Joe Rogan Experience #889 — Brian Redban Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Why were you looking at me so sly Jamie? You made me nervous. That Donald Trump will be 70 years old in six days? Yeah. It's a lot of sevens. Yeah, it's all made from 7s. If people look back on this and they realize they're there really is a simulation thinking about it inside of our brains. We're assuming that we're all operating It's like one of the unspoken things about being a person

3:45 but just talking, like man, it's Just communicating, just shit we totally He's fantastic. the other day watching it. So he... Here's what happened. And happened with that? So here's what happened, we need to figure out like what's a prank and what is fucking with people's lives for a short I wonder, yeah. There might be, you know, a dude who has, like, some serious tension issues.

6:37 my god they they're doing this to me they're so racist when you're kind of you're trying to get doing it in the network way there's still shows that are on network television that and she was apparently bothering him. And I'm not kidding. a nice guy especially after the roast he seemed like a cool guy down to earth but man how he just deleted all my tweets, and I was like,

9:30 I like to fuck dolphins, dude. were just staring at me. You're going to have to live with that question. We were like, wait a second, that tattoo looks familiar. She's a cutter. I'll say 19. Wow. Dude, they made her play a prostitute at 12 years old. suck his fingers wasn't that in that movie I don't know was that in that Dude. Oh, my God. That's weird.

13:25 in the way people are recognizing and understanding Well, yeah. straight down. See, I'm just— Right in the middle of everyone, there's people all around. So my thought was that this Bieber kid, you know, I mean, has anybody ever gone ever gone well I guess people have gone through that you really having to earn it so much, I guess you kind of earn it with your talent.

15:38 Yeah. Like, anybody that gets famous that young Imagine I've never but I've never been like almost like a bully like yelling Alcohol, that's a big factor for sure. body wants to smash shit and fuck things that's what what it's built for. And so if you don't feed it, if you don't give it some sort of exertion, it's going to play me sad i see those pictures i'm like this poor kid is fucking swimming in space with no connector

18:57 Paris Hilton's holding it together she kind of pulled away yeah from fame which might have been a person man it's it's one thing if you have a reality show reality show about kanye west well constantly mixing in drama. terrible and no one wrote it? If you have the kind of money come on if young jamie hit the lotto and all of a sudden got a 500 foot yacht and started balling hard

21:23 They're just regular people. Like, oh, my God. I wanted to mention this because it's going on to the end of December. And Justin is building wells in the Congo. That guy, Justin Ren, can change the world just by being so loving and caring. The whole thing, he used to fight in the UFC. I'm not getting malaria Because I just remembered salt baths uh are are super underrated.

24:58 I'm a floating motherfucker, dude. Just trying to do things that I think are, Well, it came from the first time I did it. feel vulnerable as fuck you feel vulnerable and then you start thinking holy shit there's bears The only thing you do at night is like stay around the camp, stay around the campfire. he was attacked in his tent by a 500-pound predatory black bear.

27:45 Then, have you ever seen, like, a baby bear wrestle a dog? Look, the dog keeps fucking with him. Look at how he whips him around. Wow. Dude, he just throws him around. He's way smaller Look, boom! He just throws him Imagine what the fucking sheer terror of that would be. or some shit you could see it in a video and you're like wow pretty cool but i don't think you're really seeing it i

30:36 but then you see them live and you're like, holy shit, man, Where do you want to go? there? Where's the ones that I want to eat? Like, bears aren't a myth. It lives in the forest, and it kills shit every day. alive but every now and then every now and then it snatches up a school child just pulls pulls a kid out of a fucking one of those little swing sets and hops

32:49 Hawk. Might be a pigeon. Holy shit. What do you think it is, Jamie? the end of it and they just imagine if you had some big ass freddy krueger claws and that's what Just a little too small. That would be our number one concern, how to kill the eagles. We've talked about this. And people killed it off. Yeah, I think that there's a video of a golden eagle

36:03 But it's in New Zealand, right? You know that website Snopes? One guy left his wife and married a porn star who was also an escort, an online escort. Young Jamie? you've done a little bit of research and come to your own conclusions. to clean up the fake news. Did you see that? I didn't have a good clip to find it because it didn't come up at the right time.

38:43 I didn't say nefarious, but I mean – So this idea that like the government happening so quickly like i don't even know if we understand how nutty this is while it's happening So do Democrats, too. It's not weird. I have a very good relationship with Alex Jones. But he's a good guy. That's what he needs. Like, when you think you really have footage of the Loch Ness Monster, holy shit, you feel good.

41:55 could benefit you in real life so instead of like actually paying attention to your real life and conspiracies, the government, the Illuminati, we're going to expose this man. It gives extra and How much of this is chemtrails? But those kind of conspiracies you just broke that broke that story when you get it as a package. But if you offer some things in a package, a lot of times people are going to gravitate

44:30 And it's 41 cents. On that conundrum Fraud Man, I had it the other day. Not that much. watching a fucking documentary on how they prepare those fish cakes You ever have a—dude. caught and then killed and then you eat it the closer those are together makes a giant impact There's not going to be any more fish. Yeah, and that's half a life I just ate.

47:30 We have decided that we operate better and calmer in gigantic groups. people have done that before hippies do that shit all the time they love to do it um if we have them It's just life and then death. Maybe a cow. No. No, I would definitely... Maybe I have. Maybe a cow. It's all weird, man. It's all weird They chopped it up. You pull up that drive-thru.

50:08 who eats cow, be out there killing cows. Fake food's on the way very soon, I think. unfortunately it's like they don't they say they don't have the money to keep them alive from Italy. Everybody else, Italy. They all came over here on a boat. They He had sex like a 13 year old girl and he drugged her and all that said there's never an excuse for that, right?

53:11 I don't know. We've talked about this a couple times about how go to those 1950s movies. Men always hit women. They fucking hit them all the time. And then sometimes you have to use the back they did that to her without her having any Huh. Remember when he got giant? You know, when you think about trying to figure out what life is about No wonder why private prisons are filled with people in jail for ridiculous shit

55:59 How could these people have brought these people from Africa? Dude, they didn't even get meat Reflex? Because if it is, I'm positively racist towards Asians. You know, like my people didn't get, like the Italians didn't get a very good dose of Were they all in one little forest, the ones that became people? Or was there similar things happening in several spots all throughout the world, like a lot of other animals, like birds?

58:22 It's really... I get that everybody wants to see it, but you're going to ruin this. You could peer into the past. that's taking these photos. Like, as they go deeper and deeper into the Amazon, you you would have to actually be one of them to really find out what they're If you give them meat, they'll be super happy. They gotta hunt everyday dude Their feet are, like, thick with calluses, and they're splayed out.

1:01:14 They don't have Yeezys, brother. Boots that you would wear if you lived in the jungle. Really? Barefoot? Yeah. Imagine, though, if you live your whole life like an asshole walking outside barefoot, Yeah. Are you sure? I don't know. I would imagine more cuts and stuff. Go to see if you find that dual survivor's Barefoot. Those things are numb, I would imagine.

1:03:52 That looks like the homeless guy by my house with gangrene. He came to the comedy store. Fuck that. He goes looking for it as if there might be what are fantasies? I liked the last one, so Young Jamie says it's much better than the last one. think so that's way after darth vader was dead. The one that came out last year? But you're never going to get a fucking Han Solo guy again.

1:06:10 Runners? There's a new Blade Runner? Robot guy? This is the new one. And it's by Ridley Scott again, so. All right. Is this happening in real time? I get them confused. Blade Runner. Black Mirror is Why is it a monster movie? virtual reality with simulation. and I was like, wow, you sure? That's for smell reasons, though, or something. JonBenet Ramsey, yeah.

1:09:19 You don't want to do it. They owned the house. Okay, so that's the case. There's a bunch of them. are going to expose the truth in the next commercial break. and go sit in this dark room for two hours Boy, we love watching And then he's running and he keeps looking back and he's terrified. People love being freaked out watching some poor bastard about to get jacked.

1:12:44 That was stressful. I don't need to do any more of that. I gave the first episode and I was like, yeah, I get it. That was stressful. Like all of a sudden the zombies aren't any threat at all. Like if 30, 40 people, just regular strength people, So what are they? Are they super powerful, or are they pussies? strong men. Get 50 strong men You got a whole sequence of them?

1:14:31 with a hundred chihuahuas that were good odds than a hundred people you're you haven't made a coherent universe where things are consistent like sometimes these zombies Here, bite my arm, stupid. Nobody bites them. Because a storyline is too weird man the storyline is like now you know everybody the zombies are still around but Some have eaten lately.

1:17:03 to move around, She scares the shit out of me. That's not fair. Even with Facebook, though, and everyone calling them crazy for like a couple years, and then they go, oh, they figured it out. they think the world sucks world's full of retards justin bieber went to bed and probably got up that What's the big deal? what's up, my n-word? I don't like saying it man because then nowadays people make it ringtones and shit. Well, it's a fucking problem

1:19:59 He would point people out in the audience and call, there's a nigger. and it's pretty profound especially considering that he had you know i'd realize like what happens They're just fucking words, man. Because he's Duncan. The word doesn't always mean the same thing. I want to rock and roll all night and party every day. You don't understand. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. You were denied a big Kiss fan. You don't know. You don't understand.

1:23:19 Monkeys sing. Whales sing. right so we know that okay here we go whoa oh speaking of which have you done the hcc vibe yet Does that sound like crying to you or positive or negative? it sounds like a fucking language man yes and also you gotta think like what a when you when But it's the same thing, right? That's what was going on with that dolphin i was listening to that thing talk and i was like oh my god they can't kill these how are they killing these they gotta stop killing these like whoever

1:26:58 But they're still doing it. Like, it's a big deal in Japan, apparently. where you're allowed to kill them It's just like you hear that thing sing and you're like, whoa, you can't kill that. Look at that. Yeah, Japanese fleet. retreat the group released footage and photographs showing three minke whales carcass has been cut up. There's blood Bob Brown. And this is from

1:29:58 That's a freaky sound. That's crazy. Way bigger. Look at this. That looks like a video game, man. Yeah. It's some bioluminescent shark. Oh, yeah. Where is it going to? What is that? That looks like a frog version of it or something. Look at that thing. Jesus Christ. Look at these fucking freaky things. No. Oh, my God. Is it? No, no, no. That thing's mouth is open,. That's the top of the mouth. Is that real? No, no, no.

1:34:39 It says right here it's just a Okay. Have you ever seen a halibut in real life? It's crazy. Because they're just swimming along and they find a spot and they're flat. And they're delicious. Well, fish is something that, like, if you go to, like, a Chili's or something like that and you order fish, it's probably not going to be so hot, right? They get deliveries on Sundays.

1:37:18 No more rest for anybody. In the U.S. or the world? Must have been, like, a family thing. I'm not answering it right. I'm not asking it right. In this article, he expects about 10% of the freight's 9,000 haulers to be women, So let's find out what the percentage of people that drive trucks are. I think it's more than 2. work in two-person driving teams. Good move.

1:40:12 No, I bet that's a big thing. I'm so tired of her bullshit. Cashiers. I think cashiers are going to go away, sure's going to go away before truckers. Cashiers. You've got millions of people. Millions going to be, what the fuck, man man there's no jobs left that was a You're going to send those things Till robots know how to do it That's what's going on

1:42:31 not even have cooks. and make it with a 3D printer. You're biting through it. Yeah. I finally killed my other rat. Yeah, I saw that. Hasn't been back? audio the audio of that mouse screaming it sounds like a monkey doesn't it sound like a monkey yeah No. Oh, so that's all contained inside of some little box. Hold on. But this is another rat. Yeah. pretty cool so when he jumps through it doesn't look like he's hurt at all yeah but he hasn't been back yeah uh but what's weird is that they they drank and ate all my uh cleaning supplies and so like there was a thing of bleach that had been eaten through and drank what so they had been

1:45:52 Wait a minute. cameras shoot morgan don't be so silly but yeah that's a horrible feeling having rats in your When I lived in Encino, I killed a rat in my garage, put this trap up. tail. All that was left was the tail. Jesus. And I was like, holy shit. I mean, they ate the fuck out of this rat when i tell you there was like Ate the fuck out of him. Like how many rats are there that they ate my whole rat in one night? How could you eat them? How much meat is that? That's insane.

1:48:28 We would have to get like a hundred dudes So the equivalent for a rat is like you eating 50 pounds. They can scramble up things. That's like having a rat the size of a dog. Break their backs. Don't even eat them. of white men drive trucks. No, to kill the rat. I was gonna have tony lay there with his butt up in his pants down in I think, luckily, for the last week and a half, there hasn't been one rat.

1:51:07 Those are kind of cool. They just grab one of them, kill them, cook them up. But they're well fed, and then when the time has come and the family needs to eat, they just grab one of those motherfuckers. Oh, really? kills people and if you don't get antibiotics in you at the right time people have died from like at her in her hair because he lives Now, why that over a laptop?

1:53:58 So there are certain things that I need to do that for. when you're watching a movie like that, but if you use I might blow this fucker right out of the sky? It has a little power thing. They still make a 17-inch one. and I contacted a lot of, that says I have an iPhone. back to me. They were going as iMessages. like why didn't you text me back what are you talking about and then i look at their phone and they sent me something or i sent them something but the

1:56:54 So when you try to switch over to Windows, it's easy. I can open it with my fingerprint. this is a keyboard it's like You have travel to the keys. It's just not as good. I don't know. This new one felt mushy. You know? Like, the bottom of it has got, like, a little divident. Your fingers sit in there, and you know when you start moving your keys. there's barely any difference between a non pushed button and a pushed button.

1:59:59 your power steering feels weirder you don't like you don't feel it all it feels very universal no horsepower which one do you have like a 2008 let's take a guess drive now think about this Porsche 911, 1973 horsepower. Maybe it was a turbo. Carrera popped up you think German? So if that's what it is, your truck has 50 more horsepower than a Porsche,

2:02:50 It's like a real clickety-click, clickety-click. I have no problem. they make this even better for uh windows it's called the fuck is it's called like focus writer It just gives you that green font with a black background. they use these, these are military spec, innovate and they keep I sold you when I lived in Ohio. Wow. It looks a lot like a MacBook in a lot of ways.

2:05:40 I wanted it to be a little more stable. It was back-ordered on different places. It does everything. But did the new computers, did these new left PC ones still have all that shit? Let's go crazy with some fucking USB ports. How about you have one of those, and then you have one, let's go crazy, with some fucking USB ports. Dude. Some hotkeys could be. YouTube. Some hotkeys could be YouTube.

2:07:15 I think the stealth... Yeah, yeah. Ah. Look at the Blade Pro. I have a pool table game. Like, I'm addicted to it now. like they would if you were punching somebody, But that's just in your head. You're trying to get out of the way. really why you would want to buy more yet but but it comes with two lighthouses is what they're called. You play six and a half feet off the ground

2:10:00 I have that. there's three cooler archery games that have come out. The biggest issue right now with that is that that headset gets in the way of when you're trying to, like, you draw a bow, you put it next to your head, that thing's going to get in the way. And where it hits, it lights up. Real tree. So watch. I should say 40 feet away. That stuck into the screen.

2:12:07 This is like from 1982, I think. Yeah, see the arrow bounce off. Wait a minute. Let me see it Let me do it again. Do it again. It's just like from 1982. I think no no hold on But your super powerful bow would shoot some shit through a wall, right? be getting benefit out of practicing with something that's less powerful than what you usually use? I wouldn't know shit about it.

2:13:43 So he shoots, and where does his arrow go? No, but this is, they're shooting a real bow. They're going to shoot a rabbit. Shot it in the eyeball and it says bullseye? But the difference between a golf thing is a golf is a ball. Okay, I bet a golf club, when you hit a golf ball, I bet it does go faster if you really Oh, John, who hits it harder? He's got well nipples time to move to a new town

2:16:18 100. The rule is that you can't hit a ball faster than that in the USGA. What if, like, Kobe Bryant goes into golf? who gets in a golf. What is this? Hmm, what do you think it is? like a light arrow going really fast doesn't do the damage that a heavy arrow going fast does so crazy impact on the balls but shane what he does is he stays flat on the ball and he just strokes through it perfectly

2:20:24 in that regard but it's just perfect accuracy and precision it's just it's a matter of like the perfect do that it's crazy like you see the ball moving way more than it normally does it's weird and you shouldn't be swinging it's weird or someone can Conor McGregor you. And it's all to try to set up the left hook. Conor slides out of the way, drops his left hand

2:22:42 Like, watch. To be able to stay that calm in the heat of a firefight and just slide out and just precision drop a punch in. I'm on team Diaz To Connor All the time. you are does Eddie still do that sites are getting rid of Or, you know, what are the options for considering the evidence? it's a general like if you say how many white guys are in America?

2:25:40 62% of the U.S. population is white. White men are 31% of the population there. Like just white guys, just white guys. So you should attack that advantage by being racist towards them. I'm sorry, do you like MTV? But MTV is just garbage channel now. That show is just all a bunch of, like, videos of people getting jacked on the internet, right? When they had videos is you learned about new bands because you saw their video.

2:28:05 is and then don't do it. Oh, like find out what, like what a ridiculous idea that you can be What's the enemy of political correctness? gender or homosexuality, whoever has to do with any of those things is no longer considered as an individual. Well, there's definitely more pushback, but there's always been pushback. That's why I did that whole bit about, not in Triggered, the Netflix special, but the one before that, the Comedy Central special, about words.

2:30:53 I said, you know? And I go, and sometimes I'm going to say shit that's not true at all because it's funnier to lie I'm gonna lie like you gotta know like sometimes I'm gonna tell you the truth you know and I go and sometimes I'm gonna say shit that's not true at all because She's the mother of my children. Like when Brian Holtzman used to have that joke about that woman who drowned her kids.

2:32:06 That's the problem with today is people just looking to call people out for shit they don't think people should say anymore. like the original Ghostbusters, or something where they Any other slur. About Japanese people. Yeah, man. Like, Joey Diaz is the master at that he'll say unbelievably You always want to start surfing. You can't help it. It's kind of like live fact checking, but.

2:34:27 what was it I had a point about about Joey Diaz It's like gonzo journalism. He told me that story a long time ago. You're probably the only one confused. Yeah. stories like legitimate chaos stories have you seen his new special yet on cso use coupon code A lot of times they'll do that. Amazon to watch movies? You get a decent amount of content. So way more people downloaded it illegally than watched it on Amazon.

2:37:59 Talking shit. On the one that's on the BBC? The weed. Like, he shits on Porsches. all of those BitTorrents and all I use Hulu more now. What? Sling is like live TV, but you can pick and choose what you want. It was like all people that I knew performing in the Montreal Comedy Festival. Oh, yeah. They have programming. growing yeah and i was like well this is television this is online television like this isn't just like

2:41:08 there's a lot of those What's so fucking great how many of these I got a certain point in time. at the worst time possible, when the quarter's It's just what we're used to. It always Oh, God, everything. What's 6? And so they're listening to this podcast right now on Stitcher directly from their car. And, I mean, this is just, you know, step one of a million-step process.

2:43:29 You're going to have that chip in your head It's going to happen. And their take on it was really pretty unique. just that if you watch the whole season it seems like every episode is like a out you go to a yelp review and it's like a vietnam restaurant and all the fucking reviews Absolutely. Were you involved in a national scandal or? on his own page

2:46:21 praising himself on a Facebook live stream. You are the man, exclamation point, exclamation point. Should he have fell down and hit his head? Oh, no. Oh, no. Well some people don't understand retweets And they'll just copy and Really? That guy had a really weird fucking take on Ronda Rousey in the last FS1 thing, I felt it come through. I hardly ever give predictions. You don't know shit. You don't know what the fuck's going to

2:49:39 probably like the biggest boxing match of all time. Like he's been coming to the comedy store on a regular basis now. You just meet them. You think they're so friendly. You know? Yeah. They's great. Yeah. Funny dudes. You would never know they could beat the fuck out of you. You just meet them. You just did Tony's podcast, too. Like, fuck, man. I've ever, I've, I played basketball in high school, but I still, like, I watched it for

2:51:01 Don't play basketball. don't really care like if you're talking about a fight and you're getting all jazzed up about it Way less tolerant to bullshit, you know, or things they disagree with. if nobody's seen Joe Smith Jr. before, Like, through the shirt sleeve yeah he almost looked like a He did everything with punches. can still get knocked through a rope like that and land on his head, that that's a possibility.

2:54:23 like if there was a medical emergency at the end of the fight, it should be like a latch they could pull and drop the ropes down and get somebody out. That's fucking stupid. He's got great genetics, works hard, tough kid, really good fighter. What's that? He still fought amazing, but at the end of the day that kid murked He fucked Trinidad up. And then he fought Kelly Pavlik.

2:56:32 That Joe Smith Jr. kid would have been a handful because he's just fucking scary. But you don't know. because we like it so much. Just stormed Dos Anjos, knocked him out in the first round. knocked out Matt Brown like that. Donald head kicked him unconscious. is to get somebody who spars with you Alright, that's it. It's going to suck. Do you take, you know what you should take?

2:59:26 You can go down to Topanga. Or the five. talk like this though We've fucked up. The freeways here, they weren't always called numbers. the case in boston with the mass turnpike like the mass turnpike was called the Mass Turnpike, but it also had a number. Yeah, yes, yes. There's a road that goes from Columbus right to here goes from Washington DC actually like San Francisco. Holy shit

3:01:36 Yeah. What the fuck? I wouldn't trust that dude to stay awake. Oh, my God. Oh, okay. And then you packed it all with shit the jeep So that if the jeep So like they kind of knew You take a sharp turn It's just jokes. Yeah. Have two shows. Yeah. No. Don't listen to anybody. I got away with it for like a week and a half, two weeks. If you want things to be secret, you got to stay offline.

3:04:42 Or just deal with the fact that if you dip your fucking nose into the information highway, But it is sort of. Abrams? You shut your mouth, boy. The Duffer Brothers. Loved it. I think so. I'm really getting in the house of cards. Yeah, I feel like that. All right. What do you want? Go ahead and pee, man. Thanks, everybody. Happy powerful young Jamie.