Joe Rogan Experience #818 — Mike Schmidt Transcript

Transcript

0:00 on that right when we go live. That is over 10,000 Viking fans with the Viking clap. Why can't we do that? and it's going on right now like it's soccer's replacing war right yeah that's what's going on this is some real shit. They're doing it right now. At a soccer game. Boom, boom. And one day we're hanging out in the back patio. talk about it on a podcast. So here we are. Yep. Yep. I figured why not? It's fucked up. So I may

2:58 Yeah. poor in relation to the white people around them than Madison, Wisconsin. Nowhere else do black children get arrested more often I mean, why is this one area in your assessment If this ever came down to an argument about whether or not these numbers are fair, these Well, you know, how many black people are there? themselves say hey Kathy just to try and avoid being charged with burglary under this statute

6:33 So the black kids don't get the offer of expunction right out of the gates. Let's haggle. probation black kids one chance prison and once they go to prison Whoa. No, them time but then there's these victims and all they ever get to do is read a report all they ever of shit versus someone who has no money the only difference being is that the one person is able

11:06 selection of the 10 most dangerous individuals in Dane County, most likely to reoffend and hurt somebody else. And they staffed it with the Department of Justice and probation and parole the ride. And also, by the way, we have some services. So here's a place where you can apply how are they you know it's because it's white or black the coin flip white or black they're

13:30 judging on how many convictions, the violence of the conviction? Like what were the criteria? Like, is it possible that all the people that were the top 20 had the most amount of violent convictions, the most amount of this, the most amount of that. violent dangerous criminals and it would be a better choice absolutely dangerous so those and the other side just comes at you,

15:59 they fucking did it and win it clean on technical points because those technical points like, something that you think is like uh almost like sort of a chess game? Like you have a bunch of pieces and you have to manipulate them correctly. And you have to be You have to know when someone can invoke a right Statute of limitations to even if you're in court

18:25 the in custody defendant doesn't walk past them on the way in and out. Because if they were to get sentenced, and the jury were sitting there on their way out, there may be some choice words. and they keep their notes, about you sitting in a room and you're trying to figure out what the fuck is going on. Maybe it's And that rolls forward from time to time. Like when you tell jokes on stage, sometimes you hold for a second and you fucking look at people and then they start to laugh.

20:34 So what I would do is I would show up early as shit, and I would take their table. this is the streets. because I knew what we could do Sure. if I can play for that advantage and it's not unethical or illegal because I can explain why that chair is better and why I want it, Or is that a public misconception that you see in, like, movies where the, you know, the criminal defendant that gets assigned by the state doesn't really give a fuck, does a half-assed job, and the guy gets sent up river?

23:02 because it was the hardest move to pull and it would be So then you work on an argument so that after work, you can tell everybody that the prosecution asked for seven and you got them two. If you get someone, you lock them up, you arrest them, Whether it's a game of pool or lawn darts or fucking basketball, people are always trying to win. and apply it to chasing down criminals.

25:25 accused of cheating. Yeah, deflate gate it easier to grip and throw and catch. This is why I got confused. The NFL wants to win in this case. It's not illegal depending on the state that you're in, but it's... Oh, really? pictures. There's decoy guys giving You're going to win because the Patriots were going to win almost all those games anyway. Like, it's fucking hilarious.

28:14 And so, yeah, it's just they're not as bad as people make them out to be in that angle. they can't leave they can never like you can't back off a cop. You can't be like, no, man, I'm not going because they have to get more cops and they have to keep getting more cops with bigger guns until they get you. They're in a terrible terrifying and dangerous situation a lot of times where they literally have to have complete total control of that person and compliance.

30:32 You're in this position where you have a gun all the time, By some. It would be cops or firemen We really do have to take into consideration two factors God damn it, when are these fucking people going to stop doing that? of law enforcement. But at the end of the day, the numbers are shockingly small. If you really Yeah. You know? But like the I mean, the police brutality videos bring to light kind of a way that some officers have been getting away with treating people like Rodney King was was one of the first prime examples of, cops get away with doing this to people.

34:59 Like, I'm not excusing them My personal I'm saying like, if you're currently in a high speed chase with the police, pull over immediately of somebody who just like threatened the lives of people like threaten the lives like by someone who's frantic but that almost makes more sense. Yeah. Exactly. What do you look at? You're really good at racism. Just racial.

37:59 Yeah. Yeah, man. altering medication than white kids also in foster care. So it's they noticed that the numbers were the argument about the gardening that it was going to give them a sense of purpose because like are we all and they showed them This is the magic of begonias. Yeah. on the color of their skin. You have to nurture a plant, almost like a seed. He said, you have to nurture

42:39 John is currently serving time for his sixth drunk driving conviction. You gotta be a little more dry. What is going on with that voice that they do? Do you know who he is? you know that weird not a real person sort of a thing going on who's the king of that shit is how the modern nuclear weapon operates. communicating. The pan-determined. pre-determined patterns that people can plug into.

45:23 It's like a similar one. she's probably a firecracker. wanted to be president tomorrow, I'd be like, bitch, you're not old enough she's not she's not 35 all It's a real catch-22 for a woman. You've got to look a little bit like shit. Oh, 100%. And oh, yeah. God. But he's a lawyer. I get, you know know maybe he was like ah Well, my favorite mayor stuff of all time was Marion Barry when he got caught smoking crack, went to jail, got out of jail and won again.

49:46 28 years. Is that Kwame? Unchecked, motherfucker. Why else would he be mayor? other presidents had and I'm seeing It's nice to know that you could possibly Well, you see Clinton get popped with Monica Lewinsky. So the amount of scrutiny and insults and the amount of data that's directed his way, as opposed to every other president before him. It's like unprecedented

52:26 You get crazy old Bernie Sanders with his fucking wacky hairdo. Think I think she's probably fine. I think she's probably in good health. I don't know man. I just think she's not I Because she's been in the trenches her whole life, right? I mean, she was the Secretary of State. that's the one to put up pull up the thug life version of it, too. That's the one to put up. Pull up the thug life version of it.

54:37 but um that she had had a fairly traumatic brain injury from that that was uh something I mean, it definitely matters. He had that one super bizarre speech. Do you remember this one where? sudden stopped in 1989 yeah yeah work on lasers if you have you seen that one that speech it's No, no, no. Might as well be. She did have a concussion, but I don't know the effects that she's suffering from it.

57:27 Oh, old school. Like if I was the Illuminati You fell and you hit your fucking head, okay? Uh, no. I think probably Mm-hmm, and he made his friend apologize. Yeah, no shit. Dick Cheney's hard fucking core. I mean come on man And he's also still involved. you know that he committed war crimes. I try. And then George Bush stays the fuck out of it, because if you notice, those guys don't travel internationally so much.

1:00:25 Like, is there any country that they know for sure won't prosecute them if they travel Trump, all the treaties, I mean, basically, like, so any enterprising prosecutor in Spain, the fact that nobody's ever even tried to do that and the evidence is overwhelming and clear other countries they will use the fact that we have not prosecuted him here as proof that we're not going to which will allow them to go forward

1:03:22 release people from jail yeah they can suspend their Boards that will review requests for clemencies and pardons and shit like that and they have And county sheriff is in charge of the Department of Corrections. So he can let you out early if he feels like it. And County Sheriff is in charge They have But that's a strange thing to give someone. Like, you can't pardon someone without everybody knowing.

1:06:06 Oh! And Susan McDougal, his Whitewater business partner. No, they don't have warrants. But basically tens of thousands of different prosecutors across the globe could. water business partner too that's a that's crazy but no Michael Milken has a nice little foundation where he teaches kids music look at this she a Clinton friend from fine. Yeah, how does that work, though?

1:08:07 You go and look at And what not Yeah Hillary did trip to visit her. Who I decided to go by and say hello and offer a piece of pie. and there's only two different last names? I feel like he threw in the towel. And then there was a day where he was like, whew, thank God I'm not that guy. he was dead and then Jimmy Er then Nixon was pardoned by Ford, I mean, it's not the only thing.

1:11:08 It was like, bring Nixon back, you know, bring Nixon back. It was like a documentary that they did. Do you know Brian Callen? Don't do business with him Oh, I wish I could remember the actual name of the documentary, but it was a BBC documentary. was true. Right. So they can create 11,000 fake profiles on Facebook and send out friend requests and now they know where everybody is who's got their shit marked public.

1:14:27 And so they want that shit. i mean it really is other people's personal data which we haven't I'm going to guess zero. Where they talk a guy into blowing something up, give him a bomb, and then arrest him when he tries to detonate the bomb because the bomb wasn't real in This man got a raw deal. Yeah, Brian Doyle Murray. There's a total attendance of three.

1:17:11 Your speech They're watching that Yeah. That's a bizarre one. They beat Whitewater. have bullshit jobs and the bribes are funneled in through that in substantial part and so it could And elected officials are supposed to kind of sequester their assets in trusts, blind trusts, you technically no longer own it. Well, let's just be the most optimistic possible.

1:20:18 48 bucks. Yeah, but you don't want cultural appropriation. It's just, it's amazing that they pulled that off, and that's not under investigation. Shit spun out of control, and they ended up making a lot of money. movie like a platoon oliver stone style movie about that war it's coming right yeah probably Is this real? You know what the problem is? So it's like being in debt

1:22:33 I'm done. I want more of those. but it's cool to see a bunch of villains get together and do something i've never seen them do when it first came out and they fucked up New York and everyone loved it. that dude what's his name yeah yeah that's the best hulk movie i think yeah yeah for sure yeah Like it's, you know, it's like being an alcoholic, like blacking out and waking up in Tijuana.

1:25:09 Yeah. But the shirt's off. Google that. This is just a guy that wants attention. hard enough to kill someone. Yeah, you're right. You could get fucked up by a tennis ball. Is that the guy? Yeah, imagine catching that on the nose. Whoa, that's fast. It's also getting hit off of a solid piece of metal instead of just some strings. My friend Ryan got hit in the head.

1:28:20 Yep. Like, look at his thighs and all that shit. He can't even play now because of all the torque he's put on his back over the years. He was killing the ball. Really? they make from endorsements. Big time business investors, they fucking love are run by golfers. Like big-time business investors, They feel like they're cool. He's a tennis player. he's bounced back up to $45 million a year.

1:30:58 Wow. So he's a super successful golfer, $2.9 million in winnings. Yeah. McElroy, homeboy, nobody, I mean, I've never heard of him. Have you heard of him? Yeah, look for the top curler curls get mad when you bring this up by the way Those Formula One guys. of that is kind of like for nascar it sort of has to be a car that you could get you know like it's

1:33:56 Dude, like, when you see the video from a perspective of a person actually driving the Because they're making these split-second decisions. Jamie, what's the name of this video? Or six inches high, rather. Oh, yeah. See that quick move of the hand? because they have those in some cars. This is probably a stupid question. Car people are going crazy.

1:36:45 I get excited just watching that. Yeah. enact some sort of reform or you tried to at least say what the fuck's going on yeah but you know like it's just it's it's not the sensational cases that Mm-hmm these tests will only detect somebody above 0.20 and then they when they changed the legal limit they didn't change the test so remember in what i'm saying is it's not a real test right but they lowered the limit right like the limit used

1:41:03 They just changed the booklet. That seems so weird. When it's only effective to prove that they're 0.15 or above, for example. Just look at them. fifth amendment violation, if ever there was one. But because the police win most of their arguments, The Supreme Court was like you guys need to get warrants for this stuff Rockford files. Yeah. No, like,

1:43:51 I know a guy who knows a guy. forcing him to give blood how do you defend that first you look at the stop so you find out how long they were following him and if how much uh good driving and how much bad driving they viewed One, you don't want your client's license suspended. or the machine has not been maintained properly. At the same time, you order the reports for the

1:46:28 that they use for the blood draw. And you have to check that out so if you have an as a defendant, you can't actually point to a problem and say, see, you didn't carry the one and a fifth. Even though the penalties go up, it's crazy because the more OWIs people have, First defense drunk drivers, It's horrifying. Okay. No, you can't do those things.

1:49:50 warrants rubber-stamped, most people who are convicted of crimes have been convicted of a couple of crimes and nobody shows sentence. If you have supportive people in your side of the room, that will shorten your sentence. has said i was right. What are the odds? they're just... are solid because whores do tell the truth you know like whores do important work but they are

1:52:57 how it works. I would expect that I would hire an expert sometime and they would say, you know, So you don't have experts functionally if you got money an expert can run They really have to fly someone from Philadelphiailadelphia sometimes to wisconsin to say that was piss Right, most of the time. it's it's pretty disheartening it's's, it's, it's atrocious.

1:56:16 scary. and it was really beautiful, I'm like, this is amazing. That's fucked up. But as life goes on, the perspective sort of comes clearer and clearer into focus. you know, And I mean, It was designed. No, 346 million? I think so. How many have been counted? I mean, I think we should let everybody in that wants to come. It does. a nice wall and stop everything. See, what I think we should do is I think we should fucking

2:00:39 And we have this social justice warrior president of Canada their prime minister is like he's there Do we put you in the gender neutral jail? You murdered somebody, but you have a vagina. I mean, yeah. All right. When I get free. who was a prisoner. money to film it. he starts like his own I jizzizz on myself, website from jail. I think it's helpful.

2:03:35 Like there's people that practice Kundalini yoga and they get to some place where they can have some trance when women walk up to them. at salad bar fairly handsome dude thought they were going to have a relationship them outside. Remember that? Yep. That was the same situation. Homely lady. Oh yeah. Yeah. Fairly Even dudes? they're going to try to,

2:05:13 Ooh, it's an offense? No. their fly open, you know, and it's like this Because for a lot of people, what it comes down to is the sentencing. Or, you know, I'm not going to put myself in situations like this anymore your honor when they're being convicted of beating the shit out of somebody they'll say I'm not gonna put myself in situations like this sounds

2:07:37 Oh, Childish bullshit self-centered selfish right all but they're an adult. That's just what a sociopath is. It's not that impressive with bad kidneys right so some people are born like didn't they say that jeffrey dahmer wasn't and still be a human being. Yeah. So if you, if you think about that and you think about the too much of a record it's coming down to this fucking apology right it's coming down to our

2:11:09 She doesn't want me to. Do you think they like that? And then I made them say it in a nice, like. I would just quote George Michael. Yeah, I did that song freedom. Yeah, it's a good song There we go. If you see the video, that's the best part about that song. Naomi Campbell, Christy Turlington. Yeah. be like well we can't lie to them and tell them like I would make a list of shit that I wish was true. And I'd be like, well, what are these things? Can I fucking just make true? Like,

2:14:29 writing the fucking letters now. Cause in six months, have them show up like just cause the them. And there's people where you would completely want to insult them. It's just not appropriate and you can't do anything because you then you don't stop. Oh, there were, there's a bunch of bars right by that courthouse, No. And you did stand-up? Are you?

2:17:12 enjoying it yeah yeah it's super fun and what brought you to the store uh well i was in Like, it's nuts. But then it just went really well. Yeah. Hormuz is 56 by the look of them. Dom Herrera, Chris D'Elia, me, Yeah. This isn't, I don't want to say what the bit is about, Jimmy Schubert's gonna go. Why didn't you say me Nick? Yousef is gonna go. Why didn't you say me Dave Taylor?

2:20:50 Yeah, but it's not just that. where the employees become the the star attraction yeah yeah there was like eight people eight comics and then And I mean, you start now you have no hope right you are the best and why not try to be the best why not try Competition. And you can catch Mike Schmidt on Twitter. Thanks, everybody.