Joe Rogan Experience #803 — Joey Diaz & Lee Syatt Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Hello, ladies and gentlemen, we're here with Lee Syatt and Joe Diaz. And then underneath it, it says, No, it's just they didn't know. Oh, you know, Free Fall, Cat Scratch Fever, and then the live album. Did he have like the whole compound then with like the animals and like the fakers? and he bought just a giant chunk of land. He's fucking crazy. when it gets to the fucking red line when it gets the red line of arguments he falls apart

2:44 So if you're arguing with a guy like Nugent, Play some of that. Piers Morgan. Yes, shall I? Yes. Anybody that wants to disarm me can drop dead. Anybody that wants to make me Here, write this down. Kiss my ass. Do you want less crime? We have that. Right. But they still have to get access to firearms. What is your position? What I want is the Second Amendment.

6:02 If nobody had guns, if there's no guns, nobody getting shot. The people that die for seven years and he had he was a felon in possession of a handgun let me ask you this The whatever law. You do two years. That carrying a gun for two years in New York? He's a high profile guy. Look, we were just talking about when you came in, about Have you ever seen that before? Never before.

8:31 Play that. like screaming shit approached Liston at the Desert Inn in Las Vegas Come on, son. That is one of the craziest things you're ever going to see in your life. Because you never know. Right. jacket to let everybody know it was just blanks. Like, shoot a gun at Frazier in Africa? Frazier went over there with a gun and pointed it up at the building and shit.

11:21 Yeah, he told me that's what he was doing. He would bust a like champ Maybe sometimes I forgot Yeah. And it seems like a different world. Wasn't in your parents' lifetime, and it seems like a different world. Like it's 1967 or something. He's the one that they didn't even know 64. So I wasn't even born yet. Well, I remember when I was a kid, I was living in San Francisco, of the country would just stop like everyone and everywhere would just watch the fight well i

13:43 no to Michael was the one that fought yeah tyson that It was a controversial decision anyway. had a long career in my life He leaves ten minutes before the fight. Oh, God. We used to watch fights at movie theaters. In the Meadowlands, and that's where I saw your boy, the Detroit Hitman. Tommy Hearns, man, was such a like nobody else i mean haggler had like nasty power but one

17:13 But see, Hearns just had this distance, man. Duran started off his career as a 135 pounder, He was fighting guys His ideal fighting weight was lightweight. they don't even bother counting. There are a bunch of people that are fucking stupid. But is it everybody in the world? Are we supposed to pretend we're past that? You're pretending we're better than we are. Because you look all over the world, there's war everywhere.

20:23 No, I don't think the government right now is a tyranny. Obama was on TV. fucking shot kids that were protesting they shot them on the college campus for doing nothing but And people, if you give them too much power they You still have a queen. To be honest, with all the road rage Three cops, No, we're out there just telling stories after the comedy.

23:29 Out of their fucking mind, and you never know. Now, my crime was with a pistol. I feel in my heart right now, I'm capable of carrying a gun as much as I hate it. I really wanted to. No. Remember those cars with the windshields and shit? Lee, instead of fucking driving, let's walk to the taco place today. But if someone else in Houston had a gun, maybe they could have shot him.

25:50 And that's Texas, too, where everybody's armed. No, no, no. Right, right. It ain't one of these movies. People that are not used to that, they play bingo and they take their family for ice cream. And they were talking about the people that go to war together. Like that's crazy. Puts us in this, like, primal state that we used being in danger. It like reawakens us almost. Puts us in this like primal state

27:56 that we all worry about. podcasting and doing standup shows. So there's all this outpouring of creativity. You have all this We're strange. And then we go away on Friday, and that's it. He was the getaway driver when I robbed the jewelry store. What the fuck gets you through? I got like 11 bucks, Joey. I don't give a fuck when anybody tells you. Because when I'm in that fucking box on my mission to wherever the fuck Buddha land,

31:11 Who admits that? Barely. Just fun. Because it was a big chance. I said, I don't want to half-ass it. that I took up to a pretty good level, and I'd see the guys that were doing it And you'd go, oh, my God, what else could I do? And I'd go to the back section and it had all the clubs, state by state, Alabama. But it's so weird that there's so many things in life you could pay for.

34:42 Jesus Christ, I could smell the cheeseburger from last night. Like that movie Hurt Locker. Because you all shut the fuck up. and in reality in god's eyes you got 18 kills nobody knows that as like a 19-year-old. Now you go back to civilization. I could be killing motherfuckers right now. It's like a shark when they get that taste of blood. But an 18-year-old, hoorah.

37:21 Couldn't imagine. Good luck. Reacclimating them back into society after a war. This guy in Houston yesterday did I would run away from that. charged up and alive there's a it's a life of excitement versus a life of you Right. The guy with no ropes. You're keeping it together and so Oh, my God. And I watched my daughter do those things. Those are Russians.

41:17 I'm assuming it was Russian. Don't you feel sad when someone's a comic and then they quit? That's great. A lot. Nope. That's how people get better. fucking ontario off the thing and you didn't know i was here tonight you don't see my name out there So I made a deal. Whereas before they were showing up and they're trying to get on. and they want to hang out and that's great.

44:31 then i'm like trying to get a guest spot on someone's show i don't even know that person But I know you're working on your album. Yeah, but I don't care. I want to have fun. I you were going to ask me to come up to the ice house. But I know you're working on your house. And I go up there and do eight and he gets mad at me because I know what it's like to feel.

45:42 I just want to get up there and do my fucking thing, niche, you see who you're already working with, Well, who does let guys do guest sets? these people paid a lot of money for a show. I let someone have a guest spot once. And everybody would be experiencing that all night. i went to a show once and there was a magician on this on stage and it just i just i think of him

48:09 He'd never done them before. fill in the blank with the name of the comedians there's a bunch of crazy fucking comedians There's a lot of comics that want you to warm them up to a degree I'm going to come out throwing 92 miles an hour. I said, I'm not going to do my theory on that. one of those ink things that a squid shoots out like you see someone on stage that's

50:47 is really laughing, you'll get confused. Yeah. It's like I get to see a show and do a show. And you watch a few guys. I made this new knife. You can just buy them? what do you call it when you it's some sort of an oven where he's baking these knives but with bourdain bourdain is like a he's a real uh lover of craftsmanship so this guy is making So it's not a strong iron or nothing like that?

53:57 It's just fucking steel. I mean, it is what it is. get smashed down into a thinner and thinner layer and it just keeps doing it over and over again Dude does personal speaking gigs Like if you're making knives like that I'm like, where is there a place like this He's one of the guys now. he would just stay back there and go, he's always in the back bar.

56:44 within walking fucking distance, okay? That guy's the real fucking bar. Yeah. If there's a bar open, he's close by to it. Within walking fucking distance, okay? Get fucked up. Number Juan? It is really good shit. about that that i still remember i was a little boy in New York City when Muhammad Ali fought Joe Frazier. You know, he did a couple nights at the Garden.

58:49 I almost fucking killed the dog. My mom's like, what are you talking about? Why would she suck your dick for $20? 71. I was probably eight. Yeah, because she knew I would hit Tita in her sleep. Just leave Tita alone. I had great babysitters growing up. weird. I would fucking wait for her I put her through hell, man. Sleep over there. My grandparents insisted their house was haunted.

1:01:43 But they insisted that the fucking guy was still, like, walking around. They want something crazy to be going on. There's a presence. I don't know, Joe. When kids go, it was an orphanage. The reason why my mom got in that with the alias was because we came in with heavy cash, Once we moved in, remember, in the beginning, Now, do you remember when we did Tom Likas years ago and my friend called?

1:04:04 They're Sicilians. I told my husband, Oh, yeah, the Sicilians. I mean she's an old-school Sicilian that she took the fish the eyes from fishes De Niro was the priest. I do believe The only mobster that was ever any good in any Italian movie that he takes the eyeballs to this lady for headaches. And the guy says to him, man. But you said The Spanish kid that you did that series with.

1:06:19 He played... See if they have the scene from Sleepers with the black guy. My tailor is dead. What's the point? I have no idea. They just have a spooky belief. and I wouldn't let him in my fucking bedroom for years. Do you talk to him anymore? That's not a good idea. How did I become a regular person? There's a part of me that's always wanted to try to be a nice person

1:09:30 I'm going to hit you with a chair or a bottle. we were talking about Now what now what? Now what? Now what? The thrill was going to get I wouldn't even want to look at him because I was so ashamed because 60 of your mental state was always in those drugs yeah no matter for the other 40 was uh you know you get fucking shingles or your family member has cancer that's a problem that

1:13:00 That if you do heroin on Mondays, just a little bit, you will not snort the rest of the week. and we'll get people high on Monday, Tell me what it feels like when it hits you. It's warm and you can see if you shit outside, A little bit would come out of yellow. Thank God I never tried. It's like, here's a non-sequitur. of doing it that was kind of like heroin comedy you know would you be messed up during the week

1:15:58 Bonehead. He died from I could go into a room with 90 17 would take me to mcsaul he's ale house in new york city no id he called the bartender i would in the fucking and half Irish. fucking Italians. And I, the mother used to the mother was Hot carrier? I love these people. waters of the underworld. I don't have any money on me. And you thought the house was haunted, and that was scary.

1:19:58 You know, when you have a summer job? Bonehead has the fishing tackle box. I mean, this was nonstop. America went crazy over them. I forgot I wake up to ba-boom and alarms to let the smoke out Bro, they turn the fire off. When they woke him up, he goes, are my fries ready? Oh my God. They burned the house down. you're still fucking sleeping. Oh, my God.

1:22:23 It didn't stop. The medium brother used to hide the Coke under his car, The Avanti. Oh, my God. What's the other one? That's the ugliest fucking car I ever saw. But, God, those things are disgusting. Lamborghinis are like the biggest, like, here's my dick car you can get. Oh, your boy sent this. You can get a lot of stuff in them. Poor Canadians. Well, you do Buffalo.

1:24:56 Grand Rapids. Yeah. Fun fucking club. You would fucking tear Seattle apart. Oh, fuck all that. I ain't going to King County fucking jail for that shit. 12 hours in a holding tank. I got shit to do. I ain't going to King County fucking jail for that shit. And I have no failure to appears. Joe Rogan's name. And not so you wouldn't get a I got arrested in Colorado for shoplifting?

1:27:02 Can you imagine getting arrested in Boulder? I sat in there from December, from November 18th You do know that. Do you know I got arrested three months, and they're fingerprinting me calling me Joey. but you went in with someone else's yeah days. Till this day, I hate that bulge So they made me call. a couple weeks ago. unless somebody comes down here and lets me out.

1:29:38 They brought her in. and four days later I turned myself in. under this guy's name under this guy's name i did all 16 hours of the fucking community and we'd talk about this and that Guess who was the first cop on the job? He got a ticket, too. He got a ticket. players in 85, those football players out of his head. Eyeball went out of his fucking head.

1:32:11 When I got arrested for that racial thing, I told him he called me a spick, which he did in front of my daughter. Like you could kind of say the F word, but most people say fuck. It's a great 30 for 30. What's the difference? Right. And I was like, it's just so weird that there's so many different people that have the same thing on their front lawn.

1:34:27 Austin has like a lot of badass music comes from Austin. Still. Yeah, Boulder always wanted to be different than everybody else. I'm dealing with people It's about 100,000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, it's just too one note. vegan, barefoot, handcrafted, all that nonsense. Oh, listen, it's peaceful. I mean, you're there in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains,

1:36:53 you're looking at fucking, you leave the street, It has but Part of the Denver metro area is included in that $300,000. Where you're just tucked in with this giant elk herd that walks down through the middle of town. moved and uh he texted me that these elk they get in the middle of street and someone who was from out of town apparently was like beeping and trying to get the elk out of the road and like revving

1:38:54 And because the people in the town itself, I mean, they don't really hunt them when they do that. So for generations, there was a video that someone sent me today. They're worried about wolves and grizzly bears and shit. Yellowstone elk decides on video? Yeah. Whoa. Thank you. 25 yards, ma'am. I know. It's been a long time. Thank you, sir. Thank you, sir.

1:41:01 They're horny and they think you're cock blocking them. the one i saw he just kicks him that guy has dog shit jujitsu first of all he's spinning for one Take his back. Eddie got his discs replaced. They have some sort of a new technology in disc replacement Now that they have this artificial disc, that artificial disc actually moves around and it allows your spine to be flexible.

1:43:34 and not you know not the most diligent about stretching the back out early in his career I have one that I put on my neck. and also it's like an active moving decompression of the back. and so that's what he came up with. they do the 12 o'clock class No, but he's got tick fit. T-I-C-F-I-T, I think. No no no And they have a class at 9 then go up and switch legs.

1:46:19 You know what's the problem with jiu-jitsu is that it's fun. getting weird shit like numbness like some guys get like numb feet like uh kade my friend kate So I just do Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and get on a plane Thursday. I always learn one little stupid thing, you know, You know, I'll do a light kettlebell workout or something. Well, it's an age thing.

1:48:50 He's Jacare's coach then you got to walk a mile, then you got to go across. shit in the water because the house, fucked up. They had him crying after If diseases didn't kill anybody? I mean, how many people ladder in China? Yeah. Children in China who climb 2,500-foot cliff to get to school may be given stairs. 2,500 feet on this on their face, man.

1:51:32 They don't make it. I bet thousands of people die every year from the flu. Just died. In one year? I would have thought it would have been way higher. I guess that makes sense. It just really fucks women up when they get it. 2.6 million. People die from diarrhea? Don't they say complications? Oh, okay. What does he do? He's still alive. He's been doing testosterone since he was 35 he had three households going

1:55:35 Oh my God. The one wife just brought the kid home It's fucking crazy. He's retarded. Now he's just retarded. He's retarded. Real weird place to take a girl. He gives us some of that heavy duty cancer dick. They're worried. What a fucking nightmare. What a fucking nightmare. Do you think he really had no will? for him to not have a will? I don't know.

1:58:21 and shit. Maybe he didn't want to, like, have that. Joey didn't make a million dollars to get a million dollars. Property tax. of those gold coins in tax. But I probably got like two million back then So once you write it off to me, then it becomes mine. How come I didn't get a gift? what is this? Taxable gifts count as part That's just sad. when I first moved here

2:01:47 like 17 percent yeah which is like they it's an it's it's so sad it's it frustrates people when fucking grip of money ripping people off and vanished and uh he went to jail he went to jail Shut him up. Yeah. contributed to society? You've figured out some weird little loopholes and little sneaky ways you Just go on vacation, yeah. It's going to be a lot less of them.

2:05:16 but there's also benefits financially like that guy lives in a castle right he can do whatever Joey Diaz Have to But you know you money has like like they could find out That's right. You're going to pay me $60,000 a year and give my money back, $40,000. This guy sold coke or whatever. Nobody knows. Listen, there's tons of people that have done shit you just said it yourself listen you work hard for your money you're gonna send money to some fucking bahamian bank

2:08:18 That happens all the fucking time. Yeah. he spent $2,500 a month $2,500 is what I saw I wonder what keeps a guy like that. Here's Yeah, what is it? Rats ate $1 billion of Pablo Escobar's profits each year. Oh my God. selling drugs. You get locked up in a business like Escobar was to make the kind of money that he was making towards the end. This guy was referred to me.

2:11:33 He was a fucking yahoo. If you looked at him did. Trucks. Just give them the car. Either Johnny Depp really beat up his girlfriend, or his girlfriend is lying and saying that I trust Stanhope about as much as anybody I know. Because the woman could potentially be actually getting abused. He fled the scene. Yeah. Like what's going on? We know some people blackmail people.

2:14:46 She had a scar over her eye. They don't live in a real life, Joe Rogan. birthday party? First of all, I know you're 20 years... fucking birthday party if you were I do understand. No. he sees the kid he picks him up and he puts him in the garbage can That's why I always knew that gay guys in the NFL People were jumping up for joy. I don't care if he's black or not.

2:17:36 fake world, man. I don't go anywhere. is not really going on because they've sucked in... How many times you been on a set and what what's going on is not really going on. That's real. No, you're not. He don't have a prenup. Please tell me Johnny Depp has a prenup. No, his ex-wife said it's preposterous. It's not in him. Doug Stanhope said it's not in him.

2:19:52 Oh, my God. During his marriage to her, go back to where the... Oh, my God, you dumb motherfucker. This was, like, looming over him. if Doug and Johnny Depp are telling the truth, At the end of the day, he's Johnny Depp. Yeah. a brilliant actor? That's the real ether. Why does she have to slap him around? depp like if she breaks up with him and she makes, like,

2:23:19 Johnny Depp's former ex-wife. Mick Jagger's wife just married She's a baby. Rupert Murdoch? surrounded by their children on their wedding day. She was married to Mick Jagger, and he told her the wedding was null and void because they got married on an island. That's the ex-wife. Jerry Hall. Good luck. of what they made in that year and they said he got

2:25:29 I think it said half of what it, like, say if he made $20 million one year and then $30 million with her. I've met girls like that, man. and rape her. There's guys that'll rip going to do stuff like that believe me my friend was killed by a girl phil hartman was shot in his that he was going to get blackmailed. It's 4.30. I'm one of those motherfuckers.

2:27:48 three women at my door. Okay, so I could get off the hook. I close the fucking door. done they're done my wife saves them and puts them in the freezer for headaches and so i went and he sees the pipe. I don't leave weed They stole my pot pipe I mean, like, you have one, you have a child, I'm sitting there going, what religion sends people to knock on doors on Memorial Day?

2:30:03 Come back in an hour. Give me those pamphlets. One time a girl was selling cookies. There was not a closed deal back then. This bitch probably sells a lot of cookies. We had a guy on Fear Factor that won a million bucks. I was going through a box of VHSs about a month ago, how long does it take He beat up Georgie like four times. Hilarious. He knocked his eye out. used to beat people up. Like, somebody would say something, and he'd just throw a bottle and go over and start kicking it. Right.

2:32:16 What do you mean you don't want to eat the fucking eggs? 90% of the people were cool. One out of ten, probably. 100%. him in the face it's probably gonna be ugly you, kneeing someone in the face is fucking devastating. After one knee. And when you're that close, screaming at each other, like guys getting in your face. we're in jungle territory. who's screaming at you

2:34:59 I had a situation with Joe Rogan. I just felt something, and I could still swing and stuff. The bigger guy or the littler guy? And then I got away and I started kicking him. Like I knew I had dust. The guy was still outside on the ground guy was on the ground i them up i stepped on his ankle With a two by four. I maybe went a little bit overboard. Well, the anticipation of violence

2:38:07 When you're there and you're actually fighting, it's not a fear thing. I can move around with something that's actually going down. And I grew up around one of the most violent people I ever met in my life. animals well you're a smart guy you well you would never do that you've always been an animal lover everybody always has to how many pussies there are

2:39:59 up by that elk. You need to get you know involved in illegal activity where they have to protect their freedom like drug dealers And then boom. But I thought in the movie he smoked a lot of weed, right? goes from three hours to two hours to one hour to two bumps like Towards the end for me, two bumps, I was done. That makes so many things a lot quicker.

2:42:18 Calling the cops. you gotta stop you gotta stop doing powder Oh, my God. Right by... That year was the Jeep that they put an extra plate under the Jeep. He would just go into a restaurant and say, He just had a running account. All those single wives that get money when they get blown up, they fucking all get remarried. dude. You got to run with little bags.

2:45:13 don't know how to do a fire in the fireplace. I wouldn't come out of the house. Eight white people with sticks and helmets, with radios. Who gives a fuck about the parrot? Call me for the big ones. What it was about Aspen. They give you rolling paper. Paul LaFrance used to cater. Yeah. Wow. I would bring them lunch. Dump the weed there. I would mark the bag that the trucks then the imbics come back i would mark the

2:48:51 I get nervous bringing an edible onto a plane. That's it. That's going to be fun. Yeah? I don't want a fucking set. Yeah, they've got some great seminars. Great stuff. For UFC 199 And subscribe And then Young Jamie We'll be back tomorrow