Joe Rogan Experience #78 — Chris Marcus Transcript

Transcript

0:00 This is our buddy, and Chris used to work for Flushlight, and he's also a writer and just an all-around cool cat and entrepreneur out there in the world making shit happen. I used to have a joke about that. If you just put a round hole in the wall, we'll fuck it. You're talking about the back of a vagina. Speed bump son. I watched some video online once.

1:26 When you're eating out a girl Right. Come hither motion. I think girls are sensitive to the different shit some girls like it They like to be manhandled and choked and slapped and and and Actually, she has a greater chance of conceiving. Yeah. There's a reason why sperm is gooey and sticky. that are going out there and killing other sperm so that sperm wars book is a little wonky huh yeah

4:33 So she's going to be more likely to conceive, meaning there'll be eventually, over time, Needs to split it with a popsicle stick. The Lotus? know they build a rod try it out and some of them are smash hits and some of them are like meh you Otherwise, it would be just like a dildo hardness going through. How long will herpes last on the plastic surface of the fleshlight?

6:25 Who are you sharing it with, Joe, that you might be worried about just saying that's why you have the harder you squeeze it the more it revs no i don't know i mean these things are you know Yeah. Fucking a robot. Like imagine your hand like on a massager and then try and like feel I had that too. Right. You know, engaging in that sort of a weird guy, masculine ego thing where like, or, you know, like, wow, this poor girl, she needs some dick.

9:23 Apparently when you're in a tub, you can crank that motherfucker up. You done? What are we doing here? Why do I have to put it in your ass? Like what Bobby Lee was talking to us about it. That Bobby Lee Right. And he likes the HD one. Yeah, I guess that's the guy's trap is the porn Like porn that's good for girls is hard to come by. Do what you got to do.

12:26 I'm not insinuating please. How about that? Yep. What is it? You guys are like those Avatar people that pretend to be blue. But at least if you're doing Avatar, you're doing something fantastical and fantasy-filled and wonderful. Did you guys hear about this? saga continues. Yeah, we've crushed We've had problems whenever the podcast runs. flawed system no it is but if you have if you have a server set up right and prepared for that, you'll be fine using cloud servers.

15:21 It was time to go to the club, bitches. So, but play it. of these corporations. At. what do you say about that? I guess they can communicate with NBC writers and producers. It's a computer billboard, but it's made up of lines. because all the phone lines were down. They're scared to go to sleep. Okay, let's just kill it right there. follow the instructions and pick what resolution you want what format and you can download it yeah

18:31 But I'm not a fan of Chrome. but it seems like Safari Flash crashes way more than it does in Chrome. They should put that on the Today Show today. If they released a statement like, and just said, look at this. which makes you think is the baddest motherfucker you pussy. all delusional, detached from society, that refuses to go on the internet. Brian Gumbel's got a ton of fat white broads on his computer.

20:27 with bones in their noses these greasy, fat, You go to one of these shows like the AVN, you see these sites, and it's like, how do you even come up with that? That's amazing. Because it's like, there's nothing embarrassing about not knowing that then. do not fire this guy. I heard Created the Turing computing So they started injecting this dude forcibly with female hormones.

22:43 Crazy, man. It is. men to adore you you know like no here's a bunch of dudes. Like, where's the fucking honor? You know, it's like the ignorance is the real issue. hung out together a bunch of times. Yeah. You know, the amazing thing though have access to this fucking massive chain of shit that's coming in. don't live in the shittiest of shitty neighborhoods if you really look at it

25:39 It's amazing. The audience is drunk. Yeah, check his ears, homie. Of course. You're telling me a professional cage fighter is a pussy. Let's not. there's a whole thing going on right now where Steven Seagal told everybody that Anderson Just run around and tell everybody that you taught him it. Well, he always does that. Is he really saying that he's the one that taught him?

28:07 And he's like, had an incident. You can't choke him out. He wouldn't even say his balls. a boxer you know he fought a boxer with his judo gi on more effective things like leg kicks And I'm sure he grabbed that little 135 pound Chinese man and had him fucking shit in his pants going, Steve Seagal's always in Anderson Silva's corner. You know, like if you watch his Aikido videos, he's not completely full of shit.

30:45 Steven Seagal learned a different kind of silly nonsense. Like, we practice street tempo. How long does it take to get your fucking keys That sounds like something type of stuff, you know? Yeah. chick punches. You never know. Well, no, but in a rape scenario. that's what your main weapons are. You're thinking about hitting someone with your hands. What is that going to do?

33:43 Yeah. Of course not. But what I did get was that Christina Aguilera but you're a singer. She was thinking of hamburgers. I understand divorce is hard on everybody, sweetie. Yeah, let's listen to it. Listen to this guy's fake voice I'm reading the lyrics. Over the ramparts The United States. The red glare. The the glare of rockets. The red glare. Dude, people realized it too.

37:49 Understand why she was like Rather change it All I'm saying is She's like expressing herself a certain way. Who gives a shit? Yeah Wearing a tank top have to overdo something solo is what gets you all that sweet pussy. And when she sings though, like you can It's not just flashy, show-busy horse shit. What are you, 30? That was searching for a word.

42:09 It means freak bitch. But you never We need to fucking rotate those. So I basically took a need that I had. there's tons of supplements. So one formula is an antioxidant vitality formula, gives you a ton of energy without the caffeine, O-N-N. That ain't going to work. you hate money joseph you hate money so my manager manager says, oh, we did this show in Vegas this weekend.

44:58 And all this stuff is available right now for sale. If you're boozed up or if you're partying. yeah and they get cranky. And yeah, I mean obviously the product would work extremely well for that because not only is it restoring your serotonin which is actually what makes you and methamphetamines does that. It leaves holes in your brain? The MDMA, well, pure MDMA, I shouldn't call it it ecstasy that's kind of the street name for the drug but

47:37 What does MAPS stand for? has some neurotoxicity associated i mean if you're going to be in that level of high reverberation free radicals are just going to be peeling out of your body business as well as they should so you know while It kind of brings you down from any of your big, high experiences. Well, there's a couple things happening you have

49:54 I think it's so amazing that people have figured out how to do that. like caffeine, like Stevia, But in the U.S. Hillary Clinton was asked yesterday about, let me find the article so I can, because it's so ridiculous. They were talking to her about the war in Mexico and drugs. It's not likely to work. like they're fucking Kit Kats? serotonin. Stuff helps you relax, helps you sleep, builds serotonin.

53:08 fella. Yeah. There's something going on with their mics. They started echoing or something. It's a sickness that politicians can say retarded shit like that and not just be blasted all over the news for being hypocrites. You fucking criminals. mill the philosopher basically saying like the only right the government has to impose on our And nobody really cares that much about those laws.

55:28 Yeah. saviors you know like oh thank god the police are here right you know you're having a party It was a white male with a fucking gray ponytail. But the official statement is that the cop has admitted that he lied, How many deals didn't get closed? That's the number one reason why i went to verizon i went to verizon over at&t was because i had the iphone i fucking drive around

57:56 And my car, when I get in, it's got that Bluetooth thing where it syncs up. Supposedly Verizon with this new iPhone Whatever the word is, if they find out that you use a lot, they're going to cut your shit down. I thought about using the iPhone for Verizon, Maybe it's just something that they're waiting on Apple It's your waterfall. Yeah. What happens?

59:56 So I'm like, oh, hey. it was shutting she goes fuck i missed my floor and i just jokingly because i was so wasted i had She's just following me. It shuts. This is awesome. And then she goes, no, honey, no. thinking like do i pay her five bucks for that and then i'm also thinking i'm also thinking like And then I'm thinking, do I run down the hall and tell her, hey, after you work, if you want to just spoon-late her or something.

1:02:56 You okay with that because the story's funny? We did that Yeah, that was good cats this is not just a theater this is a huge theater well it was uh the lion king it's where cat outfit. This is a terrible because you've just been abused by First of all, they don't look anything like cats. It was like 1,700 seats. Tickets are going to go on sale soon.

1:05:47 But I feel like you can still connect with people if there's a, you know, I think like you can get a couple thousand people. That's where it is. and keep the party rolling. And it's on Melrose, a real intimate place. he's expanding the back area, and trying to get like young immediately like fucking first hit if you do good man, man, you do good, you get that bug.

1:08:34 They appreciate, you know, more fucking around and ad-libbing and it's like it's like a looser, more open thing. You're going to get ramped up. I fell down. Just went out there and hits them with his best shit I think that's what it is. You know which kind of show? I don't know if you guys have ever seen it, I can't deeply delve into the psychology of it.

1:10:59 circuit some people are supposed to be led they do subtly take the people out who aren't falling I was totally skeptical. Yeah, and he would say, you right now, you, You know, those fucking veiny monster dick arms. They look like a raging dick. Dude, Frank Santos is a master. But he was the funniest hypnotist too because he was always like really dirty, ridiculous shit that he would make these people do.

1:13:17 I bet his sex life is awesome. at the comedy store and he was always kind of stuck around was his move and so one time i was at the comedy store like one of the last times i was there and They gotta accept it. and they would go under Jesus Christ. and it was terrible. because you're sucking you know heavier air through that through that uh that's heavy yeah well it's just hard breathing through

1:15:32 You get a little claustrophobic and you also realize how you need your nose to fucking breathe with. bitch, I smell cigarettes. But what was even better was Ari and Joey Diaz at the UFC. Oh oh yeah that's right ari and joey dropped acid at the ufc and We're fucking professional folks. And Ari was, like, dropping down on the ground. guy with the long hair.

1:17:44 Clay Guida. No, Clay Guida. Oh, so it was at the Palms He's like a 1940s. Oh, was it the Hard Rock? And then there's just some bleachers It's fucking incredible, man. Is this when Todd Duffy was in your way Get off the fence on on regular chairs okay so you guys got the sweet seats yes sweet seats but and so then i spot. You're like, I'm on the floor,

1:20:25 his really fancy suit anybody who has been to ufc though it's a it's a kick-ass event there's That's what I said back to him. are on acid right now. I wouldn't take it because, to me, I've done acid a thousand times. because that's kind of more of a transmutable feeling. Berserkers would get all hopped up on that I found some on my property in Colorado when I was up there.

1:22:44 When you see an Amanita Muscaria, you know what the fuck it is. Unless you have a cow pasture back there. Some do all kinds of stuff. Just the energy that was built up. Yeah. That was big. against Jake Shields. That's a good fucking fight. I sent you that text. some videos. There's one from K1 Max. Front kick right to the jaw. kicks someone in the face they just knock their head back yeah it's kind of a yeah it's like the

1:26:21 Semi-shilt fucks people up with that thing. You know, a great game, no matter how much you enjoy it, I mean, it's really sport boiled down to its very roots. It's still just an approximation of what we're really after, which is this primal conflict and dominance. around in this country, in this form since the nineties, 93 was the first one that had no rules.

1:28:43 Obviously, that's incredibly theoretical until we go back in time and take a guy from 10 000 years ago and examine on the screen of course you know place called Delium. which is pretty sweet. But anyway, so you outflanked, and then the Athenians, you know, everybody started. and slashing at his own Athenian soldiers. They were all gay back then. Look at the actual bust of it.

1:31:04 Lying cunts. who was an adult during the Reagan administration, Because when you really go back and listen to it, you're like, oh, yeah, that's right. of other shit. Jimmy Carter didn't give an inch to the Iranians, which is why we could never get the hostages. Is it worth it to get the people back? Do you get the thing about Reagan? George Carlin was the shit.

1:34:24 A thousand? That's crazy. I remember thinking I loved Ronald Reagan growing up just because the eighties It's very interesting how we like to look back in the past with rosy vision. They could go in these little movie theaters and just play videos with them in it. The only thing that I really liked about Reagan when he was in office was when he speeches, the same sort of... Dropping little hints.

1:36:48 We're worried about the bomb. Look, you know I like it. Done. I like it. Did you see the video of the ufo over jerusalem i didn't is it fake yeah She's like, I could show you how to do it. think it's fake i i still think it's fake and then i was talking to ari about it was like why do i No, no, no. So tell me, what are your thoughts on UFOs? and other different biblical sightings

1:39:13 I fucking hate it. And they're not trying to gain anything out of it and those those i think those are really credible whereas I'm not opposed to that. Like 80% of the stuff they say, you're just like, what the fuck are you talking about? And they go, there's only one way this could have happened. We know people are real. I mean, these things that they have in Peru, though,

1:42:09 thousand years ago this predates that by another six thousand years massive fucking stone structure 6 000 years before stonehenge and they they built this gigantic fucking thing in turkey and there but the one guy who did do it the coordinates yeah, that's some fucking shit. looted really yeah cairo is just fucking chaos man i mean they have some incredible archaeological

1:44:53 Like I see that, you know, like I see Obama on TV talking about it and I see, and I'm Who's organizing all this? they are pissed off for sure they are they have had enough with this fucking douchebag you know has always been associated with Iran. They're young people. They listen to fucking music and up like drop internet over to them. I don't know.

1:47:20 Is there a main switch somewhere? I think there is. We don't know. But there was no internet in the 70s. I'm pretty sure. You might be talking about your ass, but you might not be. all the way to Germany and shit? Bingo. The ocean is so deep We're going to hit the phone line Fuck yeah, man. Satellites. Yeah. What say you, Twitter? saying they sent letters by boat.

1:50:43 originally. Yes, on Earth. But radio doesn't go across the ocean, you cunt. Cell phones use regular phone lines apparently this Yeah. It's like they're understocked. They're selling you cell phone service and they're We're too far out there. It was getting crushed so much, it's still private. What if they go up higher through like... It's incredible that it's 150 years of monster cables.

1:53:15 How many miles is that? No, yeah, it's like 3,000. Like, oh, shit. You know, like, oh. We're going to go in the ocean and cut the cable. They're around douchebags. I mean, the reason they're behind the times, the reason why America is supposedly the most progressive or the most advanced, at least culturally, of all the other countries, the reason is because we're the last one.

1:54:57 That's all those fucking dudes wearing robes circling around, you know, the Hajj at the That's all it shows is people circling the box in Mecca, And there was you saw Brian Gumbel disturbing footage today out of Kansas. We you saw Brian Gumbel. Disturbing footage today out of Kansas. Well, check this out. But because it's, oh, it's Christianity. need to see too by the way they do a lot of that they need to see like hannah montana like yeah

1:57:13 somewhere with a gang of real evil in a our involvement with and support of dictators in the Islamic world. And some people say, Don't get stupid. There used to be the balance of the sacred feminine and the masculine, I mean, how long I mean, you look at photos has risen so dramatically. And now all of a sudden it's just bounty, bounty, money, and Mercedes, and everywhere you look is Ferraris, and Mercedes, and Ferrari.

1:59:52 There was an article recently where they were talking they just make it rain all the time photos we had photos of these guys in their traditional garb I don't have no room to be bringing shit back with me. How do I how do I cut this down to the minimum? You got me. We're two hours and, like, 15 minutes. higher-primate.com, my clothing line. Crazy shit.

2:02:10 I believe that's One show Sunday Yeah. Huh? Motherfucker. That's why she got that flag gig. Shit. Is that how you say his name is? He's got a bunch of weed ones. It's fucking dead, dude. Socrates would kick your ass and Musashi would paint a nude of your girlfriend. Like a row, like a... Oh, an oar to row boats. And he was a... Did I? Socrates, yeah.

2:05:47 You had to be great at art. any negative energy that you take anything. You know, you've got to be balanced It's not easy. You've got to get your mind right. Read books. God damn it. Redband.com. Bye Thank you. you