Joe Rogan Experience #894 — #WhoIsFat - Day 1 Transcript

Transcript

0:00 I don't know, you don't look very fat to me. I'm wearing a lot of layers. I'm at 240. That wasn't his walk around. And that's when we weighed in. You were big. are dicks. comes from. Yeah. And they did it loosely or mostly based on that story, but it wasn't a biopic. know he's very talented actor I was like I did not get, I was actually taking it as compliments because I know he's a very talented actor.

2:52 where they're just, So I was, These two are watching it at the exact same time and making fun of how fat I am. I called Tom. And he goes, wait, what are you alright, let's talk about what you're And by the way, and this is at the very beginning of it. By the way, by the way, I saw him five bills. And she said, why are you as I hit the stage too. doing Stampede

5:25 He's like, I've never seen that. The machine story, if you don't know, is a crazy story. Holy shit. So go to it. The reason it went viral, I think, is that people in my class drunk as fuck with the two gangsters. Terminal illness is so tough to deal with. Anyway, And her mom passed away. She had lost her mom. So he answers and he's in public. Just whatever.

8:43 segura right now and she goes goes, oh, shut up. I got a great thing. We're just in the middle. And she said it wrong. So why are you so fat? And I've never blocked anybody. There's some funny ones. Stop picking on him. Yeah. And she's like, have you been to Burma? Yeah. Yeah, but I also have an insightful- Because he just talks about the people that he's met and all the experiences that he's had.

12:06 Put it back. So after the RE podcast, we challenged each other. It's basically two months. When did the fat talk start? May. because it was, Like an alarming amount of English as a second language. weight loss thing does she Oh like I would say that I'm gonna be dead serious Calls her Push. A lot of people didn't understand is that we're best friends.

14:52 And you're like, no. Like, what's your problem? 3,000, I think 300 calories. steady. I'm like, Tom's not going to That's the name of my tour. I call it the Mickey Mantle gene. when he's got the blown out knee in the bad back There you go. And I've run at least five miles a day. Pulled pork, collard greens, and what? Sodium. I thought he would. Here's something about that term.

18:28 I go, well, yeah, I think it's just someone being honest. I have a weird push and pull with it because there was a period where I didn't like it. She's one of the best rock stars ever. to the point where it's misfiring. Kesha But, man, they say some mean shit to Amy and Kesha where you're just like, why say that? I feel, dude, I jogged eight miles today.

20:14 I get inspired. The most beautiful day of my life. They're coming out soon, and I'm getting all of them. Let's just start running. And then he saw one and he was like, I made a video where I made a line. I played baseball. It's hilarious. Oh, yeah. He's a star. Death son. my dad passed out hard as fuck smoking and laughing and trying to stop laughing he's like turning people like

23:09 We had a German shepherd up there. He's throwing ham up in the air. That was number one. The kids were fucking crazy. Some homeless person. We had two experiences. Because of the construction? Because of the construction. Yeah. Yeah, you told me that story, that someone was walking down your driveway. Yeah. Some homeless person. He's a great guy, man.

24:31 What were you at your heaviest? 267. Holy shit, dude. Yeah. You were closing in on three. Yeah. I went to dinner at his house. And then we each got a slab of potatoes. So I just felt like, You're like, do you guys have forties? to deflect or whatever part of the reason i started doing a shirtless is i didn't look good in and people just thought by any stretch of the means

26:28 The machinist is going to wear a shirt. No, you said 240. And that's the highest I weighed in ever that I saw myself on a scale is 256. Ooh, I like that. Because if you win, you're going to Super Bowl. So we would go to Paris. I can't say that to either of you two. I need the flight. He won't even know. So if we got under 227, newer version called the Smart BMI, which took into account also the fact that more people are just even bigger.

29:21 Someone. But I think- Okay, so first of all, let's do rock, paper, scissors, see who goes first. Let me do it. Bert won that one. One, two, three. Okay. Ready? One, two, three. Gotcha. Okay. Bert won that one. So would you like to go first or would you like Tom to go first? We're going to use that camera up there. Do we calibrate this? Considerably slimmer he's got multiple on, and now he's down to underwear,

31:42 Jesus Christ. Yeah, that's it. Now, Joe, my prediction was Tommy wasn't going to take his shirt off for weigh-ins. Dude, he's taking his watch off. This is chaos. Here we go. Tommy looking very slim, too. Here we while it's going on. Oh my goodness. This is this is chaos here It's ridiculous. Wow, so those extra pounds like whatever, you know, you didn't drink water that all made up for it

33:53 Oh, my God. You could see it in your face, too. What do you got there? That's amazing. It is weird. You both could be 200 pounds. Yeah, Hulk loads. Yeah. This is not entirely healthy Yeah, it's horrible. She's crying. which is illegal in USADA. And then she's taking this just to try to level herself out because draining herself down to 140 was so bad for her that her whole system's all fucked up.

37:50 There's no enjoyment to it. It's almost like an the difference today. With my daughters. Yeah. What do we do? But if Burt wins tomorrow, but what if he wins tomorrow by the exact same amount? Yeah. Right I might as well Are going to That's what I would say. Shit your brains out. 221. I break it up during the day. I'll do a podcast with Joey tonight.

41:29 So, like, I'll run at, like, 7.5 over half of the lap around the circle. When you put it on the big green egg, how do you keep the temperature stable for that long? it all the way, it's going to get way hot. It gets way, like What's his name? You put it in there, and you're like, 225, five hours, perfect. The sawdust from the hardwood, And then there's a worm drive at the bottom that slowly turns this stuff into a heating element.

43:43 that popper that'll last for for fucking 10, 12 hours. It's a really good one. It's amazing. still cook. Like an oven. Yeah, it's an oven. So why'd you use the Green Mountain Grill instead of the, or why'd you use the Big Green Egg instead of the Green Mountain Grill? into it bone in Boston butts I wonder if the grill's Oh, God. big dude goes the machine

46:09 Have you ever thought about getting one of them offset smokers where you throw logs in there? That's the real ritual, right? Is that a male thing Save it for tomorrow, though. We should. Why are you looking at me? Okay. Because it has to be a victory overall, right? There's too many people on Prozac in the basement with their dick in their hand, typing with one hand.

48:26 Yeah, I was going to say, at this point, He's still How high is he right now? You've got to understand Ari. Very few people get wealthy. Ari! Not totally. Yeah. An outgoing message. Good luck today Because if it is, then how funny would that be if that's his outgoing message? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Burt Kreischer, 221, 219. You need their heights. You need their heights. Their heights. We, no. It's my scale. It's my scale and we put weights on it. You need the heights.

52:38 He's like you're wearing elevators. Bert, they both have no pants on, by the way. One more time, please. I'm 6'1". So here's a question to you. So he would have to win by more than two pounds and the body mass, the overall body mass index is 29.2. Tommy did. Who's got the lower BMI? that Bird has to win the final way yeah they could there was a blind weigh-in today.

56:07 lightest? Yes. How are you measuring the weight? No, no, no. Tape measures? He's actually... No, this is... No, no, no. He's like, my dad said he was six feet, and he was really only 5'10". The goal weight was 227, Ari, so you lost. To make you happy because you're the one who's going to have to pay, Wow. Wow. What a cheap piece of shit. Love you, faggot. Wow.

57:39 I told Ari, and Ari is making fucking bank. He can't understand the concept of a fucking mortgage to save his life. And then you make your house worth more, but your mortgage is still very small in the cheapest way possible. Right. sudden i felt light i felt light like i got a check and it was like 100 grand or something like All that shit was gone.

59:52 You don't have to worry about a fucking mortgage. Now your backpack's more valuable. He barely knows what time it is. I know he's trying to get out of this. He doesn't care. He's such a silly boy. buy a coach yeah yeah you're That's supposed to be a little more progressive in terms of knowing that hitting 200 and more That's a real body mass indicator. They got this thing at my CrossFit place where they bring in a tank of water, and you sit in a tank of water.

1:02:30 That's the other thing. If you had a time lapse of that, if you had just a show shooting that, it would be fun. And you've lost probably, what did you think you were a month ago? And I was like, yeah, I know. Just pick that up. I don't want to feel it. Yeah. This would be a great weight. I don't take my shirt off at the store. I talked to my buddy Cowhead

1:05:00 that really kind of gets in my head about like The shirt off? Let me ask you this. Yeah. not good. I was dizzy. I couldn't get eating any calories. Yeah. They sent up a cranberry juice and then I drove in one day and I was like shivering I started feeling good. Yeah. Tits were out. I don't know that they care here wait they'll put you in jail Wow. Photoshopped.

1:08:27 Jesus man and then he called I was showing it to Hey, you were with Captain Lee from Below Deck on that. and then the guests but it's super entertaining as a fluff show Happy getting real up in this, bitch. She follows me. so i was like oh okay but she was super nice, you know? Very nice. So the burden's off you guys. Yeah. So 6 foot was real close.

1:11:16 You've got to measure him. Yeah, I rescheduled it. I don't know. So I don't want him to be like, you're fucking with heaven and some other man will be holding You're fat. He's like, I was going to talk to you about family, but you're just obese. He's like, that scale's bullshit. I mean, we put a 35-pound weight on that scale. It's 227. Yeah, you are.

1:13:59 Yeah. I can't wait for you to do it without a beard. Probably when I got fatter. That's the saddest part of this whole thing is Tom used to be hot. She got paid to take that picture. That's 20 pounds away. You actually look stronger. That's how I came here. Kevin was trying to lose weight and this manager was just a fucking idiot. That's so dumb. Sam Kinison.

1:16:30 Oh, yeah. Dude, that happened to me. When my daughter was really little I had a full crazy beard cuz this Yeah. No, that's not 04. I miss it sometimes. That was when I was living in Colorado. Because of the beard. It's a manly thing, right? That's a ridiculous picture. and they fucking lost their shit. And Titi was our fixer. So I pulled out Skittles.

1:19:32 And he gets in my head. And so I've had this thing that I've been putting cortisone on for the last month, A year and a half. Oh, we'll see you tomorrow. Yeah, man, whatever the fuck it is, it's supposed to go away by now. Yeah, you should go to a doctor Tito's. What's a Tito? They're Austin-based, and the guy's name is Bert. Tito's is Team Bert. They're like, love the way it lost, Team Bert.

1:21:33 Okay. Pizza? We should also do a post binge weigh in. fucked with my head a little bit. Like I understand that part because I bet tomorrow that first piece of pizza is going to be very hard for me to eat. Dude, yeah. Why? And they're like, why did you attack him? That's hilarious. Have you really been about that with water? I had to get on the treadmill

1:24:37 Wow dude dude, after smoking weed, Yeah, the whole NBA. I probably sparred on jiu-jitsu thousands of times. Smoked and then done jujitsu. So high I forget what I'm talking about. But you're super creative. a lot wrong with her preparation, before Ronda got knocked out by Holly. I was like, amanda nunez is the biggest threat because every fight starts standing

1:27:49 like never you never know some people get a head injury and they're okay a few months later some And then all of a sudden he's this wild man who doesn't give a fuck. found me on campus and i was confused i didn't know where i was and then she uh it was if i was but everyone's having a good time and I saw him And I was like, are you really going to fucking hit me?

1:29:49 I'm so sorry, and I didn't know what happened and I just walked around I started walking around campus this girl found me And? Wait, which ones? Fucking Jay Pharoah. probably yeah probably yeah most likely yeah it scares me head injuries scare me And then you'll see like another hit. Mike Pyle fought this guy Alex Garcia, and he got hit with a right hand and dropped. He got knocked out, and then as he went unconscious, his head bounced off the canvas.

1:32:33 He's like, no way. I've seen that many times when people get knocked out. I'm not speaking out of school. She had a seizure, which has happened before. What's up? we're both drinking and uh we talked i think we talked for like an hour 45 minutes and he was just like it's she doesn't have to use her I mean, so much so Doug is Doug. We're going to do it.

1:35:18 maybe he hasn't texted you. The house has been or the night before last, What are they going to do with this cave? and Ari doesn't want to part with the fucking plane ticket Not paying. God damn it. I'm going to lose my fucking beard, I think we're 6'4". He doesn't care. I don't care. Bullshit. Not paying. He's like, I have all the money I need. That, like, I'm like, just take this?

1:36:37 I'm not funding shit. Yeah. I would rather have less money and not think about you doing that than to make money from you doing that. He was like I've built like a this oh, yeah the mountain in the mountains. Yeah was like, I've built this city. Oh, yeah. The mountain. Your whole family can go and enjoy it. Santa Barbara? I still do. I'm still, by the way, I'm looking at land yesterday. Santa Barbara?

1:38:37 your means. Stop with the mortgage. You've been looking at that too? And they have certain kinds of doorknobs. And they figure out how to get in your fucking house. It's like Tommy Burt. Now you have a second house. It's the shit. Real estate prices Like, what are you going to do? Yeah. Never showed up to a game fucking half sober and still is one.

1:40:56 Fuck yeah, they did. He was talking about ver-fucking-batem against Schumer. Anyway, Mickey Mantle didn't play against black guys. So you're saying that you're just the gunslinger here. No. But you've got to understand that you'll hold on to more water. Yeah. Think about 32 ounces. These are 16? Just two of these. It's from some movie that I saw. You're different?

1:43:34 It's my mentality. I used to love head love head kicking those guys happen though like what are you thinking after this is over you're gonna binge three six months So the only way to really do it would be like you would have to actually lose body weight. Next month it would be like 210, you know, 201. I know it's still overweight. too much mass and like 6-8 weeks ago I was like oh it feels weird Like I said, I've always done weightlifting, like I've been at my heaviest.

1:47:05 Yeah. And I thought about that. And I know some people are going to tell me like that's what you that's how that fucking works. He's gone the alcohol will. and then you take this stuff, You're back on track? Tell that company to hit me up. No. You're like at the door. Yes, you are. Like, you're right there, and you're already ready to fucking go run back into the woods. No.

1:48:58 Starve yourself. That's it. I'm curious to see what it would be like if my body had 2,000 calories a day. muscle. Yeah, but when you think about, I'm only going to take in 2,000 calories a day. Yeah, because you had a full rush of energy, sugar, everything from that. That was my bet, though. That's exactly what you did. That's true. So you might be able to lose even more.

1:51:38 even keeled and i am fucking all over the map yeah i'm kind of a combination of the both of you guys obsessed with things. You're like, that's why I can't fuck with drawing laurel stand by in support and you're shaving yeah tom's back i'm shaving his back and then And make it so your tit has defined hair and your underarm has defined hair, but they're not connected like a werewolf.

1:53:29 And all I see, it looks like his tits are wearing sunglasses. Yeah, I know. Wait, look at how serious Tom is. It's why people shave their cocks, because it makes their cock look bigger. That whole trip is probably, that's when me, Tom, and Push, and Leanne became friends. How'd you do that? I remember when I was working the night shift at a post production place,

1:55:44 really weird hours, like staying up till four a.m doing the graveyard shift and then going You hit the finish line and then you gorge and then the fucking party's over you seem to be like adjusting your life well i think cardio about six days a week. Now, if you get to a certain point, what do you do? Like, are you like 15 to 20 more pounds, which I think is...

1:58:05 remember I told you a long time ago that my weight loss program was to stop eating appetizers And then you put it in the oven and it's very, every slice is very low calories cause it's I think after a while, though, you... I have a waffle date tomorrow with my wife. He sent me Impulses get results, but they don't get the best results. They're like hey, what's Burt is like seems to be obsessed about this weight loss thing like we've got a TV show

2:00:27 house. gene. I could fight anybody. Everybody thinks they're different. You know? And one of those is that it decides, I know that's how you think. We were talking about that today, about the horror and the danger of daddies, If he's going to still see her as a princess, Actually. someone will. I ran into a chick one time that I think you'd had relations with.

2:03:10 Yeah. Cameron Haynes is about 180 plus, like lift and weights, all that jazz. So he just shrunk. Bigfoot, 78 fucking special, and a guy like him, he doesn't think he's He's talked about it, how he started off, like, doing, like, 10Ks, you know, and then, You know that I did a 10K on accident? It was a couple of years back and I got there, and most of my cousins and our stuff are pretty fit.

2:06:12 And I was like, this is going to be bad, right? you know, Yeah, yeah. movie like as a family group and i couldn't sit i was like i got i gotta i gotta get out of here And so this guy reaches out to me and he's like, hey, I got a brewery 5K. This will be great. god damn it man they're really taking this serious and we're like what's the first bar we line up and we notice that everyone's dressed in like hardcore sports gear and we're not and we're like god damn it man they're really taking

2:08:20 Drunk. So the brewery was just I mean, there's a lot of calories in beer, and there's also carbohydrates, you know, No, I absolutely don't think so. Yeah, I would imagine there's a lot of calories in that. Wait, tell us about Coke working out. Although most runners agree that beer after a run or on non-training days. I loved getting on the treadmill with a glass.

2:10:17 That's the other problem I have is I don't really feel sick after I drink. And I was like, dude, how are you not, you're okay? That's the other thing. I'm not people and everyone's like I could definitely have stopped drinking No, but I'm saying definitely three. So you drink I remember... So I drank New Year's Eve, didn't drink yesterday at the Rams game,

2:13:02 Like if I'm home, I like a good night's sleep. but I'll have one shot. I definitely don't How many podcasts do you do a week? You are different than me. Your level, honestly though, and he's right, it does seem off the charts. every fucking time. You are, look. And it gives me tools that I can use to ad lib and do it the other way as well. write in front of a fucking notebook too i have a hard time with that everybody does i do too

2:16:22 It's just creativity. Some of it's like new stuff that's doing really well. I just take this crazy chance to try. And then every mistake you make from that you apply to the next set and then six months down yeah that's that's where it's at but let's talk timeline with both of you guys, I want to give it another eight months and see how good it is. Want to do the Ice House if you're around?

2:18:43 Fuck. No I'm doing the Wilbur January 21st It's like having three comedy clubs stacked on top of each other. So tomorrow, 11 o'clock in the morning, we're going to find out, is it going to be the water Start it off. Yeah. I've always wanted to use their razors. I've got this stuff called Dr. Carver's Easy Shave Butter. You know what?