Joe Rogan Experience #848 — Bryan Callen Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Who won Brian Callen's Terrorist Survivor? because I was at the Gotham Comedy Club, 208, I think West 23rd, I was about to go on stage, and I was with Jimmy Burke, the national treasure that is Jimmy Burke. And that sickening sound where you know it's a bomb. Well, you did when you were a kid, right? It was so loud that we fell down on the ground. Yes.

2:22 So I heard loud noises as a kid very loud noises but this Yeah. saw smoke and you could smell this sort of um like a burning thing you know it smelled like smoke yeah all encompassing I had to What was really bizarre was that we were running toward it. So you you create a small explosion get people to run toward the bigger explosion in clothing and just beautiful people and and i thought to myself i'm gonna get out of here

5:42 No. Well, the answer is there are two books that were – this has been studied. Why can't I see any women out? somebody's running at you screaming with their eyes open and their hands up that they're probably I'm on a caffeine high. back inside and they go you're on and now i go but there was a bomb and they go what and i said He said, let me get them off stage.

9:06 And then we left. And it was a full house. And I just said, you got to like I was nervous? He said, nope, you just went right into pro mode. You know, I've been doing it so long. And it was a full house. lives life is hard right like just accomplishing shit keeping yourself on the straight and narrow The randomness of it. And not only that, if you look at the great artistic expressions, like look at Picasso, take a look at what he lived through.

11:20 And they let it inform their their artistic expression inform their behavior look You know, I mean, we have more Like they should be if people had perspective like, hey, there's a bunch of people that We are crazy. They don't have any real existential threats out there to their own lives and their way of life. the author, First of all, she says he's objectifying women

14:52 And he is a comedic so that's that's that's why what is her name the woman who said that it's unbelievable so her name But please understand that we have come a long long way and to not give credit for that it's not give credit to the foot Latin America in the 70s and the 80s, our lifetime, were military dictatorships. But at least give it credit. Yeah, you're right.

18:00 Yeah. do you think they could make for those fake stories i mean what do they is it real money in It was funny. and he's always been a really liberal guy. you guys are pointing your guns at the wrong enemy. look, You're trying to claim your own space by jumping in and trying to get a reaction. Because if a woman is standing next to a man and says the exact same thing, I guarantee you no one gives a fuck.

21:29 I may enjoy it if I watch it. Do you really want to live in a world like that? What are we talking about? I mean, it is literally just an object. I think women that are naked are beautiful. She's the mother, right? Oh, look at that. But the other one confirmed, dot, dot, men who objectify women are effing horrible. He looks pissed. If he objectifies women, how the fuck

24:03 because I think it's great dollying them up and not really I get it. Well, it completely depends upon what is the humor? Will you have to apologize? Oh god? I hope he doesn't I hope he doesn't but he works. He's a working actor And if one of them is involved in some sort of scandal Perfect example. you better be ready for the consequences. Now, if that's true, it may not have been.

27:45 It shouldn't make you a racist. And he was getting heckled, and they were saying, You agree with them. And I don't think, but again, again, that's a, that's like the Mel Gibson thing too. you're gonna meet people that you love that fill all of the blanks, Asian, missing the whole thing. if you're a fucking super wizard I was watching this show the other day called Uncharted,

31:14 Everyone in the village was fucked up man Yeah. It's a thing that people are doing. if that is really filling up your time, He's the worst. Everybody, everybody stopped saying the worst because that is like, there's no better symbol so when this guy you find this guy who fucking bombed people in Chelsea and there's another way to look at things If you look at the way human beings are, if you draw through lines,

34:08 It's why you can't really look at someone's skin or someone's racial features and, you know, Well, there are a lot of other scholars who say maybe not. if somebody's coming in and try to get to our kids, but certainly our country. And with every life experience that I have, I always try to think of, there's a perspective that I had when my kids started walking and talking to them and seeing them go from coming out of their mother's body to being a little person I could talk to.

37:50 And they just they're devastated for like literally to the grave from some shit that happened when they were 10. Why would someone drive a truck in France You want to call them religions? I'm scared of rats. I'm scared of clowns. aren't hurting anybody because there's so many of them if they were if there as it's a particular If you ask me about sugar, I'll wax poetic.

41:06 Ooh, it was good. You go deep. The Bedouin, No, I mean titty milk. from their udders. In Australia Pangea thing happened. Guys are fishing in wasted water. That's crazy. old school rich dudes in like the 1800s really yeah, they totally You know most of the venison that we get is from New Zealand right when you get elk You put a couple families of wolves out there,

44:02 He couldn't find the dog. Actually, it's two years ago now. like torn apart but it's not just torn apart like hair is everywhere yeah it's like all over the Yeah. That is crazy. found out about him from ranella's podcast he was ranella's um uh natural history professor i think these coy wolves, Wow. a 50-50 thing going on. I thought so, too. It's crazy.

47:48 Yeah, go on. But here's the deal, the really crazy thing about coyotes and goes missing the female produces more pups in her litter. hadn't been in Yellowstone since they eradicated them, right? Right. thousands, tens of thousands of wild It's like an elk yeah they're probably They weren't, like, that sustainable with their practices. They're human beings.

51:36 to eat buffalo tongues. You'll eat tongue? Let's eat liver. It was ridiculous. We ate it and it was the crunchiest and it made me sick. up and put it in a plant and fried it with butter, it crunches almost like a carrot. like that. It's a roe deer. I don't know if you've even wasn't right for a week. Waiting for things to rot. fucking delicious it's so weird when you go to the butcher if you ever go to whole foods and you pass

54:10 that's what it looks like. Cheese is some foreign substance. Five day dry. Yeah. Ah, shit. Blauser, a Blauser. These roe deer, they bring in snipers to take them out in England. Like, once they hit that, it probably just explodes. They go, blink, blink. that here's this deer or those things a really interesting video But in many ways, it's kind of like a selfish feeling.

57:26 Like, if you were over in New Zealand, we're going hunting, We're going to live off the land. And they just let them rot up there, man. well, I can't. So we're just going to Is it a button button? Oh, look at that. Poor thing. Boing. Good lord. Pennsylvania where they allow deer hunting all throughout the year I'm going to buy you a crossbow and you're into this shooting stuff. I want you to kill the deer.

59:52 Also, I didn't know how to use a crossbow. This is all you have to learn how to do with a crossbow. Let it out. Trigger doesn't even know what's going on. it, and it would run into somebody else's yard, and then She may or may not have. I love venison. thing of water and I know it's I know it's legit. No crocodiles. As long as I hear this, listen. And I can have a nice glass of water.

1:02:26 things. You're not going to make it. And it used to be that meat was something that countries— It was very expensive. I think you're right though. I think it makes people really confused. You don't have to enjoy it. So we figured out a way to make it really easy to get food. So they didn't have to spend so much time getting ready for the winter. It definitely does.

1:06:14 right now no question the best ever there's no question it's just so much Dude, it's from Whole Foods. institutions we can trust like a police force we can trust overall i know there's certain groups on my door and put me in jail on trumped up charges. could just take Donald Trump to task a little Well, you know, he's great at being reasonable about things.

1:08:15 As long as you move quickly, you don't spend too much time with one spot, you're going Like they came on, or he came on rather, Michael Shermer. I'll hold my breath and I'll watch like a few minutes of a YouTube video and then I go. you know, I have more people mad at me Oh, come on. coming in to say, when I ask for evidence, And 1,100 scientists a washed-up failure anyway.

1:11:00 That's all fake, right? stuffed into a pail and uh everybody's like that's so interesting and uh it was really expensive then And they don't play chess and they don't collect wine, What is it, LA County Museum of Art? It was a small box. Sure. Beautiful. It's an amazing piece. Like, they walk in your house We've moved on from that. Get the fuck out of here.

1:14:51 And you know, Hey man, if you're one of those guys out there that you're like, fuck you, I believe Jackson Pollock was painting fractals. So is that the case, Jamie? the like if you look at it from a distance you see a very particular shape like the mandelbrot which is really the best way to look at it because as it goes closer, Yeah. And it never ends.

1:17:50 and understands the proportions in making a correct amount of, or reasonably correct impossible to walk and not leave trails like oh there's all these lines in there he fucks And so you're right. who's an actual, you know, It doesn't have to just melt, you dummy. Do you know what percentage of the World Trade Center tower, one of them, was of air? What percentage was made up of air?

1:20:08 normal buildings have a lot of concrete I can't remember what it was. Yeah. Crazy, crazy stuff. So it was incredible feat of engineering It was, yeah. it was the feat of Manhattan a massive amount of your life watching YouTube videos and reading websites. For sure. The mood is on preventative measures. but on the good side, we got true and way, way unlikely.

1:23:43 I do think there was a group of people that had an agenda Bill Hicks had a great bit about that And here's proof. But oil, no, because that doesn't hold water because oil, there's money in a war effort, it a great idea to be in control of a place that has billions of gallons of oil aren't we in control even predicted. And that these people do not fucking get along.

1:27:06 A lot. documents that you get. And with oil. And then what happens is you have other countries, for example, look at Pakistan. would go into, for example, in Syria and things like that, that the Alawites in Syria are in that they had been given favor over, to keep the population under control in the event that there's no war that's America. They had wiped out all the Native

1:30:40 said civilization is an agreement among men to behave well. And, you know, when you got civilization, it's fine. It's not surprising. I think MMA, I've heard this, is one of the fastest growing sports among young men all over the world. Oh, it is. I feel good about it. You think that I would remember since we get such a wide, you have such a wide, I should

1:31:48 Oh, shit. Tickets available. You want to work? Another college. of the universe. Maybe put yourself My kids went down there to get an education, not to be taught by some fucking 49-year-old Yeah, you should. a lot of the problems that I was talking about Can people try to dissect humor and pretend that these are actual statements, It's a symptom of life being too soft.

1:34:03 If shit went down just like it did on 9-11, then you get this beautiful community of people I just love everybody right there, but oh yeah, I'm high as fuck on endorphins And you know you have to do three more rounds. Hold on, listen to me. Because that's back in the old days. Oh, look at that. Well, it might be out of college. I'm a big fan of Toronto, for sure.

1:36:04 They're nicer. That's just too far up there. How about that? Woo! There's a lot of drugs. Canada's way the fuck up there and you can't even grow coke in North America did you know that with that kind of money there are probably people This band exists up to 20 degrees of latitude. Yeah. Coca. Don't we have some shit that we're putting in our butter from cocoa or something like that?

1:38:33 And then they took it back to Europe. Do people grow cocaine? If it does get legalized. Mm-hmm. not completely understood. I mean, we have this number, right? who knows what the consequences are? because it's not this forbidden taboo thing. I know France doesn't have the same issues And journalists. There's a conspiracy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like, the guy's just running the country by himself.

1:42:56 He's the king of Russia. leader you can't deny it's a strong leader and g Garry Kasparov said, Mr. Pence, Governor Pence, saying Vladimir Putin is a strong leader is like saying arsenic is a strong drink. say nothing bad about me. What was that, Dan Carlin, my favorite quote? The Romans created a Russian car, Russian computer, Russian washing machine.

1:44:21 Yeah. All right. Donald Trump has said that he's a fan of Putin. This is a guy who served Republican administrations. Yeah. I don't like Hillary either, to be honest, because I'm more of a libertarian. It's all about him, right? It's all about him. make him a substantial amount of money. the issue, I think. Yeah, but I mean, you really think he wants to step away from everything and run the country

1:47:02 Hmm. Balling. And I agree with him. I'm going to keep things. Long on style, short on substance. He wears nice suits. he's got to be smart because he made a lot of money. Whether or not you just decide What is smart and what's not smart before he was given like two million bucks by his parents as a loan to start his first business and I think at the center of his empire

1:51:11 but please don't act as though you weren't using the political system it's good to say that all people that support trump are dumb or rednecks i think that's He'd probably be fun for us to hang out with. You know what I mean? And there's not one ideal choice. it's crazy they're children they're living at home They're all silly people. arguments for against religion if you listen to some of his speeches are listen how irrational

1:54:32 But I agree with you. Let's stop right there because that's a giant generalization. In case I get in a fight. lower back and my ass okay yeah i work for my core i'm gonna look forward to i believe you all right thing, putting in perspective the steps that have been made and then the progress that So our version of like what reality is now, it keeps changing and growing and expanding

1:56:34 Is it would you say moving to a more of a truthful model at least for how the world works? the other day I was at this place and all these people were on their phone and I just stopped and I got to my dance with my and like you know like sitting there like with these aliens on your ear all day people together. voluntarily join in i don't know but it's i think it's going to be just one of the inevitable

1:58:53 I mean, germ theory, remember, is a very new concept. there are good bacteria and bad bacteria and maybe your bio, but all these sort of developments And then antibiotics were born. That doesn't mean they should be ostracized. It might be sensory sensation. and learning a better life as we create this neural net where we're getting a better understanding of

2:02:53 And then what does that mean? obliterated. I got all these plans. most of it is air anyway, which is You could spend a lifetime studying how a cell breaks down and what is going on in a So it is entirely possible that what we look at as a structure, you look at the universe like, wow, this amazing, constantly expanding thing. his greatest accomplishment?

2:05:23 And he said, he said, uh, his eyes they're blue he's autistic oh yeah yeah I see the big a in his Yeah. said about josh waskin's book in the art of learning where he said when he was learned he I mean the way humans interact with each other and the innovation that comes out of that, And it all seems to be kind of balancing itself out or at least pushing into a certain direction.

2:08:16 that someone is doing something, just a mean person and you're trying to take people's jobs away and make people poor, the And I'll give you an example. As an actor, you can't play him as a monster. You've got to play him as a guy who's trying to solve a problem. when our emotion takes us in a different direction. Yeah. who's looking. It's a red feather. It's on your, a bright red peacock feather that's on your head.

2:11:54 And I would agree. But man, it's dangerous. maybe it can maybe it can't i mean it's possible they could engineer correctly. But the real issue is he doesn't, like as a spokesperson, he doesn't represent progress. You're going to take heat from that? He was alerting us of a crime that people that we elected were engaging in, and a lot of people that we didn't elect.

2:14:14 So that becomes team, you know? But look at it in this perspective. So if you decide to run for office and you say, you know what? We'd like to talk to you about some of the emails that you've sent over the years. they do great work, and they keep us safe. However, their history would suggest two things. It was prescient, wasn't it? Sure has. Because there's a machine out there that wants to go to war.

2:17:33 It's not, most importantly, what makes this country great. It is the opposite. It is what It might even make us a little less safe sometimes, Like, you really can't. love those movies I'm the law you know yeah that kind of craziness is it's Federalist Papers and read the Constitution and the Bill of Rights, that's the solution. And there's more of that, too.

2:20:11 I mean, it's a total smoking gun. mention that it's islamic terrorism They mention that it's extremism. The fact of the matter is these people are Islamic And it's going to build up Donald Trump. Caitlyn Jenner. You gotta go back to Bruce Jenner first. Was not paying attention. What's important here is that he has the right to express himself. gender and yourself. You fucking killed somebody

2:22:42 I'm tired of this he-she You know again we have too many fucking labels. There's too many labels to any things attached to it There's several people that are a foot taller than me. I'm 5'8". I like a cup of coffee. You were handsome for a long time. Sense of humor. It wasn't boring. How about this? for the entire show. Even better. Like P. Diddy's Yeah.

2:25:21 All right. He's on his way. Ottawa.