Joe Rogan Experience #798 — Alison Rosen Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Do-do-do, do-do-do-do, Allison Rosen! Well, thank you so much for having me. Wow, legal. I've got so much to exp- right, Finally, I'm going to have my first drink. Wow, legal. No, it's obscene. I'm almost 49. I feel like you're making almost 50 look good. Whatever it is, the lint that I've collected since arriving deep in the valley. Not really. If you have a nice car, what do you do?

2:35 If I don't, I don't feel, I feel like I'm slacking off in a way that's lazy and irresponsible and stupid. And that thing where you're like, oh, it's just shallow, I never understood the mental part of it. And that was kind of insane, that feeling, Like everything's going. oh, you, I forget exactly what you said, shitty to yourself the good is the reaction to that where you don't like that feeling and then

6:16 that, All things in moderation, including moderation. Yes. i think it's a great expression i think you gotta enjoy your life but man that feeling after indulging is uh well your I like how you call yourself. I just wanted to go home with whatever guy I was talking to in the moment. those sort of nagging problems in their life I mean, even the immediate gratification in chasing after distractions,

9:13 Right. Yeah. I think at the end of the day, it's an experience. sort of just try to not do that anymore and try to get better and you know what i'm gonna do i'm And I think meditation is really important too. And in the moment I was just like I felt kind of shaky. But you know what I mean? But when someone cut her off, she's like, you motherfucker.

12:18 And I, you know, I had to tell her. it. And so they'll see it everywhere, even where it isn't. That's the next move. oh, it's everywhere. my throat. Excuse me. I would need to, I I would become I would begin to think about everything. And I would be like, when was the point at which this started? And I'd have to kind of reconsider everything. And that is my own obsession with sort of like we were talking before.

15:11 you can't see the forest for the trees. it like it allow it allows me to actually kind of move on to like put those thoughts down right I like, I want to like me. And I think we have all been dumb. I gently lovingly tell myself I'm a fat fuck. and you still love yourself even if you've been eating cake all day. Like the mouth pleasure that you get from eating cake is the first bite.

18:01 And we were eating her cake. I was trying not to overdo, I was kind of trying to do like strict Atkins. bit because I'm doing IVF I'm trying to get pregnant and I'm shooting myself I did lose weight. Um, but then it no longer helped in terms of the, like not then at a certain way that people who can't get pregnant naturally can get pregnant. So it involves injecting a lot

21:19 But then I don't know. I know. What is wood pulp? It's probably In just the, you know, the bottle of Kraft Parmesan cheese, it came out that a certain At the end of the day, wood is just plants, though. had doctored its so-called Yeah. No, it should have its own new variety name. Well, you're eating Lee Cuisines. I was buying them for her. But she also likes to indulge.

24:34 Like, she has some kids in her class. you want to eat, you know, when you tell parents tell you not to be a slut, it's the first thing you want to do. So like when we'd go Halloween trick-or-treating, you know, we'd let them have a couple of pieces of candy, you know, like you have a couple of you just can't sit and eat that shit until you go into a coma.

25:46 the beaches she like throws her arms back like and she'll like run around the house like sugared I mean as long as she's burning it off I feel like I just want to lie here i don't eat bread and you know they like to stick things in front of my face that they eat and i I always reinforce that every mistake you've made, I've made. Everything you've done, I've done. If you lied, I've lied.

28:21 know i don't think of them as my kids in that, like, I own them. Yeah. Looking at my life It was like, I just, my parents really just weren't into it. And, uh, I couldn't imagine her just walking out my house in San Francisco and wandering I think if you're forced to be an adult when you're a child, you pay for it somehow later. I was really into like Dracula

31:18 And he goes, I really, You know, I didn't know any better. He ran. I remember thinking that at the time. latchkey thing like yeah you're fine look you didn't nothing happened you know right it's like We're so different with our access to information, with the understanding that people have about raising people, about communicating with people, about talking to yourself even.

33:15 Am I being loving myself? You're looking at yourself, you know, am I being a dork? We've just been collecting them, and they're frozen. it's weird they take your egg and they take your husband's sperm and they mix it up in a lab And I think normally, or I think traditionally what they do is they take the eggs and then they take the sperm and they put it together in a Petri dish and then just kind of let it do its thing.

35:37 Like a weak load gets lucky. Like Bud's? Right. yeah 100 well that's one of the things that I always think about when I think about my mom. I couldn't take care of myself. She get pregnant. Is that the changes that take place naturally, they occur over long periods of time, hundreds of thousands, if not millions of years. It's just the world we live in today is alien compared to the world of a thousand years ago or even a few hundred years ago.

39:42 The idea that it's not going to be metal spaceships that change us yeah I I was listening to you recently talk about how you don't think that think that the human brain knows how to deal with technology, information, the internet, all of that, because it's like, You wouldn't want to hang out with them. It's part of what some people like about it is the ability to comment on something.

42:32 That was a conversation that he and I had when I did his podcast. camera on Bravo and next thing you know it's Real Housewives some pilled-up Is it sir? when my friend was at the restaurant, To see her. I mean, she's, there's nothing about it. She holds a dog. I mean, there's nothing about her. She doesn't have any skill. and we love scenes that last 10 seconds 10 seconds boom cut to the next thing 10 seconds boom cut to

45:22 I'm like, I honestly don't even know. I'm not really paying attention. She's on pills. off camera feeding them lines and and it's like there's this drama that in real life wouldn't what am I doing I meant to invite them completely made up But I can't believe she chose those chews. I'm just going to keep it real. but we won't say it. But I know a couple of those people

48:16 kind of happens from what you're saying about like we're watching fools is you're not you're not like i'm watching a great piece of art or something like when she was because so many people hated her and then she got off the show she's like fuck this You could feel it. And I know a couple of those people that are on that show. I think, well, it's a distraction, obviously, right?

51:12 and you get to just go off with them. This is them talking to these other people. you can get a daytime talk show like I know a couple to her I'm not going to let them edit me. and you know dealing with what they asked for they wanted this fame and so they get it Even when people shit on him, he doesn't shit on them back. better than anybody I've ever met. But for most people, I think we all agree. Like we've had

54:10 Do you need a ride? They look over. and I go how crazy is this I go here you are you're a movie star and you're like careening That happens. There's no more famous person than that guy. Most people only see, in terms of most people's relationship with Tom Cruise, you see Cocktail and Top Gun and all his most recent films that I'm not naming because I don't know them.

57:10 Like it's a baby, you're just sitting there and there's these faces that are huge and and the people with the masks on. Because we don't have a context, like they can't talk about it. They can't, I mean, giant light behind him and he's got a mask on and he's looking at you and you're pulling all you see Because like you think about your butt and you're like, hey, get out of there.

59:53 It's like, you know what I mean? this powerful light source because everything has to be really bright so you could really get a good Still do that. cut it for no reason they're screaming and a lot of babies lose their dicks by the way And he was, you know, an old rabbi. How does that have anything to do with God? do right for every scholar and every person who was deeply embedded in intellectual pursuits,

1:03:50 and it helps stop the bleeding. I just wanted to beat the fuck out of them. And you want to continue that You're 35? What are the risks and what's the consequences and what are we doing here you sucking on a baby's dick dude He's got like gilded gold There's nothing I can do about it. They found a hack. There's like a biohack. But that's not it. It doesn't it in fact it it lessens the pleasure. Right. It changes the way your penis feels. Allegedly. I wouldn't know. But that's what they say. There's a whole like group of people until it regenerates a foreskin.

1:07:21 And when your penis is encased in foreskin, Did you see the headlines yesterday about how science has they've they've developed this some substance Yeah. faces look. But the people that did the but that monster face thing what happens is they stretch I've heard of Fibonacci, but I didn't realize. But there's, when you, the ratio of a person's face gets distorted with plastic surgery.

1:11:06 because I feel like I'm really good There's definitely some subtle plastic surgery Maybe too much. Like, her cheeks are huge. skinny so much i see so many people men too have these like balloony faces because they're just There's a guy in Germany that created this procedure called Regenikin. that's um uh bullshit no no no no no no it's it's a type of plasma um fuck what was it called

1:14:02 My point being, the same doctor that created this procedure created a new procedure that Which is fucking freaky because that's all it is. Because like, you know, earlier we were talking about the is being in the gym all the time got one sometimes i still look in the mirror thank you sometimes you don't need to do that And it just is because it involves undergoing a procedure and I sort of don't agree with doing it.

1:16:31 I mean, you can do whatever the fuck you want, but it's a rabbit hole. Well, that's the argument against it. I think there's got to be a way monster-faced easy. Because it's so easy to go like, oh yeah, Just fucking. Really? But she looks like she's wearing a diaper. I know quite a few people who've done it. and they started fooling around and she had a thick waist and it freaked him out she said he said that she was boxy he said she

1:18:52 That's what, did you notice that before you got together? why because i walk around with like there's like 19 things about me I'm not into, but I'm like, but i'm just saying i didn't know i needed to worry about that well you don't need to worry I feel like that joke could have come off better. Yeah. Joan Rivers? you doing you can't do this this is crazy her whole head was just rubber and inflated yeah

1:21:35 That always shocks me or frightens me, that idea that what if I couldn't have any expressions? You can't... and Canelo Alvarez fought Amir Khan She looks like really young. Young people do Botox now. They're getting interviewed. Does it? You've zapped it and froze it. I know a lady who did it and it went bad. was a newscaster, side of her mouth she was freaking out

1:24:37 botulism the botulism there's like a lot of different levels of people that are good at it and shitty That makes sense. People don't like the way We're looking at a video It's like when a girl gets size 78 double E tits, they get crazy. I kind of think almost, I, I, it really seems that almost all women have a certain amount of Thank you, but no thank you.

1:28:01 Yeah. I think I'm going to, you know, renovate my house. also hinder organ function you know it can fuck with the way you're because you're not Well, I'm assuming he was a guy because he had a beard, but in this day and age, you're not allowed to assume that anymore. And then he had like, you know, wacky hair and a beard and like kind of women-y clothes.

1:30:04 I don't know what kind of childhood he had, but maybe he's just going to fight that to the day he dies. But some people, that is what they like. think that's more like i like the smell of vanilla or i don't like the smell right it turns my And he was talking about how men can be totally straight, but maybe they got blown by some But is he suggesting that therefore then they're gay or they're not gay?

1:32:41 We like to have like very clean and obvious categories. So they want to be able to rebel. I'm like, you don't really know if you like sucking a dick until you suck a dick. I think that people did that in the 70s in particular. yeah the word pedophiles there's a difference between being a pederast and a pedophile. Like little tiny young people. it's but if we're led you're right yeah why is there not someone on set like

1:36:51 lot of what people are is what did you grow up with yeah if you look at the variations you know apparently this isolated tribe that does this And these are like fierce warriors who fucking kill their enemies and eat them and shit. I know a dude who grew up a Mooney. Yeah. because I forget, Like those photos that I have over there that, what's such a dude's name?

1:39:33 Yeah. There's something about that aspect of nature that's just insanely – are wandering around. And any given time you can go to Yellowstone and you could see bison and That's what I post. But that's not why I'm putting it up. of the world, especially when we're consuming things that come from the outside. I think we would all do ourselves a lot of good

1:43:35 and here it is in a salad. And there's a connection to your food and to this the life form that you're consuming itself in that way that i don't think That's really all that stops it. that coexists with us. through the woods looking for something to consume and that's what they do consuming machines they're just walking through the woods to horrific images? Like I've had people on my podcast before. It's usually people who came up

1:46:28 of these guys shooting these guys. I get it. and cutting their head off with a pocket knife. Right, what's he trying to say? But knowing that it's there, it's probably better. And she was raped and killed really quickly. Yeah. Well, guess what? on people you know or on you. Because you do. It works in some places. They're there. And he was part of this civil war that was going on in Liberia.

1:51:42 Like Liberia right now is a terrifying terrifying place I have a friend of mine who's a dog trainer and she goes to specifically the Downey shelter, but other shelters, kill shelters and takes these dogs and trains them and gets them more adoptable. or so-and-so has been adopted, or so-and-so is with a rescue. it. There is always something so much, something so much worse, but I think in some weird way that

1:54:51 to people. You want to, you listen to him talk and you listen to his experiences and you, you We're looking for things to be all, should I fix my nose? I just, I went to France a couple weeks ago, a week ago. After the attack, we started thinking maybe this is, you know, why were we going in the winter anyway? to say this word and trying like trying to communicate with people and hoping they can

1:57:53 And you remember that there's so much more than whatever it is you've been waking up and thinking about. The neighborhoods they walk down and live in are different. Their customs are different. The food they eat is different. The neighborhoods they walk down and live in are different. and there's the gardens that he painted oh wow you can go visit his house it's really cool uh

1:59:16 Well, I think it's similar to the drive up to San Francisco. of california as being like pretty left-wing pretty open-minded pretty liberal i grew up in Where are you part of Orange County from? Very, very white. Yes, very athletic. It was just very the prideahl wet dream there. It was just very, this very, the, the, the pride of white people it is calm and i get why you'd want to raise your kids there it is weird that you get these groups

2:03:00 the la times that's awesome thank you must be a fucking bang up writer. Thank you. I'm okay with words and stuff. You must be. I thought I was good. I was very in And I ended up, like I said, playing in a band, writing for the OC Weekly. I moved back to Orange County and I was there for five years after college. But back then, yeah, it was like, you know, in year four of the band, like, don't get too used to this.

2:04:51 At a certain point, I was like, I have to, I have, like, the life that I want to lead is headed this way. And what was the thought process behind New York? that was blowing my mind. So I was like, this feels like such a city to me. If this isn't a city enough, what am I doing in these cow pastures in Orange County? Like my whole life during the time I was in the band was and also I wrote about music before I was ever in the band.

2:07:30 They really liked me and they wanted me to keep coming back and doing it every Saturday morning. I just recorded myself doing some book reviews? What if I just did just talked, you know, did It was a talk show from my living room that I would do for three hours every Sunday evening. it would have me and you way back when. but there's something wrong

2:09:34 and just go without control. while you're actually watching it. And then I heard that Adam Carolla was looking for a news girl. so I did and I auditioned and then they narrowed it down to like four of us and then I auditioned But, um... Don't want you to do what you don't want to do. for my time on the show and thankful that i was given that opportunity and you know we toured and

2:13:04 But, you know, I'm aware of how fortunate I was and I'm grateful for so much. Well, you were good on the show. And you never get to see what's in those locked doors. He's just, that's who, You would probe and do things No. I thought we were in a good place. okay i'm trying to think of like one of the one of the shining examples well It's no big deal.

2:16:03 There's going to be supportive people and there's going to be negative people right and they're going to try to tweet it Well, I mean, obviously, while you were doing his show? I got kicked off of, Wow. which is super unnatural and really halting and examining every word before I now I'm just going to talk about some of it immediately afterwards when there

2:19:02 Just allow, just be, you know, take take the high road because everyone can see what's This is not the way it went down. listeners and the fact that you are honest with them and you're transparent and you're, you're, about it now though but you're you're I'm talking around diving talking around it yeah but even in Yeah. Right. Because if you guys stopped working together and he just kept you on his network and helped promote you and pumped you up, that seems more amicable.

2:22:16 uh monday is a one-on-one and thursday there's a panel of us and it's going really well and i And I can't get to the bottom of why that is. I mean, they can give you really good advice, but no one's done it. No one said, well, You know, like you analyze things too much when you're fighting and you freeze up and you don't know what to do. Oh, no, I'm sure.

2:24:33 it can give you a different perspective. rivers in the world? And it's insanely deceptive. I it yesterday i believe this is crazy there's this Yeah, it looks so calm. Those banks are actually overhangs. that falls in might not come out in any recognisable form, it could just get pulverised against is it survivable? And then it cuts down into a small area that you can jump across.

2:28:12 were talking about yeah um even for them you know the people that are doing that a lot of times and trying to get them to respond to him. Right. Some of them, it's older men. You'll run into them occasionally, you're like whoa they're like you you you're surviving without a heart like you know what i getting sex so well that's a weird theory i know i think it's more that they're tired i would say

2:30:53 here you are a raging twat at 30. You know, that's a lot of human beings. I mean, we're And you're the sum total of these experiences and your reflections on these experiences. and some adversity, at least some, they're not going to get a full, full handle on how to manage if there's someone in the corner that has an itch, I'm like, let me come over and scratch

2:33:47 And then there's also, like, my two kids are so fucking dissimilar. and they grew up in the same loving household same amount of attention same amount of resources I wonder what the combination is. Like how much of your husband is going to be in your kid and Right. Everything is like, I can't believe she did that. and then she'll run away crying that her sister did something.

2:36:45 So it becomes like you don't want your kid to be a crybaby. down. That's not how it went down. Yes, it is. And then the cries will get bigger. And so it's, Like let it go. stakes aren't that high yeah i think i grew up with the feeling at all times um that the stakes Like what's the worst that could happen? nose and go, God, I've got to figure out a way to get out of the congo and get

2:38:51 but I don't want to talk about it. And now I go online and people are tweeting me half-truths about my nose. like more narrow but just slightly well you look at him a little bit and makes them poke out of your hair right what the fuck what's going on my ears like that's the photoshop thing is a weird thing what the fuck? the ability to manipulate faces

2:41:33 Yeah. and create songs without knowing any guitars. you don't know it can be done. it's not just that someone um it does the cirque de soleil you know like look at the guy flip he did as lincoln he ate as lincoln went to bed as Lincoln, woke up as Lincoln. That's crazy. It's a little much. I agree. Probably a nutty I mean, it's, I don't know how a person allows themselves to do that.

2:44:44 I seen that picture. But someone takes it to that level, and then for the end of the movie, I suspect it would not have been as good. It seems like he approached life that way Did you see that? masterpieces. He was in The Godfather. Yeah, probably where it started. Well he has a rant When he played the devil Right Exactly. Everywhere, fuckers. See you next week, you fucks.