Joe Rogan Experience #84 — Duncan Trussell Transcript

Transcript

0:00 And I successfully got Brody and Danielle Stewart to put their fingers in my really used flashlight on the drunk ass and smell it. I don't know about this one. You haven't seen that? Grasshoppers can't swim. What is this fungus? This is different. convinces the grasshopper to go swim. Grasshoppers can't swim. I know there's one that makes some bugs' head glow. I forget the bug it is but it completely zombifies the bug takes over what's

1:44 fucking people? Like, and then I And then I started thinking about it. Sunday night, the UFC was over at five because the way the way that it was set up was so it two there, we shot it on Sunday All these cool motherfuckers came out. Yeah. This is the first time I really did it like that. in the world right now. All this stuff You haven't heard any of it. He did a new one and he goes,

4:19 They canceled production of the show I don't know where you're getting this from. And they asked him about piss tests the goods at every turn. That's been in society for a very long time. That's what he was saying. He said, you know, that I eat right. In front of the whole world to see. Delivering the freaking goods. I don't think cocaine stays in your system that long.

7:23 Maybe he's not even high. I'm tired of pretending I'm not living the perfect I need to hear people. I'm not a good impressionist. Charlie. Oh, yeah, a truther. This whole thing might just be his way of being a patriot He's trim. And so when Charlie Sheen goes out there on a deep end in Bahamas with a suitcase full of heroin, with different color socks on,

10:05 He's going to be a fucking huge, successful mainstream actor. know, he's already lost a little bit of credibility. Maybe he's already sliding, you know, but then you Of course they don't pay him $2 million a week. one of the most Brett Butler anyway when Like, she was infinite. But Chris Titus is a nice guy, so I won't say his over there. you know, like she was a Bill Hicks fan.

13:01 Like Tim Allen. whatever the fuck you know. That's what I put in front of you, son, if you're feeling really fucking frisky. Can we do the interview? I don't expect them to. THEY OWN ME A BIG ONE, PUBLICLY, YOU TRY IT ONCE, YOU WILL DIE. And let's go over this again, shall we? Tired of pretending like I'm not bitching a total freaking rock star from Mars.

15:32 though, and by the way, This is one of the greatest occurrences in modern pop culture. Whatever. It could be meth. I think three days and you'll test negative, especially if you take cleansers and drink water. No. He's like, I'm tired of pretending I'm not special. Anybody that's a performer that's not weirded out by the fact that, how the fuck did I get to do this for a living?

17:57 with music or with comedy or with acting. They can open themselves up because of whatever weirdness that happened to them in their childhood. But when you start thinking that you actually are special. sheen do you really think he's thinking that i think he's sick you're kidding me you don't think Like, back that up a little bit and let's listen to that one more time.

20:07 THEIR FACE IS A LITTLE BIT THEIR FACE IS A LITTLE BIT THEIR FACE IS A LITTLE BIT THEIR FACE IS A LITTLE BIT THEIR FACE IS A LITTLE BIT I'm Charlie Sheen. I like hookers and porn. to animate and leaping over Yeah. And this archetype shows up in religion. two and a half men star fans out there he's flooded every day with messages from weird mediocre people

22:15 This is going to carry on much further than that. There's always a battle of egos between the talent. I'm in your house. iTunes. It's one of my... I don't listen I've ever heard in my life. knew this guy didn't know him that well and his friend's car the sides of it had been greased. into the house and Emil goes into the house a picture of Janet Jackson

24:48 next to him, air dancing. He ran from the house screaming. Thank God You leave yourself at the mercy of the universe. I want to know what Charlie's doing. It's obviously an amphetamine. Fitzsimmons is on it every day. No, Adderall's a great trick. You start doing the mouth thing and you have the drips and stuff. It focuses you. Nootropics. There's studies that have been done on certain substances

27:57 and sort it all out yourself. He quit, yeah. So we'll find out. like flat and everything. I just didn't feel as vibrant. And then I started taking the vitamins Like, it's working smooth. Or is it the supplement thing? And then mixing shit. I mean, that's not outside the realm of possibility with corporate America. the seeds from those plants and grow new plants. You're not allowed to do that. It's illegal.

31:08 And then they come in and they go, hey, you got our fucking corn growing, bitch. You owe us money. And they just take your money. I mean, it becomes like a crazy legal battle with these poor fucking farmers. Right. Like you own the patent to it. Monsanto sounds like the same company that made RoboCop. Wait, they called their invention the pig? Like, well, you know, I mean, you're really, I mean, in a sense, you're sort of playing God.

33:30 profit meddling around with the dna of things that haven't been meddled with for a very long time Yeah, I don't know what's fucking dude who, you know, works for America is over there and he's helping organize shit and get people. Not to take anything away from that. And if there are people out there, if there's some conspiracy, no, because you've got fucking right after it, right after everything went down in Egypt, they were showing pictures of Mubarak on mainstream presses, though.

35:48 It's all speculation. Our team. I definitely think it's that as well. And I'm not saying that this isn't, you know, it's not possible that it's just a plain old-fashioned revolt i just think that the united his dad was a banker. Wow. That's cool, man. Yeah, it's a trip. It's interesting. We know this guy out there, this guy out there, this guy out there.

38:43 You know what I mean? We don't want that. there's the last season wasn't like a super cool guy anymore like he was in the beginning of the show the beginning of the Broke up with her or something. Catherine Hegel that's in all those romantic movies that make you want to fucking hurl. Grey's Anatomy, yeah. That's going to cost Charlie $8 million. emperor had a favorite gladiator and the people love the gladiator, but he got a big head and started going a little crazy.

41:52 I mean, that's a mindfuck. know, they become famous and they just want to get back at all those people that hurt No, you're not good enough. It's like a radio thinking that it's awesome for playing a And martial arts, they say that. It sounds like such an ethereal, ridiculous notion. Right. turns everything into... Brody's so obviously a character, dude.

45:38 And I mean Brody. He's hilarious. There's a difference between that and an angry person, either things that he's making happen or just stuff that happens. What a reprehensible human being. like in the, You're going to go on the Stern Show just so you can get some press for your fucking shitty Beverly Hills housewife thing? man. For all those people, there was, um, I did us magazine, you know, I used to do those, uh,

48:33 fuck, you know, who just happens to be rich and famous. And he's with this vapid super But she's not. There's no way she's that good an actress. I have friends that have girlfriends that have guy friends and they'll go and pal around with these guy friends Yeah. Sorry. It's a bad joke. Sorry. eccentricity in the orbit of the moon that they believe you can

50:51 the freaking goods like they're thinking beyond Neptune beyond, you know, Pluto's not real anymore, but something out there, like way out there, that's four times the size of Jupiter. It might be really cold, so we can't see it. detailed according to Zechariah Sitchin in the Sumerian text, what they think is that, when you look at one of the most recent theories. There's one and earth two and earth one was hit by something like the size of fucking

53:33 the mass of it is. And it works on every planet just like you know from the forming of the solar system this is like you know some just leftover in the sky and every day this like star just keeps getting brighter you know and you're some star exploding or something Weird. It's fucking weird man you never know like the thing that freaks me out is the uh what are they called pulsars or they say

56:08 It's just like me taking pills. So it's imagine like an iPad on a table, but really big, kind of like their Microsoft. and tapping things and stuff like that. It's just the future of surfing the internet. You won't be able to sell shit unless it's got some access to the internet. uh this planet thing is really fucking freaking me out, man. Isn't that true?

58:44 I never really investigated them, but I always thought that was true. But if they can figure out that there's a planet deep, deep somewhere in our Look at what sun does, just lack of vitamin D. It's a lot of it. Well, it wasn't hail because hail is usually hard. But it seemed like really wet snow. Wow. whether or not it's actually caught because you should be able to see just by like hospital

1:01:14 correlation between phases of the moon, the menstrual cycle and fertility exists. And probably people did nuttier shit back then. But if the moon affects the tides, is powerful enough to make tides come in and tides go out, is a bunch of these chemical reactions? I mean, what your personality, how much of you is a bunch of these chemical reactions. I mean, your personality, how much of that is dictated by what you're taking into your

1:02:39 If you're fucking hurting, like when, you know, the old classic, when you walk into You know what I mean? Yes. I used to at one point in my life when someone would be judging me and I would know they Now when someone, when I feel like someone's judging me or someone's being hypercritical or shitty to me, I'm like, why are you being a cunt? a powerful personality, he's like decided that you're bad. especially if you're a kid and you're around someone with a powerful personality who's like decided that you're bad.

1:05:15 It's affected by you viewing that. Well, when you first start dating a girl and she really likes you and she's really You go out to dinner, you have the funniest thing to say. But like when I'm miserable, I fucking think of evil, deep, about performing on stage. You're You know, because of, All that shit was his, know oh i feel good today it's who said that it was um they made a really good point because

1:08:01 saying, isn't that bad, which is the ecstasy happiness or the kind of happiness that comes when Charlie Sheen does a line of blow. So that's my idea of happiness, And if they don't, it's because you died before them. And when someone dies, it sucks. And you're right. But So is happiness possible? But you can do it, and I don't think it has to be that you have to be above happiness.

1:10:04 It's cool to drive. TVs are awesome to own. Stereos are great to listen to. It's cool to eat a good meal. It's nice to live in a house that's cool to look at. These are all good things. point where you don't worry about the possessions, but you appreciate them when they're there. and people begin to associate the person in their life, that you've limited to. If I get a great job, if I get a nice house, if I book some other thing

1:12:14 I think there's something negative about issuing those things, I love the earth. Okay? you think you're going to be but from where you are right now is some filthy filthy no matter what And that's where you start getting really cool results, man. When you, your arm, approach it from that place. It's the same thing as everything else. They're going to fucking stab the wrong part of your cortex and you're just like, yummy cock.

1:14:36 You can't stop saying it. That would be the fucking best. But you would miss out the whole thing. Let your body do the hard part. Yes. Well, it's very easy to do one, you know, anybody can go down on your, you know, put And sometimes for like a couple of minutes, you'll be in agony, This shit is not fun. I think it's a crazy thing, but some of those guys who can go underwater for like seven

1:18:04 I mean, it has to, it takes a long time for them to get up to that, that amount of your And there's no boat anywhere to be seen. I think this guy's drowning. i guess like one of the things he liked to do in hawaii was to snorkel out to the groups and make That would be so amazing. hold their breath. I know Egan Inouye, who is an MMA fighter, him and his brother Ensign,

1:20:29 It might have been one of the special forces. They pull you out before your body's totally dead they pump the water out of you they give you cpr and then they bring you back to life and that's when he was like i tap i'm done No. Talentless self-indulgence taking the stage Toxic Junction. Crazy idiot Really? My website sucks lately. there are video games, everything.

1:23:24 is actually going to explain what the fuck he's going to do before. I got to put that in 100,000. But no, you put Justin Bieber as the soundtrack to a guy drowning himself in the bathtub, it'll quadruple the views. What commercial? Oh, how'd it go? It's the perfect place to do it. It was a thought in his head, but he never really actually did it. in the arm with a 22 caliber rifle.

1:26:09 very little water, if any, actually enters the lungs. My friends were instructed to wait for me to go unconscious and then immediately pull First of all, that's a bitch-ass move. You fucking pussy. And somehow, somewhere around the wall, I guess he's going to, like, take a breath of water? That affected way he talks makes me want to kick him in the balls, doesn't it?

1:28:22 The most unoriginal names. This is called drowning. holding his breath. He's breathing now. All right. Oh, this is so fucked. It seems like it's taking a long time. Or dead or drowned or whatever. assisted murderers, you know? That sound that you heard was his friend running back into the room. Yeah it's pretty fucked up Yeah. I got your notebook that you left here

1:31:46 You're lucky that you didn't become famous Got the boot from his missus back in the day And lived with me for a few months best roommate ever by the way the reason they're scared of death. It was really interesting to watch. used to it and then all of a sudden everything absolutely changes like just a huge turn that More than anything, though, what's cool about that shit is you get a real taste of truth.

1:34:34 It makes you think about what's going on. friends you can still pull yourself out of it but you have to i guess really want you know you you that thing in that state of being in the in the state of like having had because you know they're The real psychedelic state is the dissolution of cultural conformity and the, the, your ideas of the universe, man. You got in there all the time.

1:37:39 And I said, all right, I won't read any more of it. stuck with that chick now no jesus christ think about that think about your situation now and You're so much more confident. doing is what I have to say. Whereas before you were like, Hey, I hope you like me. Do you like And why wouldn't you? I mean, you're going to look at where you're at. Like you say, we're in a

1:40:17 You're surrounded by people who call themselves your family that you're mental, a mental idea of how things are supposed to be stuck with some person, or you give birth gore or the but it wasn't it's a fucking metaphor which is that uh sometimes doing the thing you No, I know what you're saying for the wrong reason. But when I look back on past relationships, some of them, there's a bunch of relationships that I've been in, you know, like way back in the day when I was younger and I really didn't know what the fuck I was doing.

1:43:01 What, but that, so what, yeah, what I'm really saying is, like, the idea, and it goes back to where. Sometimes you have to be resigned. We're fucked up in a lot of ways, man. But if you start off right away trying to pump those fucking heavy weights, then it's disaster. after a couple of months and getting in your fucking head that you're like you've been doing

1:44:55 that I'm supposed to look at that they did. Do you think you can read my script, bro? You can't say that. Or am I just going to start telling the truth? But how many of those are there? But sometimes somebody else sends you something. And never let them get in your car with a CD. waiting all day to play their music because they get really attached to a script or a piece of

1:47:31 If someone's been doing stand-up for less than a year, I don't even critique their material. what's weird about me because like i'll go on stage and people come up to me and go, well, it takes a long time. you've also had the opportunity to do, this is all new jokes night yesterday. material first. Right. Well, usually I like to just Look, the birds. I'm like, one thing that you don't

1:49:59 these cunty birds that have been fucking with his family for generations. And then sometimes I've improvised and done well and then tried to go back into a joke. He's doing material now. He was doing this thing about Viagra. back in. He was talking about putting your dick dead dick you send that dick in like a wounded soldier and me and ari were fucking crying

1:52:17 With your stage right now, you can't What bit is that? Really? You were talking about that before you ever did it on stage, Brian. i feel like a single mom oh so maybe when you talk to me about it you had already done it on stage And he was one of those guys, he was a decent comic, Like he gives me a have you ever noticed? It's such a silly, embarrassing existence.

1:54:47 so entertaining and interesting that all you have to do is talk and you're there's this whole breed of comic, open mic mostly, You're dealing with open micers. It is insane. really objectively assess their own personality. Ayahuasca maybe. Well, you're fucked. That's what it takes. Why were you all slaves? but I wanted to tell you I was raised Catholic, yeah.

1:58:24 Yeah. I think that that's kind of like a way of killing somebody. thinking about themselves everyone's always fixating on themselves if for two hours you But when you call in and you give money to somebody Because I mean, it's a fucking $8,000 piece of equipment. Yeah, man. I want to ask him for it back. I can give it to you. I got a fucking man cave.

2:01:24 But when one of these hits, man, when you get your first fat check, we're going to get you. And he's like, yeah, I hardly ever use it. I just built a shed for a washer and dryer. You want to go to that? The Float Lab ones are on another level. He's trying to invent some new screen where you can watch. Maybe there's a way to like have like information blasted

2:03:46 it'd be incredible sanskrit verses well would you would you look at the translation do you do you Am I actually looking at some kind of scripture?? Is this, am I actually looking at some kind Whereas mushrooms, you're dealing with 10,000 years of obsessive daily use by millions of people all over the world. you do mushrooms and especially if you do mushrooms that you buy in California, you know,

2:06:01 We should do it. It's just as ridiculous. eat organic matter yeah but dude how fucking crazy it's not just that someone feels okay who fisted a six-year-old what the fuck i know how is that possible i don't well actually you His jaw was broken within six minutes. Broke his fucking jaw. I mean, obviously, you don't know how drunk he was, and I'm just guessing.

2:08:56 think that people should be penalized for, for putting other people in danger because they're especially when you look at all the stuff that is legal and there's no science behind it. They've gotten over all these things because of psychedelic experiences. You are literally stopping people from evolving. We're going to have to explore ball gags and whips someday with you.

2:10:56 All right. But now he's just quit everything and now is vegan. and he had a vegan diet. cardio was like off the charts now you know but he lost weight refight they just have to refight Who did you think won? But you have to decide when is it a 10-8 round. Because, you know, BJ got his back. with the guy on top of you throwing punches? We were split, too, when we were watching it.

2:13:42 which is really light for him, and then dropping a little little weight but his cardio is like way better now too i've entertained trying like a serious I think if I could make this myself, I wouldn't want to eat. She gave up? I prefer the taste of grass-fed. grain fed steak you know it's just so just melts in your mouth but the reality is they're supposed

2:15:38 Like, you'll shoot a cow in the head and a cow right next to him will be like, meh. Don't you think, though, that that docile behavior has been engineered through through years of breeding for for them to be, you know, farm animals for them to be used? Wild cows and shit like that, No, no. I would think that cows are a dime or a dozen. Dude, I think about that. My that my dream idea of that, which is like this crazy place out in the woods with solar panels where where the majority of your electricity or all of it is

2:18:00 family's sustenance, you know, that's kind of an interesting theory. An interesting sort of a concept. Think about all the meat on that thing. keep ranting about? They just look fucking amazing. They look amazing? So what that means is live, like you're pretty much going to be able to hook up an external hard drive and edit HD video easily and run multiple streams of, you know,

2:19:30 But it was like quad cores. No, Jesus. But for most people, But I know in this one like fucking YouTube or YouTube videos or any kind of HD video still is struggling switched back to AMD It's not going to be that. supposedly going to have cameras in the front and back pretty so that's going to change the object can be both moving and still at the same time i mean the the you get into the idea of

2:22:30 line. what, Remember the guy called and he was missing his glove? turn lead into gold someday is someone going to be able to adjust you know what what the the Doesn't that make sense? even though that it was a focus of alchemy there was a deeper level which was the idea that they're You know, Joe Dorowski, has you ever heard of him? No. How do you say

2:25:42 Alejandro Jodorowsky. Yeah, look Check it out. Throw it on your Amazon marketplace. Artisticterrorism got yanked It's pretty easy for that to happen do you remember when you worked at the comedy store And Duncan, here's proof that Duncan practices what he preaches. Yeah, you'd have an option. there were, wake up and my teeth would be grinding and i'd be like oh and this fucking feeling the pit of my

2:28:54 That was cool that he did that. We want you to host Fear Factor. It's going to be this network reality show. I don't think, I needed to weigh the fuck out of that job. it was like, it had gotten to the point where I wasn't inspired by it. And it was just seem like that people, if they're performing for something that's making off putting about that show is that I was clearly going to like, not, it wasn't just like they were going to film me at my desk doing my job.

2:32:07 You're not going to pay me for acting? You're not. There's no store? Correct. Giving the toxic environment that we were talking about where you knew about comics opening for him and not getting paid and all sorts of other shit. are lucky where they let me make these cabinets it's a totally different place Honestly, the place is under... of stagnation and weirdness

2:34:45 go there and i don't know how many times he wants i don't i think he has to call in now where he And I've done this before, by the way, because it's an opportunity to go and be on something and have some fun and network with all these other people that are doing these things. That you're the headliner That podcasts have been That fucking bandwidth.

2:36:43 to have a star on their podcast. If you're going to do it in front of a live audience so Think about every time you come on this show. And they would say, hey, didn't we help you? This show, for one, I've made a fortune in fleshlights. hour conversations we get into weird depth about shit but people get a chance to see your You don't know people, you know, the way people know us from doing the show, they know you

2:39:24 because I'll start getting paranoid It's not just a network with podcasts, with the Death Squad podcast and yours, The Lavender Hour. together and people are getting connected and there's a movement going on yeah there's a And it's always been things that you've always been interested in. Yes. Well, it changes the way I think, too, because we're having these conversations on a really regular basis where we know we're broadcasting them.

2:41:53 they'll start a thread where they analyze the podcast as it goes along, and then they'll on right now and that's how we're going to end this fucking thing. Can I say Hollywood Forever Cemetery. guy I'm really excited about. We have Mary Lynn And he's going to be performing on the show. He's wearing this ridiculous outfit. He's terribly yo-yoing. K-Stross?

2:44:31 And what is he going to do at your show? He just does this performance art. He's like a really cool level. you're cool as fuck and it's awesome having you on here and lavender hour you can be my friend and come on the podcast. You're cool as fuck, and it's awesome having you on here. Thank you to The Fleshlight for sponsoring the show. I've got a couple of good things cooking.

2:46:26 maybe that super blackout one i'm gonna step in and intervene joe you gotta listen to it at least and I'll see you crazy freaks in Louisville, Kentucky, I'm on Charlie Sheen.