Joe Rogan Experience #883 — Kevin Smith Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Let's fucking do it. Excellent to see you. but I love the way he lives. You handle it the way I would if I was you. That's the best compliment I could give. But I'm not you, so I'm your philosophy. I love the way you do life. You handle it like the way I would if I was you. I thought we were going to your house, but that happened years ago, apparently.

1:56 why i made this movie called yoga hosers that just finally came on to netflix and i took it to And so, as expected, it goes to Sundance. What I like about what you do is you're very much an accepted inside guy Yeah. And it switches up. Really, that's the best word for it, because even though if it's good, you don't feel like that guy. You're just like, that looks badass.

4:47 of cool of cinema. but ooh, this feels awesome. Well, your comedies... Going dry. It's nice to be able to every once in a while throw him a curve and be like, oh, he's nice. But that's another movie where even though it wasn't the same voice, you can get away with being like, I'm going to do whatever I want. funds and you're going to give me eggs, and then I'm going to sell

7:01 to a large degree. No guarantees like anything could happen yeah like anything could happen at all so generally speaking they're a little more insulated from like oh shit we lost money well It's already there in a computer and they're like, oh, we need new script. But B, they're going to make more money because they don't have to invest as much time and money as they did the first time.

8:52 And that riles up people that want to see newer films with powers that others don't, it's just like people in mass doing the right thing. You know, they went in strange directions. There was a moment throughout this year where I was like, And I knew going in that I was going to have this weird life And I was like, oh, my God, like, I've never heard of this before.

10:55 Think about it, dude. I got, you know, It's like, hey, But so I said, like it's gonna be a long time before they get it they're not gonna find it in theaters it's a and they're not, like, fighting over a fucking boy or something like that. But you're trying to satisfy yourself, which sounds very masturbatory. You know, it's like especially lately I've been making movies that are real like fucking dare.

13:34 smaller, because I'm like, you gotta like well, let me fuck around. he fucking lost it and shit. Now that audience is starting to find it now that it's on Or blah, blah, blah. and shit like that um you know there's a bunch of different revenue streams at this point and stuff, thanks to the digital age. we tailor it or how do we fucking trick them into seeing it or something like that like put it on

16:17 And of Yoga Hosers, and I was doing Q&A afterwards. and i was like no man he he paid like he overpaid to see this movie if i'm sitting here talking so front of the mic and goes you want me to kick his ass and I was like it the same way whether it was clerks up to the most recent one i just make the movie i want to I said, but I feel heartbroken that you came out here looking for something I didn't give

18:10 and hit you with a hammer. and I fucking took his money and walked out. this fucking tween sausage movie is for me like they're already dialed in on really is that your experience not not it doesn't make me uncomfortable no no but in the world and Will Smith just keeps knocking it out of the park. Smith has failed. Alright, yes. Look, I'm with you Tiny bit, but he still got to rise.

20:47 His son's all about stardust and shit. are raised in. Nothing wrong with that, but it's produced very interesting results. Yeah, and I guess if you're that sheltered, like your dad is some super movie star type and I got a kid, Like, you did something. tough to live in your shadow and i was like what shadow we make everything together and he goes well we make your stuff and every time i think about going to make

22:55 Or is it going to be compared to something he does? Even with a kid, I've never talked to her like a kid. Like, I got to accomplish a lot before my old man died at 67. build your shit that's something i had to learn to deal with way early on in my career i used to But that meant 10 years of me not even trying to do the thing that I went to do. I smoke a lot, but there's no like,

25:14 Like, yeah. Yeah, it did go to court. down. I don't get political, man. I enjoy chaos to a certain extent, so I'm looking forward to this. It's not false that... Maybe they paid her off. It's a good question. It's a Jesus story on some level right day we're going to live in some sort of a virtual why when you meet people who are like It's just it's just the unique thing about it is that we have been living under this illusion that it either had to be one of these people, like a Democrat,

29:28 You know, I went another way. And I'm not saying burn it all down and see what happens. If it happens once, that means it could happen again. And he played a certain who the fuck he really is. And I think if they'd gone with almost any other candidate that didn't have as much baggage, if she, you know, all the campaign... she would be crushed. And he has a very even presence about him, always.

32:49 So presidential. She's deep inside the machine. was running as an outsider. What he had going against him is he's boorish and he says ridiculous I think her actions and what she's done in the past It's like before the official interview starts, Woo, she was hawkish. of the fucking nukes? If you have a problem with Trump or if you have a problem with...

35:40 We don't have to do it this way. education, the internet, We'll go to war with each other. Even states are problematic. We hated Boston. Like, ah, don't pick on us. fuck you they are like fuck you but you know what i'm talking about bitch bitch you know i'm right It should be just as easy as aligns with this number of their life, I think that's fucking crazy, too.

38:16 You're 80 now. and hurts yourself and hurts yourself you're on your own just like you're on boot, dude. I'm ready to fucking jack a Nobody asked you about child labor laws. written down somewhere and bureaucracy is that's a giant problem with government like the dea the dea wants so badly There's plenty of other drugs. But we live in the correct state, right?

41:09 We're here. And Florida is medical, not legal. Do you believe the... Yeah, he's a business person. Like Hillary Clinton was illogical. It was a sacred union, and it should be protected. I attended my first gay wedding in 1994, right before Clerks came out. I could just. beginning that's not for everybody a drag show started like all of a sudden donna summer and

44:05 gig at the at my brother's wedding and there we are like on the dance floor watching the uh behind him i watched through the course of the fucking song my old man's hands slide down my my mother. she was, Not knowing. It's like, you know, I don't want to have a propriety relationship with my mother. I've to her about getting scooped? Of course, dude. Of course. I don't want to leave this earth not knowing.

46:02 Randy? You'd be all bummed out. The people expect president think that I hate Okay. that you're done. You're done developing. You're done growing. Is that true? I don't know. I don't think it's good for everybody. I mean, the rub is supposed to be that once you're in your 60s or something like that, that you're done. But we have categories of people, right?

47:16 She would say what the director said and then he would say what he really said. Yeah. It's bad for us as a culture. As you said at the beginning. No, I don't think we should have a president, man. Because then you're back to warring factions. Why don't you Google that? I mean, that's essentially why we had representative government in the first place.

49:22 102 passengers. They got here with 102 and 51 made it? you know those little things that make those weird plastic bead islands out in the middle Yeah, there's these babies. Can we talk about something? Okay. He's like between now and like 10, 20 years ago, like 30 years ago, the amount of fish. and they can them and you see canned tuna, you think, Come on.

52:38 And made it sumptuous that we forgot that the heart of it is a dead fish killed at sea and canned at sea. Truly American. So there could be an end to fish in our lifetime? I always ask people shit like, who's that guy who played that wizard once? I don't know how the fuck they do it. What is it eating while it's growing? How does that shit work? Like they can start doing that to the whole body, which means if you can make some sort of a nervous system, you're like halfway to a person.

56:20 What you're talking about is an organic form of- Really? It's a stem cell gun that helps burn victims or heal burns and daze, it says. Like a big burn like that is devastating 90 minutes that's insane It's the craziest fucking thing ever. like it was always gnawing at me and then i go and get these shots in my shoulder and like three It was crazy. You can get it from your own fat.

59:29 Boom. No, no, no. have done it, Bas Rutten and You can do it with your own stem cells. their placenta and they extract stem cells from the placenta. And then they have some sort of a with those burn victims. Again, don't listen Boss Rootin was, at least. It's totally vampire shit. Haven't you? Okay, then I didn't hear about it. And she just killed a ton of pretty girls.

1:03:07 like some monster by herself Yeah, it's a good question. How old was she when they locked her in the hole? She was the mice before the mice. She's a fucking serial killer. What makes you younger. You see a snake, even if you've never seen one, you're going to back up. we know that's the blood. But it's tough to be like, hey, man, wouldn't this all be better if we couldn't die?

1:06:02 The journey even more so. And somebody killing you. Does it age? No, I haven't, but I heard I have to. You watched that and you were like, good enough. And so these two people meet up and they're both young women. We can be like this forever. Sorry, kids. Have you seen Arrival? Done. Everyone's waiting to see what Negan did, man. Zombies all of a sudden are totally insignificant.

1:09:35 Fuck you. I have to watch? be consistent. every once in a while. I'm spoiler alert You can talk. Yes. Like, yeah, Chuck Sheen, son. Do you know Dave? My friend Malcolm, he's a wonderful guy, very much a blowhard. You made Clerks. and drive home or grab some milk or something like that. That's awesome, man. Arrival. Let's talk my life. Arrival. He's the secret producer of NewsRadio.

1:13:02 Paul Simms, the guy who created it, another one of of smartest people i've ever met and just completely unique like there's there's a lot And then a lot of times we would get the first draft He goes like, no, we've been writing all night. of the day perhaps you're less uh apt or less less likely to be like hey i got a fucking stupid That show was very specific.

1:15:05 cards right so you're like what do you replace those cards in the deck with and that show If, like, they were doing a table read, or not a table read, rather, but a run through. And they would all get together and try to rewrite scenes, just doing your script he can give you five other scripts just as funny if you want him and if he's And he references knowing Jesus.

1:18:23 written by kevin smith and one line by Chris Rock. And then the next guy I worked with was like that, was Will Ferrell on Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. You write and direct your stuff. Although, that's creepy to talk about now. my current girlfriend then she's like you said you were a virgin i was like ago. It was a problem for a minute with my current girlfriend then. She's like, you said you were a virgin.

1:20:15 Anytime a 13-year-old doesn't come, it should be super impressive. I don't think, I think any faith, And it made sense all throughout my childhood. So I said to myself, if I include Chris Rock's amazing ad lib in my movie, And it was a crazy environment like that. So it would always be some conspiracy theory or some gadget, because I've always been a dork when it comes to technology.

1:22:21 If you and I went head-to-head in news radio trivia, I bet you I would. exaggerated version of Andy Dick. Like, he's funny, but he becomes the Matthew that he is for the rest of the show. This is what happened. And then I got involved in that. It was a show by this guy, Jeff Martin and Kevin Curran, these two guys who wrote for Married with Children.

1:24:19 and just twisted it all around. Everything's going great. saw it. The first audition wasn't funny maybe is the word i'm looking for so instead of insidious that's like i don't think like that water I had no experience Marilyn Gigliotti the girl who plays Veronica in There's one where Alan Arkin is like stalking Audrey Hepburn and she's blind and he's robbing the place.

1:27:34 impressed. So people That's part of the problem I don't know The Spanish Wow. like that's fucked up and shit and she said you have to do that on telenovela How does your brain work like that? she started following me She's like my dad family thing. She said her dad her dad's a big performer and singer stuck needles into gums and shit like that in his job he was a dentist yeah yeah so he in his day

1:31:08 there's something bizarre in the system i react when people tell stories when they're just like But when you watch someone like that I'm like, Jesus. like this. And then Somebody posted a picture today from a playground in the 1920s. You would freak the fuck out. I mean, look at that height, dude. Early 19th century. Wait a minute. Go back. Is that a body?

1:33:49 He's just hanging off a fucking swing. Do you know Action Park? Snapped it. I don't remember. All growing up, man, we'd go there. that went down a mountain. It did kids. You know, you didn't want to get hurt, but I'd be like, this is a setup. I mean, we're talking about the Depression. Well, we certainly are more protective of our children today. I got one.

1:37:32 so many people especially the comedians that i know it was all just like oh fuck and then what The only thing that's wrong with that, this is the only thing that's wrong with that. I've been fucking with this idea more and more lately. it seems like when you give people money, it kills their motivation for a lot of folks. about how much money they had nobody had to worry about not being able to eat

1:40:00 Like we would have to restructure a lot of shit, to get past the survival thing and the base of the survival is what basic food basic shelter wanted to do something else, but they played it safe. Or more people would try to build cars. move some elements I knew I was good at taekwondo. Walking through the countryside, taking care of people's problems with your bare fists and shit.

1:43:00 That's not what I'm saying. disease has got to be poverty like that it's the number one problem that we have is crime and If we're a living creature and there's parts of us that are starving to death, There's somebody who's hungry and I've got so much. Oh, okay. And then you just, you're like all of a sudden. I'm dying like I was living not saying religion saying prosperity of one's soul growing as a person something that doesn't

1:45:59 because maybe it does leave a little breathing space I was thinking like I even I got privileges and fucking breaks that a lot of people wouldn't get. Yeah, I mean, instead of thinking, oh, everybody's scamming to try to get welfare money, how about you just give it to them? I mean, it's not, I'm not, I'm not fully formed on this idea. over everybody else, and get that person backed up

1:47:58 There's no fucking way. What are you going to fucking wear a powdered wig too, you cunt? Sometimes. Yes, I love Archery. So you can have a bow. go to that's really cool um and doing that is like you don't need that much power because it's just So there's a measure of strength in order to do something? So you have a certain amount of requirement of like the kinetic energy where it's ethical to bow hunt.

1:51:38 And, you know, I'm like, God, this is going to be easy. Don't think anyone would ever choose this to fight crime. if you had all the money and you lost your parents, and you realize, like, well, there a butter knife do the same thing and of course the butter knife did the same thing it split the And Scott's like, yeah. This thing was a concrete block was holding the samurai sword.

1:54:31 This is from the 1500s. Oh, yeah, it's sharp. Careful, bitch. and god damn it if he didn't fucking And now they play it back. Like, hey, bro. Now, I added these special effects there myself. It was all red up there. There it is. Look, they talk to Dr. Romani. I just don't believe that's real. I spent a week looking for Bigfoot. Just wandering through the woods trying to work out whatever's in their head.

1:57:04 $12,000 a You have thought this through. 12K a year That's what a lot of this is based on. The Giganopithecus Yeah. He saw the tooth, and he recognized it as a primate tooth, but far larger than a gorilla's, far larger than a human being's. Let me show them the picture of giganopithecus next to a person. This is, you know, scientists believe this. That right there again

1:59:39 And the Pacific Northwest, where these things, the reason why it works, it works geologically or geographically. So if we came from that area, we know that a bunch of other animals came from that area too, The Yeti thing is one of those living in an extremely cold climate during the Ice Age. We would cross paths with all the other great apes. I'm sitting there going, like, wait, what?

2:01:04 It doesn't even have pants. This stupid So if he could figure out nothing I don't think it's a real thing. we decide the other day in this form i think the consensus is like at least 250 000 years we've been And you'd imagine there'd be someone in our history It's too long ago. This is my favorite part. yeah the third one and that was a real animal it wasn't a human necessarily like a homo sapien

2:03:50 I forget what part of the world it's called, Yeah, it's entirely possible that we cannibalized Okay. In Russia, they were telling people, don't eat your children. Why? Like at Papau, New Guinea, the cannibals of New Guinea, they developed, I think it's called Jacob-Korxfeld, which is technically mad cow disease. And these fucking prions can exist in like 1,000 degree temperatures.

2:06:55 disease when you eat brain matter from your own species that's how they get it and that's and so riddled cow brain, But do you get any... What if it did? What if it did make you smarter? How dare you. brains in the not in the romero flick no well think about romero's the modern father of zombies The zombies never say brains. Which had nothing to do with the Night of the Living Dead.

2:09:17 And then there's a zombie attack. Revenge of the Living Dead. That's right. That's hilarious. like, they're so radically different. might be also what we did to the Neanderthals. And you're like, there was a time, dude, you survived dude you clubbed him with that mastodon bone over the fucking head while he can we eat him? That's not, I mean, We'll give you our dead.

2:12:23 Dude. No, no, no. It's intense. That's why I'm having Jamie pull it up. But they film them now. So that's just a spinal cord and a skull. and the birds will come in and eat the bones. They take these human beings that die in wherever part of the world this is, of pictures, Jamie, there's a whole series of them. the quicker the whole process will be what is the reaction do you think it's ooh squeamish or

2:15:27 You'd be amazed how quick they put you down. He said they just chopped that elephant up to like a million pieces and handed them out Just kill something. because they can pay for more of the park rangers people where elephants invade their crops you can't do a goddamn thing yeah and those are the Right. Unless you don't give a fuck about the guy, you know, and you don't care.

2:18:09 I like people more than any other animal. And I was like, whoa, you got him. You showed a picture of a rat and you go in the kitchen and you got a fat rat, like I grew up in New Jersey, There weren't a lot of rats. they come out of the hills because it's dry like we live like pigs and it's filth everywhere it's just like the creature's looking for fucking

2:20:13 Yeah. Yeah. Rat, yes. It's true. the ground and just stand there like what the fuck i just fell out of the sky and he just slowly Chickens like to eat mice? run after each other. They stole Oh, they don't want to stare. No, a bunny. And wouldn't stop, bitch. get the thing away from you, and then you go take care of your back and seeing that and this is why this is crazy but dude it goes on for at

2:23:50 Wait till it gets to the wall and does a fucking 360. It wants to kill it. not quite england but like definitely europe but look even on the rocks this motherfucker is not any movement there. To me, that was of your fucking life. All fluffy and shit with nothing but like buck teeth. I'm fucking done. They're like raptors. because they know there's bugs under it.

2:26:39 because most of them are being kept by people. Every snake, snails, dead. Would they eat chicken? If you cooked some chicken or made raw chicken and put it out there, they'd eat the fuck out of it. Bop. Now I think they should have feathers. That's going to be the next big cash grab Columbus discovered America I never understood Well, you mean it depends on the extent of what you're finding.

2:28:34 So you can't really do DNA tests on it for the most part. But how do they get to, like, its skin was like this? One guy had a really cool idea about T-Rex, He's really super awkward. And everything consumed so much back then. The more you eat, we've shown, the more people eat, and pull it out and fly There's videos. They swoop down, Watch this shit.

2:32:14 So sweat this. Boom. Easy pickings. Look how far he flew. That's incredible. It's amazing, man. Yeah, yeah. have trained eagles, golden Makes you feel like... This eagle swoops in, and the wolf knows exactly what the fuck is going on. Yeah, like turn around and bite its head off at the right time. pierces him with his claws. Are they eating that wolf right now?

2:35:58 That dog's definitely dead, right? This is amazing. pretty cool. There was something else. So it came from that. looking around in the forest but apparently when you go to the forest like there's an instinct to Fucking Lyme disease, man. It's like mono times a thousand. who told him it wasn't that, that's not what it is, you might be going crazy. Like, gosh, like, no, you have AIDS.

2:39:01 He didn't tell us the numbers, but I believe he got paid. I know at least 10 people. I mean, it doesn't have to be upstate New York. Yes. We kind of went through the full gamut of explaining how it came to be. me and now I'm going to be in a hospital three fucking years? through uh i did directed two episodes I'm not even going to limit it. year um and we were out at one point out in the woods.

2:42:23 I think it's more of an East Coast problem. Morgellons is a weird one where people think they have strands of fibers And he's realizing while something's really wrong And this neurotoxicity effect, this whatever it was doing to pollute his brain's ability to function correctly, poisons and toxins that this this tick could have in its body it might just not be this simple

2:44:33 widely how your body reacts to it, the young body could probably bounce back from it always achy i've not been bit by a tick and i don't have lime disease but lately i've noticed And I was like, I don't know, like this? Apparently is what they're saying, but I don't know anybody. If you're running barefoot all the time, you're developing these incredibly strong feet, and they're springing.

2:46:48 Sure. Jamie goes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you. That's where shit was good for me. ah, bitch. How many people have done that? Like five or six? You gotta tell me, man. Converse 1s. These are the shit., but, like, these are the shit. Vans were like that as well. And if you stand in them with that heel for a while, it kind of makes your feet feel weird.

2:48:59 like look we should all be nice to each other we should all get $12,000 a year So somebody will buy worn sneakers. That dude who didn't want to take the 40 bucks. But they're dress shoes. Dude, that's amazing though. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. I'm holding in some pee for quite a while now. if you look at these photos you'll be like that had to be admitted? Like to us it's very clearly

2:51:50 girls have been in contact with it. almost half the world was like oh no that's real yeah that could be real the conningly fairies are whatever or back in the day and I'm like that shit's real like when he still think of the Bigfoot video and I'm like, that shit's real. they'll be like there was somebody standing on top of one of the twin towers when a plane came

2:54:12 So in their spare time, dude. he's one of the original He's working on that. a bunch of different awesome video games. And now he also works on Oculus Rift. Oh, yeah. complicated 3d graphics engines known to man for video games right then in his spare times What do you mean re-engineering it to do what? In his spare time. In a moment like that, you're like, well, I can't do any of those things.

2:56:35 think man i wish i was that amazing fuck yeah it's that well i think well that's what i was Oh yeah, for sure. Why not me? I'm with you. like a really well-respected economist, Is this like a Noam Chomsky kind of idea? Happy, I think is the name of it. What is it called again? Like even at he's advanced in age at this point. Shit that we haven't really thought about

3:00:03 about the Clinton campaign. People have gotten mad at me so that I've looked into it deeply. Fair point. There's a likelihood, there's a possibility, there's a high probability, but you don't know. And I think that's another thing as a civilization. But he did. And it hasn't killed him. right fucking say that because that starts breaking the system down but then again we

3:02:30 you're so awesome that you should be the president? I know. at this point of him being like it's two million vote people voted illegally because the dude was I agree. he's a perfect example when he was saying that that he was born in kenya like trump was like a It could have just been him. At least that's traditionally not what people wanted, Yeah, right.

3:06:09 and you'd be like, how come they didn't stop this? Why didn't they know this was going on? and so you know we went went to Buchenwald, which was like 40 minutes out of Berlin, Right. You know, and the guy was just like, it's taught to us in school. And there was a moment when every young kid in school learns about Hitler and the Third Reich and the Holocaust,

3:08:04 Not at all. history for a little bit always in a moment of history and i don't even mean in a stoner way like this is a moment of I think culturally it felt like, because I was just having this discussion with somebody else. by any stretch of the imagination but it feels like that time was a reaction to the culture see the balance but you got a bunch of people that don't believe in the same things don't even

3:11:23 If you look at the ballot, a lot of other people wanted to run for president, right? I just think that human beings are in a process of waking up and of realizing how bizarre our position is. I mean, and not just our position in America, but our position on the planet earth as it hurls through infinity. We were on a spinning until we're in some sort of a Matrix-like world.

3:13:12 we're going to create a new form of life, They're already replacing people's hips and shoulders and knees. It's very sci-fi. I've noticed that. Now you're just like, oh, I'll look it up. Like prior to that, there was no like, hey, we'll grow you a new bladder. And they'll say, Kevin Smith is 46 years old. I mean, it'd have to be out on the internet, like all the data and details.

3:15:49 It gives you like contextual. Oh, yeah. Right. No, no need. and then they got robbed. There's no bank in there. Bitcoin or Bitcoin? Some will have the coin, but not everyone will have the Kwan. I don't. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. seems engineered to keep your money and get your money and take a percentage of it as well. What, what has someone written? What is, What is all the scholarly work on astrophysics?

3:19:24 But now you can legitimately get a full college education online. Well, eventually, that money is going to be the only bottleneck to read in each other's minds. Like, what does that mean? Well, that's fucking ridiculous because it's not. It's going to be a big fucking soup of information. out uh you know sony getting hacked all their data getting out all these people there's the

3:21:43 like hacking has exponentially increased over the course of the last few years by double the amount that it was. But I honestly believe that. Like, wow, this is weird. shit on your computer anymore. I got a Windows 10 laptop. Way more. I've only been using it for a few months. have big things you don't just smoke and be like, damn it, life's good. Yeah, spinning.

3:24:32 Because that's very human nature to be like, you you refill all the time I met a priest once here's a kid and he said not me and stuff. So I was having some troubles with it. And I went into, I was walking around and I and uh priest came by eventually younger priest he's like can i help you and i was like oh i'm happened in the day i said i'm afraid one day that like they're gonna turn around say the same

3:27:15 You can't expect the same amount of liquid that filled that small glass but what's really ultimately important. That's like useful. I know that's a stereotype, but it's true. What do you mean? It's a fat man stereotype to be like, He's an American chess champion. But only if I did something to him. Yeah, but I'm saying like if he had to if he wanted to I mean

3:29:32 but Marcelo is famous for his chokes. No, no, no, no, no. It matches. the blood stops the brain and then trying to fight gallantly, It's not like he got knocked out. Is that literally what it feels like? Well, the thing about jiu-jitsu, though, is those moments happen a lot. a surgeon to be like I got them for 30 choke someone out before they died.

3:32:40 Carotid artery sinus reflex death Yeah. If you hit the right. If you just hit it like if they're out of it and then they get choked, they just go to sleep. Well, he had a breathing issue. That's crazy. seem appealing to me like every time i look at those pictures i'm like fuck man he's living a like it makes sense you're somebody's dad you know what i'm saying like you are when i think

3:36:09 we were young they'd be like that's your cross to bear when i was a kid you know i was always Oh, her mother definitely told her that's your cross to bear or something that was just fucking show she didn't sit in one place. She moved all over the stage. I took my 70-year- old mother to see her and like But those days when Dolly Parton was on TV, there was only like three channels.

3:38:18 Even though we came from New Jersey, and we weren't even from, like, southern Jersey. music fan in general but he loved dolly parton so i went to see the show the first time because i And I said, Mom, who's that? That's a good line. And then I took mom to see her in Tampa I want to French you but just like the way you would kiss like my husband loved your music and shit it's really fucking beautiful to see wow but mom i

3:40:53 And she had this thing when we were kids. cards and shit and we spread them all out on the table there's 12 significant deaths in our family she had lots You're freaking me out, man. stop all this like i'm just getting the hang of it i'm just learning like i got so many more jokes When I think of death, I'm irritated by it because I'm like, it's unfair.

3:43:25 And she'd be like, well, I asked him to take me. Oh, shit. did an interview like before he passed, like to die. I hope I should, I come from diabetic people. ground so you know just like wheat and fucking flour and vegetables i guess we it's okay for us So now I've gotten rid of 10 of it. I like those Boston cream jammies. Oh, my goodness. Don't do it to me.

3:46:35 Or beets, I know. Get them pre-done. something to do a show i get me a fucking a big vegetable drink basically i get one whole beet Now I'm like, I can't have that extra sugar. Eating beets is like doing Coke. People get mad, though, because it gets repetitive. Anything could happen? It's fun. It tastes really good. So cook it quick meaning like it's really lean protein yeah very high protein content so

3:49:51 And then afterwards we were like, oh, I see. like that's in that wild animal, you kill it. They have a very short and brutal life, and they usually get taken down by coyotes or mountain lions. Can I make this more clear? hunting but my kid is total vegan great kid about though she's not like you know judging me as i sit You can't have eggs. chicken. They lay one on their own. It's not fertilized. No one's going to eat it but you.

3:52:53 reading that you eat elk more than once um wait so it's kind of like a chicken's period yes and But every once in a while, it slips out. because i saw your every time I talk about milk, of other animals. I'm like, I'm sorry. It's like, come on. And they just wander around the yard and peck at grass and do chicken stuff. They don't try to go after you,

3:55:38 They take dust baths, though, Yeah, these chickens get a pass. I'm kidding. That Vlad the Impaler guy would eat people in front of other people. Yeah, yeah. them slowly rither that's like when someone has a stake through their body it doesn't kill them Now stand it up. And these people were like what was the point well he was just uh he just wanted to make sure that everybody knew he's a

3:59:17 In this village and saw people on sticks and like I'm gonna draw that like what year was that Vlad the Impaler? We can't even decide how many illegal voters That's a totally different level. Homo floriensis, I think it's called. You can see what it looked like? Put a dick on it. It's a mystery wrapped up in a riddle inside an enigma. Well, I think today I have too many things.

4:01:19 You're busy. Always. We don't have to be like, Is this our third? Because I feel like I've done your house twice. I was like, oh, that's genius. Oh, that ain't good. Get back on that motherfucker. I know. I really, really appreciate this. They're so much fun.