Joe Rogan Experience #805 — Steve Hofstetter Transcript

Transcript

0:00 I was thinking of, you know, just being on Tinder the whole time. People out there, do you not know that when you said yeah it was like a setup and sometimes those things happen and people accuse people doing plants Did you? That's weird, isn't it? Well sometimes people just start commenting like they'll like be right in front of you, too It's confusing.

3:30 and they're all quiet, and then one person thinks they're all doing it wrong. you more of an asshole yeah absolutely so i think i've had this theory for a long time that a lot of people will blame being drunk Fair. Everybody's a comic. Plus, it's a hangout. There's no Bobby. they are a completely different person or do you think drunk, I like to laugh

6:23 Right. their psyche from childhood. He's got two feet. preventative measure I did it yeah it was something where I didn't go through You know, and everybody wants, everybody goes, oh, let me take a shot with you afterward. and we went to a bar afterward, and there were a bunch of hot girls dancing on the bar, If you want to do it, do it. Can anybody just dance on a bar?

8:53 That's a good call. be sober. Yeah. And it's not, it is a way. And if you need that, okay, more power to you, and I, you know, I do not, I don't want to take that away from anybody, but we're all different, and everybody's, you know, nerve endings connect differently, whatever the hell the biology is of it, and I didn't need a program, especially because I would freak out if they were like, and this is about Jesus, and I would be like, go fuck yourself, give me a beer.

10:18 sorority and usually the sororities that sponsor comedy shows are like the philanthropy sorority and they're all terrible uh no these girls were all hot just just dimes the whole chapter just full they had like Not in the way of like, I want to fuck this guy. I was supposed to stay at the sorority house. And at the time, it's my first year on the road.

12:08 But that was the night where I was just like, I can't keep doing this. Yeah. Wow, that's a wake-up call. Dry drunk is what people like to say people who are alcoholics who aren't drinking but aren't in a program are. But a 12-step program is weird because doesn't it require belief in a higher power That's so crazy. only five would still be in the program.

14:28 That's a shit retention rate. And it's apparently unbelievably uncomfortable to go through. Like because I passed by and it like it looked like a college campus almost and I was like what the hell is that? the first step to the journey of sobriety and it was one star. I get mad at myself. Let me see what they have to say about dating. reviews and a lot of other things you're relying on random people you know like like if i call you

18:00 I mean, you really don't know. I bet he gives out a half a star. I bet all the people Someone who's like a shitty co-worker who has it against you, can write a bunch of mean shit about you, Just for the fun of it. once you hire someone who's an expert they found the kid like instantly and they realized it was Addicted to it. like press a button and someone would die in the world i heard about that yeah i never saw it i i

21:38 Yeah. Oh, is that the? Because like you were you you see it as just some mythical thing right and then afterward you realize oh, this is real Yeah. They're different types of people. So when you see like a guy, a cop in a movie that feels bad that he had to shoot a bad guy, There's so many plots. said how did you get the accent so perfect and he said i made that accent up and then all the

26:12 and even exemplary like exemplary of a bad motherfucker you're shooting people and you Who'd you like? Were you a De La Soul guy, too? made up a fake press pass, and I went and I covered the I used to love third base. This is a character he's playing. Well, MC Search is done because And, you know, I mean, he's like, I'm a dad now. It's just, it's a dangerous way of talking.

29:06 So there was this one woman they put out the craft services I was just keeping it real. That's a minor infraction. What's the craziest open mic shit you've seen? I see myself as being this really funny person. Right. there's these weird crowds that are just so good and so hyped up that someone with like really his pants off. And every time she hits a punch punch line he opens up the curtain and shows the crowd his balls

32:34 And she never knew. Yeah. that chasm is delusion. and that's the difference. you're almost forced to examine yourself in a way that very few people do So I would hang out there all the time and there was one night where a bunch of comics had done a show in Long Beach shitty it was and how everybody bombed and the night was terrible then one comic gets there

35:19 But it's terrible delusion. bro I'm gonna go get it I'm gonna run there's a lot of people are just Shreds of Talent. And there's the guy who went a little crazy, No, I was just. And I was just like, it was a friend of mine. What? They can't come on them. in team america world police yeah they the sex scene between the two puppets they made like 10 We did that in the 90s with news radio.

38:50 So it didn't air. something called the penis episode yeah by the way good bad name the penis episode yeah it's Satan comes through the floor. where people don't see themselves. and people don't enjoy it, Over 100 episodes. And the people that did watch that show, it's like they were sedated. How is this possible, you know? He knows how to do that drone, that one style of comedy, like two and a half men.

42:23 often i wonder about like how does this get made? would do that and there's a dude sitting next to me just going he's he can't get away from the bees And they were watching like some Spider-Man movie. There's just something about, There's just no doubt about it. You should fucking watch it for sure, just to understand that there's people like that doing really boring shit and then be all right like they're all down home they're down home

45:07 I grew up in New York City. I don't think people really do relate to him. I don't want a president who speaks like I do fairly intelligent guy It's about culture and circumstances and where you're growing up. He doesn't want Guantanamo Bay. And the people who disagree with him are being completely unreasonable. And then, again, people get really tribal.

48:12 And it's one of the reasons why I think we need way more parties. everybody yeah well it would be nice if we didn't have a representative government yeah it would be Good job, superdelegates. to do it and that's all the little power they have in their life is to be a delegate at this people want and then they'll take that over there and it was a wonderful idea yeah now it's bullshit

50:55 We have Facebook. I mean if you want to be like one of those people you should dress like one of those people that invented it then there'd So on this one, I don't know exactly what happened on this one because I'm trying to Yeah. And I just don't think a gorilla is even aware And this two-year-old chimp with diaper on was like I was holding it. And when you pick up a little kid, they're all soft.

53:28 Yeah, but I could see the gorilla being like, fuck those parents. Oh, yeah, I remember that. People survive with very little adversity. stop people from having kids. the other day? No, I could have been. I love the baby, but I love gorillas too. you would have been the one who walked off the trail. I'm going to go find a better way to the Chris and I are two of the owners.

56:16 It's even better. It looks like a small theater. I didn't know you own that place. the, both partners would have to take that pill every day for six months because if And if you fail the puzzle, you don't get a pill. We made it. It's definitely possible. people talking about getting from Santa Monica to It's only nine miles how about when they say we've oversold this flight?

59:23 So there's, Like with a celebrity, no-show percentage is virtually nothing. That's true. How do you do that? even if there's weird anomaly And we tell everyone that. hey, you know, we're on our way and please hold a seat. That seems reasonable. I'll accept that. If you come late, you can get turned away. What if you get stuck in traffic? Well, you can call. You can call and say, hey, you know, we're on our way, and please hold a seat.

1:00:59 Okay, we have movies now. because the costumes are nice. Yes. it's got to be a good song. It's got to further everything right. But that was also Bobby Lopez Racist. Oh, okay. previews and she texted me and she goes one of the actors has been stuck for an hour. Did you ever see that? Fucking Green Day! I like green day isn't like real you know punk punk but at the same time that's the movement it came out

1:04:10 That's the end of it for me. How about the guy on the far right with the two-tone hair and the conveniently placed tattoos? Oh, Christ. They're trying to formulate something that they think America's going to absorb, I would go to people watch the really upper crust rich crowd of Manhattanites, And they go to the finest restaurants in town. They always get a table at the finest restaurants and here

1:06:10 Yeah. Those people have to do everything they can to be cultured except actually talk to human beings. everything was shiny. Like that's all he would talk about. I mean, I knew this guy for years. Is that like what? they're more creative, better at it, so they should be penalized? who is better at it. Exactly. I was gonna get to that. really think well you need business new business but i, who is more anti-poor people than Republicans?

1:09:37 But tell me this. But it can happen. I've been rejected a lot of times, but I'm not going to take no for an answer. Don't pay taxes. A little bit of seed money. house in your car because you bought something you couldn't afford. a great deal of deception and fraud and and garbage that was done from the banks and from the people I just click on this link right here from this person I never met?

1:12:30 It's so lonely at the top of Olympus. because we don't feel it instantly and immediately we don't't have like a vault we open up. We don't feel it. Beep, beep, beep. Oh, wake up to work in the morning click shut it off go to bed. Yeah Beep-beep-beep up wake up keep going and it that's a pattern that just kept And TSA got a cold outside, didn't it? And yeah, he just

1:14:49 A global warming denier is really close to being the president of the United States. Scientists will figure it out. Like, when I can see unhappiness, whether, like, someone's mad at me about something I did or just someone's sad, like, immediately I'm like, I have to fix this. It's the exact type of person you don't want in office. But you also don't want the type of person in office that's constantly worried about people being sad.

1:16:22 Oh, statistics don't fuck with you. know they were actually strays? How do you know people don't just like let their It was just on the streets of Louisville. And this dog is fast. And I'm running around. It's 95 degree heat. And this dog is fast. I'm like, yeah, that's It's hard for some people. One of my favorite dogs ever, her up and they had fed her and she was a really sweet dog and i'm like look i i'll take a chance

1:19:47 And then someone messaged me. Yeah, it's like a I call it a pit bull face on a pig's body. It's like he's adorable and Every single kind of dog is out there. He like he'll find like whatever comic like left like a box of like merch Dog shit in the house. Good. starts doing, you know, the standard PR thing Politely. in your bio, on your Twitter, Racial ghoul was kind of like who's that okay?

1:22:54 like, we love these dogs, No, you shouldn't be. They don't want pets. And, you know, and like things like that. They're not the same breed. line was from fighting dogs. a completely different line because like I have a dog who is chihuahua basset hound and i and hundreds of generations you're dealing with an incredibly aggressive draw dog with a really

1:25:55 Because they weren't bred for fighting and killing. They used to be. Yeah, and I think the problem is also is that if a dog looks like a pitbull, because pitbull actually isn't even a breed. Yeah. And they're really powerful dogs and in the hands of the wrong people. We're not talking about either you need to know everything about it, and you get one or you don't well

1:28:20 than any city in the world. Right. Yeah. Well, I guess. I mean, how many people really walk around with their dog without a leash? So I was walking my dogs on this trail on a leash park in, I think it was Fryman. They'll never learn. Yeah. dog comes charging at us. And it was like a little dog. Do you believe in leashing your dogs on trails and stuff too like when you're in parks?

1:30:37 Right. Yeah, I have no idea. Wow. You know, one time, there was was a like a pet store right nearby so i kind of like brought the dog into the pet store and like they were able to hold him while uh And you hope yeah if you pick up a dog that has fleas and the fleas get in the carpet of your car But there's... to me that people will justify it also.

1:33:04 pets. They just don't want pets. They just don't want pets capture one of my favorite things that i've seen was uh john stewart showed a video of people It's like, fuck, I saw a guy do that the other day. where they're getting their chart they're not getting chased by saber-toothed tigers, And he's like, what do you mean you never speed? Unless you're doing like a 10 hour drive.

1:35:45 Like, I could get a 75 mile an hour speed limit. Right. texting? you can find it on his YouTube channel. Maybe he baits these people. I had my headphones on And then I was like, get the... I don't even know her. You can have it set to your pace, your beats per minute. We're talking about running with headphones on a dog, Those little fuckers. you have to take this thing now when it's eight months old and you got to

1:39:24 boy you're gonna have to fucking throw a activity, boy, you're going to have to Dude, you just fucking nailed it. H-O-F-F-S-T-E Which is where I interview baseball players Well, listen, man six weeks ago. It's crazy. It's Thank you.