Joe Rogan Experience #860 — Russell Peters Transcript

Transcript

0:00 It's been three years since he texts back. And apparently it's like NBC is doing something. That's fucking insane. Jesus. That's fucking insane. Holy shit, Netflix is balling. I've heard about it, but I thought it was on CBS or something. Good old Yul. so people can go trying to remember when i was a kid what was logan's run was it a series or it was a series

2:30 The move that Cuba Gooding Jr. did in. And girls are going to be showing their vaginas. The 1990? Whatever you're doing, I like it. Office buildings, everything. I was a lunatic. Yeah. Those little paper clips? the only thing we have to fear is fear itself. We turned reality into reality. We can be hopeless. Gets out of every situation. That's the one thing that confuses me the most about donald trump i didn't know there were

6:09 Damn, dude. Secretly, I think they may be getting back together. paid. Oh, shit. Yeah, we happen to know one or two of them. We're all left brain thinkers. I don't know. well there's a book fucked up. And from that and the sermons he used to give. I guess when you get close to death, you look at it one of two sudden, he's like, oh, oh! Like all the crazy ranting and the sermons he used to give.

8:21 If that was a fact, I don't know. I know, right? Football is the way to go, right? There's a limit on that. That's true. You know what's cool about a hammer fist is like you can do this to a table, Have you hammer fisted anybody? there. Yeah, if you hit someone's chin with the very right yeah you do you gotta you gotta be very confident knowing that you're turning your back

10:55 It was on Instagram. see you know yeah it uh she like throws her to the ground she kind of like kind of curbs her a Like, MMA has changed street fighting forever. Like the kid that did that to Cat Williams. He got his back and just stretched him. yeah something's gone awry yeah i'm fascinated by him because i think he's one of the best comics Like he's just like, fuck it, I'm steering into the wind.

13:19 Yeah. Sweating that MDMA out of your system. leading up to the show. So I've never met him, actually. You know, there was the whole thing. I mean, I knew my intelligence level was far lesser than Carlin's, so I would just do what I did. Now there's a whole slew of uh comics that try to sound like mitch Yeah. That's one of the reasons why some comics-

16:26 I'm around them. I mean, I'm like, I guess have a hundred comedy clubs or something crazy? You need the nice grimy cellar. walking through there. Yeah. Yeah, she did one with a really small audience. Huh. on a curve like oh that's she's a funny woman no she's i i told her that once i said you know But my trick is to go and host. or if I want to tell jokes.

18:45 Ever. I haven't watched it. Not once. And then I was listening here and there. basically. Yeah, next Friday. Yeah, next a week, basically. Yeah, next Friday. We've done the Ice House. San Jose that weekend if I'm not mistaken. Oh really San Jose improv. I love that place. Yeah, that fucking improv is this shit I wait until I got jokes, actual jokes.

20:58 Yeah. That's so crazy. A little bold. You can't help yourself. The fucking puns. I'm shit bull. Shit bull. You can't help yourself. just to keep up with these fucking guys. to say. supposed to be normal, level-headed men telling me And have sex with them in the streets. Yeah, but I don't even think they recognize it as homosexual because they're like, they're not attracted to men.

24:05 But when I did the show, I played right down the aisle. It's not so much that I worry about doing stuff that'll get me in trouble it's doing stuff that they may eh, they wouldn't give a fuck about that. I'm sure they wouldn't know essentially. Yeah. I don't remember the address. They're like some of the nicest cult members ever. mormons please find that jamie yeah there's got to be some sort of a group where they get together

26:37 Yeah I love Utah Needed the exercise Yeah Salt Lake City is From the hotel to the gig. Why? Why not? Okay. It was nice. Nice air. Yeah. They outpriced the gays. A lot of, there's a lot of, and there's a lot of old money there too, you know, people that have just been there forever. It'll cost you a lot more. and they just rent everything out. Everything's all spread out.

28:22 And real estate downtown is very expensive now, too. getting divorced yeah so he's got to start dumping shit the kid's getting fucked he's getting fucked He just sold one of them. It's like the top couple floors of one of those buildings. It's all five units together. It's all him. bad, then. No, it's not bad at all. I thought they were all stacked. I thought it was just... They are. It's like the top couple floors of one of those buildings.

29:38 Holy shit. But the problem with apartment living is, man, you wind up paying all that money, and be useless you're not going to be able to fix that thing it's going to break there's going to be Yeah, maybe she'll leave him alone. The guy's a fucking genius. Oh. Is that a girl or a guy who wrote that? He's like, no, I'm going to call men, men. way yeah and i saw this story about this uh kid gavin something or another uh i think it's in

32:58 Oh, whatever you want to be, you can be. you're never really going to be a boy you know so if i call you a boy and you take a girl. But if you were born a girl and you feel like you're a boy, you're never really going to be a boy. DNA. They get in there and I'd be a beautiful It's a lot of pressure. How do you know this? Okay. You killed them. So that's stem cell.

35:18 so that way they get out there needs the roots it's not going to grow roots right it can't i don't think it can grow roots it's over Oh, is that what it is? I don't know. No. That's why they do what they do and we just pay them to do that. Yeah. It's the newest thing. You don't give a fuck, do you? I hired him for that. Yeah, and I was like, Alex, you know I don't have a fight coming up, right?

37:46 Come on. Oh, my that, an hour and a half of core. Come on. Oh my god, He was telling me, though, that And he would do like a thousand sit-ups, something stupid. I hated them. Yeah, 10 seconds, 15 seconds. Yeah. And I'm like, dude, I looked the same, but I was more fit. I just wanted to get skinny. Do you think he really had AIDS? Yeah, like if Wilt Chamberlain didn't get AIDS, how does anybody have AIDS?

40:13 That's what the word on the street is, that his tests are. Where'd it go? And then Chris Rock did the joke 20 years ago. Name one fucking guy! Why did I suck it? that's a guy that you can't imitate that people get right Yeah, see, to me, Hicks always read to me as an angry, dorky guy, angry nerd. He goes, he wasn't funny. Next. It wasn't like Joey Diaz.

43:22 Those I always felt like yeah yeah I think Andy Kindler Cartoon. That's Reggie Watts' thing, wasn't it? Stay away from that TV. The sitcom is dead as we know it, I think. but we don't know which way to go. Aziz Ansari will start gaining weight. What's that about? the this was this was the 90s when i tried it the 90s the 90s they hadn't figured out sativa yet

46:16 Eating too much edibles has fucked up more people with pot than probably anything ever. Thought they were dead. It's fucking hilarious because this is what happens. And so when people go, oh, my God, this is not pot. No, it's pot. Yeah. It was... Pot, brownie, overdose. Can you please send rescue? Have you guys been drinking today too? Okay, how much did you guys have?

49:08 My wife and I did. Is she awake? She's laying right down in front of me. They're on the way, but I'm trying to figure out how much you bought and put into the brownies, sir. Was it a big batch, a little batch? Okay. You're Edward Sanchez? Like, that's my favorite thing. hit him he he turned fucking so pasty white and uh and he he thought he was dying as a guy and he

51:50 I enjoy me some tequila. you feel great like there's no health consequences if i get drunk and i've been drunk i feel like Just drink it straight. Brian Regan takes a shot before every show. It's just straight tequila. It's like that stuff will fucking get you. He did smoke cigarettes, right? whiskey and vodka and Is that what it is? It's like someone in a movie when they're making jokes about,

54:53 Yeah, I have a little bit of it. That's the difference. drop trow and we're probably going to have some other people, too. I think the election's on the 8th, so it's going to be the day before. Wow. Oh. Right. I didn't know it. you admire yeah but i think look up to somebody in your business. Who's running for, who's his running mate? It's like they're not going to win.

58:56 He's 87. But doesn't this seem like a ridiculous sporting event? Oh, yeah, they have fucking crazy gang fights. And then there was one in Ukraine, remember? it's cold as shit up there cold as shit and they were they were repressed for so many years And I might be wrong about that. mostly upper body grappling I just I stare at it all the time like if I ever if I ever take myself seriously this picture right here

1:02:24 He was a freak. And calves. He was a freak. 49. But dude, he was a freak So he had like the combination of those things like look at his technique like everything is perfect, but he's also because he was training with these Russian nationals I'm sure you've heard the rumors. I mean, I've heard it, There's Conor, who's the most famous. Well, that doesn't matter.

1:05:13 that dynamic personality that people get attracted to. But, you know, in her eyes, those girls are trying to take something from her. Or some people come back, they fight smarter. That was George better than ever. He just regrouped. I'm a big fan of in that time I see your point, That's what I'm just thinking about. Oh, yeah. Forgot about that. I mean, that Ellen interview where she was talking about contemplating suicide.

1:07:40 Yeah. There's a giant crowd of people and there's lights that say applause and there's a guy You guys are super excited. Take whatever you got and add 30 to it. to talk to people. speaking to somebody but I don't think there's anything wrong with taking a year off, some of his students, She looked fantastic, right? To do this right, like you got a world-class, world-championship-level racehorse in a woman like Ronda Rousey, right?

1:10:16 Like, what is her best options? Or you could go the Eddie Alvarez route, right? and just be completely prepared to fight. And he had some issues where, i think he said he closed his eyes and the equilibrium And the frequency that Cerrone fights at as well. after you see what he did to Rick story you go holy shit like Donald at 170 is It's amazing. They're like, I got to get more money out of this.

1:13:18 Now I've got to monetize this. They can hit you harder. Dude, it's interesting. So I would run to the McDonald's and get a milkshake, What do you think about this Amanda Nunes-Ronda Rousey fight? I'm like, and I think Amanda Nunes is a more dangerous fight because Amanda Nunes is a black belt in jiu-jitsu. wants Cyborg to fight She's so drained when she gets to 40 drained is there a weight class above that there should be there should be a 145 yeah

1:16:29 She's so terrifying. I can't take this. Hmm. No. or the third. I can't really remember. Misha Tate. People forget about that. And that's all stand-up. Oh, dude, she cracks people. Yeah. Well, next time, come with me. We can do that. I love Jay. I'll host the shit out of that. Hell yeah. The UFC doesn't give tune-up fights. No, they don-up fights. This is not boxing. The UFC doesn't give tune-up fights.

1:21:07 So I just want to let you know that. there's a bigger pool. And she just beat Holly Holm. She's got that beautiful check-right hook. And she's Valentina's nasty, dude. She's got that beautiful check right hook and she's apprehensive that fight right there. Isn't she due for a title Oh. really good timing with her hands are you doing those ones yeah the massacre garden one for sure

1:23:33 made the ending even more spectacular. like one of those puppets you know the one gangster so gangster the whole the whole the I watched it at home. I mean, the fight companions that just don't like You know who's really good is Dominic Cruz. great emotion to it yeah it's entertaining as well as it is for my thing Anthony soon. Yeah, he's fighting rumble

1:25:48 He's a very good guy. I don't know why. Maybe not that picture. No, you're racist. And his sparring Yep. They're like, do you want to come train at AK? Yeah, I'm just trying to get someone to hold pads. I'm a hobbyist. You have to be, unless you're some freak athlete, there's always exceptions. But he was a guy that could take all that time off, come back and still fuck everybody up. Just, just a freak athlete.

1:29:57 Do you really think he was going to hit him? He refuses to fight in Las Vegas after a $150,000 fine. The fuck's he got to do? You're going to fight eventually and throw things at each other. gets to step in, slap They love when someone throws. Yeah, they did. And it's also real. He didn't give a shit So they made a distinction that Cormier was less guilty than John.

1:32:32 That's how little they made? They don't show locker room bonuses. They make that public. What did you just put up? It seems wrong. are really in a trash talk yeah they're not good at it but it's it's awkward and it's uncomfortable we don't think of some dude who's insulting someone and spitting at him and yeah water control over who you are. Boxing's pretty close.

1:36:10 Right. him at will and you could see Canelo going back I mean all he had to do is He's boxing smart, and But at that time, he was still very green. We saw that when, who the fuck knocked him down in the first or second round in that one fight. No, I definitely don't think he has a bad chin, Yeah. I had heard that. He looks like he's from a Russian boy band.

1:38:47 It's just he's a thin guy. Yeah, look at him there. the fight game like i know i can knock you out i'm just gonna let you i'm gonna extend this a Oh, Lomachenko's probably one of the best fighters in the game right now. Well, he's another guy that, like, if you wanted to see beautiful technical movement and defensive movement in boxing. God, he's so good.

1:40:59 It's weird. Omar Solis Well, he's definitely putting some attention on these lighter divisions. That was more than a 10-8. He pressed on. It's hard to tell, man. Well, damage-wise, Hendo was way ahead. Oh. So he made the first... That's not right. You knock a guy down. He got elbowed. So that round I disagree with across the board. Well, Henderson at the end of the fight looked like he just got done sparring.

1:45:16 with one of the toughest fucking guys ever. And that would have been a very fair outcome. Of course. Yeah. That ain't good for you. That's a long one. dude i don't think it makes sense he's just got one of those weird frames there's some people that he's a clobberer he just gets guys up against the cage and just clobbers them. He's something special for sure.

1:47:54 Who's Tom Loeffler? Golden Boy and Oscar De La Hoya. to go from being a fighter to being a promoter. I think Hopkins is going to take one more fight though. Never been out of shape, though. I'll fight before my 52nd birthday. I'm in. I was at that I don't know a rematch again Yeah, this week. I remember that time I was like, I'm almost sure it was Hopkins.

1:50:40 He goes, nope. Yeah. well whoever it was i remember antoine eccles being in the mix and they were both a n t w Yeah, exactly. That's how much shit the bed on the Joe Rogan experience? Antoine Eccles. You're going the wrong way. He's supposed to be fighting Danny Jacobs. You're deep in the boxing and the DJ world. Yeah. I thought he just had one. And you've got to take a chance.

1:54:30 I don't know about that. He's had a lot of years off. If you're at the prime of your career, Probably from overextending. You really should be careful because you can break that thing and when it breaks it pulls up and knots like Matt When your Achilles snaps, doesn't your ankle just go loose like that? It's got to hurt on some level? You know, I really, where's the, oh.

1:57:01 Yeah, he's just got a chunk torn out of it. Animals do. There should be. I remember when I first moved to California. rabbit and then decided fuck this i'm not getting away fast enough and just dropped the rabbit and They don't play. Because I have a puppy. Jesus. Aha, you fuckers. There's this small island in Japan where they have this relationship, I guess,

1:59:43 This might not be riding around so much, but That's amazing. How dare you? Oh, baboons. Dude, it's crazy. He's got him. He's like holding on to the puppy is there audio to this well the video is entitled so he's got the little puppies holding on to it see that looks like us in a transitional stage in the evolution chart. His page is all in Arabic. Oh, yeah?

2:03:06 This thing's trying to get away and get out of the water, Because we care. Oh, Jesus. He was born in 1925. His last one that he shot was in the 60s. skin so they made like an exemption they were like yeah because he's getting a man eater it going crazy and running around the tree a lot because he knew he was scared my dad was he had Whoa. hmm maybe you'd have to I think what happens when they find those things and they're illegal

2:06:42 One of them was obtained illegally. It was a part, it's a small railway village called Burhanpur. And he thinks they make, And my dad took us. and you could see fresh tiger prints in the mud. I know that area when I was a kid. she got she was mad and that's why she got out of the car she apparently got mad at somebody in the Sue who? I see. you better shut the fuck up, bitch.

2:10:43 Tiger probably couldn't help himself. That's what they do. car once you enter the park but she thought it was wasn't that and no one explained it to her In Canada, they have a place called African Lion Safari. But I do remember the monkeys fucking up the car. I was in Tohon Ranch. that in my mind I had How much of my memory in this situation Oh, no, those are lynx.

2:13:36 Yeah, I walked on the side of the road. I know. Who are you? I know. Who are you? as Canadian. But moose is definitely I mean, it's not like you can get a regular eagle and tame them. Ooh. They don't, There was a video that I watched the other day. They're so huge. Apparently, when it does happen, the cat, whichever side is the lie I don't it's a lion or the tiger one of

2:16:28 Yeah. So they're hybrids, and it's a hybrid that's not viable. exactly yeah so they're one litter animals yeah but like wolf dogs wolf the wolf dogs could fuck A coyote had fucked this guy's Labrador retriever. out here but there was also the thought like whoa who wants a half coyote that they can't go listen to you man yeah they're wily yeah that's

2:19:02 There's a big article about it, about this ongoing research, about just how many coyotes live. No. Apparently, all dogs came from North America. I don't fucking know. The reason why there's so many coyotes, they're all across every city in America today. by it sets them off yeah i hear a siren and then fucking all of a sudden I my lady cook she does I'll give you some You ever had? No. Do you cook? My lady cooks.

2:21:53 Like a cow fucked a deer. You can't help yourself I can't it's just who you are you gotta accept it It's true. Road coyotes. But then, you know, I get to some spots where I'm like, you know, you're driving through these really small towns and you're looking around. It's like you thinking, I'm going to go back to being a regular guy. probably drunk no no no i don't drink and drive yeah people don't want you knocking on the door

2:24:33 You should have bought it. Did you know Dana back then? Is that where the Southeast are? um it was this it was this big tournament that they would do like an olympic style tournament And I realized it was the first time I'd ever heard myself. I fucking did. The only thing I say that's still very Canadian is sorry. also doing Taekwondo but I didn't know him but he was born in India Callan was born in Philippines

2:27:12 He lived everywhere. He's a guy. He's got like a pretty broad range of topics in his head It's your body telling you you're a fat fuck Just fucking burns to here. I remember being a six, seven-year-old having it. I don't know what it does exactly, but I know I don't feel any pain when I'm on it, so I'm good with it. I drank a whole Mountain Dew. No, I just do it.

2:29:20 What will do it to you? I feel I'd be like oh, it's all right now, and then when I go to bed the minute. I lay down you just gotta keep partying, bro. I forget. off that shit. fda sounds alarms and dangers of aspirin this is six years ago this guy's smart as fuck i had him Holy shit. That's it. i i do i try you got the paper you got that paper i try i try i just enjoy food i enjoy life i do

2:32:39 It's just perfect right off the fucking oven. yeah like i don't need a six-pack i don't need to be shredded fuck all that give me this pizza Oh, it's multigrain. I know people are listening to me Yeah, I can't do that. No. and the sausage. No, what happens then? I don't know. What's it doing? It can't is it? How's it stopping that? I don't know. It'll go away.

2:35:03 cause the food's so spicy. Yeah. No one there was American except for me. But I really felt like I had somehow or another like teleported into another country as being from India like a time capsule the best indian restaurant in la is there a one spot i really i have a spot that i used to go to Yeah, yeah, yeah. Really? Vegetarian is big over there.

2:37:58 They'll put on the outside, veg and non-veg. Still a vegetarian? lamb rogan josh rogan josh oh yeah that shit is good that is good oh my god that place in woodland I wonder if there's a direct connection. I wonder. Eating hash. It's not too shabby. Yeah, I think you'd really enjoy it out there. swam up to a boat that had five fishermen in it, three guys could row so he's two guys left two guys survived

2:41:48 I run so fast. I'm just gonna go over there fuck that guy up and you think in your head Like the guys that tried to fight Nick Diaz in the bathroom. Well, they're just drunk dummies. We need to balance out the ecosystem. They'd be able to say, listen, listen, you guys don't know shit. Like, you guys haven't even figured out tools yet? That guy's at.6.

2:44:17 It's definitely not fair physically. This world ain't fair at all. A lot of people tell you introspection, yoga, isolation tank. You still got your isolation tank? Any you tell me, whenever you're home. When you get out of there, you go, whoa. I need that. I'm going to wait until I move and then I'll do it. And have the guys from Float Lab set it up.

2:46:52 But honestly, that is contrary No, never. So if I did that, I'd start choking. A lot of people have it. Not really, actually. I just want to get small. If you follow his diet, it will, without a doubt, clean you up. Yeah, give yourself a little reward when I was training with the reason I would get one day cheat Oh. Eddie Bravo used to be on the Atkins diet.

2:49:18 If it's Saturday at midnight, why don't I just do the whole weekend? just go off. And he would do it with such lust, like a guy who had been depriving himself for Dude, I had chicken fried steak in Montana. Like when you're sucking down that. You know what else is really good, man? One quarter Irish. God damn, that's good. They're very protective of the way things are done.

2:52:38 And then I pick the bread, and then Ah, for fuck's sake, you want me to shit on the bread, too? You know, you could just say salami with hot peppers. Okay. Well, he's done a lot of training with Bas Rutten. Have you ever seen him hit the bag or hit the pads with Mark Delgrate? So you'd make somebody order that on the side? Well, they have a very specific taste that you want to take in.

2:54:58 too, so she'll be like, when I make Helping the bones. Like the curds you made? It's so much better. A lot of it, yeah. different it tastes better to me to me i think it tastes better i different. It tastes better to me. To me, I think it tastes better. I do like me some. I wonder when they came up with the homogenization process. it's like wow this is on the door of getting funky.

2:58:03 I'm trying to find out. Hmm. especially buffalo. initially as a war conservation measure i wonder if they do it every day and you have an ice box Yeah. for real no not scurvy when we get older in our Well, that's, I think, you know, once they get that stem cell shit right. you're gonna see it's gonna have an immediate effect and i was like call me bro i'd love to

3:01:31 And you get to see the wisdom of someone that's 200, 300 years old. If you lived to be 146, how much smarter would you be than you now? I was getting pussy when I was fighting at 147. human growth hormone and a cancer grows in your body, that it could grow more. That seems to be where the big risk is, is diet and people that work around chemicals. opened up your bag right yeah you open up your clothes take your clothes out when you got home

3:04:47 It must have been around 2000 maybe? I remember people complaining, Remember that? and they are smoking in the house, chain smoking with the kids. Make everybody breathe your smoke. I'm saying if you dated someone. my lady doesn't smell like farts. talk about it? Farting on people. Is that what he said? It was fun. Okay. Okay. Thought we did what we could.