Joe Rogan Experience #836 — Hannibal Buress Transcript

Transcript

0:00 da da da Hannibal Montana is that it Hannibal Montanaville experience the I hope they sue me. Yeah. She was going crazy for a while. She's a talented girl. What did you want to say? I actually did watch a little Hannah Montana back in 08. God, man. But a lot of people got mad at him. Just angry amongst my friends and we talk shit, but I don't like to show that.

2:48 Oh, Zach Galifianakis was in Birdman? He's like the stage director. And then he got high. He went on forever. Right? Yeah. You know, you can talk to some people about certain bands you're just not supposed to like. sold out gigantic arenas all over the world but they couldn't get any radio play. It was real weird. But there wasn't a lot of radio play.

4:55 Oh, you were with Kevin James? Sometimes. i learned that when i opened for this band it's cool super nice guys they saw me at zany's in And it's packed. I'm like where's You have to settle. but it's music that I enjoy, so I try to just mix it up sometimes in a theater in the round. after I did my set, I was supposed to bring But I was like, I can't keep doing these.

8:11 This is my city, too. Right. Yeah, that type of thing. he was just like, Kevin Hart! I mean, what are the arguments? than a lot of athlete shoes definitely he's a smart dude he's a smart dude smart dude worked I know you're not walking around going, man, I wish my life was fucking better right now. Well, two, it's a different way. gestures towards me like yeah he's famous or something.

11:16 They tried to get you to come hang out, but we didn't want to. She got a volleyball body. I say, hey, Ashley, what the fuck happened last season? fucking tacos. That kind of depth. that wants a dude to take that challenge. Like, she probably has to, like, Yeah, maybe if you just I think everything worked out great. Why can't I just get the fuck away from this?

14:00 Yeah. You're a goddamn amateur here. It's fun, though. I was just in a sort of a, not a bad mood, but a weird mood, impulsive. And we get back to the room, and she's kind of, like, cold towards me, I'm like, wait a minute, Vegas? it's like but not saying a word I had to do a Today, the same age? Man, I had to check, man. With nothing, though? Like, she's...

17:03 A lot of fake orgasms. There should be like No compatibility at all It's just laser Be at the fights So getting ready I understand She's like, that's me and my roommates. And so I'm like, what is? That's what you do. You just go. You have your phone in your hand.? Just leave all your shit in the room and buy new shit. That's what you do. You go, I'll be right back.

19:09 Walk in the fight with a computer. and it would be a disservice to both of us in wasting each other's time. but I had a great night, man. That's how beautiful she was. I mean, you definitely can. Even better. Successful comedian Relax You bought some real estate wow that's interesting man what if you start a fucking hannibal burris hotel i was thinking

21:46 I'm in hotels, Yeah. like that standard Motel 6 type look. I like it. That's beautiful. girlfriends or wives That's a good move. You know what I mean? where it's like, to keep doing comedy. And get two multifamily properties a year You do your eight years, and when you get out, you make a billion dollars. Oh, he's going to be fine either way, but he can literally double his money if Trump wins.

25:44 Wasn't it, Jamie? Yeah, and he was still doing his TV show back then, remember? Because he was saying a bunch of shit about Mexicans. We got NBC and we got Caitlyn Jenner. We gotta put our fucking foot down now. too progressive, too transgender in the bathroom, black people, what do you got to lose? Oh, please play that. It's not bad. Here, play it so we can hear it, Jamie.

28:51 I hope he's high as fuck right now. What do you have to lose? We're watching a movie. Even just saying that, who gives a shit? I think it's way too easy to stay alive, I think it's not their fault You know, don't say tranny. Yeah, those are bad examples. and very bizarre hard times these are hard times we're talking about it's good it's look everything

32:09 He was playing PS4 Give me football, But I'm over there as a guest. I just wanted to play something different. And they're waiting for orders And then there's a bunch of people out there, unfortunately, and for them, it hurts me and it makes me happy at the same time. I can't believe that I live on super far. I don't think that's a fucking asshole, fuck them.

35:22 of open game right like when a guy like trump can come along and talk as much crazy shit as he and a sweaty face and he's just running into that cafe yeah Yeah, something. It's crazy. This is crazy. I'm not sure. That's how it should be done. that understand human nature and hang on to it like it's a rope hanging but to want to run a country just a

38:54 the fuck it is, you see a musician, being what a lawyer to a senator right Lord yeah didn't community activist yeah he moved up because I forget who it was. That's kind of crazy. Why are you doing that? I enjoy this, but I see how I could go. Everybody else just sort of like rides it out, you know. He spent 2014 and he did that. eight years from now

41:59 That's a funny conversation no, trying to stay awake, do I sign up to get out of this job? It was a good show. Doing a bunch of different movies and shit and it was a funny pilot and then the network got a hold of it and they just Yeah. I was pretty sure that that would be okay. Can I hear with some ice? But it's just, I guess we didn't really focus it and focus the point of view,

45:00 Yeah, but I'm happy I did it, i i had that moment where you know for what was You know what? You know, I think I kind of went into it not really knowing. We never did a true pilot episode cheers chip we never did a true pilot episode our pilot Okay. stand up oh i try to tell a stand-up bit like but it'll work better uh visually animated or as a They weren't, they were a better idea for like a play than they would be for a standup

48:01 where rosanne made all this money and then seinfeld made all this money he. It's like, oh, shit, I got to get a sitcom. Now, with a guy like you, like, what I want to hear is you talk about everything. I don't want a bunch of people filtering the Hannibal vision. And we're just gonna give you a production team and just come up with whatever the fuck you want to come up with

49:48 If it's just the TV version of it, once it goes online, then it becomes equal to the online version. But if he got a million people an episode, like, you could easily, if you had a crazy viral video, like some of Joey Diaz's videos, they probably have close to a million, right? Yeah. I've been kind of. I mean, that's real numbers, man. I mean, that's the same kind of numbers you get if you have a TV show. It's the same shit.

51:32 a lot of these, And they have a crazy subscriber list on YouTube, millions of subscribers. I mean, I don't know how many people watch ComedyCentral.com. There's, what are the other ones? $135 million is all they paid to. If he sold every sneaker It's somehow or another Jesus Jamie meanwhile here's some perspective the UFC sold for four billion And the revenue they're getting, maybe just from ads, is less than $5 billion. So they're to run YouTube right now. Every year? Every year. And like the revenue

54:31 they're doing the future bet to be YouTube. everybody, or upload place that everybody I mean, they put up ads, but I don't have anything to do with it. YouTube ads they add. Yeah, it's not going to help the drunk too much. I got offered a gig in Israel. You're sure? I unearthed the lead. Is Israeli What the I'll take this gig With me when we were together

57:47 Is that common? Yeah, Craig Mack. What's going on over there? would you have taken the gig over the movie If I was a girl, I'd be so pissed That's a good move, though. I don't think that. And a bear just ate her sister. Other bears. Why did you just say other bears with anything they can eat. So, You carry her over your shoulders. In a separate situation.

1:01:07 the fuck is really going on you get glimpses if you take mushrooms you stick your head and you you know you'd have to ask her can you imagine if that was the case in the in the cave people So sad. And she was beautiful. You ever meet a waitress... She doesn't know yet that people will look at you weird if you're a waitress. I Did you say it It was daytime Let this shit go Who gives a fuck Who gives a fuck You know why I didn't say that? Why? Because we don't hang out enough. If I was right next to you, I'd be like, dude, listen to me.

1:04:16 I know she's in Vegas. Because she knew who I was. That's very honest of you. Yeah. A lot of the time. Have a drink? How about him for president? Oh, my God. That's's brilliant So I stole that from him Smiley face If you want to put this up, you can't hide the darkness. she is say something better to me i'm a famous comedian say something clever do something send

1:07:16 They want to play cool. shit goes any further that this isn't just some weird celebrity thing. Which it ends up being just casual platonic-ass drinks. They know that They can't believe But they're in contact with you. And I use Bumble. There's too much going on. It's kind of stiff and awkward, but she's kind of there for it. Wow. It's hard being a groupie

1:10:28 Not bad, but just it's a different thing. I want to meet you, Hannibal. self correcting as you go along you know yeah does that make any sense? Drinking. Memed up and clipped up. And everybody wants to be unfiltered, but nobody wants unfiltered. If you and I were hanging out at the comedy store, we'd have the same conversation. It does seem it seems even though obviously it's way more people listening and watching, but it's more about the visual of other people.

1:13:04 It doesn't make any sense at all. It doesn't make any sense at all. I'm like, how'd you get back here? to take a leak and hilarious listen to it But I was in Chattanooga last year. Bar is here. were cooked well i wish i remember the name of this but it was the wings were so good grilled Can I take a picture with you? Let me just finish eating. with him afterwards

1:16:15 he acts cool of the bar it's another bigger space where the bathroom is. He's standing by the bathroom door. And how many days span between stories? was mean to me and even crowd it I walk up And then they were ready to fight. And then his friend pulled out a camera phone I was ready to fight. and saying, Yeah. with him i feel goofy this is just a fact yeah I just like

1:19:49 think I got a picture? I'm like, just real quick, but I get that side of it now So you're thinking about it. it's it's interesting it's just an interesting lens man it's a it's an interesting lens not just Super lucky. I hate when people like you say that Stop it you're fucking awesome There's going to be people going to see Jim Norton for the end of time.

1:22:50 Seven more years. I, uh... Big fan of the Jews. and I want to pick I'm not into that. They're tracking people 2014. for some reason, my brain put Catapult then i found this company started looking it up you found them Like, yeah, you sure? I'm like, hey, let's just do. It's still early in the company. They're tracking the performance. Oh, it's a vest.

1:26:29 This dude just got like a chest harness, which I'm sure could measure, I don't know, like energy? So it's not necessarily tracking you through GPS. They're probably following them with like a tracer. It's not that important. how much each team runs and all that shit so he could sit in a truck in the back of practice He was hurt for the last eight weeks or whatever the year.

1:28:45 He gave me a card to give to Jamie. Dude, there's going to be virtual reality I got the S18. Oh, man. That video game was pretty intense. It's a very good game i had i had fun so i i i can attest to it because uh i They even scanned me and they put me in the game. I did this so I can get out of doing more commentary. I was thinking if I was a kid and I was playing this game,

1:31:05 You get destroyed really fast? They might have you juiced up. Oh, Rogan with the leg kicks. Look at that. Oh, Rogan with the turnaround! Rogan. Should be illegal to watch two people fake fight when you know one dude would beat the fuck out of me. Oh, he's about to finish him. Why don't they stop the fight quicker than that? He was already unconscious.

1:33:23 I've dunked on LeBron James before, dude. I want to see more than I want to see the Aurora Borealis. He was awesome. This is going to be a crazy war. Oh, man. I would think once you knock somebody to the ground, becomes the front leg so the right leg is in front And when he survived, Conor's gas tank was empty. But when he was on the cage, when you move away?

1:36:35 Yeah, it wasn't like he was running the whole thing. It's something funny about it, you know? maybe you should move away and breathe. Way less than you would think. And she had walked away And then some MMA Twitter posted, Apparently he's the only one that spotted her. Like Ronda Rousey. and somebody gets kicked in the face, And I'm glad I don't, you know, put myself in a situation where I got to fight a stranger.

1:39:26 That is Matrix shit. Who the hell is stopping Rick's story like this? Oh, man. Donald Cerrone is a fucking wizard. Who the hell's stopping Rick's story like this? type of emotion I appreciate your loyalty first of all to both Onnit and Donald Cerrone. Someone told me, I have to research it. Dude, that happened so fast. okay, what can Glover do Maybe he could take him down.

1:41:48 He just died recently. Run over by a car and have it happen that fast? that's like fucking craps almost. 25 and 4? Glover's fought for the title. The human frame Most people can't make that thing ding in this world. but cormier is so fucking tough he's so tough from being a world-class olympic wrestler from a guy who and he remembers how much it sucked when you did that to him, can you do it again?

1:44:55 What is... hit hard as fuck? Everybody has a ceiling. Elir Latife, you ever see that guy fight? and knocks them unconscious. Right? Yeah. This is a tank. I'm a light heavyweight. There's limitations of the human frame. There's like a certain amount of horsepower that certain guys have. just doing pro wrestling, and then win. he walks out probably never gonna get the credit that he deserves because of the fact that, one, he was a pro wrestler.

1:49:31 There's no way in hell that certain guys are going to catch up to that guy. a guy who has to struggle to diet down 265 pounds. rather. Excuse me. Did he go to Albuquerque? duke rufus duke rufus is a world champion muay thai fighter and he's produced like a ton of I'm going to do this the right way. And he went I mean, I mean, a spectacle right and it might be great and it might i mean we have to see yeah he doesn't even

1:52:47 Diaz-McGregor fight what is he thinking right now? whoop his ass they chanting uh it's just uh it's just uh you know it's a real good question it's Is that many? basketball, because you've been punching Maybe it fires you up. Isn't the MGM about 15,000? You know, Wow. Stop answering my questions. So I guess the reason why they moved is just the UFC could sell out those places now, especially for this fight.

1:55:50 It was fucking chaos. And then I decided, Oh, man. page we don't want people cheating you know if this guy you watched him fight five fucking rounds It should be Nate Diaz got punched in the face before he used CBD oil. Yeah. Football is Just don't smoke weed. Just do it, man. You tell me, ask the girl what her dreams are. want to i can i know somebody like that and you can find somebody if you don't know somebody find

1:58:50 a LinkedIn page. hey, I was there two nights. Enjoy her energy Yeah yeah just say what's up it's just say hey uh i need a i need to have a i've been to vegas a bunch Who all was it? There's other ones that go up to 11,000 feet. That's what's called the high desert. That looks crazy. Let's go back to the lights. I could get antsy, too. zen out. I could get antsy, too.

2:02:38 and hang out with these like fun cool guys and just relax and this is your world now this is it's a, to like on purpose, take a few days off of anything coming in. cause now let me do this and everybody you know the Hopefully. Have you ever been hypnotized? Respect to all the hypnotists out there on the road. You don't believe it's real. Do I have any hiccups that I'm not paying attention to in the way I'm approaching life?

2:06:15 world right but the world that you're living in with your eyes closed in this state is a very We go on go to sleep with conk out and we have dreams we remember them What the fuck happened? Yeah. Like in a row, like as far as like, you know, like maybe you can like skip rope for 20 minutes and do 50 deep breathing exercises and you'll get into a like a psychedelic state.

2:08:55 other and they were singing with each other in harmony in this hallway and is super and if they pick the rock songs and the pop songs will sort of be the exact beats. It's just, I have to Oh, my God. I just take how angry this is making me Me and him. I feel you, dude. What the hell? No Uber bars in there. You're going to say one or two? I don't want the backstory, but I feel like that should be, if that's what.

2:13:14 What do I do? And if it's something He's dropped his new album And it's a bunch of good songs on that album, probably hated it it'll be certain things like quick, a weird thing in a show, It was like one of the first times and if it's right, It was this moment where was so crazy. 15, 20 times there'll be this the build-up to that is this, you know,

2:16:21 If I'm driving around, I'll just listen to that first part, I flew from New York to L.A. writing the entire way, of the same lyrics over and over and over I'm just gonna freestyle rap. When he leave, it becomes the real me. And we... on there. But I'll come there. So check me out on tour. Because it feels live. He didn't get weird. My voice changed

2:19:15 What's up y'all Oh shit What is this one? I just plugged tour dates. The Hannibal Montanable experience. And if they uh hannibal montanable the hannibal montanable experience So I just gotta have Oh shit Nope. and them heart-shaped Unfair. I don't give a fuck. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it creates this weird tension where men are trying to prove themselves and women are

2:22:41 And the other ones you killed. late night and just hung out at the bar to figure out how to launch a fucking rock Over the cliffs, the people in the fucking boats, they lit their torches up. There's a world really good at pool It's like anything else. That's what my podcast is going to be called. Of course. It's going to be a road soon. Are you? For real? Yeah. Can I be on it? Of course.

2:24:36 Tell me when, man. We have a lot of time. to hang out together we take people with us They got to keep it in that fucking room, too. Oh, you got some feelings about it. was maybe two years ago. it you know be in the art be in the same spot watching it live it's it's cool to see something And it was, yeah, I don't think I've had to. something i attended regularly to see it go from a live show and go there a bunch and enjoy it as

2:27:54 Pull up the Comedy Central website. Who's the champion? Great writer. Now, how many different hosts Brian Moses. that it's smushed like sardines it's's packed. It's a vibe in there. This is a video of those guys. but it sounds you know you ever hear a joke that's new that sounds like this guy it's that sounds like, we missed it. Okay. Somebody might have come up with that, and we don't even know.

2:31:46 These days, man. I saw a bunch of Ryan Lochte jokes Into him lying? Getting his sponsorships Wait a minute shit isn't in great shape. So how about Horrible health, but great skin. I look great on irons in the fire I have a horrible lifestyle horrible health when I talk to them Speedos it would seem like something he didn't need to lie about who can walk the fastest

2:33:34 I like it. I respect this. What is the regular? I don't even know what it's called. The regular. I respect this, whatever this is, the regular. I respect this. Michael Phelps got 22 gold medals. Someone shit themselves? Oh, I ran in there. Well, here's the point. like those beads at the porno section of the video store before there were DVRs and DVDs.

2:35:29 the whole time? we should call that I bet the bead industry dropped substantially videos and you could rent porn videos. I did my best. What? okay, you can swim, but you can't swim at your best. Hannibal, you ever see curling? Great time. Nah, you don't play Newfoundland recently. You haven't asked your agent to go to Newfoundland. I tried joking around about it.

2:38:26 You don't have to. Let's book a gig in Newfoundland. It's Canada. And that's like, well, I was talking about this with somebody recently. Conditions aren't that? And there's a lot of those areas of the country that are just poisoned Newfoundland. I met some Canadians because it was some I'm either doing That is fun, man. of the year. uh the world domination idea that united states sort of has ingrained in us. Like we're the police of the world for good or for bad.

2:41:52 It's just Canada's trying to create a good life. Protecting it because we're such a fucking gangster country. I couldn't. It was Vancouver. it happened earlier And the back room doesn't have any air. It's all just pot smoke. Because I do. What is life? I just can't shout out to Native Roots that's what I'm saying A capsule smoothed me out. you eat it that uh what the compound of the marijuana is processed by your liver produces

2:46:54 an hour or so I feel the way smooth the on them than just smoking somebody's joint That's what I like. Right? Fucking weirdo Ass like an explosion. That's a good point. No, no, no. is not going to reach out to you. right yeah they're gonna say hey, you need restaurant recommendations. they want to test the waters. Me too. Two, three years. if everything was okay,

2:50:20 arguing with the real father donor. You're looking at her beautiful Look at, it was... Are you okay? I'm looking down. See, this is the thing. I wouldn't just. I'm the girl Hannibal, Montanable tour. I'll be on the road. That was a lot of fun, man.