Joe Rogan Experience #861 — Bryan Callen Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Two, one, yee-hah! baby. that's so out of reach that you wind up doing it and getting obsessed with it because it's Right. and kill, give them a license to kill Fuckers. Either way, I was drinking in college. Yeah, I was 18. All my friends are grown-up babies. And I just barked, we're losers. And if I could throw something in there, the only way that silly goose stuff works at all is if you've got your bases covered

3:56 figured out a way to preserve our biology in most countries in terms of like, we have life-saving There's a little rudimentary things if you don't feel good like hookworm in the south And then you'd walk around on your bare feet. But it was a major issue in Reconstruction after the war. worms no i never got like i've gotten ringworm before though oh yeah me too but this guy right

6:28 I'd had them. So worms are a parasite, right? Like New Guinea worms, look up New Guinea worms. So if you're being sensitive to it. We can get a look at it here. It says parasitic worms with these squirming worms Like, I would be wondering if I could That looks like a long tapeworm. Like, let's find out if that's true, because if that is true, well, first of all, if you got fucking worms, you got a problem, period, right?

9:08 That would be a tapeworm. Find out if that's true. Yes. Isn't that crazy? Yeah. So people partied there. And all the hip people from the 1950s, That guy is standing on dead fish bones. cesspool now. a desalination That was a real, a legit sea and farming, I i think and maybe So they took something that happens naturally anyway, and they just put a window so you can go underground and check it out.

14:05 I don't know why I just had this image of when you were talking about all the salmon that died, but they're swimming in one direction. or do I really want to be on set acting? right those are a lot of questions it's a lot to those are a lot of questions. It's a lot to bring up. There's a video of a three-year-old with that many worms, too. Yeah, that's not surprising.

16:01 it's pretty obvious what's going on. creates this cloud. I mean, that's what it is. You can, you can do it right now. You can go do it And your assumptions are usually assumed to be wrong until they are proven otherwise through trial and error, But if you're wrong a lot, that they think is the most fishy. photos that show lines behind jets. When you pretend that those are clouds and that these clouds that are coming out of the back of these jets are some sort of a chemical spray that the government is launching indiscriminately down on civilization for mind control or some nefarious purpose.

19:11 Like, it hasn't done anything. if Bill Murray was running for fucking president right now, reliable source of truth anymore. They're not I mean, he just kept interrupting. I think there will always be a marketplace for that. You are the only ones. You're they're the purveyors of truth. You are the only ones. One of them just wants to talk about nothing but sexual assault and they were talking about how important it is that we we don't

21:55 they're all serious, right? clinton foundation i mean there's the list of grievances and corruption has been well documented And Donald's like, talk about a conspiracy. Donald Trump has an ideology or a philosophy because that would require, oh, he does, Morgan Murphy put this thing up today. That's actually genius. Look at that. And I'll be honest with you.

25:25 to get to a position of like being a leader like like she's really good at that yeah her economy He gave to Hillary Clinton's campaign. And I wanted to just get to this position so that I once now I'm here. Well, also, though, I see I don't begrudge I don't like when people insult Trump voters. Hillary Clinton is talking in very much the same way and along the same parallels that

28:19 That appeals to our emotions. Teach? in deciding But that's how a dictator. The short answer is yes. And I've always said we should just go in and take the oil. As a dictator, if he was in charge, he doesn't even know how that works. There are a lot of examples of that. Frank Rich. with that you know look it up look up the uranium deal who through Bill

31:52 Oh, that's right. It's a little hard to read, I guess. of the pardon as a defense against any future It was so blatant, it was ridiculous. Uranium fields, some huge uranium fields fields i think some of the biggest in the some of the biggest reserves in the world, share technology, share technology and technological sort of ideas and stuff. The problem with that

35:09 You don't think she knew that? This is every major publication in the world knows this and concurs along the same lines. She just recently got some crazy award. for, I think, things like malaria, malaria nets. actually used for other things a reserve of money used for illicit purposes, especially political bribery. Yes. But what you say is, oh, this money is for curing this disease, but it's used for other things.

37:08 and Fox news, it was one of the best examples I've ever seen of the fact that they, these guys are including people in the process and moving it away from this. If you let's just take the left, let's just take the hysterical left I'm super left on almost every social issue on welfare on government programs to help communities and boys clubs and girls clubs and things along those lines you're making my point for me exactly so when i say left

39:14 what you're doing is categorizing people. interesting? Well, that's what happens, but that's called, that's called being occupying I can't believe you lumped all those three people together. or make women safer or make the world safer i i think what happens is a lot of times is make it better You need laws and you need regulations and you need restrictions.

41:42 I don't think that empowers black people. That's the discussion. every time the fucking elections come Who's doing all who's ruining the party okay? Well first we got to find them So that's what happens. against each other even on a global scale it keeps ramping up i'm sure it works that way with like If you try to change that, you're you're messing with human things the problem is

44:56 It's like there's so much money in it that they start realizing that position carries A lot of different parties. Way better idea. What's the great quote? Well, does turmoil... I bet you're wrong. Fucking meat and- You know what? even though Jeff Ross said he was great when they, they roasted him. Said he was great. He'd probably be one of my favorite people, even though he's a complete narcissist. Jeff Ross said he was great when they roasted him.

47:21 That's great. It's not just that. you got to have somebody you go, wait a minute, wait a minute, I can't afford to be to not be All right, Eddie. And as if people don't have enemies, everybody's an enemy in government. Yeah, but if it's running at you, it's not beautiful. That's a horror show. It's whatever the fuck you think it is. a very distinct sequence.

50:54 Yeah, you fuck with the whole outline of your face. My dog was like, get the fuck away from me. But what the fuck we were talking about? congenitally he went through a whole litany of reasons why hip to waist ratio and breast size There's a giant spectrum. our neighbors when I was a kid And he was gay. Well, no, they would carry him. Huge. what you would see today,

54:28 be considered harmonious. She's full of narcissistic pride and is obviously enjoying the effect she's having on me. around eight or nine. so for me look at all that asshole hair that's amazing such a good piece coming out with He's about to step into it. Would you like them like a woman who's just so my kids are studs, You could do a drawing. want to have animal sex with.

57:45 I like Asian chicks and white chicks. eaten by things left and right. And so we have this fucking insatiable instinct to fuck all the Yeah. same genes so the same fucking caveman genes the genetics have to be like constantly managed by Yeah, being naughty. Giant woman. Just a giant woman. I'll tell you later. Coming full clip if she has this is for real if she had no training

1:00:54 I can't hear this. I'm going to kick her ass. Don't hurt me. They were actually digging into its head. Damn, that's uncomfortable. We would have to worry about the real lions. They're cutting each other. They're 16 they have a fucking fresh BMW the money the money provides connection and love and and and that you mean something to your parents There's a lot of these kids that are growing up,

1:04:32 an epidemic with people. They're so fucking easy to get. I know they're trying to curb that. the makers of a pill, like, That I think is an elephant tranquilizer. I don't know. Hundreds of times the analgesic punch of heroin. Yeah. But that's, see, that's another, that's sort of another example of what I was talking about before, which is that you can try to legislate and pass laws and enforce sort of your view of reality of what

1:08:00 idea and that experiment had to dissipate into the national or international collective conscience. Nixon passed the Sweeping Psychedelic Act of 1970. came up with favorable results, they buried them. Painkillers are worried that if marijuana becomes legal if It's amazing for inflammation, for people that have back problems and all sorts of other It's not to diminish bribery.

1:10:54 I think as an adult, as you, Brian Callen, into your bloodstream. Or is the big issue half a million people dying from cigarettes in this country alone every year? What if there was some new sport? And the idea that the same people that are selling those painkillers are actively working is academics why are academics and why is academia why is that driving the narrative on everything

1:13:07 exclusively, except when it comes to economic obviously, I've never been a fan of this, guys, but I resent the fact that, first of all, obviously I've never been a fan of this, guys, But that is one of the accusations, right? You know, but you take a big fucking chance when you just grab the pussy. You got to give her time too. Right. and he grabs you, and he puts his fingers in your mouth,

1:15:22 I've met 10 guys like that. But it should be illegal to hold you and detain you and like enforce a kiss on you. Who the hell knows? There's weird things happen with people. It's just implied consent based on physical movement. There is a difference. I mean, that's unwanted and he doesn't want to lose his job, it's not as bad as getting raped and murdered.

1:18:26 You guys are making out. She's out cold. We got to make these definitions. However, it seems to me that in, for example, Okay, they're ready to get laid. So he gets kicked out of school. And they're turning it into a crime. you but that's so different than pussy grabbing man pussy grabbing and the pushing people up You know, some giant seven foot tall, 350 pound dude wants to kiss you.

1:21:16 the enemy is there's a movement to This is where I think things get crazy. Well, if you have regrets, then that's rape. ruin your whole fucking life and it's easy to get that distinction right all you have to do is have was wrongly accused, and someone lied. Signing up to be the more vulnerable party. And it's not applicable. And that's what I mean. But there's a gang of injustices the grabbing and the pussy grabbing that's an injustice too

1:24:06 If he grabbed you, he's bigger than you. He grabs your package. Oh, God. self and your own thing and your own issues. they can't protect themselves they can't they can't look out for danger they can't see uh because And guaranteed, someone's going to get drunk. Right. but how you think it's like a woman says, these radical Islamists are bastards, This is a good question for you,

1:27:29 And I want you to say this like that guy in the drug commercial that's eating the salad. So if you're a Taliban, you're a student of the quran you know you're a student uh uh al-qaeda al-qaeda means the base loosely translated sort of this is Okay. is puritanical, it's an ideology you have to kill the bad guys but you also have to win the war place of ideas

1:30:08 You don't want to fuck with the Peshmerga. Wasn't it which means there are no... Those boundaries, It's not even 100 years. Yeah. They don't know what they're doing. Step in right now. Look, man. And, you know, But why would you say that, though? because there's a giant movement of people that wanted to see him in place. I think for sure. I don't think he is either.

1:33:29 When you have an example of a guy like Bernie Sanders, They have to? like somebody's talking about this factory farming i was talking to a guy who uh has been in the food I'm trying to figure out how you're going to bring this back to factory farming if we end up now back around there in 30 years. let me buy you a farm. I do a better job. And then that he'd say, let me buy this farm. And

1:35:47 That's kind of what would happen because it would depend on production, The big issue is the population. man, I hate to tell you, but that whole thing of growing vegetables in mass is only slightly less controversial than growing animals Animals eat them and they die and their bodies rot and fuel the plants that they actually eat, and then animals eat them, and they die,

1:37:43 Fuck. yeah i don't know, but I would imagine. When I was in college, there was never a word and I was barely in college by the way, but and how they they they showed a picture of a pig chewing the bars in the pen it was in and how pigs Super on the ball with your essential fats, and you make sure you take what is it dhea and there's a beat? there is flaxseed,

1:40:38 I'm thinking about krill. here's, Well, we decide that they are an animal that should not be eaten, whereas a plant is something But they're super, super, super primitive. There's a great essay by David Foster Wallace called Consider the Lobster, and it's all about this. What? I let if you have an allergy to shellfish, you can break out into hives.

1:42:43 What was it like? It was a Madagascar hissing cockroach. Yeah, you could live on that the same way you could live on crabs. Wasn't it dirty as shit? People have been eating them forever. I wasn't even that young. You're not really that guy. You know, because you're chewing up this hard, hard skeleton and trying to swallow that, too. And I was like.

1:44:26 Well, I appreciate the fact that he eats that too. Well, here's the other thing. They've never been raised in slavery and fed antibiotics and hormones. out how to do it technology large-scale agriculture indiscriminate combines that chew up the amount of All those animals with all these branches. Have you ever seen But the problem is, it's not animal death free.

1:47:09 and like the course of a couple of minutes find a video of it but they have these you know they're like fucking hundreds of feet long and they use for that same kind of purpose, and then to the right and the left, So that's a combine. wildlife loss from from use of indiscriminate combines like this and they were Fuck. Dude, this is insane. Fly. There you go.

1:50:07 Dude. Is this one going to go down or not? Exploding. Good old YouTube. Ideally, what we're supposed to do is we're all supposed to grow our own shit. people are, it's so easy for someone, you and me included, to say, I don't have time fast food restaurants, the only way is this system that we've got now, where you've just And so they made money, their economy, you could actually have some leisure time.

1:53:31 There was barley, and there was, I think, millet. it before. and then pumping water through this fucking pipe that gets rid of it somewhere you got to get rid fucking cabbage and you And then you build an immunity to it, but guess who doesn't? And he wrote this book about the buffalo. Yeah. So that when you saw these millions of buffalo, it was in a direct response to a lack of a

1:57:11 you just get right to the buffalo you just follow they didn't even know what And he points to the early European travelers who came through. They talked about all these plains animals that they discovered and encountered they didn't talk about buffalo from from how far back they used it for the the uh the meat market I mean, some crazy, not that, but like football fields of just tarps that were, you know, spread out and then rubbed with oil, I guess, to make, you know, so that the tarp, so you created a buffalo skin, a hide.

1:59:46 And then we can take those furs and send them back east as well. that with wild horses well they did that with buffalo there was a great book called of wolves He's working on the American He talked about that's the reason that's bigger than an African lion. ever lived. It might have been that the Bering Strait There was this giant seven-foot tall bird,

2:02:02 it looks like a hedgehog. Yeah, or like a buffalo with wolf teeth. end of the Ice Age. That's how big it is? They're 11 feet high or some shit. where these guys are inside one of those strolls right past the guard booth I'm just a bald, pink piece of fucking food. I'll find it, you motherfucker. Bears are so invulnerable. That's a grizzly, isn't it?

2:04:44 Look at that close that fucking door. Might be a dude. Oh, for sure. Oh, no. Grizzly bears definitely have done it, but it appears that black bears do it more for food, more for predation. He get attacked by a 500 pound predatory black bear in his tent So I'm somewhere in the range of 200 pounds. But either way, you get shot in the wrist. Yes. wonder how inuits who lived in that icy region got water because remember what the water is it's all

2:08:30 what the old ice, that you would melt down It sucked. That story about, I can't remember his name, And so he is famously stiff upper lip uh grew up on a life of discipline never showing ever your emotions you read some of the letters as they were dying and starving to death their letters are incredibly as it is now youtube a debate between james James Baldwin, the great African-American author,

2:11:50 is it not? And that is the debate, and For I will always be. So he's, yeah. Somebody else owns this. don't more influence yourself you can more educate yourself you could you know thing of ink and you had to dip it in there and that's how you wrote. those lines. And then the rest of it was just like houses and rules. I don't know if that's, fucking got me again but burn but back then like there was it feels like political commitment

2:15:18 wins then that side over there is going to come over and take us over there was this real ideology I think there certainly was a lot going on there with that. were around the 1700s like quite a few right i bet you could name, like, isn't Yale from the 1700s? intellectuals were the highest expression of civilization because there really wasn't that So when they were in schools and they would write.

2:18:08 Is how recent all that was. 1714 by Henry Mill. It took a long time for that diffusion of that innovation. some people are dorks no some people are dorks and they learn the other way what's the other way dover acts or something like that see find the most efficient typing uh configuration there's QWERTY is what we have, but scroll up again there so I can read that.

2:19:57 and then it starts with a P. If I remember correctly, they invented that because the old typewriters used to bind if When I was trying to type, I'll be at Calgary this weekend. I love Calgary. How dare you? Yeah. The two of you guys? That's going to be the time. I'm going to be in at the Fort Lauderdale Improv. And in New York, Ramsey Hall, I think we're almost sold out, November 3rd.

2:22:19 People have been asking if you can get it in other countries. And my wife said the same thing. I'll still drink coffee with grass fed butter and MCT oil, but I don't drink it before a podcast. cow dairy anymore. she would throw up and what agrees with them, cow's milk. They did a really interesting experiment with goats and kind of proving and drinking each other's urine and pawing at the dirt and weird shit because they need phosphorus

2:25:09 now the goats didn't know that they were getting and so that control group would always go for eat a fucking pie fuck yeah you'll eat a pie or you'll eat you know pie with ice cream you might Yeah, You know, have they eat like you know worms and whatever they want. You got to brine it. I marinated it in my standard marinade, which is Newman's own balsamic vinaigrette.

2:27:24 He breaded it and fried it. that bow and arrow. I mean, I didn't shoot it And then I go through this whole fucking thing. I go, the whole thing? No, you never organize it. Fuck that. He told me. I got my Hoyt bow. Like give me an example How are you torquing the bow? like one one hundredth of the way there but i'm three years ahead of you you're do you think do

2:30:55 of the best at it, your fucking brain does not have much room for a lot of the normal That's a that's a feature of the male brain the ability to exclude everything else, but one thing it's very rare the madness and the momentum of whatever the fuck it is you're obsessed with that ability to really whether or not though depressives tend to obsess might be another question but this is probably

2:33:29 formerly known as Prince. That was I still, to this day, think that Purple Rain, it's one of the greatest songs, one of the greatest. The dancing, the stilettos. that it wouldn't last. I'll never forget my friend Tommy, He kind of said some homophobic shit that people get really mad at him about, about Did you just say that? What I was going to say is

2:35:17 Okay. i love you as a musical genius i won't take a look at it but there's also a problem that when fucking what was his name um his brother toured with prince um Wow. And he knew Prince. And man, that dude was, he did, he really did play every instrument fluently. You know, I mean, His style was so diverse. No, Prince. He was just a little bit above a dwarf.

2:37:50 You know, who knows, right? I did too. She's a good person. I was doing a series I remember when you were high on that. Trying to get some dick? She was one of the first people to have She had two blind lemurs. The class that was mentioned in that book. He said something interesting about, Yes, I'm a member of the Church of Scientology. But does that mean he's in or not?

2:40:37 Yeah, it seems like a nutty little group of humans. apparently there's a great new documentary that i've been hearing about called holy hell But people are always going to be long to cults. Baited. There are a lot of weird words that you'll hear sometimes. Some people are so good with words. Oh, really? I listened to I have no idea and ask me about

2:43:48 thinker obviously he wrote all along the watchtower hell yeah he wrote he was such a fucking influence Flashing for the warriors whose strength is not to fight, Bitch. Everybody was. and that's when all those guys, A lot of talent was smoked. It smells like feet. Psychedelics and weed probably are not going to be your enemies as an artist, but I would imagine heroin and cocaine don't usually.

2:46:20 I would start with politicians having to go to another country for a while Keep them in place. That's why it should be legal. There's a lot of stuff. from chemical companies online. than NN DMT. And if you smoked it, you just got shot through a cannon to the center of the universe where you ceased to exist. is the best invisible like what do you what do you like about psychedelics what do you think

2:49:16 There's another thing that you can get to really easily. You can get to this other thing really easily. possibilities more illuminating possibilities because a lot of times you can live in a world where your I think it's good for people to try to rock climb. I think it's good for people to go on long, And I was like, oh, I see what's going on. And trying to get a physical genius to describe what they do,

2:52:29 cross the line and we just executed and my team was there it's never like this just did this thing about anything. I guess he knows what he's doing, and he's done it before, but when you watch Is he not using ropes climbing this thing I think that's El Cap As he's climbing and he's climbing I'm so nervous. a lot of free solo climb dudes that see the stuff that he does and even old school climbers they go

2:54:55 The route is called Heaven at Glacier Point. We're both wrong about a hundred things in a podcast. Come on, man. because he's a very thin guy. I mean, they're not small hands. How tall is he? This is him at the very top. He really is. And also, he said, how you practice has to be almost life and death. And instead of it being a sword coming at him that he has to check instead of that

2:58:10 5,000 feet? 3,000 foot vertical wall. Oh, my God. You are a bad motherfucker. Yeah. Brian Callen, thefighterinthekid.com And on November 3rd, And that's it, you fucks. See