Joe Rogan Experience #802 — Tom Papa Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Tom Papa, ladies and gentlemen! That's a lot. Does that include children? They'd go fucking crazy. That's his actual name. and he was five years old. see the mouse. So he's probably just becoming aware of his power. You would be. They just can't deal. And it's just like, I can't. you're picking her up and her legs are dragging on the ground Right. Yeah.

4:17 We just knew it was a lame place to go. the 11 year old still have moments of well i think there's also this thing going on with kids where they're realizing, like, wow, I'm going to be responsible for myself eventually. i'm like look at erin she's a grown-up she's like yeah but she's different she's not i'm like yeah Oh, my God. them from an outsider's perspective and go that's just i don't want that i think a lot of times kids

6:50 Is it the... I'm like, could we keep him? Yeah. Which, by the way, is all fucked up. It's not! basket to bring it in. Ooh, dude. You even make the top a little flowery like a real bakery. You brought a knife and everything? 5'8". make it cooler so just cut it like it's a cutting board don't be shy all right Oh, man. lead shot illegal birds will actually eat those.

11:42 Oh, weird. They are dumb as fuck. I'm so happy to see you eat bread. Do you know bread in 32 ingredients. I'm only doing this to you because Tom Papa brought some bread in and I'm going to break my diet for a few hours. This whole stand-up comedy thing doesn't pan out? sourdough and then this guy from the new york times sam sifton the editor was doing a an article

14:17 It's so good, though. Pour yeast in, and that's all I thought. Yeah. Well, there's a guy named Fritz Haber and Fritz Haber was a scientist in Germany. What percentage of the oxygen? 20%. So the air is mostly nitrogen and we need nitrogen for And you eat those plants. from decaying bodies from right you know from worms and yeah just bugs and all kinds of shit

18:01 Zyklon. to it so that you could smell it. Right. He also was one of the first people to institute some form of chemical warfare in World War I. because he thought he was doing good because he was doing it for germany you know right but then they wouldn't take him in England because of the because he was wanted at Right. hadn't been done before that you people were using gas so it's like right why

21:27 Of some chewing. That's huge. Just going real clean? But man, I'll tell you, as far as physically, my energy level, it's amazing. It's really true. What about the, did you see how Kimmel lost his weight? And then two days than he used to be. It's true. No, she hit me on Twitter after she had been at the show and was thanking me for being so hilarious.

24:23 she's you know what i'm saying the yeah it meant wealth yeah and oh that guy can afford food isn't that amazing yeah that was because back then it was A lot. It's got fruit. It's amazing. So it sends them on this journey where they start examining the role that corn plays in our diet and food. And fucking they use corn for everything, man. That's the tasty part.

27:53 I know. I don't know. You can't eat pepperoni pizza. where it's come from look at a room service menu yeah that's not gonna happen you'd have to go to And they're trying to figure out, well, there's got to be a more wholesome approach to getting your food. because winters in Maine are just brutal. The bacon's going to be good off of this one. It is kind of a natural thing.

31:02 There's so many people that are eating. Is it really? And then the demand drops. But, you know, there's, you were asking like, what's a war crime? you don't understand how my family is suffering in the bread and terrorists and i love terrorism yeah i know it is that fuzzy thing yeah i mean someone Right. Well, Right. Accept defeat. Accept defeat or accept victory.

34:10 away 25 yards yeah you're dealing with like much shorter distances yeah and then once they figure so long babies yeah we're gonna end this yeah you drop a bomb on a city for sure you're killing You know, the guy whose house doesn't get touched, but just a mile outside of it, who's I don't even have nothing to do with it. this guy was a good person or a bad person.

36:32 To assume that you know these things and treat them as truth years like if you you know you're 70 years old you've been around trying to be a person for a like sexual abuse of minors. Ronan Farrow. So, first of all, Mia Farrow's a whore. Yeah. That's Mia Farrow and Sinatra's baby, 100%. Right there. But his face, everything about him. So it's not really a son.

39:06 I pause for a quick word on the Ronan situation, Alan wrote in the middle of his response to Dylan Farrow's detailed New York Times open letter accusing him of sexually abusing her. it's just she got some dick by the way Maybe two out of ten aren't crazy. Two out of ten, not crazy. are, the crazier they are. And super normal. You're like a normal person.

40:47 It gets the sickness in its veins, in its bones. I believe something along those lines. Okay. Like, you know, you had opera stars, but. when he was in his 50s what an animal that's older than us dude we still got hope now still got hope They just wait for anything they can... I'm like, I'm not a fucking Trump. They want to. beginning of trump and i was saying saying I've met the guy.

43:41 The Twitter feed goes crazy. But I came down on the side of we're all poor in our 20s. Yeah. And so people work with him. when she was a little girl and then there's She's my daughter. I'm looking at this. They're deep. also very rude do you ever hear emo's joke emo phillips joke about that no it's one of the best Did he marry her when she was 16? That's so crazy.

48:16 little tiny people and then have them be grown up and then the idea of like say if you and your wife Like his movies were really funny. Crimes and Misdemeanors. Barcelona. Yeah. That was great too. And what was that jasmine blue yeah that was great uh barcelona yeah that was great in barcelona and what was the midnight in paris that was really a weird fucking guy i know no no if ands or buts about it he was a weird fucking guy and he is a

50:37 But then there's the thing that his biological daughter says that he did weird shit to her. You're never supposed to question them. Because people lie about everything. Exactly. That's the other side of it. Welcome to the Copa. that something was going on with you, it's very complicated. but it's, ever not paid your taxes now let's get into your sex life yeah yeah please do you ever think about

53:10 She got really mad at him. You know, yee-haw! Oh my God. So next time you fuck her, just wear a luchador mask. Right. I like to explore the idea of thinking about and his argument in this So if your girlfriend is just thinking about that big country fucker, like a piece of wheat Whatever she's into. There's times when you're all of a sudden. suitcase in each hand with a boner you chew twoagra, you get your dick hard as a rock.

56:43 I just want her What a good husband you are. Do you wear an apron? using that front pocket on the apron yeah never comes up no well yeah what's in there nothing your does it really i don't never smoked either but allegedly it does yeah the people that i've Like, how much batteries do you need? And they get into it. But it was fucking heavy. Like, it probably weighed a pound, right?

59:48 Oh, really? To sit there with just a cigarette in your hand? It's a cool prop. Oh yeah? Just to get a little buzz, a little go. And I think it lights you up. Like there's times when I'm writing. Yeah. I'm a big fan. I want to take more stuff. D3? And the only way vegans can get it is in certain forms of bacteria, microorganisms. Um, DHEA or not DHEA, uh not DHEA, DHA fish oil.

1:02:54 Yes, I do. Oh, so you get that from the fish oil. Yeah, there-3s and 6s are critical. Right. That's what fish oil is. We just know. People think that they like to take things and then feel an immediate result. Yeah, birthday cake. Yeah. I was like, oh, I'm addicted to sugar. fucking oranges go into the glass of orange juice right it's probably like seven oranges like who

1:05:55 But if you eat an apple, doesn't that, does the fiber offset how much sugar? So the vitamins and the fiber are all intertwined with this delicious flavor that makes you attracted to it. just squeezed out. Yeah. Well, vitamin C-wise? Yeah. I don't drink fruit juices anymore. I take glucosamine. This came from this book by this guy, Dr. Joel Wallach,

1:08:08 She's a fucking genius when it comes to that. So there's, you know, there's a lot going on when you're eating food. One multivitamin is problematic, too, because you're taking something that's condensed down to one hard little cube. Yeah. But yeah, I just started taking some stuff. It's alive. Like 12? Yeah. Yes. That's what you do. It's funny. You're out of bread.

1:11:10 and then they I do weekends Yeah, I don't either. He's a maniac. That's a different thing. Yeah, you can have an emotional needs dog. I know. People had given dog biscuits in the lobby. Because the parents are, because the owners are out come in and euthanize it. mean them to. Here, dude. I literally would be in the green room, like tired. i uh no it's very difficult thing to do yeah you got to really make sure that you monitor your

1:14:36 Your body's different, dummy. a very fine protein. and it's eventually going to roll out and it's going to be nationwide, And there's only a few plants that are like that. I'm going to go on a statin and lower it. And his body wasn't responding well to that. Eating stuff all around the world. Well, that's the thing. Let me embrace the technology. I've only been on it for a couple months.

1:17:46 Imagine if I couldn't have this. Pasta was a part of it. Of all the people that have ever suggested healthy diets to, Like in his eyes, somehow or another, he is going to eventually figure out how to lose all this weight without changing a goddamn thing about his lifestyle or his diet. Like I hear shit like that. He's rich. I'd be freaking the fuck out

1:20:15 Exactly Woo Right. So they came back with those fucking black hefty bags, and they stuffed $7 million in hefty bags and then left the casino. I know there are $1,000 bills, correct? There's a $5,000? You don't feel deprived of anything? It's called ketogenics. Jesus Christ. I don't feel different because I still eat really healthy and really delicious foods.

1:23:29 But what I'm eating is like a lot of avocados, a lot of coconut oil, a lot of things along no you crash in the afternoon i'd have these fucking meals then i'd want to take a nap yeah that's not there anymore so after i eat when i I take squash, like zucchini squash. Really? does that blow the whole thing? But this stuff right here Really? He looks great.

1:26:29 Salads, folks. Right. But the idea that you shouldn't eat meat because we're not designed for meat, that becomes like an ideological argument. You see, they just found this Walt Whitman guide. or sinkhole. try to you know they're trying to decipher the past based on these little small clues that they It's pretty cool looking though. I love stuff like this.

1:29:55 and a hunter-gatherer um needs thousands and excuse me thousands and thousands of years ago and when women were gatherers, together and they start talking about this one and that one and she says this and i'm not picking Stick snap. work yeah get to work yeah 10 and um one of the things, they had this village that is in the middle of this incredibly wild area.

1:32:16 Their fence is just making it uncomfortable for lions to move in and kill them. Those fucking Cape buffalo, I guess it is. Their buffalo are so weird. Yeah. water buffalo or one of the buffaloes well tanzania look up dangerous buffalo that's where Oh, shit. We could meet and pretend we're hunting for like a minute. Those are two potential destinations now, and I haven't really, I don't know.

1:34:15 See that one right down there that that guy's right in front of those buffaloes that they have in... Hippos, yeah. Yeah, you just do too close. fuck you, kicking them off. They're mean. I think the only thing stronger is like crocodiles. that picture of Hemingway. He just killed Like a buddy of mine shot one with a bow and arrow, but he said he was practicing with

1:36:44 Oh, that's delicious. And these people are freaking out about it, which is apparently a very dangerous disease for cattle because it makes their babies stillborn. They don't graze the same way that cattle do. But apparently it's hundreds of them. Too large. You want to shoot more deer. there's no hunting of mountain lions. is diminished radically since the 1990s when they instituted this no mountain lion hunting so the

1:40:43 I think on the way back from Palm Springs. Oh, my God. It's a mountain lion. Watch this video. So she's hanging out. He just wasn't interested. Oh, my God. And the guy just comes out. Yeah. Yeah. It's on my Twitter. and bolts last minute really yeah but yeah it's on my twitter but like last minute oh my god i mean it got like as close as jamie is to you grizzly huge huge i mean like 700 pounds it is a fucking enormous this bear look how big

1:43:28 I never even thought that would work. He reels back like he's scared. and look how much bigger that thing is. just hiking and walking around. And up the ridge is actually where we were cleaning our dishes and doing all this stuff. So we're walking through these reeds, these bamboo kind of little reeds, That's the one thing you're not supposed to do. No, they ran?

1:45:59 And they're. But I swear to God, it was from me to the end of this table. Dude, fuck all that, man. They're hanging out by this river, and they have a little lawn chair, and this bear, this Yeah. Look at this. They're gorgeous. Yeah. Hey, guys. Oh, my God. let's see, three, four, five, other two. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, oh my god there's more look at those other two one two three four five six

1:49:29 When they get up. Because they eat mostly, they're mostly predators. taste good don't listen to anybody he's like everybody has this idea in their head that you And so people up there who prize moose and deer, which is really important for their well you that's really weird but your body like those grizzlies are bad to eat because they're So these black bears that are living up there, they're mostly eating, look, when they get a chance, they eat a lot of fawns, like deer fawns and calves, moose calves.

1:52:08 Oh, my God. Like, okay, we're just eating fish now. there's three, four, five, six, seven, Kodiak is the weirdest place, man, because Kodiak is an island, No, he bought it in Alaska. That's a dead one. The guy right there. Above and to the right. And you know what's crazy? Because if you didn't have bears, if they weren't real, and then it was in a movie, you'd be like, imagine if those things were running around.

1:54:56 But the amount of food you can fit in that is like, you'd have to bring all packs of stuff. oh, oh, Well, really small. Yeah. will he be pissed and come get you? First hunting trip ever. Oh, yeah. That's a black bear. But you're walking in. You should take all the meat for sure. that moose and the deer over there and the elk that's out there. Cause it's way more powerful than that.

1:58:14 There's a spiritual level to it. there's a responsibility you're the caretaker of their skulls if that makes any sense yeah this is right when vegans shoot He's still had a huge belly. He got shot outside of Yellowstone by a poacher. Yeah. You and Polanski can hit the skids. That would be the coolest shit ever. like i found a real man a wild man motorcycle. He wants to fucking go chase down a moose.

2:01:01 And man, in the tent and looking across this field at just bison like early morning like I mean, just, why would it have feet so little? I went when I was a kid. Those little baby ones. They brought wolves from North America, from Canada, rather. Hey, what was that guy? Hey, fucker. that that's a little murderer? What the hell are you doing? They're practically retarded.

2:03:55 This is all day. What a weird fucking animal too, huh? What a fucker. These things are amazing. Just constant. How does he know to chop down that tree? Let me see you beaver. Oh, that's not the kind of beaver we're looking for, honey. A woodsman. You'd get bored after a while. You don't want to see that? no they're in america what for yeah for sure like in yosemite oh guaranteed they have some

2:06:34 Got a couple of them that he's holding on to. He goes to work. would be the coolest shit to see. That would be cool. This is why we got to go to Africa. We're going to see so much shit. Whoa. We're going to see a pack of wolf take out a deer, I think that would be the coolest shit to see. What are you going to see? How long is a flight going through amsterdam from new york i'm gonna go to new york first i'm gonna go

2:07:52 They really are getting chased, too. I'll knock you the fuck out. Giraffes are one of the few animals. behavior is so predictable that they let babies feed them right you can hold up a piece of leaf They're arrogant. Well, that's the thing. You let it out? And my friend had the same thing with its cat and went to Africa, came back, and said, everything eats everything.

2:10:36 billions billions in birds and in mammals yeah billions of birds and billions of mammals they're if they didn't have those instincts, honestly, if it weren't for birds and hawks and- And we'll go outside. Could have been a coyote, though. But it's real. and took care of it and then another one recently Hopped over the fence. I didn't know you could do that

2:13:28 It looks like you live in the Amazon. What did you do for your grandma so she doesn't go through the sliding glass door? Like, I had a picture the other day that I put up on my Instagram of this giant grizzly bear with her three cubs. It's a genetic thing. because those are the faces we want to protect yeah you know it's just the instinct yeah and Well, they're mutants.

2:16:09 Yeah, because the admitting that it happens is admitting that it's chaos. Yeah. Oh, also doesn't believe that satellites are real. Lord. That you can literally have real intelligent people just talking about unemployment rates, and not from like what looks like crazy people. Like there's no satellites and the earth is flat, all that nonsense. as the Internet would have been to people that lived 150 years ago.

2:19:23 meaning that you're going to be able But all in all if you look at like the Roman Empire or you know You know? Look, when you send a text message to someone or if you put out a tweet or a Facebook message, is a bridge right right it's a bridge to minds and information and ideas. It really is, listen, Tom, you don't have to wear glasses. All we have to do is install one of these new internet neural apps. And once we do do that, you'll be able to see crystal clear. There's a way that

2:22:24 Everybody does. Like chicks. Chicks look way smarter? Um, I don't know. Everybody does. Right. She's clever. But then Sarah Palin fucked all that up. something wrong with her eyes. I assume, oh, she's smart. Right, exactly. She's clever. No, but. I would say that what Donald Trump is doing No, and you know, she's intelligent, and when she was Secretary of State, both sides liked

2:24:07 Uh-huh. Yeah. I mean, everybody's flawed. they're talking to her and she's laughing about Qaddafi dying and you're he died. Play that real quick. 2004. very persistent, but you are playing with my words and playing with what is such an important issue. and I am proud of what I've done I could have supported it sooner. Really? didn't think America was ready for it.

2:28:36 If you're not, then you're the same person you were when you were five. You're faced with, that's the big thing on her is that she's a liar. What's been proven that he's lied about? Is that what he says recently? Yeah. Maybe it was just an idea. Is that what he says recently? Right. I think he won because his wife is hot. I do not think he's a liar.

2:30:46 Obama, what about what he's done about free speech? He's not what I'm looking for. Yeah. This is the spot. Trump was a birther. No. You think he was thinking even back then when he was being a birther, he was thinking that he was going to be president? He declared that he was going to go and it never really caught. Oh, God. about him that really scares me is that he's the kind of guy that takes the bait he's very

2:33:50 Diminish their power by not reacting. Yes. That's like a teenage girl. I'm going to put him at 64. He talks... 46 is when he was born. Yeah. That's going to be spooky. Holy shit. Yeah, it's going to be spooky because it's weird that is going to try and do something about the press when he's in office? Oh, yeah. That's going to be spooky. Millionaire considering reform party nomination.

2:36:10 Just flirting with it, putting it out there. How to run the country? Well, he's right. like someone who is really a qualified leader someone's really smart and measured is looking They get a planet. But what Trump is doing is like exciting douchebags. who are coming over and saying, okay, now he's he's my guy really so that's when it becomes dangerous that's when they lose sight of it and start rationalizing it and

2:39:05 The really aggressive man who shows up with a sign, stands in front of you with sunglasses on. Like, he probably doesn't even know anything. we're constantly eating nonsense with very little substance. Yes. And then this guy comes along who represents, for the first time, Reality TV star. But how much power does the president actually have? That happens because that guy is in charge.

2:40:54 happen? Like, is there a possibility Another scary curveball is that it stays the way that it is, and Hillary gets past Bernie. sending classified emails i had mike baker on who's a former cia her emails. This is... I think it is. I mean, that's what Rage Against the Machine was doing a long time ago. I mean, she's not perfect. Give me calm. she kissed his ass really yeah that's by all and make up? She kissed his ass. Really? Yeah.

2:44:39 Bully for who? They didn't use the occasion to talk about politics or policy. Trump replied. but i have seen I guess, we got to get over it, That word bullying, to me me is like a bigger person And it's all things that she believes need to be addressed. Let me ask you about that, because most American parents are trying to raise their kids to not bully, to name call, not tease, not taunt.

2:47:59 and uh he's like hey i'm a counter puncher with me, I'll fuck you back. Well, his thing is you do come out and bully. They've been hanging around together a lot. That fucking slob. I tried to give him a little bit of credit for that. The woman who was yelling at him? Interviewed. You're a thoughtful guy. I don't think we learned from the Bush era. we're going to sift through, and good people and good ideas will come to the forefront. I don't

2:50:59 bullied if you're the bully i guess but he's always been the bully his whole life sure he It was hilarious. i'm just screw the other side at all cost right there are just working people that are just They'll kind of devour and devolve into something else. Whereas I don't think he's looking at it in terms of really serving the United States people. I don't think he's that guy. No. I don't think he's looking at it in terms of really serving the United

2:53:15 He knows how to do it. beat him and bernie's i know that's kind of the thing do you like bernie i like him as a character He is pretty extreme. Oh, did you? Yes. What is he saying? it just didn't work we have 19th century capitalism in this country our successful All of this can be done. Yeah, he dropped out. Back in the 80s, they could get away with something like that.

2:57:10 Let's see what it is here, Jamie. but I thought he was also worried about kidnapping. a tough guy there's no he's still alive we need a pro type character so richard branson american Yeah. It's not that bad. oh that's a good one special in I like how Amazon is getting into things the same way Netflix is. Is it new? It's crazy. It's all about a country club in the 80s.

2:59:49 With Jeremy Clarkson and Richard May and James Hammond. Yeah, he's awesome. Yeah, and something happened. So it's one of them being my friend Richard Harris, who's amazing. One of my favorite journalists, period. I've got to look him up. The whole world. That's great. Do you have a little studio set up at your place? On Raw Dog. We do sketch stuff you just read on stage, and then comedians do a set.

3:02:10 hears it who's listening what kind of fucking podcast is this how many people are listening What's your key? So I'm going to put this special out. and they're going to record it, I always look at it like when you see it live, leading up to the filming of the special, it's a work in progress. hinchcliffe has this new bit i don't want to give away the premise but i've been watching this bit

3:04:40 and writing books and just just crank and create and put it out there so if you see my raw set at largo that's what you that's what i put out today and if i'm going to do my