Joe Rogan Experience #881 — Lee Camp Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Do Ladies and gentlemen Let's go drinking I think we would all get along famously. He's a super nice guy. It just seemed like he didn't get it. He didn't know know what was happening have you ever seen him with Joey Diaz no it's one of the funniest moments in the history of radio they're like Definitely you shouldn't swear. And I'm just sitting there red faced and crying and laughing.

2:05 Let's just look at this. He doesn't wake up singing, dance, and then he has oxygen tanks at night. that jump up and down the Blue Band group, whatever the hell By the way, we're so high right now. So high. Like we got barbecued before this thing. So most of this is on the regular radio until Joey finds out that the radio, Joey and Alex Not to mention my balls

4:00 My taxpayers are hard at work Oh, this is someone else's edit, obviously, because that's where he goes, you know, He just leaves? Take a joke, take a shuttle. Joey Diaz, Stay black because that's the most important. You need gold, ladies and gentlemen. I had a buddy of mine who used to do that. Yeah, if you spend your whole food. Jesus Christ, there was a video that Duncan sent me yesterday.

6:26 But it's the actual Jim Baker show. Dude, if I walked in and I saw somebody had that furniture, This is it. Whoever, who put this together? He's making furniture in people's houses. would alex jones be like he'd be great joe on some lst i gotta settle down i gotta relax Yeah, he's hilarious. And he goes, this guy is a Pentagon shill for The Daily Show.

8:42 He's like, no, I really want to sleep with your wife. He's uh I've known him since 99 It makes me paranoid. Long before I met him, he would like fucking, like, Herbert Walker Bush would be somewhere He was saying from a long time ago. Could you imagine 15 years ago you said, It's like, just assume. That's almost like the agreement. There was a really impressive moment where I was like, I was really impressed with Obama as a person.

11:24 And he's got his sign up. And all these people are booing and Obama stops him and he goes and he goes Yeah. That drives me nuts. You don't have to be concerned as much Full asshole doors open. And here's part of the maybe Represented that people were like, oh, okay. We'll just keep it going at this rate Right. They're not racist, but he is number one with racists.

14:12 I mean, it sounds ridiculous to someone who's got sovereignty, someone with personal sovereignty, There's a bunch of those guys. Oh, you didn't hear about this? It's like, you legitimize this shit. Death. That's so ridiculous. It's something we should discuss. Let's sit down, talk about this. What kind manipulating them in that regard. Always What a clusterfuck here ladies and gentlemen at least you know see that's a good

16:35 We were talking about Trump and media, the endless media coverage. I really wonder, do you have thoughts on what he genuinely believes? ah, that's locker room talk. to get behind this. Probably a fuckload, right? He got away with it. People wanted someone who just said, fuck this system. You know, we've had presidents before that get in the office and we're like, oh my God,

18:53 All of them. The Democrats rigged their primary and succeeded. exit polls aren't matching up, just media manipulation, He had way less skeletons 30, 40 years of saying the same stuff, whereas Hillary, from week to week, you didn't know what she stood for. him or not I think that guy genuinely cares about people hopefully I'm not Dude, they're all hippies up there.

21:08 It is a great place. It has to be a university town. But that's the university, too. And the people are so cool. around this city. where you're driving through Are you really? We had a rebel flag the first year it was there. It's water in, like, a flask? It came off my breast. What is Fred water? That's Fred water So it's Fred. My name is Fred. Drink my water. It came off my breast.

23:11 He made me talk about it. and underneath it out? Off the General Lee? Yeah. Dude, I had the Dukes of Hazzard bed sheets. I think I No, I just, yeah. All the Monument Avenue in Richmond, Virginia is basically all Civil War, quote unquote, I mean, there's probably a lot. Well, also, there are more black people in prison right now than there were slaves during

25:05 13th. Did you see it? Yeah. How a lot. There's apparently this documentary about that on Netflix. 13th. Yeah, yeah. I'm worried what's going to happen. If he just said thank you a little more, please and thank you. standing on the corner, and just have a tiny charge? Wait a minute, how many people are in jail? a lot of this has to do with the drug war. Yeah. I mean, I think like theft and obviously all the violent crimes, but all those things,

27:42 Their community's been broken up. drug charges oh my god see that's crazy 46 oh See, that's crazy. 46%. Oh, my God. Plus, there's a bunch of other drugs that are available legally with prescriptions. What do you give a fuck? Yeah. People, they get fucking crazy. But if you can't handle it... I like it. You can just buy that Like all those things are dangerous.

31:29 That's happening, man. And I think that's fine because Instead, everybody's just working their Isn't it like 40-something percent of all white men over a certain age work in some sort of an industry where they drive a vehicle? They'll just raise their eyebrows. Someone has to run the Uber software. has a cell phone it's almost you can't find it the hard thing is going to be getting a license

33:56 And people like to think, oh no, the autonomous thing won't happen because, you know, an autonomous have you ever seen how they respond? are going to drive the speed limit and it's going to drive us fucking nuts. He's going to hot rod out your shit. just keeps getting better and better and better at figuring things out. and concentrate on using our brains.

35:57 People can do other stuff And you've got to find one that's better than this one. basement. Luther Vandross who drank too much colloidal silver and he turned blue? I don't think. They're right here. Did you ever see? And this is where it got really crazy. So then the cops move in. That shit happens all the time. Like, if someone had a pin to your job with that pin on.

39:14 It's getting crazy out there. They didn't quite have to amputate with a concussion grenade by the cops. It was like 40 degrees out, and they're hosing these people down with water. Yeah, we're real worried about it. Oh, my God. as a commentator and stuff she was down there there's video of her uh viral video of her where It's nuts. And they've been given orders to get rid of these protesters.

41:56 I don't know how you stop what's already been done, But if that's private land, if it's private land, they own the land. in Iowa. They're coming through her own farm. See, that's what the problem is, folks. This is a company. Most of it's shipped overseas. So either it's their land or it's not their land. Stop. Yeah. You're the government? to do the corporation's bidding, whatever the fuck they want to make profit.

44:21 through someone's land whether they want it or not. And you're like, oh no, the pipeline's leaking. And the golf course, the water from all the pesticides, it was the streets. Three spills. Jamie, what have you done? Police blame Walansky's injury on protesters. And while a major portion of her lower arm was blown out, well, when crazy things like this happen,

46:52 Everybody's emailing me this post of them dumping chemicals on protesters. There was one about the Pope endorsing Trump It was fascinating. It was really... Maybe even millions. My bowling game's down. That's why I think just even the idea of a person being president is fucking ridiculous. How the fuck does this guy got time to do all that stuff? But no, we've given increasing power to the president.

49:34 Remember that? Yeah. As long as it's not over here. Yeah. As long as it's not over here. He joined ISIS or something? They were like, eh, why not? one of the press secretaries goes, well, you know, he shouldn't have had a father like that. If your kid shoots up a post office, you're not liable. You'll really work hard at doing a good job. Yeah. What the fuck, Lee Camp camp i've gone off the

52:13 I mean, somebody might want to tell you so what the fuck i agree how many kids you got i have three okay i had to think about it for a to do a good job developing us well listen the beginning of idiocracy is the truest thing that's dumb idiot couple, you know, We'll do it soon. we're 36. That's the other weird thing about it, about DNA. Yeah, it's a very odd thing that we do it so often, though.

55:07 Come on. Oh, yeah, way outnumbered compared to the rest of the world. Yeah. Well, there's it's a perpetual traffic jam and people just weaseling left and right and like in trying to merge into the stream I think it's the number one city in the world. I've seen that. Stay together. And how many in Mexico City? It sounded better when I said 30. We should all go live out in the middle of nowhere.

57:49 Whoa. Definitely. But she got into yoga and then she got into deities then she got into the writings of Christ Came home one day and she's like super cool. But she got into yoga, and then she got into deities, and then she got into the writings of Christ. Weird FAQ. Argentina. Are you going to live forever? Delaware. What's that? And how did they film him doing this?

1:00:24 What is it? Ted Turner, the 73-year-old Jane Fonda's probably screaming when she's reading this. that. That poor girl. that Vietnam shouldn't have been happening. I don't know. But I mean like an army shipping off to do battle with an opposing army. And she... was around back then. and feathered so quickly. Whoops. It's too fun to attack. You can't restrain her.

1:03:26 I think a lot of us have that sort of feeling. What do you think about that, Keith? How dare you? They open the door. it's got to be her. And then honestly, I think what They tried to bring her back for the Supreme Court trial, No, nothing. That's crazy. What was his name? at that olympics and we were deciding whether to go to the next day after the bombing so a bomb

1:06:33 I have video of the park and whoever was on stage that day. but it hurt a lot of people. It was under body. They found him. That was the real guy. These were the wasn't. Well, no, no. See if you can find that photo, Jamie. Well, that's why people that have that sort of responsibility, fucking cover of Rolling Stone for being a Ugh. But he had actually turned in the gun to a police officer.

1:09:19 I'm sorry. Yeah. Oh, well, he didn't have any weapons, but we feared for our lives. That's how you know. But that's our media. I'm like, oh yeah, they jacked that guy. Should have thought about who his friends were, too. You're the FBI. Could handle that kind of pressure day in day out for 10 years or 20 years I'm not a eugenics guy. And this is what our world is made of.

1:12:45 And it's like, we should have a sociopath test for high ranking officials. without actually feeling it you could say all the right words you know yep it happens people all ellis book that they turned into a movie bradley cooper what american psycho yeah right american Well, how do you look if your dad's a billionaire? well, in the Malibu rehab just they scoop them out of buckets at hillary clinton rallies they just kick liberals in the

1:15:23 Because this Trump election let us know, hey, the system actually does work. First of all, no one like Bernie ever existed before Bernie. Like, holy shit, we're prospering again? bringing us back from bombing every country it's like that alone could be a big step and it's like So it's going to be awful. Because when certain things he says, like off the cuff,

1:17:49 stand-up comic cuz he was going from speech to speech basically he would weed I totally agree with all that. I mean, sorry, JPMorgan Chase, that was behind the collapse, behind what created You might want to verify that. How heavy was it? Yeah, he's an interesting case because he's a case of the FBI and the CIA don't like each other that much. And that's where this came from. This is

1:20:26 That's what it was. And then the FBI was like, what the fuck's going on over here? And he had a year or two doing this. And it was like, you're not supposed to admit that we went to get the oil. Wow. This is incorrect. War criminals. Yeah, that's crazy. but once you start leaking the information, What did you think about that? Why do you... Because he wrote the story for Rolling Stone.

1:24:20 longer time because like something had happened they couldn't get him out of there but he did If the FBI shows up to the offices, tell them you need a lawyer and don't talk to them. Of meth. I have no idea. Well, the urinalysis test for any and all amphetamines and methamphetamine is just one derivative. Similarly, Adderall is a combination drug Joe Rogan, everybody.

1:26:38 he's going 100 miles an hour, and these cars are, the car he was in had a hackable computer. Wow. technology, but you have to hold on to the does the human or the computer win They're asking the question, well, what would happen if there's people crossing the street? Look at this. Right. to lose their dog. have you seen that one the really recent one this guy is driving and he's talking i think he's

1:29:02 And then the bear gets up and runs off into the woods. Give me the full volume. So he was talking about getting baked. The impact, let's watch it one more time. Bears are pretty tough. Listen to this. It's amazing that I can walk after that. Look, it hits the ground and it gets up and Yeah, I mean, it doesn't make judgment calls and you could make the wrong one and maybe it's calculations

1:31:13 because that car was in the way. So, there's a bunch of them. This goddamn Hyperloop. It's a goddamn ground jet. Plane travel or a bear. knock out of the way. I mean, they fucking for sure can stick something in front of that train Boom, it hits the window. How about that? It's really well built. But San Francisco Is it? and we decided to go underwater i was feeling my ears pop there was a real moment when i came downstairs this is i came

1:35:00 It was like poking out from behind. Why are my ears popping? It's trying to kill you. Not on my watch, boy. I remember I was hiking once and I saw a sign, beware mountain lions. Oh, Jesus Christ. Can you imagine how much you'd get laid if you won that fight, though? Maybe he's just a man. It should be eating some dogs. I swear I'll get it done soon, folks.

1:37:35 the cat and the dog, but really what's going on is B.I. oh, the solar panel system is frying birds. But dogs will leave you alone. And the crocodile's like, fuck this. The cat hisses and slaps the bear in the nose. I'm just trying to eat you. Because But it's Because there's an alpaca farm. P45 suspected of killing 11 alpacas and a goat. You've got to have hobbies.

1:40:30 I just think he should probably be moved to somewhere where he could have a more fruitful life. It's called a depredation permit. to find him you're going to know where he is but you won't be able to get near him wow he's going They could see you way better than you could see him. That was beautiful. The L.A. zoo? He's outside. He's like, I can fucking definitely eat that.

1:42:57 Figuring out how to open door handles. Well, they just pack it to death. On bicycles. And it's just like going with them for like miles. But look at his eyes. Just killed it. He took it down in one bite. Flightless birds that lived in, I think in the Jurassic. so long ago that there weren't people. Jesus, Lee Camp. Jesus. But they should have been here.

1:45:42 So what was two and a half million years ago? So if you had to guess, what were humans 2.5 million years ago? Yeah, yeah. Because they're going to get you too. You know how to choke out a mountain lion, right? Do we really? The others. without doing the China thing, the one baby thing, because they wanted more men than women. That's a lot of sad men.

1:48:27 All right, all right. It might only be China and India that have over a billion. the world population was in like I don't think you should say that. They're like, we're not worried about—I'm like, were you guys worried about weaponized diseases and anthrax? Yeah. And so then that immunity to antibiotics it's a really well done video she's very it's very smartly edited and very smartly narrated and she

1:50:53 So they use artificial insemination. going on exactly he's getting diddled he's coming this guy has a tube he's sucking the cum out of This is the only way you can get this stuff? Like, how'd you guys miss that one? It's like, pigs in factory farming are made so big that they can, like, hardly move. It was about these mentally challenged guys that are being levied against them. But when they were just really mentally slow and incapable of sort of understanding the charges that are being levied against them.

1:53:15 super uncomfortable yep they're smart they're fucking smart I know they exist. That's too much joke. with his fucking furniture made out of Even his own daughter. You remember that video of his daughter being like, And he said in order to think like Ted Cruz, you have to, and he abbreviates it out, like I should be president. His Twitter page is marvelous.

1:55:31 Craig Mazin. Do you saw the, I'm sure you saw the video. What kind of a monster hadn't made it clear, he's also a huge He does it really funny. Because they couldn't look like a real family. this awkward hug moment where in people what they may not Holla And he What would it mean to America to have Ted as a president? My tia Sonia fought against Castro in Cuba.

1:58:40 dress. And the right voice. You have the right It's a distinctive flag. No. And he was involved in, I think it was a crazy law, too. That's what it looks like right there. privacy and free speech rights. In 2004, At the time, only three states, Mississippi, Alabama, and Virginia, had similar laws. Godless. No doubt this had worried businesses peddling

2:01:20 some instances one partner couple might... working on behalf of then Attorney General Greg Abbott, Oh, my God. This is, I mean, even more innocuous. for fraud. First of all, that it took you 76 your plastic devices. Dude. What's it boom next case do what you want with your plastic devices I was on Keith Olbermann, It's not good for corporations. technically they have editorial control, but I'm

2:03:54 Chris Hedges. we're doing the same thing but it was like CNN had her on. And it was like, Yeah, then they wanted that they were thinking That was hilarious. He was like, his mouth was numb. I was thinking the latest Brad Pitt thing. It's actually a great movie. Just gives it to you to stay young. And they have him as, you know, maybe a man in his 50s instead of in his 60s.

2:06:32 they're going to have almost... the body did they get a different actor that scenes that's a good question do they pretty It was so bad, Give us some volume. Yeah. I think, yeah, those were just clips they had stashed. But this is just a clip that pops up. Maybe it's just because we're looking at... You look like a guy who has to pee. and figure out how they can handle it, but

2:09:25 We'll find out shortly They've got to go after bad cops have total yeah finger finger off the trigger because when the guy got tasered by uh the other are that that pulling out the gun is going to solve the situation usually and it's fucking it what other network could give you that kind of freedom and here's the thing though is is you And this is how it could go bad, and this is how it can go good.

2:13:02 It's kind of preposterous. You know, like Korea. People don't want to think that it could ever happen here. Korea is better than America. But it's... God, Korea's the worst. We're blowing people up. China's fucked up, right, bro? I shouldn't admit this. They have a... Is that how you say it? He's smiling there. Have you seen the cities Yeah. is because they have these ghost cities

2:16:03 Now, as a comic who also has a show and you're this sort of observer of the world, And so to me, it comes from a place of ignorance. Of course. Like yeah every week every week That's logic. There's a guy that I really respect. you know live my life and i'm not voting anymore and part of party goes oh man you're part of the yeah, pay attention so we important stories like do you think that that is by design

2:19:43 because they were kicked out of their home by the banks or whatever. that take up so much of our time, that really mean nothing, you know, Right. It's amazing that the Standing Rock story has become as big as it is, really. far exceeds what you get in a daily episode of the Bill O'Reilly show. I might have been off by saying him. How much are we betting? I'll bet you five American dollars.

2:22:03 And so if you're a vegan, that's fucking... averaged about 3 million... Thank you. Yeah, I know it's like 50. There's not a single black guy. You're right. Wow. And his wife is, you know, he's never said he hates him, but his wife is, she's one of I'm like, all right, I'm going home. I'd like to see how they decided to sell it that way. Jessica Hahn was right.

2:24:51 I mean, I was kind of an open-miker in the 80s. Yeah. I think he just zoomed in. She got fake boobies. Baker's selling food and furniture mixed together. Tell me about these enchiladas. It's a survival enchilada? A gift to all of us here on this planet. Well, I'll make it out to the studio Oh, no, but I've heard about it. Alright, but that's what they're doing. They're doing like a form of opera

2:28:02 This guy's doing Jesus comedy. The back of his neck looks like hot dog rolls. What is this? No, he did not. Not curse. Yeah, for sure. A lot of people think they can predict you. Or a pocket watch. I have predict your behavior. Well, we do the same with a flea of tattoos, right? Yeah, for sure. Do you really? You're a nice guy. I'm not married to my thoughts, folks.

2:30:28 It's not right at all. Every few hours? I'm a Mumford & Sons video walking around. Right, right. of fucking headphones instead of their bullshit proprietary crap. I just carry around a knot to comfort me. So you were having a good time. I cried once when this mom and daughter team won. daughter won Wow and when they won like the whole crew was crying ah camera

2:33:10 Yeah. Yeah, how is it even possible? Really. You know, you're making people bob for cow hearts in a vat of blood. That's nuts. If not maybe a million. And you can only keep it that way for a short amount of time because it could go bad and you can get sick from it. talking to himself in the side mirror pep-up stuff, and he's doing No! And then like, yeah, it's madness.

2:36:57 We get used to them. And the same thing can be said about factory farming. Well, there's no reason that, you know, a hamburger at McDonald's should be cheaper than, like, a thing of broccoli at the store. Jesus Christ. They test their DNA. These guys are, Yeah. someone could come see you oh i'm i don't know i'm touring the country but uh we do have a live

2:38:51 I didn't say tonight. Redacted tonight. Loophole. What is D.C. like these days? What a weird environment I was like, what are the rules? You think so? it's like destroys lives, it's scary, it's oh. He doesn't drink apparently I think that was just his like, you know, buffalo brain Did you enjoy the nonsense of it all? that's not true. That's not true. That's not true.

2:41:29 Cause it's just a fucking sideshow. It's two different realities. Do we energize Bernie We gotta get him every day when you wake up. I want you to sit up straight. I think what he should do is he should run in four years, but he should say, I'm only going to serve for four years. Whatever cocktail he's on is fucking carrying him through like a champ.

2:43:25 some sort of an excellent diet I'd be like there's a way to do this better you She had, excuse me, she fainted. about that in a legitimate way they're not talking about the fact that donald trump won't release his All the way down on his toes is orange. But one of the things about tanning beds, In the tanner. Maybe he just drinks a lot of carrot juice and we're just being assholes.

2:45:51 that their skins get orange. when people do that. You going orange on us? Yeah, it is. So it doesn't fill up as much of my writing time. Oh, so you did it like as stand-up? Does that feel weird? I was impressed. One day. Yeah, it's unlike daily shows. Untethered. LeeCamp.net. And when can people see you again? When is your next tour date? Where are you at?

2:48:51 Thank you, sir. Full onslaught.