Joe Rogan Experience #823 — Eleanor Kerrigan Transcript

Transcript

0:00 yes eleanor what's up my friend yes so good to see you what's up with you eleanor my long And then I'd go, Eleanor, did you see blah, blah, blah? And I used to tell my customers, I'd be like, all right, right here, you're going to want to go to the bathroom. There was, not the beginning Well, when we first got there, Martin Lawrence was on top. You were like you were like receiving like a master class in comedy before you ever did it. Oh my god

2:20 When Sharippa was booking the Riviera. a great guy. And then all of a sudden fucking spaghetti sauce in the world i know i have to have to try it. It's really good. I still didn't get it. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. Thank God for people like that. We've known this guy forever easily yeah like i feel in water and i was like oh my god it's richard pryor because we used to get punished for listening

5:11 because of that bitch wife no but yeah i didn't want to get in trouble i didn't know if it was Because he was really ill. Please. Him and Chewy used to help Richard Pryor get to the stage. You're worried that someone's going to sneak up on you? Eddie Alvarez. How was it? It was on the internet. So I don't know the actual numbers. for the women's strawweight title.

7:43 And I was like, oh, come in here. It was cool seeing Brock back. It's crazy. How are you stopping that? He'd probably take his ass. and supposedly short period of time in the hell and they're 100 natural and then there's some girls that are just they don't have My friend Sidley is a buddy of mine from back in Boston. Like, he was just doing martial arts stuff.

10:25 Like, he stopped lifting because he said it was boring. Like, little yolk dudes. Have you ever seen the whippet dogs And a myostatin inhibitor, apparently, it regulates the amount of muscle tissue you carry around with you. You know how to spell that? This is what the dogs look like. Dude, kangaroos When I was a kid. You see the one that's knocking on the window of the person's house?

12:34 Look how big that thing is. No, I'm kidding. That is amazing. You are not supposed to ever in the wild. This was a beating off seeing its reflection It's scary as fuck. Fuckers, man. And then it's got this jacked upper body. wind come then when it came they all scattered That one's not too jacked. This is not the right video, maybe. chest bump himself.

15:19 Whoa. You got me. Really? Interesting. He thought it was fake because it was so big. And his friend stopped him So the dude ran back, Yeah, it's chasing after golfers on a golf course. We'd kill them. Now that would be killer. If they find them on the ground, they eat nesting birds. monsters. This cat had brought in I love them all. I don't know if I could do

18:29 On her head, I should say. You know know bulls they gotta put some shit an asshole Well, the matadors don't ride them, right? Yeah. That's great. I guess they can't. what's that place with the trampolines yeah let's see these people they get these balls So they're standing out here. Oh, fuck. Right in the dick. Oh, my God. You could than one bull? Oh, Jesus. Boom. He collides. Oh, fuck that, dude.

20:34 I mean, he's still running, which is amazing. my god, this is He's not moving. I hope as soon as he gets up, the bull comes back. this? Part of us... What is this? He's a little slower than we are, don't you think? He survived it. Would you do it? It needs to be where you're inside the ball and it needs to be like a stronger material It's a bad quote right there

23:38 oh, no, I fucked up. That guy probably didn't think before or after or during. I'll tell you what I'll do. I got that warrior blood. Bad knees. I couldn't do the food. but some of it was easy. I can't. I'm telling you, but it's all in your head because if you eat crabs, you're eating the same thing. Like fear factor to me is anything. Like I would throw up or something awful do you think you have an allergy to weird foods or

26:10 So now I just make fun of it. The language police, I will punch in the face. You're pro cop. other stuff whatever dick to the face that's a lot of tolerance you grew up with like a lot That's hilarious. so when i was like eight they split up so it was like oh shit it's on now like wow they can't catch I'm still afraid of my dad. I talked to him. I call him because I use him for material

29:06 Yeah, She's the new champ. She's so fast. She's like lightning fast. Her hands are so explosive. She's awesome. She's awesome. She's so fast. Her jiu-jitsu is really good. But she's very very good like from uh standing and on the ground as well her jiu-jitsu is really or much more experienced as a striker, Just watching her. So it's, like, easier that way. If there's another woman's bantamweight that doesn't get enough credit uh

31:16 Yeah. you're doing commentary you're like wow it was it was a screamer it was so ridiculous but um women's uh bantamweight division is Yeah. Is it what he said to me I don't know how it works. I really don't. I'm going to plead Joe's gas station over here. these things have steroids in them. boner pills, then he's going to be tested for steroids. It'd be hilarious if he just starts chasing us around the room.

34:00 A woman's butt. I've come to the conclusion They all have them fucking run a test here and find out what I'm not gonna take it but what I'm made me see visuals and stuff. Don't. But do they get you high? FDA.gov. But one Oh, he didn't test it? I thought he tested it. generic Viagra oh okay so Public notification. Sildenafil. Sildenafil. Yeah. Okay. It says it's the, how do you say that word? Sildenafil.

37:32 The main ingredient in Viagra. because these things will fuck you up. So public notification. Yeah, there's Rhino 7. 7. John Jones has a headache. if he could sue Rhino right This is, wow. Do you have to get a prescription for that? I try it now, it's not even close. I'm like, wow, did you get bit by something? They made that shit on an island somewhere in the South Pacific.

40:35 and what goes into it? As much I know you don't eat seafood at all, right? You know what I mean? Oh, put it in me? And I didn't want to take it, so I put it in my Zantac's container. Forgot I did that. Well, you're wasting your time here. She had a horse's foot. that's a good one it's because you're avoiding humor important moose I mean how many animals. Porn moose.

42:57 That's a total moose knuckle. Like I bet they would never call it moose knuckle in the 1800s because they didn't have any pictures. Like did not exist before. Or maybe you could just see a moose walking around It's got the northern states. I was terrified. accidents in just the united states yeah there was a ton i saw in jersey just a couple weeks ago

44:52 Bring them back. We need them? No. I mean, between their ideas and your ideas. Yeah, but my nieces and nephews, the young ones, they yell at him, I literally went home. And then we went to his house. i mean my brothers of course we would get into it classic that description is my dad had grenades poet and he's got a typewriter, run. Just make him change.

47:49 And he goes, I had to re-spool the ribbon. I could do it. And then you would back up. Yeah. Go all way When I was playing Quake. they're like, So it's a typing program, but it's a video game. Home keys. I remember they used to yell, like, in typing class, like, do you use your pinkies? But these fingers, like, I got it, I got it, I got it. I can fucking do it, dude.

50:29 Come on It's all about your mind bro is no good fucking shows forget this dude There's all this crazy shit going on. I love. And we were watching one of those daytime shows. did a fucking hilarious podcast and they check their phones. He pauses and grabs his phone. It does make sense. Bullshit. Some things trump other things. Okay. Right. it as an obsession or as something that you're a fixation perhaps something that is just

55:13 The Pokemon game is taking it to the next level. uh you can like train your fighter to be stronger and stuff like that video game. Here's the crazy thing. In two days, inside and outside because of this game. I'm sorry. How are you? It's because he bought an old church. In just three days. A dead body close to the Wyoming Highway 789 bridge. And what's scary is like on that article, now armed robbers are robbing people at certain places in the game because they know the kids are going to be there with like new phones, like iPhones and stuff.

59:23 Yes. And they have perfect, they could 3D model all our faces now because we've been scanning our faces. But it's also fascinating that it's an augmented reality. You're completely sucked into this very bizarre Nice guy. There's going to be a lot of people dying. It doesn't have to be. I'm just saying. on the ground it reminds me of it's kind of like that

1:01:49 because it was like, go here. There's Dude, if you got really play where it's like go to these coordinates and you'll find like a present and you know dude if you got really cynical you'd be go you'd be it's like a it's like some sort of an alien talking to you going move around your coordinates and take photographs First time people. Yes, you do. So if you're playing it, what are you seeing?

1:03:06 they just decide that the things are there it's random but what they usually do is they they take pictures on youtube this video of what look i someone made a fake application that looked like Like maybe two days ago. Yeah, me too. Two days ago I saw a couple pictures. It was an April Fool's joke on YouTube. we're driving by the hollywood bull i'm like oh there's some cool stuff here i'm gonna get here

1:04:30 Send Nintendo shares soaring. That's right. but Pokemon stuff is just sort of floating around. This, by the way, is just the first and your house is going to be your house. Maybe this would be the video game that fixes people. This is insane. Look at her sore legs. Well, I can tell you there was probably a lot of them on the 405 today. Like, this is one part of it.

1:06:48 Magic Leap? And supposedly Magic Leap is supposed to be awesome. If you want to constantly involve. They were doing something with the UFC, and they wanted to get footage. There's all sorts of crazy stuff they've tried before that they don't do anymore. We went from Pokemon to porn. Can you see somebody like that? has virtual porn now for free. and the sex.

1:09:29 But it was like I was more, like, after I was done, I was like, holy cow, It's so cool. Oh, wow. You're like, wait, where'd he go? Wow, so weird. like a music video do it. is a movie going to be like if this becomes the new thing? Because we're used to seeing, if you want to see a great movie, right? Is everybody seeing something different? Well, they say if you look with shitty binoculars,

1:12:22 You know what I mean? or it has to be I forget. Oh, yeah. That's like saying nowadays plasma, LCD, that's a kind of TV or kind of display. We're in a weird world, aren't we, folks? a reason to get a new TV. It's the same TV. I've got something beautiful. They still have great towers. Power? You're like oh great we're getting paid by Apple bro the best specs it's amazing how expensive this thing is 674 bucks oh that's why i've never heard

1:16:28 It is. God. But that was that animation. cheaper than no keyboard or monitor with that It's mostly speed. Like this is way beyond that. There was a weird thing I just read recently about how... It's much faster. I know what I'm doing. I mean like space saving. it would be specific to what you're actually doing like you would if we needed one we would

1:19:32 a monitor anymore? no steering wheel, bitch. We're talking about computer stuff, manly things. along and just takes that away yeah and my grandpa he built tools specifically for typewriters that Because they buy them, and then they just put them there for decorative features. But I wouldn't unless it was someone's cool. He would play with that. Look at that, that looks

1:21:24 him. That is fucking brilliant. What the hell does it need the ribbon for? Maybe that'd be fun to. strange that's cool that's oh i see so there's different ones one of them works it just goes Yes. Like that's probably worth a lot of money, but my dad just keeps it like it's not smart and so uh they were like yeah we'll buy that from you for a lot of

1:23:33 Is it an Underwood or is it a Royal? Hi-oh. Big coffee. Yeah. Johnny Depp does an amazing impression of him in that movie. IBM Selectric 3, it looks like. That's what is that what ibm selectric 3 looks like If you look at the history of the typewriter, how long has the typewriter been around? You're right. We'll go with 1797. But 1575, an Italian printmaker named Francesco Rampazzetto invented the Scorita something,

1:26:35 Oh, printing press. 1575. No, I mean like so eleanor feed us through that what is or talk us through that that like this one and feed the This place in Columbus called Kosai, they have the streets of yesteryear, and you can No, they do. She's got wool out, and she's running it through this spindle. She'd take it, and she just started attaching it, They have real blacksmiths.

1:29:50 It is uncomfortable. Look out! We're coming over the top. Do you think they do that in Korea? Yeah. No, we have to figure it out. with a pile of wool? What would you do? Sleeping Beauty came from. Like the old iron ones and you have to like get new rubber stoppers because all the rubber has gotten bad. Those are cool looking. I think. Or maybe up there.

1:32:23 I remember had two like straight pins in her lip and she was like helping their kids you know they're young That could take a long fucking time. Crazy. hey, do you, that's so crazy. But it's definitely in her lung. She's always doing, like, five billion things at once. Walk around with a... something open or something. expression and not think Oh, yeah.

1:35:00 Knowing what you know now. Exactly. I wouldn't want to go back yeah yeah and that was this year i I think, right? Yes, 2015. Everybody thought it was going to be spaceships. Exactly. we're just going to figure it's it's trying to figure out a way to absorb us right now We're in the future. Like think about before there was a car. That's a game changer when they invented the car.

1:37:59 Information. Wow. They remember the people. guy and he goes, I'm a cotton picker. yeah that's a weird job I forget his name. late 70s possibly 80 yeah and um but he would tell me all these stories and the manager was like say weird shit like like i had a discussion with a guy a long fucking time ago about the civil war yeah, well, these fucking liberals, try telling that to them.

1:42:02 you know i mean how much different is that than working at Burger King? Yeah, it's true. Yeah. And people went to war over it. 100 years before I was born. When you say it, that it was only 140-something years ago, you're like, nah. I have family that lived to be 100, racist pie pie they get together tell you what we're gonna do we're gonna put our foot down

1:44:16 and like trying to school them but it's yeah the idea that anybody's out there right and then to expect that to Parts. Yeah, well, they don't like people. Yeah, Philly is similar in a lot of ways. I mean, we came over, I don't remember how far back. But they were all fresh off the boat. Take my seed. Good Lord. That's a gang of kids. 26 people. Four kids, 27 grandchildren, and 45 great-grandchildren when she passed away 11 years ago.

1:48:55 it half of us were like you know what we're gonna stop this bloodline enough You don't have to. yeah for so long you're like you're not fucking people yeah i don't need to make any more people yeah jesus christ i mean i wonder how much of that pull to family is I bet if one of you I stayed in the room with them. Like, let's go in there. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

1:50:58 Like, I still think certain areas do it. and then walking home the Upper West Side we go to Crunch Gym But New York? No, it's great. It's very strange. a sack of potatoes and me and my niece were like oh my god oh my god like we just got out to help I walk home from the store a lot. Well, Sunset is, there's going to be a spot. Venice, people walk around in Venice.

1:53:26 Like you said, the Hollywood Boulevard, if they're going to sightsee, whatever. She got angry. Do you ever forgive her? She taught me everything, my sister Karen. I was like, yeah, I'd abandon a kid to do this, right? I'm like, she's my niece. So walking was I don't know what happens. He was funny. He's a pimp? And as I went to get on the bus, they pulled me off the bus.

1:56:44 for him see that girl work and i'm gonna get fired and this guy's got guns in his face and i'm worried about my weight Oh, take the ride. That's a crazy story. Am I this? I've been. And it was a stupid thing we were doing. In a bad situation like that. Like, in your situation. That was weird. Like, obviously, cops are stressed to fuck out a lot of the times, too. That's what I'm saying. In a bad situation like that.

1:59:21 Look how comfortable she is with him. Like they're negotiating Yeah. he couldn't like recruit girls and have them do sex for money for him and protect them that's what Oh, I see what you're saying. Yeah, you're right. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with any of it, but I'm like, it is. Yeah, they always did. You got furs on. But the other nails were substantially longer

2:02:05 The woman is a prostitute. That was the only flattering thing about the story is that the guy thought I was underage. Fish shizzle. That's a problem. Well, that's a very different story. That was the only flattering thing Uh-uh. Yeah, he can do no wrong. Yeah. Sometimes. Look at Ice-T. Remember the woman? This guy. Oh, it's crazy, this show. Like they were playing.

2:04:36 Like no one wants a girl to be a prostitute. Isn't a lot of what's wrong with prostitution two things? The same amount of people would be doing prostitution or going to prostitutes. They'd be the same people. How dare you. you're sick. Even in a relationship, was i don't know if it was something for me i forget what it was but it was money yeah and i

2:07:03 get more with a tit out. thing before it becomes legal. Yeah. I want to say like two years ago maybe Nine Volt Nirvana is the episode on Radiolab She works for this, I should say woman. I say girl boy for adults all the time so quick and they go that was 20 minutes and she's like what and then she hit every target That's interesting. dermal cranial i have some nine volt batteries at home i'm gonna try hold on a second what

2:10:39 I'm not joking. If somebody shaved a part of your head and attached some shit to the side of your head and then shot electricity into that area, like, your brain's going to be affected by that. It's interesting. Transcranial direct current stimulation headset helps get your game on. They're gonna hook us up with some gaming laptop. Wait, Razer's a PC?

2:12:37 total Quake head back in the day. He was Woah. You can't- Significantly upgraded the graphics. I mean this is this is not really the game itself It'd be mean. They just announced the set E3, and this is a big kind of announcement. There's a new Doom that's based on, I think it's the same engine. that you have zero ping, so there's no latency. Then it got even lower.

2:15:38 This is real in-game footage. I don't remember what it was, but there was four of us connected on the iPads. Kind of, yeah. I mean, it's not direct-direct, person-to-person yet? It was a tablet. Yeah, yeah. Well, they're probably doing that with Pokemons, right? Kind of, yeah. Like the idiot. those 3D, i just like to fight for real they're driving people around like uber service for pokemon right

2:17:00 Yeah, it's easier to go, if you're going slow, it's easier to get things. You can't be doing this while you're moving. just not going to let you do anything. jesus christ that's hilarious pokemon the beginning like it i can't even i don't know But it brought it up. Jesus Christ, they're going to have all the money. potential the potential the connection that you're having to the if you all of

2:19:17 They've had a problem like. And you could pay to have that a stop. I quit. To make fun. that he sends me like just snaps of him fucking and i've seen his dick more than i want to but where you can show your dick and it goes away You're saying somebody told me this Whoever told me was very sure. Eleanor, what happened to that pro wrestling thing you were going out for recently?

2:22:00 She used to crush pool balls and to scare her enemies. Dom came. Which one did you get I forget her last name Watch Accidentally seasons wow it got canceled because um we did a pay-per-view and i can't look at that and they But I still love it because they trained us to be professional stunt women, you know? girls. she's an amazing athlete That shit is not going to fly today. That's Bronco

2:25:16 Yes, oh my god property of the state prison a year would you do? And Elle, I forget how many shows, jogging. We did the UFC And how many times they played. Oh, yeah. It's amazing. Easy Rider. Man, wild shit. Like I was so honored. I feel like we tried to get it as a landmark or something like that, but it didn't work because... considered it so it can't get torn down

2:28:23 they were coming after us Like the main room. It should be historic. That's what I'm saying. No, but when she got the original room first, right, and then she bought the main room later. Yeah, opened in 1940 and closed in 1947. Look at that fucking neon sign. Holy shit. The big round one from have in the kitchen. She bought it from him. write a book and i was thinking wow mitzi wanted me to help her write a book and i was like wow

2:31:37 Westwood, yeah. like what what are you doing but it was cool here it is there they are are. Comedy Store West. Wow. That's so cool. Look at Jay Leno. Looks like Billy... He did a cartoon. Look at Robin Williams. It's an awesome club. As a comic, yeah. And like people were quitting I call in if I have avails you don't call me Eleanor where you at July 30th with Dice at

2:34:13 But La Jolla, I'm excited. I love it. Yes. Same thing. Irvine Improv is awesome.