Joe Rogan Experience #888 — Ron White Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Sound effects. Ron White. Oh, yeah, I do. It's been so nice. spot yeah i'm trying to you know i've just got this big quandary now whether to even do another It takes me three years to write a new record, you know. Yeah. the whole joke now here's the punchline and if you'd like to buy the bicycle just go to my house in That's hilarious. Right. Yeah. So I don't know, you know, that Netflix wants an hour. I really think Netflix

3:48 When I go back and watch her special, I see what kind of confidence that brought her, that success of that thing. but it's just nasty and funny on stage. Right. I'd like an hour. And that's how long it was. Nobody watches fucking CMT. I had a special with them once a year, and raise money and awareness for good stuff. Yeah, they know it. I just started watching stuff on Netflix the other day

6:35 Yeah, did I? Because I'm not an L.A. guy. When I got home, I pulled it out and threw it in the trash. But I just, I was so un-into it that I'm like, It's not me either. great stage stage present but the content i was was like, why? What? What? there's a lot of shit going on. Oh. But Louis, he made it first. Go get them, Joe. I've seen guys get away with stealing people's shit, but I've never seen someone that blatant.

10:03 Yeah, I do. No, you wouldn't. It's a tiny, tiny subculture. I'm getting buff. That's what Uber's for. in Mexico, they sell it for three times what I sell it for here. And they only sell it in Mexico. In Mexico, they sell it for three times what I sell it for here. Oh, yeah. It's fucking great. Donna is? Don't ever want to How could you get upset at you?

13:14 Yeah. Puh. I don't think so. you had to go through those beads. It was horrible. Oh look at this fucking sick prick Like, oh, check this out. I'm like, I'm going to watch some gay porn, see if it does anything with click nothing not a damn thing i'm like oh jesus christ this is fucking horrible We were crying. I lost my virginity when I was 18 years old to a girl, a prostitute in Tijuana, Mexico,

15:57 And it's like the best deal I've ever even fucking heard of. What's the record before you find out? If I hadn't dodged the bullet, kudos to whoever pretended to be a girl. I guess. I still don't like to think of them as dudes, let you get some titty but you start going down there where the junk is and Oh, wow. the commander of our base called me a hole in our national line of defense.

19:12 Yeah. No, there was no draft. My father drafted me. But they didn't go hire people to wash dishes. dishes until uh i die in that bug house jesus christ like the old drunk that used to roll his when he was dead? Isn't it funny It's all the recipes of being a great comic, but nobody ever looks at it that way. first time i walked on stage i literally i went to myself i'm a i'm a fucking comedian

21:30 This is the one that works. I knew I was a comedian. That's the best way to do it, not here, out there, working, But I had no idea what that meant. Well, they actually, us you know and but the catalyst from that made uh Whitney ridiculously famous and made me famous and did a lot for Bill. Did you know him forever as Dan? And it was called Bovine women from somewhere and it

25:12 and then he'd turn the camera around, Yeah, that was back when you need to edit things. I forgot about that tab. the reveal is the light of the refrigerator pants he had like a polo shirt on right the whole deal yeah it, it was really smart, I mean, what he did. He would go on stage as Andrew Silverstein, and he put the leather jacket on. Almost like a song.

27:56 You never want to hear it again. They already know them. So I did it, and when I started it, you'd have thought I was one of the Beatles. Well, that's a good prisoner to be in. I mean, that's been for years that he hasn't hardly done any of that, He is the sweetheart of a man. In Georgia, in Atlanta. Well, you know, he's just the real deal, you know.

30:41 And I tell other comics, here's the worst thing you can do. Well, that's that thing that happens when something becomes really popular is that people decide to shit on it, even though it doesn't make. Like, what is he doing wrong? There were a few people that really took issue with it. But that, his style is not exactly my cup of tea but that and sometimes I can't remember his name.

32:50 Jeff doesn't like that. And then he would... And then Dan came in and just shook things up. but it was supposed to be a huge cast of really big people in it. with shitty glasses on if that's okay but i'm not going to take them off and then she goes well i I'd just come off of roadies, and that was kind of disappointing. I mean, that's their position.

35:41 I go, it ruined him. that this person's not for you. But I would have to really, really like somebody that I was going to be hanging with that time And so is his dad. But Jay is just solid. I don't cry for sad things, though. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, he just went to Cuba. You can kind of bring them back. Yeah. But did you get a deal on them? What do you got there?

39:06 I'm going to crank that back up if there's still air in my tire whenever I get out of here. Why do you, like, is it that much different? So whenever they came in and took the land from those people that started these iconic brands and they just kicked them out of the country with nothing. and these people just roll these perfect cigars, The reader, they come in in shifts and read to them.

41:07 Yeah. and put it in the ashtray and let it go out and do the suck show. We don't know what we're going to fine you, What a fucking buzzkill. I love Toronto. Toronto's And I've heard him on radio, right? Yeah. You want to go to Dubai? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck that. I can't do it. I just, I can't. I won't do Yeah, I probably better not go. Fuck that. these days.

43:48 They're looking to call bullshit on everybody. joined the Navy, I probably down on notebooks? You just you just But I record all the big sets. See this? I make notes for each one of them. Did you have to? No, you have it. You got to put it all. And I make notes. I make notes for each one of them. I'll show you afterwards. the middle of a bit. there and do they have like an open mic or something or they well they have a bunch of

46:36 I've done sets there a long time ago. And it used to literally be an ice house. All right. So you guys look that up. but our distribution is just now getting that comes straight out of the faucet, Whoa. just with a couple of people just because once you start drinking it, it just, it's Just a little drink. Well, I'd like to see some of the different stuff I do ever make money.

49:34 I'm not putting my nut in there. and he owns more of it than I do. Funny Bone Comedy Club. Where's that funny bone? There used to be two. Yeah, Jack Daniels sent this to us. Joe Rogan. That's their slogan. Jack Daniels, fuck it. connected to that shit. There's just so much fuck it in Jack Daniels. That's their slogan. Not the Sinatra stuff, but it kind of tastes the same to me.

52:32 charm it's almost like jesus came from heaven and healed me of this regular marijuana problem It took so long to get here, you know, to even this little seven. Seven's recreational, but then a bunch of, you know, in Vegas, they're going to have recreational. This is what it was. I just look at buildings and I go, look how much money this building costs.

54:30 I never have the urge to gamble when I'm high, ever. I'm not much of a gambler. My mother, my mother's 81. That's awesome. I'm like, well, how can you do that? I could have gotten something out of this. He's got it, though. They don't know why. But, boy, he just has a gambling problem. He's funny because he was sober for five years, and he's a big dude, but still, somebody probably punched him. Yeah, probably so. But, boy, he just has a gambling problem.

57:49 He likes people. Now he's on the senior tour, so I don't even know. That can do it. Right. And then the last time I was at Ben and last year at Augusta, we got really trashed and He just won't lie. I think I could use less. Yeah, I know what you mean. Let's just have a drink. And that broke my heart. I didn't want to do stand-up anymore and uh it's just horrible stuff and then uh and then my buddy that died this weekend i saw

1:01:34 Just dropped dead. He was a sweetheart. and uh but every once in a while an entertainer sneaks in there like me and alan and so the first He had to climb on something on the side of a building or something like that. He did it wrong. But he was playing hockey with his son when he died. breath i think that's a good thing and i think his son will think it is too when he looks back

1:04:16 Right. I know for a fact that's not true because I lived in a haunted house. And they had two mediums, and I'm an extra large. turned off and just sit there and wait and it'd start to vibrate and then it'd vibrate to where how many people do you think have actually lived in a haunted house happen right in front of you you'll go holy, how am I going to describe what this is?

1:06:58 They had a mattress on the bottom but not on the top. It's fine with me. You're going to punch his daughter? And he never, never, ever saw any activity in that room again. here. Most people haven't experienced them because there's all sorts of types of life, right? or some sort of a soul in people, I'll tell you something. So I was talking to him. uh,

1:10:23 well, So I realized these are, like, these mean, flawed people They were trying, they wrote this fucking thing down and passed it down more than anything in the ark there's all these but oh they're right all these similarities they were trying to tell And then we moved, and I went to a regular Baptist church, to spend in any restaurant I wanted. Well, it's like comics.

1:14:03 I wanted to do my life story or whatever, which is great, you know. A lot of recalling facts. I could not do it. the rest of the time. Yes, you could. That's the weed. He can do it. i need a fucking shitload of help well i know but if you're gonna you're gonna still make it home you but they don't they have a thousand times more money than you the real rich yeah so 125 but

1:17:00 How many times have we drank together? I'm just saying, don't count on it. Fuck that one. Ron White thinks, notice, notice you're the one carrying the conversation. You know? And then from where we parked, we had to get in a bus that took us to this fucking house. You're the most famous person in this fucking room. And we're hanging out at this famous bar.

1:19:31 Wow. And just howled. would you come out and do a sec? Because I was coming in a day early and in front of me. No, you don't. I mean, you know, not that far, downtown somewhere, but really no door, no name, you you know just to get through it and and what it what Always has been, too. it was sort of the defining show of that generation. it is one of the funniest bits the fucking universe has ever seen right he didn't he did

1:22:51 yeah but now it's security heavy i mean if you want to get thrown out of his show there's a good silly he's on stage he's like bye you fucking idiots and like you know he's laughing about it Like, what the fuck? And if you don't do that, then I'm going to tell you this. Some of them just don't get it. they think it helps i don't think they're trying to stump the comedian something to do. You know, I think they think it helps.

1:25:36 a weird exchange and occasionally people say shit that's fucking funny you know it is unfortunate i But, I mean, it always makes me mad. That happens too. It was this one time. Your mom. It was the one heckle in one show. It got a laugh. I agree. prayed to God somebody would heckle me cause I couldn't get to 45 minutes But you're on the other side of the planet.

1:28:50 There's a company over there on Rodeo Drive that are doing the most amazing. This is freaking people the fuck out. Well, but it's She's glowing. She's like, help me, Obi-Wan. I thought you were talking to me. Like I think America was like, no, no more of this. You know what else it is? It's really bad radio CNN's Jessica Yellen via hologram. What are they preparing us for?

1:31:12 You just keep on moving, just blow out a thread. Where does it stop? I have one. How often does it fall? to the Beverly Wilshire goddamn drone. It's going to fall out of the sky? So that thing just fell out of the sky. But did you see that one where there was a guy Yeah, here it is. So this guy's skiing. Like, this is crazy, man. Boom. You know, I rarely do.

1:35:00 Rodeo Drive The bike thing? Where is it? That's that big motorcycle thing, right? that always made money in I want to go down that strip and shoot that street, you know, just from one end to the other. and then fly it back up and and And it wasn't that wouldn't happen. I was walking down and then I looked. And I'm just, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh.

1:38:23 I mean, this is as out of breath as I've ever been in my life, just, ah. What are we doing, And he's like, well, you're filming my family. But now if you can fly in 3D space, well, where am I allowed to go? we're going to probably physically be able to do that. Next 100 years, all you've got to do to see what's going to happen in the next 100 years

1:40:46 And they did what? Yeah. It's just fascinating because he's the first truly famous, like super famous guy who ran for president and won. I don't remember how old I was. Worldwide, no. But U.S. wise, yes. I think he'd win. You can't unfuck the babysitter. They know what he is. Sir. It's one of those weird ones. You know, like that Jack Nicklaus, or Jack Nicholson, rather.

1:44:01 No, he didn't. Everybody. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, he played through our group at Bel Air one time. They both gave you the movie star look. plan and then I just stopped myself and went Ron would you go sit down Jesus Christ I was but I'm He's well, he's Dan Aykroyd. It was stop it and turn on Saturday Night Live and watch Belushi and Ackroyd and Bill Murray and all of that.

1:47:12 He's like, yeah, you told me that last time. apparently they annoyed the fuck out of him right like jerry lewis is in his 90s and they were and the guy starts weirding out. with Jerry Lewis. it might be time to retire None. Not at all? Not at all. i kind of see his point i see cause I'm not it's gonna have to be And it seems like to him, it was like, this is stupid.

1:50:23 I'm like, Mom, what do you want to do she goes well i've never been to the You're so, real fucking loud, really, really, really annoying. And it's just horrible, horrible, horrible. I brought my mother. You know, when he starts doing that, it's like you're in verbal combat. It was a poorly designed conversation. He didn't figure it out. Unpreparedness.

1:53:35 How do you not catch that? know that maybe... Does he still sell Bill Burr Bill Cosby. And Burr said he was fucking amazing. Said he was somewhere in California. We were going to make a separate trip to Vegas just to see Bill Cosby. And Burr said do other people's VIP stuff Look at this. Wow. Oh, when was the last show? if you go back and watch that and just realize

1:56:27 Well, you know, you can look at – here's the thing. But he didn't Absolutely. I mean. Which means we basically started the same day. He's fucking hilarious. killing everybody slaughter fest you're going on after savages oh jesus christ but everybody's That place is a love fest. Yeah. and joey diaz was slaughtering his face was beet red he was screaming out and i was i was like i

2:00:24 Rock brought up Chappelle. How? What? up Chris Rock? Rock brought up Chappelle. But you're not going to see, if you were going to have paid those guys to put a show on for you that you just saw tonight, it's $17,000 a ticket. When I first started here, And because eventually, over time, your act will get into a place where it does drift into the spot it needs to be in.

2:02:03 I enjoy watching you slap the fuck out of them. I enjoy watching you slap the fuck out of them. and I was like, ah, this guy's really good. but it's just great writing, and that's cool. the comic store you just got here no you'd win first met you That's what people don't know. No, you're a great comedian. solid he's he's he's got a big heart he's he's right he's what we're looking for for friends and

2:05:02 Who's got the body they need to bury? Listening to this skyping from the other side So these people have these goggles where they can stream video from their fucking eyeglasses. Show it to me. whole world what you see so is this uh i mean because i do periscope this is when i'm really and he was also at that and we'll do these broadcasts, and the Big Gay Dave and Ron show,

2:07:23 I know Scott Adams. video and it's Periscope. You can do whatever you want. Yeah, it probably... I just made that up. I have no idea. doing coffee with Scott Adams several times a week, right? Wasn't he? Yeah. How many times did he do it? and they get a notification. I don't know if that's true or not. Instagram Live just started up. That's too bad.

2:09:25 That's what happened to the TMZ bus ride. How long do you think I'm going to live? You're a wealthy man. If you could work your way up How often do you do it? But when I have done it twice a week, I felt better than when I did it once a week. If you look at her in the dark kind of from behind, if she's flexing her muscles, she looks kind of like Floyd Mayweather.

2:11:28 She got ripped back, and she's really, really, really strong. Yeah, what'd you bring to the fucking party? You know, we have that new presser, this new juice presser thing at the house. You know, I just don't. And I used to be a runner. Yeah, man, yoga is – the best thing about it too is it will get your heart rate up. What you want to do is something that's going to make you feel better.

2:14:01 Powerful Ron White. So he dedicated his life to finding a way to fix that. Yeah, it's thicker than that. But you know what was cool about it, man? of interesting. lead singer for AC fucking DC? that's Brian Johnson's voice. Malcolm was the better guitar player anyway, better than Angus. He was their lead singer for five years. But Back in Black, Are these all, who sings these, Jamie?

2:17:56 Oh, my God. Look, they were both amazing. I don't know. These cars are running 200 miles an hour. But can they in any way restore his hearing to the point where he could start singing again? It was fucking great. And there were only a few dates left, I mean, he's a fucking epic vocalist. I mean, that's one of the all-time hardest-hitting bands ever. You could pull up footage, I guess you can,

2:20:39 Oh, good Lord. do you want to go sing it fossil at the Hing Three or four years Oh, shit. Yep. I know. Where's that guy coming from? So Suzanne from Honey Honey didn't even know the words to the song, so she got on her phone and downloaded the words. She probably never sang it live. Oh, my God. Yeah. I thought it was wonderful. So it was a bad relationship with the critics, perhaps?

2:25:42 Those two, Fast Times at Ridgemont High and Almost Famous somebody won something Cuba Goodies Tom Cruise. They just jumped on it. Oh, you're going to shit right in her mouth? I think about like the kind of sort of grudges blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But I still love the cast so much. I've heard that name. rappers fucking crazy the age of trump no they don't need more but they need this one because

2:28:17 I'm scared. Why are you trying to fucking freak me out again? Sounds good, though, right. I made that up. 20 million. Sure. It's a beautiful bottle. It'd be awesome for a bar fight. There's plenty of ice, Mr. White. Young Jamie. I told her this was going to be about an hour. Okay, bust my fucking balls. Okay. We've definitely done hour podcasts. Until nobody cares anymore.

2:30:59 Are they? So are we live to anybody right now? Jesus. 33,000. Is he a Trump supporter? But he got unfairly labeled as being like this Trump supporter. that they could possibly fucking beat. that wanted to look at it as an alternative vote, that got in there, well, the monkey in me would love to see Trump win. He could definitely do something, but what would he do good?

2:34:33 support him or don't support him. It gets to somebody just brought up the a goddamn presidential election. and uh you know what i said well you know what there's a door right the fuck there to get through the obama administration and then to pop back up in the trump administration So he didn't have a fucking pulse for a long time while he's waiting for a heart transplant see cheney has heart just fucking pop-ups cheney has heart pump but no pulse

2:37:16 I haven't heard his name in years. What the fuck? and do some roadside service yeah i can never figure out how to get to work it's very funny to get a young, fresh 20-year-old basketball player's heart. Did it? Didn't know whose heart it was? had a defibrillator implanted and a pump attached directly to his heart. Jack's going to be your surgeon. Hair's growing back.

2:40:21 Wow. Are you trying to save the world? Maybe while you're alive, you're just alive. and improvement to the point where they become enlightened My goodness gracious, Joe Rogan. You're fine. and fine. now that's you right now you just you just have you're like every great comic you have a low even in front of people that love you. and be friends with you at the Comedy Store

2:43:01 And having you on here has been just nothing but a blast. They listen to this shit in Dubai. I don't know if they do. Doug wasn't there like a flight attendant trying to bring you back into the runway. Very funny. Oh, no, that's not true. Ooh, that Xanax is a tricky one. Yeah, no, I'm not. Fucking delicious. What are they going to do with Russia? I mean, not in details, I don't.

2:45:57 Yeah. How come I didn't hear about this until right now? No. So that's me at my house in Beverly Hills. It was crazy. And I've made these people laugh. You know them. A hundred people a day? What do you think is the most dangerous sport that people die from a day? give you eight seconds to give up your meth babies, and then we're going to kill everybody

2:49:19 Fuck. Just a little? Just a good discipline? meth, you know, you watch the deterioration absolutely we're not i told you i feel like a navy seal can smoke some meth i told you I don't think so. Is it physical? It seems like for a lot of people that's the case. Like we did with me and you. I don't like things that make me vibrate. I don't know if this is real, but I mean

2:52:08 We're going to make you a metal teeth set. No? No. You'd laugh at it. I feel like a dick for not watching your show now. I keep hearing awesome things about it. What else do they have? The Punisher, I think. Oh, they have The Punisher. That's right. I'm hearing good things about that. What other one? Netflix has a couple. They have Daredevil. They have Luke Cage. What else do they have?

2:53:41 at the Comedy Works. Yeah. Taxing people? I like the glasses, though. So you enjoyed doing that show, though? Do they do it on demand? to be watched online real close it's just got to be some universal currency things universal Oh, let's get HBO. I have no idea. I got to put my email address? It would be goddamn everywhere. I can't wait. Yeah. You should do something like once a month.

2:56:48 I'll do that. No. Nobody said that. if Ron White decides that he wants And I'm guilty as charged. Hmm. He's 104. undeniable constant pull that you could it used to kick your ass when you were a baby Gravity's like Nick Diaz in his prime. Right. Ankle sucking into your fucking metatarsals. Ron White official on Instagram. Is that correct, It's fun that we hang out together so much.

3:00:35 Who's not near as interesting.