Joe Rogan Experience #843 — Tony Hinchcliffe Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Just everything to me. That's like our group name. You've heard of the Rat Pack, we're the Fanny Pack. So you can put like a couple things in it or nothing and you can't really see it. Just take any thought out of your head it would not make her any less hot. No need to put a condom in a fanny pack. You girl could pull it off. We don't give a fuck. If a girl had a fanny pack, it would not make her any less hot.

1:27 I was like, what do you have here? into the things that everybody just saw me. in Utah. It gets in the way though. And waterproof. dick or something like that. You don't want anybody having it. so they pretend they're world travelers with skinny soles. Yeah. They're way more than didn't catch on. When I'm not on the Big Bang Theory, I carry around my satchel.

4:06 All right, how much do you think it would weigh I've seen... So that donkey cum is just useless. No. It's basically cock snot. Oh. Let's do it. Dude, it was so ridiculous that's a shit His buddy's throwing up and he didn't even drink it. I watch it now, and even though I know it was me, I'm like, I didn't do that. The people had to eat sheep's eyeballs.

7:37 Son of a bitch. The actual taste, not that bad. I ate a big ass cockroach. Because it was a celebrity fear factor. I go, what about two worms? You got it. You love it. I would have loved to have seen him pro Jesus? Very Jesus-oriented individual. Look how the banana fits in your hand. They just look at each other, and they want to, and no one does anything,

10:39 This is his buddy. If you get your hand ready to grip a banana, you'll find on the far side, there are three grooves. On the close side, two ridges. If you get your hand ready to grip a banana, you'll find on the far side, Black, too late. the whole process so much easier. banana. Does that get us kicked off YouTube? God, it's awesome. All the god shit to the side.

12:48 It literally comes out with fertilizer. way though they're like animals eat the seeds and then they they're pooping out the next thing bananas Those aren't like those dull bananas. Silly fuck. It's so hard to get to them. that are going to get more and more expensive because of global warming and stuff like that Wouldn't you say? Yeah, that is no joke, man.

16:00 Or something like that. Fuck, man. All newscasters are super hot. Oh, my God. Yeah, you know there's a bunch of- And that's what we're going to do. got to be something to Oh, yeah. One of those other Fox hotties. Does she have a little bush? You see the girl that was twerking and her butt popped open in her underwear? Fox News is hurting. Were you telling me the thing about Trump and a television network?

19:34 be started up next year at the end of Ridiculously, right? that he would say about like people no he's a genius he made fun of everybody lion ted who was and he keeps repeating it and it They're not soothing and they don't draw you in. Which, by the way, is like, isn't that the Democratic? Have you noticed that? You can't have fun anymore. Just shot so many loads.

22:25 What do you expect from a madman? but I do know that the people that are smart that talk about it one with the commercial real estate crisis. They were saying that they were worried about Like that could fall apart too, man man apparently that's a big one apparently there's like a lot of people that are This Old House, remember that? That's a good question.

24:50 Yeah That I just love on PBS Handsome bastard black mold in there i'm probably gonna die is that how black mold is from that right like water it's These black mold spores just being poisoned all the time. Do they have home tests for that? I bet you anything They just come. And they had black mold on the wall so bad that you would take the picture off the wall.

27:06 That's black mold juice. I mean like someone spray painted all over it. Somebody might have come on that picture. Yeah, it looks like my apartment. I don't know. And does it have to be, like, water damage for a long time? Because I'm sure if it's, um, I don't think, is there more than one variety of black mold? I don't know. I don't know. Where'd you guys come from?

28:55 Interesting. was like green and stuff. I had no idea because it was dark. I, and we bought strawberries. And, you know, like underneath the strawberry was like green and stuff. Man. Well, some cheese is supposed to be that way. I just don't think that the kind of along with the mold. Yes, some molds cause Can you eat moldy strawberries? unless the person eating the mold is allergic however while the majority of molds are not

31:21 Interesting. to this matrix of like not just like plant intelligence but the intelligence of the actual earth itself that's what like a beautiful thick lawn feels like when you're on mushrooms yeah like when you're Is that what's happening? stay in that, but it goes away. And it's amazing. Cause like you're out in the desert or at least There's a gang of them too. It's just so weird. So I really don't know into your body that does that. There's a gang of them, too.

34:56 Italian the kind of fucking manure that you're gonna need to grow these mushrooms Asheville's fucking, I almost don't want to tell people about it because I don't want people moving there and ruining it. Cause it's like a, like super hippies, and he went home to visit his family, and he's walking around a park with his mom, He lives like way the fuck up there, up a river.

36:40 Oh, you know what? I'm just going to go have my life. What? They kill him. Everything's wet as fuck. of mushroom but it's another kind of mushroom there's some mushrooms that'll kill you in seconds. how fucked up you want to be all day and so this lady's out there picking mushrooms and uh just got Yeah. How do you say that stuff? Kratom. But it's a plant.

40:33 They're not behaving like America 2016. and it's ruining lives. But instead, they have these fucking ridiculous amounts of power where they could just step in and just make things illegal. Are you going to save people from pot? reason whatsoever why they would keep marijuana illegal there's no reason whatsoever why they'd Even if they didn't do it blatantly.

43:44 You don't have to even say it. You don't have little agreement going on there. You don't have to even say it. The fact that we, the people, the people that are supposed to be represented by these clowns, can sit back and just be frustrated and not do anything. They're locking people up. Stanford. Stanford. Did you see it? We're adults here. Here it is.

46:10 hi I'm Brock Turner that would be cut down outside of his house. That would be a good party. I think they, didn't they? ground yeah slippery pizza boxes down but oh my god what a classy girl I told diabetes or something so bad that his in the world. and that guy walks in. doesn't bathe ever and then you know they have like like those dirty caked And she did and she's just sitting on the bench

49:19 Oh, Christ. Well, it's also some of them you And there was just like influx of homeless people. deal because when they're out there they can fucking freeze solid like you can die out there Like it's actually during the winter time, and there's no one with them you know and they're just living in this strange life i always wonder I believe that's the plot of the movie.

52:28 Yeah. I wonder what it's like. I wonder if it's like the simpsons ride at universal like everything they see is like whoa hey i like to think that they're smarter than us left and right but everything that's happening is happening on the screen in front of you It's got smells to remember the baby powder smell and it smells like when I was on that one.

54:00 It's not the move. It's cool, it's a long ass ride too Just go. How dare you say I won't? Have you heard about this? things like that i i looked up i found a couple yesterday actually it creepy. There's a bunch of weird 9-11 things like that. I looked up, I found a couple yesterday, actually. And track 11 on that album that came out in april track 11 was called

56:35 Whoa. You know, and that. it was easier you know they knew it was going to be a bigger deal because it's 9-11 like like 9-1-1 you know that maybe yeah maybe it would have happened in would have gone out of business everywhere. if it was March 11th. I was one of the first people They have, like, Yeah. They were really hands on a ton of canisters too?

59:07 Did you try the orange one? Somebody made it. have two lead singers one guy with a really smooth voice and the other guy's sort of like a rapper Yeah. That was the one where the guy was trying to wave to his girlfriend, came around with Fuck you. So tell me what it was like. getting back on and going i stepped on some needly sponge in the ocean like this sucks get back on

1:01:54 Good God, no. crazy man yeah you are you're gonna be like one of them howard hughes type dudes just out on a boat so he just goes blah blah blah blah well i'm gonna go in the ocean it makes sense i mean it's like a And there's crazy life under there. are making their ways into the waters around Southern California I mean, it's a whole thing. You can lose them.

1:04:06 small city how long does it take to walk around because there's also like six or seven floors Everyone has a great experience. Yeah. from cruise a lot of crazy shit happens on cruise like you saw the elevator right the guy that got Oh my god fix it have you been stuck in an elevator before no yeah when i was a little kid yeah oh yeah it From the 1920s or something like that?

1:06:57 Oh, that's it. Sorry. You could only get 15 seconds out or 30 seconds or something like that. You've got to shut the door in front of you. No one's scared of coconuts, but coconuts fuck up about 150 people a year. They die from deer. 26. I'm saying coconuts is over 100 a year. Says 150, yeah. Donk! There's some shit in here. Those had to be, like, the first balls, right?

1:10:25 things and they spray it on like the undercarriages of some trucks and like like four-wheelers that Like check this out. Oh, is it the watermelon video? Oh, yeah, it is. There it is. Yeah. Okay. It's like all of these are See if you can find the one where they drop the watermelon off the tower. It just became watermelon juice. Yeah, it's just... And they have this...

1:13:23 off this ridiculous fucking tower. Yeah, you can cut into it, but look at this. It's just it has a unique ability to disperse shock and rebound and not break open. To protect it from accidents? I'll take the snapping. scratch them you could kick them and they you know never yeah they were made I loved my Saturn and when I sold it was like 12 years old and it looked like the day

1:16:29 One mile per gallon. tank but I would say it's definitely better than not having it on. But look at that And you're like you know how do you know he's Asian Asian computer people? cock right here on the show. the past about how like you can't drive to Vegas, though. You drove up for the fight. Me and Pete smoked joints the whole way. There's two lanes for 400 miles or 200, 300 miles.

1:19:12 There's a lot. I did it once and I barely made it cause I left at seven 30. they're like, I ended up missing the summer slam party. So ridiculous. Yeah, I try, like my car's dead right now, and I tried to jump start my car with my girlfriend's car which is a the roof and that solar panel on the roof charged up your radio so your radio wasn't draining the

1:21:30 Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Was there a video of that? Were it Pintos? Yeah, and everybody was like, on one of those what one actually looks like blow up Why Karma? and all these people were flying off the freeway. Right there in the middle. Yep. That's what I want. I kind of like the BMW that's like that, though. I don't like that one. bmw makes like the m4 and look at it's like track time or trackability see how skinny its tires are

1:24:50 there was no engine sound. It's four wheel drive and it has this ridiculous engine where there's no transmission like in terms of like gears it's like a direct drive so a rock it's gonna explode how much is it yeah how much is this car I would assume That is insane. If it kept it at 100%, it would be just like a cell phone. panels are getting more efficient crazy i guess they must be well i know that uh elon musk has

1:27:45 before that stuff gets better and better and better Cars today, dude, this is the golden era for automobiles. bent sideways and then you had to like hang on to it while it righted itself like the whole car was not only were they not aerodynamic, and it slowed the car down. I thought that was a 69. I think that other one is a 69, that far left one, Is that the Quentin Tarantino thing?

1:30:27 God, that thing's so pretty. It's ridiculous. Is it still alive? And it took forever to make. after I did a bunch of things to it. Yeah, I miss it. It was really pretty, but the insides and the way it drove, it was designed to look The suspension detached from the frame in my driveway after I'd been on the highway going 70 miles an hour just 10 minutes before.

1:33:14 When you're going 70 miles an hour and you start flipping, Dangerous. Oh, that metal bar? I think it was my supra It was like bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. I just kept driving. i would have left it there and just I was like, fuck, fuck, fuck! That's nothing but that's nothing and they go right into the comedy fest in uh detroit chicago and toronto and brian regan has his own tour bus that stuff is crazy because you don't even feel like you're moving

1:37:56 So does he stay in hotels or just stay in his tour bus? these big things and he basically bought him like it's like when he's on tour that's his guy and And then the next morning, you have to get up and go to the airport. in your bed at your destination. you walk out the door again, on fire. Didn't Ralphie have a bus? Awesome bus. was on the bus and he was behind them on

1:40:34 yeah well i've done some stuff with him he's done this podcast i know i've done some gigs with him He's not one of those guys that shuts down. everybody's hanging out there now. It's crazy. You know, he just writes new shit and does it at his shows in front of his audiences and i'll tell you this is Every single joke that he went into, I thought to myself, how have I never thought of that?

1:43:10 And so people think of him as being not hedberg is a perfect example that mitch hedberg people forget was very clean he he hardly ever but he just went off on a rant about how this lady that owns this club the roast of Rob Lowe. So what happened? blah, you know, but what was she trying to avoid? be wondering why i'm here it's at the raw blow roast it's because it's the first time that i'm

1:46:29 actual roast or the day of uh the day of i talked to her on the phone uh five days out which she was No. But it's not really. And she leans down all awkwardly and pulls out her shitty book, Wait for it She loves Trump. you know, like Jersey Shore, they had the situation on they had that one roast She bent over for the man who might be king yeah she was she wants to play

1:49:27 the day before her book came out, You're going to have to go back to Mexico first. Like the amount of people that come over here from Mexico versus into account illegal immigration. I just think there's two ways to handle this, Yeah. you know, is it better for them than it used to be? Absolutely. But is it as good for them as it Do they have iPhones in Mexico?

1:52:23 They're not going to dive off the building like a pussy. Mexicans have awesome food. You got a real problem with your border because you got North Korea and South Korea. That's the shit. People, there's so much pressure. You know, it's a fucked up way for's been a tradition, you know, it's fucked do get stomped. Yeah, they do. But they're not going to try to stab it in the back of the neck.

1:54:59 that'd be your back to the bull like i think that's a little like blade and this thing is just ragdolling him with a horn in his asshole Is reindeer good meat? headbutt each other and like what bitch but the females have antlers to like protect their So you just get in position. That's what people do. They let them walk close. That's what people do.

1:57:20 and the electricity hit, the lightning bolt hit And cook people. what do you mean he's a real guy yeah real guy that was just green maybe he was purple it's been That says Western Pennsylvania, but that's next to me. This is a black and white picture, I believe it was a YouTube video the other day he just tapped right into that power bulbs that were like old fluorescence yeah fluorescence yeah they were like

2:00:39 It keeps you there. Electricity is so bizarre. I would say... Wow, that's a crazy one to think of. kite first of all how baller must america been back then just no no lights benjamin franklin They all were getting high back then. Yeah, man. But that's what they used for everything. economically efficient way to process cotton and hemp fell off then when slavery became abolished

2:04:20 about black people and Mexicans smoking marijuana and raping white women. Well, we're being real careful with this marijuana thing because, well, one day we're for sure going to get involved This is the most recent ruling that you can't have a gun when you have a gun, rather, it's pot. If there's any drug that you should have while you're high it's when

2:05:50 Yeah. You know, I worked with Martha Stewart stewart for the bieber roast Anyway, and she got lit up. You know, like, very hard. and you ugly, ratchet-faced, You could kill yourself. you don't want to scare her away from not being on the roast you know what i mean you don't want like political commentary where there's five different people and everybody's shouting over everybody and you don't have to say anything that's really relevant.

2:09:31 one of the hardest worlds but for a person like her to go on after someone like jimmy carr and You know, she thinks she's wacky. you have a sense of Charlie Sheen did it. you can handle the road trying to talk I'm trying to get you to want to do a Joe Rogan roast that's won the kentucky derby a couple weeks ago peyton manning annihilated Now that's a guy who, you know, and Sarah Tiana was really hands-on with him.

2:11:41 Him and Jewel were the two best. I can't agree with everything that I have heard up here tonight, Um, Such a smart move. like it could have been a gross clusterfuck She's the best ever roaster? She's just a little bit biased but yeah she's the best ever roaster she's I'm supposed to just sit by and not do that and lose money? Like the SEC or whatever it is.

2:14:03 Did you ever see all that stuff that's connected to 9-11? Bilderberg characters. on YouTube. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. This is a long-ass and stuff. They just turn them into Spirit Airlines. Goodwill? Goodwill Airline? Yeah's like all the planes that get like graffitied and stuff. They just turn them into Spirit Airlines. Yeah, and you have to pay per bag, like any bag.

2:15:30 Yep. You can't do it. Sir, are those Bluetooth? You're going to have to the lady that talked to the guy who was sitting next to me she said he couldn't do it you can't do it sir are those bluetooth you're gonna have to take them off She was just being a cunt. Was it? It was just called Airbus. Oh, my God. They have one direct flight to Columbus, It's a scary thing because you get used to landing.

2:17:26 actually pretty chill because like a bird they sort of just you know you don't have to go full Do you remember that? Donald Trump. easy breezy you can film it am i filming yeah yeah i got nothing it's a good spot it's a good And then March, people start coming back to life again. Australia Sydney Yeah we did see her Yeah, I did it with Ari. So yeah, I definitely did it.

2:20:46 It's always warm. Cashed up bogans. at some of my shows they'll definitely be there for sure they're gonna know you they're gonna I did it again, you motherfuckers. You got a shot at the Joker now that Jared Leto. There's a chance. they put that head on a better Joker body for that thing that he just Instagrammed. Dude, it's really good. Foster, I think.

2:23:22 But 30 Days of Night. What's that? I'll look it up. by? All right. He might be right, yeah. You got to see Death Proof. That 30 Days of Night performance, that's when I first found out about him. It's a two-part trip. at night you come out you do a midnight show it's 2 30 in the morning you go outside it's light out You know, it's not the way the people are and it's not the way the environment is.

2:27:16 to death she seems very smart too jewel i'm gonna i'm telling you man this was the one like she i mean her and time saying them and we're still cracking up. if that makes sense. I don't think Ralphie will do it anymore. was going you should be doing with this show as you see it more and you learn the characters The haters table, too. It's been clipped. It's been edited. it's timing and execution. The haters table, too.

2:30:01 They already pushed the limits. What, Roast Battle? Yeah, it's called Verbal Violence. where you take all the roast battles and you put it online. They sound pretty good. They talk to like, I think they interview the people and they'll like reflect on the battles. It's good for podcasts because they kind of have to explain some of the battles because

2:31:41 I don't think they're allowed to with the deal. That's what I'm saying. which was basically uncensored and had much longer stories. Yeah, why don't they do them live? who's done every single roast, all the MTV Video Awards, then you get the reaction But still, I think that's too long of a turnover, a week. We've got Pat Reagan and Jeremiah Watkins.

2:34:05 mondays in the main room and commit to it and have special ones you know like a chill one be in the Yeah, it was amazing. It's like there's a feeling in the belly room. You see the sweat start to pour on. I mean, we'll see what happens. Yeah. okerson and a couple other people are like you know like i think re hit me up and it's like yo And for years, we've talked about Kill Tony and the format and stuff.

2:36:33 And it's an interesting format. guess can like just ring a bell at any point which of course these new yorkers you know i think it's East Coast, West Coast, man. They're the best. because I'm going to be in the East Coast soon, interesting It definitely taints comedy. And so like the way they behave and talk and think is like just a little, with those short sets is you're doing like five and seven minute sets and there's a bunch of people

2:39:54 And so like without that tension being built over 60 seconds, you don't know whether you like them, whether you hate them. to the bucket one last time and there was one you know this young black guy 22 years old, that's been doing it for five years, fucking destroys. He's coming. I think people want to do good. Yeah, exactly. at the Comedy Store. Wednesday night, 8.30. Is that when it starts? 8.30, Bert're both at the Death Squad show at the Comedy Store.

2:41:56 Tony and I are at the Palace Theater in Columbus. That's it. Like a loony person. with Andreas Antonopoulos