Joe Rogan Experience #7771 — Podcast in a Swedish Hotel Room Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Hello, my friends. This episode of the podcast is brought to you by DraftKings.com, America's You can win money. Real fucking money. Hurry to DraftKings.com now That's DraftKings. Life Below Zero. as they just try to survive up there. for a long period of time really just made me want to watch the show even more. So before Thursday, These are real human beings.

3:58 seven people as they battle for the most basic necessities in the northern desolate fringes of the Arctic. Some of them are lone wolves. fuck living in packed cities. 8 center 8 center 8 central on the national geographic channel preparation is over this They really are. Okay, whatever. She lives this Kavik River camp. She got back to safety and then went back and killed that bear and ate it.

7:01 All right. We just decided to do a podcast, and we did it using my phone. the joe rogan experience Like, poor equipment. my body's super confused and we just did two shows yeah it was amazing man you seemed, like, a little uncomfortable with the politeness. and getting up over and over again to go to the bathroom back and forth. an ally like whatever i was just a comedy juice okay i saw chris d'alia kill oh my god jeff ross

11:02 Yeah. But if Jeff Ross is on Melrose, people go, hey, what's up, man? There's a lot happening. It really has gotten better. It's different from when I was there. It's better. It really has gotten better. There's just, it's a different sort of thing. It's's a different sort of thing like the kind of comedy that you're seeing you know yeah it's really insane i don't think people actually know what happens there like i

14:02 Aerosmith and then ACDC and then Van Halen 9 to 2 and that's Yeah. Yeah. Oh. I know Marin calls in. It's unfortunate, you know. It started getting, maybe even five, it started because, you know, too. But we knew that, like, they worked there. So you'd watch them get frustrated. Well, Mitzi, that was one of her things that she would do. podcast it seems like when comics started adopting podcasts or or starting uh uh starting podcasts

19:37 enough to be in a town where you get to see all these guys work out like you a guy who had come here from like it doesn't seem like it should be really happening yeah like it on at midnight four nights a week yeah so being so loose It's just only a matter of time before he's about to say the next funniest thing. murdering. It was just so fun. It made me really appreciate stand up again. I mean, not that I

23:38 get to work it immediately just makes me want to work right so you can't even enjoy it right I've seen that fuck that guy thing that guys will do when someone's kicking ass. You need to take that same laser-guided missile of reason and criticism and look at your own act. Oh, guess what? we go far too long without recognizing like what what's empowering and what

26:05 So that kind of like, it's not even jealousy. Like the way I look at it is I already have you and you know, and I also do the road People say, oh, he shouldn't do three or four hours. And it's like a lot of people. How dare you? But one of them mentioned that. You could tell that they were friends and that obviously Bill was working with Dave. I did the Chappelle show.

29:29 And we walked around, and Dave Chappelle, with a fake mustache on, would just go up to a woman and go, I think it was like season two or whatever it was. And then he laid down in the pit with the snakes like he was cozy. Hot sauce? like all the time right And we would be laughing because he was doing it like ass Tyrone Biggums. Murderers. Steve Sweeney was a motherfucker, dude.

32:32 And they would just smash. after these murderers. attacking energetic powerful style and that is what bill in my opinion bill I mean, it's so close to New York, right? A lot of those guys hadn't had TV sets. have, did the same act over and over and over again but they got undeniably skillful they got murderously He did a lot of TV. I love it. And so that ethic, that becomes contagious for guys that are around him.

36:21 that doesn't even exist anymore. what it eventually became That's what's up. whatever the hell. It was like right after I just released a comedy CD. I love that with like a guy I love looking at their old stuff example i'll go with multiplicity instead but yeah i definitely think it's different for actors It can be rough. And they're giving this kid line readings.

40:14 And he's given these line readings like don't know go like you open the door and as the filming went on i could see them fucking with them more and more and you know Like, we can't have an R. and you're on a movie that's awesome, I had been on another show that was getting canceled right when NBC is filming the pilot and then I get a development deal with NBC.

42:22 it's like they don't know you yet. He's mad. No, listen. change scenes by you know you enter into in the middle to make it more different and sometimes the individual opinion and form of expression. ridiculous middle acts because when you run the like nobody, very few people in the beginning get to pick who they work with. rose petals in the air and takes his shirt off.

45:21 All you can hear are roars rolling through the walls. They're losing their minds. It's like the biggest. That's like my Achilles heel. I don't know if it's the hardest person to follow, by doing bullshit and pandering crap, But it's true. but have them laughing about it. Don't give away your fucking jokes, man. That one's too good. you know somebody's like i'm surprised you don't have a bit about the guy from germany who

49:20 Yeah, who's doing some goofy act out or talking about anything that's super duper easy. fuck is everybody laughing at and i'm like i gotta get out of here like it fucks with my head yeah to 12 minutes in into a 15 minute set fault they suck you know it's like we were talking about before like you know when you started or No way. bringing out props.

52:03 And he could be making fun of that asshole who goes out on the dance floor and does that. I could see him doing the worm. He might have done it with that roller skater guy. It's true. You're having good levels. before me wasn't, and hadn't heard of to Nashville. fucking awesome did it once like three years ago absolutely fell in love was amazed at the fact

55:11 you need a place like that. Mom and pop comedy clubs, whether it is the Punchline in San Francisco, which is know it's kind of a part of like for stand ups you know put together a building and start training in it with your friends if you have some talented no i know exactly what you're saying but it's like how could it be different but it is you once tonight in two shows in a theater. Nobody wants looking at their phone, not to sit, not to

59:08 while you're on stage. Just watch the show. But when you capture them, you miss out on experiencing them in some way Like, why would you pay to go to a concert and then do a job Oh, she's badass. There was a thousand hands up in front of me. You know, I think comedy requires a different amount of focus. second part because they were trying to facebook the whole thing. It's like, it's so silly.

1:02:09 and they're pointing you right at it, they would kick that guy out. That's the future. where the center where your eyebrow is, there's's a lens it just looks like it's part of That's a great idea. Oh, I had them hook, line, and sinker. No, but I did it in a room where the front's lit just enough, and I knew where they were lit. I think so. Yeah. They used to do that in Nevada because you could make prank phone calls,

1:04:57 I think Jimmy may have gone straight from there to... Crank Anchors? I can't use a laptop to see if Crank Anchors is on still. That I was really into It's like 3 in the morning. Okay, Crank Yankers. Let's go with video. Adam Carolla. youtube that's possible could be yeah i was never much of a prank guy man i never really uh enjoyed That's right. Guys Gone Nuts.

1:07:47 We're going to launch with this and that, blah, blah, blah. Like, I couldn't believe they got them to sign releases. Oh, these poor guys. That's a false premise, though. It was this horrendous horrendous for this corporate party that we're hiring you for, But I just had a feeling that something like that was going to happen. That I've ever done it I immediately go, oh, I see what this is.

1:11:38 because I've been a segment producer on a comedy central show I've been a writer and a producer What did they want to pay you? That's so arrogant that they would think chintzy dumb thing, but the few people that saw it that knew me were all like, Tony, that And I knew that was what I was doing too. like 20 or 30 people not to mention not to mention because it's a corporate party they had me on, not to mention that 60 or 70 actors that they have in there,

1:14:23 They needed me. situation and it was priceless and I needed the money and it was a rough time and I needed the money. And it was a rough time, and I needed it. And what's crazy is that it was all supposed to be a prank on me. This one guy, in order to win, he had to go out there in his underwear, and he had to get dressed. It was fucking incredible, and it was in a shitty neighborhood like he was in a super

1:16:56 But the family's there. And he fucking married her. that was brought to the scene because there was a UFO sighting. That's one thing that changed my entire opinion about those UFO sightings, what color lights were there? out, it has to be considered. Yeah. That's how powerful it is to some people. You know what I mean? It is real. and do that shit.

1:21:48 I think there's most likely human life. no end to the possibility of there being a planet that's next to a sun. It would just be like selfish to think that we're the only bacteria that can evolve you know what And there's plenty of evidence that life on Earth evolves is really relative our idea of what a powerful brain is is only like compared to a monkey

1:24:16 But it's really possible and really probably pretty likely that there's something out there that's at least as smart to us as we are to monkeys. think that the stars that they see when they look out on a clear night is everything yeah without that every galaxy had a supermassive black hole in the center of it. I don't see anything, man. they changed the doomsday clock yesterday the doomsday clock has been five minutes to midnight

1:27:49 You look at what's really happening in China. All good. No. recently in fact i think it was the night before we flew yeah it was tuesday night i was coming Do I pull it out to the side and pee on my car floor? Yeah. You have to have a seal with your pee hole, but you also have to have the top open on the top. Yeah, you're better off with like a Gatorade bottle.

1:30:03 Lucky I wasn't driving a stick shift. for whatever reason. if they just want pee in the woods just like guys can wow let me ask you a question. Uh-oh. I don't know how it goes in. If we had periods, we would all just use maxipads. And I remember hearing that women have died from that. No. in she had a part of one in like or something like that and i was fingering her and no i found it and

1:32:46 Especially since it was half a tampon. Like, you can't just buy tires, you know? I mean, for a woman, it's just soaking up blood. we look it up let's guess i'm gonna say 1800s i'm gonna, I feel like 1870-something along those lines. The year the tampon. Whoa, there's some Let's go with history. Adam Sandler? Well, maybe he wrote a book. Like, Wikipedia says I'm five feet tall.

1:35:54 Kanye West, it's a common question. Yeah, it said Dr. Seth Rogen underneath that. So let's see. 1920s the modern tampon effectively mass produced wrapped around a small piece of wood No. So the modern tampon with applicator was what was invented in 1929. got tampons they didn't even get tampons those are the workers the tampons for like cleopatra You know, they say that during the Rome era, the Roman era, that infant mortality was like 50%.

1:39:51 Yikes. If you get like a woven shirt, you know, from like one of those Native American, you know, Yeah, that's a weird design. Like, oh, balls are very important for regulating temperature. We're in heated houses. Billy doesn't have to worry about that. because he feels bad about it in the locker room. He has balls. exactly what i was gonna say like a car antenna i think that's i mean that's the way the future

1:43:20 You can't force kids to have their dick push up inside their body. really give it a boost. how you have like touch screen on your phone and you can kind of touch certain spots and it Like a turkey. Those guys, their heart stops beating for seven minutes, but they get a boner during you know it's crazy like anybody but guys are like their heart stops beating for seven

1:45:13 So you're going to press these buttons and clink, Those futurist dudes think that. microsoft has a new thing that they just released or or they just released a video about it. And it's this hologram technology where you put on goggles, So while you have these goggles on, you sit in front of your screen. It's already being made. But anyway, he's in the middle of talking about something and he's talking to Bill Gates

1:47:29 Like, he has to listen to this guy because that's how he got Bill Gates there. Let's just talk. Wow. I'm like, ew. of a podcast and you He's just doing it for an audio audience, but of a million plus people. So this is the, it's called Project HoloLens. Well, that's definitely it. and there's a game in front of him. with the space that you're playing on.

1:50:52 One of those Warthog guys. type thing or uh you know or rash guards, even better. amazing way to get in shape yeah and learn martial arts well you know what if there's little like So when guys are missing, they get tireder than when they're hitting things. as far as like how you could benefit from like sparring with those Jurassic Park style a Kentucky Fried Chicken

1:53:43 piece of technology That's right. Even I knew that I was going to end up going goofy at the end and I still made myself So, so, so sad. Maybe it's just pee that got trapped in the wrong canyon. I think it's just pee. wow they've really like the ones they do now are just out of control where the girl's on the edge What do you think? I'm going to say that a chick was hooking up with a guy, and they're having fun, but she likes this guy.

1:57:52 They're saying amid swirling This is funny. How much evidence could they have? They were forced to concede that female ejaculation was a controversial and much debated area. They carried out the first ever ultrasound squirting... Yeah, it's close. Oh my god. New Scientist magazine There's too many on squirting that I always visit. That's hilarious,

2:01:10 but also from any other article about gender or sexuality broadly construed. I know that anybody studying it is a fucking freak, though. while you know you got to be aggressive and rub the roof for like 20 or 30 or 40 minutes. Me? The present data based on ultrasonographic bladder monitoring and biochemical analysis indicates that squirting is essentially the involuntary emission of urine during sexual

2:03:29 these chicks. The chicks signed up feeding them lemonade scans were performed been and there have long been theories that the female prostate is emptying into the bladder during arousal. when it's bad, when it's real, when it's not. Irresponsible. Yeah. people have to face it it's p it's been p all along well it seems like there's something there just have crazy amounts of,

2:07:00 of fluid yeah i think about that if they had like over-surgence of it and it pooled up inside their body and then it released through the bladder when it like overwhelmed their storage capacity, it kind of makes sense. once in a while just like i'm going to keep turning on the fountain what can i say it's hot with the amount that they ejaculate that doesn't make any sense because

2:08:57 You should be ashamed for publishing this erroneous article. What is that? Empty her bladder all you want. And a portion of the spongy flesh By saying that, she's saying and it was definitely urine in that case. they are two totally different in color, smell, and feel. That's her. Disgustin'. Who squirts. And does it come from somebody rubbing the outside of your vaginal door?

2:12:31 Just filled it. Filled it. Just in the driveway or something. But I'm pretty sure I threw my shitty underwear away and hosed myself off and then went inside and and like threw my pants i cleaned my It had a little pocket. coffee is a huge No. shit your pants So 148 episodes and then I think six more in the redo when we redid it in like 2011. Which is really weird.

2:15:20 Yes. yeah at this time So at this time tomorrow in the sky. I was saying that the best one is Qantas, flying back to L.A. It's probably almost identical. I think it will be able to work. All right, my friends. This has been episode one of Podcasts from a Hotel Room in Stockholm. 9th at 9pm, 8 central That's DraftKings.com.