of their life all the bad years just get them Well my bit my bit was and it's just amazing how, you know, Opened up her front page.

1:30:43 I've only done that bit a few times but dave sketch like they had some really bizarre like if you stole one of those sketches like Other people talk about that too, especially with sketches. Okay. So 30 years of 52 weeks a year many years? What is it, like 30? 30 years. Okay. So Think of all those years of And then you have Mad TV, which went on forever.

1:33:28 find out if kurt's headed brighter he should find out who's the one that took that or wrote that It's all, I think he put it best when he was criticizing his own show. Well, the thing is that they're back to back that's what makes it weird yeah so because you've seen the flintstones The girl. Yeah. Because it's her show. doing like a Saturday Night Live or something like that, how do you find out whether or not this premise has been done before?

1:36:39 someone unless they come out and say hey I saw that guy do it and that's where I came up with I agree. So if someone is, you know, you have bit, it's a killer bit. And this guy just swipes it and original and uh try to find out if anybody's already done it, I guess. But how the fuck do you do that? if you follow that kind of rule you've watched me do

1:39:15 like the one if you smoke cigarettes it takes 20 years off your life yeah you know yeah I like your take I mean, if you think about all the stand-up comics doesn't mean that they're a terrible person they can never redeem themselves Well, I think more than anything, man, it's comedy fans that are policing it now. Just have to be real careful because it's, there's, it's, it's, there's a giant issue

1:41:44 Oh, really? I think first of all, rearrange it, take it from a video and transcribe it and don't give the person credit who said it's like similar in that kind of a way you know i'm saying absolutely so like someone who's not a You know? No, there might be old sitcom. are like the same jokes that they've used Yeah, but they probably would what it was in the the Catskills days right in the the old days they would

1:45:59 It was just a way to sell another CD. If I say that to any other girl... You meet this guy. Cigarettes got him. Right. You're in the matrix. But, you know, That was him in the bitter end. That's craziness. It was The Beast. Roadhouse is the shit. which I heard it wasn't. She has a vagina. Hard as fuck to do Especially if you're not used to it Yeah but there's a lot of people that like pride themselves in working too much and working and wearing themselves out.

1:51:03 connected to it. find the madderall i was like no i don't know anyone but if you need cocaine i can get that I shouldn't even say whitewaters. saw a body come down the river and the guy's face down in the water. He saw some clothes And he's a strong guy, and he's in really good shape. water it's going really fast and what happened to these people was they were doing that in a raft

1:54:04 I'm pretty sure it was the first time he was on it's a country famous country singer just Oh, the country singer. Like, man, the storms are no fucking bullshit, man. Dude shit myself first of all No, I'm not. Oh, Jesus. Holy shit. Oh, my God. Lightning is crazy. story. God damn, Remy Warren's amazing. And then like the the arms of electricity like went all over like everything and it's scared the show

1:57:15 in that bubble that cut right through everything it was around it remember Get the fuck out of here with that. every year you just think about how many people die if we were thinking like our remake of a really old movie from the black and white days was awesome it was really awesome I loved it. that's the original. something like this out I totally bought it hook line and sinker like there's some people that play

2:00:12 Bet it's a hog. I watch it. Yeah, that was a documentary about sunset. I keep hearing I have to check that out, though. Yeah. Dita Von Teese, rat. but I saw a band, right before he died. It's a legit old school Hollywood place. Well, it's not really small, but it's not giant. It's right next to the Troubadour on Sunset. That's a big place Just for fun?

2:03:17 that already has plenty of accidents and put up a giant fucking multi-colored super bright Crash. That's a movie theater. Is it still images that keep changing? just commercials. or changing them It should totally be illegal. and go, Jesus Christ. And you're on Coke. Think about that show. middle of the hallway while we were stuffing our face with food this dude just starts doing back

2:06:30 Doing flips down the hallway It's amazing what those guys do. That's what I said. That's what kids do nowadays. And they have ones that look like Super Mario Brothers. No, that's a cat's a kid. Damn, that is really impressive shit, though. I mean, a little bit. Look at this. There's no consequences. Mind off. They can do things with their bodies that regular people just can't.

2:09:58 But wouldn't it just cave in? It just keeps going. Start on each side of their room and they're like around and do like ninja moves We're in an octagon? I really cannot remember the name of it, but it's almost like that. and they'd go fight at the lake. that was the wrestling WWE version a little bit. We were talking about something. in the basement and you're trying to kill the other you know like beat up but i think there's

2:12:57 Like UFC mixed with a horror movie. Would it have a reboot? It's happened a couple times, but it hasn't happened for a long time. Should we upgrade our system? That thing's perfect. he made a cool video recently talking about 4k and the state of it now and kind of like where like something that compresses 4K down into something. No, they what they do is they downgrade it to 480p

2:15:55 Tang for the win. features that are sort of built in that make you go wow huh like don't they all have charging uh And that's floating. yeah yeah serious yeah i think there's something to it or autism is just on the rise like one of the things that they've always tried to correlate is marijuana with schizophrenia and the problems that were exposed, I think in the culture high, they had this

2:18:53 it's just a 1% deviation Alcohol is certainly not good for you. Crazy girls are the best in bed. And I had the time of my life. Clip that like something pops out of it like it like almost like a like a tongue like a cow tongue comes out Fucking a guy again? It was like a boner that was in the pussy that just came out. It was a tiny little thing. No, I was eating it and it just started hitting me in the chin.

2:21:54 You're like, yeah, pussy's so hot. What the fuck happened? Like a 135-pound champion arm. Quaaludes. Okay, so an asteroid's It's going to be the saddest thing in the world. I always wanted to fuck my brother. The asteroid is coming and you fucking blew it, Charlie Brown. They're like, finally! Just meow! Puts that heat scent out in the air. Miss Parker.

2:24:50 The asteroid flies by. congratulations on hitting the genetic Let's see it now, Jamie. Or is that it? What is it about hips to waist ratio? Say if you're a guy and you feel like you identify being a woman, That's so not true. What a good kid. You know, that's another thing, I think. The kids know what it is nowadays. They won't give it away for free.

2:27:53 maybe Apple should get in the porn business. It's just called Adult. They're stupid not to do it you Twitter messages I tried that though like my I was dating a girl and I did the whole thumb to see if it would work. I did I want you to be fresh for work Monday. So if you get you smoke a joint on Friday after work It's just like your boss is telling you mentally to stay put.

2:30:55 And they can have a zero-tolerance policy. And if there is, judge the person based on their performance at work. and never touch a drop of alcohol Yeah. I'm addicted to Narcos, man. It's crazy that it's all based Fuck, it's good. And they told the press again I don't think Keep your mouth shut son That money's flagged Safe found within concrete of the late drug king.

2:34:21 all that shit's done with they're like no it's nice. They figured it out. Bourdain went there one of the most iconic things about it. People are using drones to do things. We're doing a Death squad secret show with you and Chris, who else is with you? The hell Much love