Joe Rogan Experience #895 — #WhoIsFat - Day 2 Transcript

Transcript

0:00 If you have Jamie, hashtag who is fat, hashtag who is fat. Get a smell off of that bitch. Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer made a which is fucking staggering. Totally, man. Jesus. So we tested the heights, okay? Get on here. 220. Fuck. away, ladies and gentlemen. We have a Coconut water, C2O coconut water must be consumed now. Today was the hardest workout I've ever had i ran eight

3:56 It's not going to look good. Weigh-ins, collard greens, pulled pork. You got that Mickey Mantle gene? But I just didn't acknowledge it. Good move. Oh, wow. I took a sip before bed. of distilled water? I was so prepared I thought I reserved spa time at Burke Williams in Sherman Oaks. You're not losing any fat over the next day. Or morning before, you know?

6:41 I knew what I weighed when I woke up yesterday, I would have had to gotten to 214 because you won both. There's no He's a fighter who gave me all this insight on how to prep for this. Fuck yeah, I can do this. I haven't had pizza in fucking forever. Oh, yeah. I mean, from waking up. pounds well I didn't even you probably could He's like, I thought you might want a glass of water.

9:48 You really get to the place, like today on the treadmill, I was literally chewing ice Yeah, people who are stranded at sea. and you're dying of thirst i remember that remember i survived that that series yeah man And then it just accelerates the friend's death, and the friend died. Well, it has the opposite effect. Come on, Tom. Yeah. So how do we shame Ari if he decides to welch out on this bet?

12:27 Ari, it. We measured it. We'll upload it later. He's just under six feet. You're still in a ruler tomorrow. Well, we did. We measured him. We already did. We filmed it. We measured it. I got to be honest with you. And that's what made me nervous. That's, I think, your body. Okay, here it goes. So 29.3 is overweight. all bullshit, right? Because I'm obese.

14:41 No. I watched a little bit of our podcast yesterday. You have more body mass, more muscle mass. Okay, here we go. Let him pay for it. I can't. Come on, Joe. Right here in good old America. Oh, my God. Never? we need you in Hawaii tomorrow. And they're like, but Hartford, they're expecting you. By the way, that's the one thing I should have listened to, Tom Segura.

18:00 They suck. I was such a company man. Pool player? Yeah, I know that guy. But the and then along the highway, it's a bunch It's so good. I feel sick, too. We got that type of vodka. No, but to me and you. Yeah, yeah. And I'm like, fuck. Fuck him. I trust myself on that. I played the audio. That because I'm really nice. Yeah, I'm really nice and I give people a chance and I get along with almost everybody

21:57 Maybe that I'm a little bit of an internal dick. of the three of us, I don't even know where that came from. He's got a wrist bandana. Fuck it. I got flip flops on. Whatever. Bert, can I lick your feet? Fuck it. You know, and that's why, I mean, you and I have had some conversations before where And I haven't talked to that guy since that conversation, too.

23:55 that's the worst right like this guy this guy was a piece of shit and the show was going great and Yeah. Cheers, gentlemen. Tommy, thank you. Sometimes talking shit makes you work harder. Love you, too, buddy. Because he is such a nice guy, and I know people are like, wait, didn't you just fat some particularly mean comments that I came across over the last 24 hours too I'm sure man

26:00 Because all these people have blocked accounts, and then they talk mad shit on other people's more people wanting to follow you. Bullshit. Then you get a lot of fake accounts where you go and they have no posts, Like, you have a baby. Is that what you said? Shut up. and they don't know what they're talking about? Look at this. I love when people write what like that.

29:07 one of my favorite internet names for what oh by the way i can't watch hunting shows anymore No, not her. That's my favorite one. and one of them is screaming at some kid to get her a lemonade. Is that real? Can you pull that up, Jamie? oh wow wow but that seems like she's winning there that's her laughing that's the that radio excuse me kind of loss because it's it's the only time where people openly mock you

32:18 Wasn't that her? Maybe her head's in a good place. And he also was fighting at a way different weight, right? against Dong Young Kim and against Roy McDonald, But they're different in size in that Conor can make 145. He doesn't want to go down to 145 again. You look way better, both of you do, than a lot of guys do when they weigh in. It was bad. There was like I was a meme right there

34:58 only thing occupying that space in my head it's the only only sport I follow. Right. That's, I think, the great flaw of being the all-sport commenter like these guys are. It's not just even something's going to get lazy. Sunday fight, and I incorrectly remembered it, and Eddie corrected me, and we watched Yeah. of setups and a bunch of different fighting. And so then when it comes to Muay Thai, I know a lot about Muay Thai, but I defer to guys like Mark De La Grata or Duke Rufus.

37:17 There's guys that are better at Muay Thai than him. now all of a sudden Fox was going to brand it with sports and that's what kind of sucks because I was like It's not just putting a ball through a hoop. I've seen it. And that's just what i think and then kicking the guy out She brought the guy on stage, but then she said, if you're not voting for Hillary, leave my show.

39:41 I'm just saying, like, Lena Dunham, I wish I had had an abortion. That's how I used to feel. And I understand what she's saying. I think these guys are scrubs. Such a dummy. Good job, Joe. you got from an exec we were talking about do you remember that yeah oh it was like we want guys We want guys that are accessible, not too good looking. Not that good looking, overweight.

42:20 Not that disciplined. That's right. They did that on Roseanne. They replaced one of the in Bewitched? Dick Sargent. There you go. Wasn't that traumatizing to you? We were in his car and Uncle Phil was in the car in front of him. And Will threw his car in park and then and they talked so fucking weird. I don't know. He's never even been to Russia. Have more coconut water.

45:24 I mean, like, more so than, I think, you know what it reminded me of? Then I was, like, fucking laser focused. I want to go for your pubic hair. You should be a shirt. Yeah. What a dick. Well, you did it differently than him. I could have tightened this bitch up. amounts of their body weight. There's nobody better than this guy named Gleason Tebow,

47:55 some big name guy to do it. of money. We got a bunch of them yesterday. a super talented guy. But that's a 129 actually because they gave him a pound But in a non-championship It could weigh very little, but that's enough. Oh, so you have a day to recoup. and they brought them down to 12 rounds. Like, I definitely felt stumbly on the treadmill. Definitely, for sure. Definitely, for sure. We don't know about that. Definitely for sure.

51:01 Oh, yeah. What's tin cup? Yeah, Tommy can I take a drag you gonna get another drag? Flying over the valley. I had a bit about it. I flew in an F-A-18 once with the Blue Angels. I had a bit about it I did in my act. I'm going to beat that guy. there's straps like you're all strapped in and you hold on to your straps or the pilot would hold on What's there?

53:52 They test where they would drop bombs, I guess. This is G-Force training, though. Just pictures of people come up and go, oh, cool, Bobby Lee. and I heard him doing it too. He's going pressure. That's giving me panic just watching it. Yeah, he's hooking right now. We're very vulnerable. Bang, somebody hits you. if you get in one of those goddamn jets and you fly at seven and a half g's you take

57:25 My dad was like, you're going to, you can get really hurt, but you're so confident. I mean, it's up to your waist. Like you're stepping and it's up to your waist. And you're like, holy Oh my God. It says Cajun. like I can snowboard avalanches or crevasses And I start cutting hardcore left. And so I go to push up and as I I'm guessing. And I'm trying to

1:00:12 gear everywhere. And when and that thing is when it's you know i mean like you go like oh i'm gonna parasail or something And I'm like, why? And like talking to you. to that i don't mind having a black car driving because i feel like he's got a chauffeur license They were like horrific English. He's a good dude, man. I think he got rid of it. His fucking jokes are funny, man.

1:02:51 I wish we had a phone line to patch him in. On the spectrum of friends, to have one of those... All right. It's been good podcasting. You're going to have to carry this. Nothing. And he had a very similar experience. And then it's very light packed snow. you know like because i think because i went snowboarding when you go snowboarding in switzerland

1:05:49 I go, one or two every year? They're like, I guess skiing's so fun, they just go fuck it. He's a really good skier. the fuck you're doing. Like, here's Aubrey flying down this hill. Yeah. And he's really good friends with that Bodie Miller guy who's that world champion. This guy had, at the time, maybe 10 surgeries on his knees. skiing before you know

1:08:19 I'm not taking any said that to me we went to uh windy gap it was like a youth camp uh with christian youth camp I was 18 getting ready to go to Florida State. I was 18. I was like, I did have a cool moment in the shower where I was grateful. Stop it from coming out. Why? Because you're not supposed to be talking about Jesus Right. into your back and it feels amazing.

1:10:53 Balls and dick. Oh, they're just getting into the gluteus maximus here. We had fucking ridiculous Yeah, yeah. Isn't that the origins of it? Whoa, that's not a real doctor. Fucking guy decided with a good job and she's busy working her way up the corporate ladder, doesn't have time to date assholes, but she wants to get finger banged. Yeah, she's like busy, busy, busy.

1:13:34 I know what you're talking about. So she plays like this really, you know, high power. I think guys that get paid to be able to bang chicks like that, but if it was the reverse and it was a male lawyer right with red hair oh yeah couldn't get sex yeah Yeah. into town. How many of those are there? I don't know if they were fucking girls, but I'm sure they were.

1:15:36 Yeah, followed around real ones. I thought about it last night. The South African band? Oh, they're both amazing. The guy in the far right is a rapper. This dude's covered in tattoos. He's half black, half white, the guy next to him. Oh, that's the guy I like. So the older gentleman, is he hoeing as well? You definitely should work for one of those police

1:17:46 Are you shitting me? Two years ago. I bet he is. I know, but it's just fun to call a guy a hoe. That's what those moments do. fucking like to say what they did with amy or what that you know like or what they did with dane is the people that feel like they have a free shot to go at, there's, there's enough of and make fun it's always always going to exist. Sure.

1:21:45 But he knows what he's doing, and he's a very, very smart guy. And he is. I was just reading an article amount of things. He's going to Obviously, he has the stand-up. He has I think he like he's that guy from that time Only met him once. That's the life lesson here. Tommy, stop me. I bought a pair of Jordans thinking I'd go play basketball. and he goes, give me them Jordans.

1:24:34 I thought it was just some black kid. he grabbed the bag and shook it Definitely punch somebody if they don't expect it. Fired up. Obviously, this person's an idiot. Aggressive. Sherman Oaks ish. And then I have like an exchange with somebody and then later I'll go back and be like uh hey i just want to tell you earlier when i got here i felt like i was um

1:27:08 I said to him, I got out and I go, I gotta be honest with you, man. I go, your job is to drive. I was going to tip him in the middle of like, And then we started going back and forth. And then I said, I was like, fuck you. I'm not giving this to you. And then in a weird way, I went hand he was like it's very disrespectful and then we started going back and forth and then I said I was like fuck you I'm not

1:28:09 How often have you been 30 minutes late and then maybe got an attitude because you were I ran here to no fucking avail. But how could he really apologize? He's like, I don't know. Are you ready for the difference of what you look like? Is that the way you're supposed to say it? Look at the difference between you and them. Yes, I am. So much bigger.

1:30:39 Take it off. You only lost 15 pounds. You want to see a good one? He's right. pole can't you go full screen no but yeah you definitely look oh my god look It's like a fun little experience to go through. What size are you there? That's a giant accomplishment. and you, you know, you do shows in their town. I want to be a part of it. Yeah, he wants to lose some weight. I thought that was really cool

1:33:30 That's what I did. The videos that we played yesterday. Ari responded on the end of his podcast he released today. He's one of my favorite people ever for one of them it was a sure thing If he's six feet tall, he's right on the border right now of obese or not obese. at rogan second third two days in a row they They got it. So I haven't even officially lost yet.

1:35:59 What, what? Burt Crusher how does that happen? I'm afraid. most loss of weight, but they in Zimbabwe or Zaire Human babies. But nobody cares So every text comes in new, they ask Who watches football? I can't be here for this. That's what I gotta do. Okay, anybody who wants to listen to the rest of it or all of it, Shut the fuck up! He's just good. and only do the things you want to do and don't let them suck you into nonsense.

1:40:04 But he—or even if he even considered having one or even a girlfriend yeah, that's a different thing. I mean, if he had a family, it would be a totally different thing. That's very accurate. I wanted to pitch a show so bad that where, you know, because Ari is disappearing right now. What does that mean, though? I think he's going to Micronesia or some shit.

1:41:34 Come on, take it. Yeah. On your podcast Got malaria three times though That have ever lived have died from malaria. Tommy, let's see Ari's? I'm not going to let you play it here, but I wrote a song about Tom, I might as well hit this. Yeah, pull that up, would you? This is esoteric. Do you know how sometimes when you work for a corporation and your paycheck is dependent

1:44:11 you almost feel your creativity again. contract for travel channel and i was i was And I was like, I'm going to write a song. this is my walk. This is my walk through the woods. And it was like, and I know that I don't That freedom, man. And Ari, of course. He's making rational choices regardless of how much money it'll cost him. He knows what he's doing. He knows what he's doing.

1:47:07 When you go to take someone home, you drop them off in front of their house, I said something like, oh, I texted him yesterday. Ari and I are like, that those moments in life are, like, crazy conversation. And I realized Ari and I are like, those moments in life are like so precious. Yeah. yes i will but like but like like i text bill hey man you know are we doing this thing on monday

1:48:37 Yeah, it's a weird requirement, right? You don't want to trim that beard yet? me on the cheek. She was just fucking mad dog me. And I go, I'll give me a kiss on the cheek. You've got to give us some time. Did you let them keep it? It's not welching if the guy lets you off the hook Really? You look like you weigh about 210. By the way, And that's a fucking Baltzka in my pocket.

1:50:57 Is that purple or is that like a bluish? No, no, no, no. Oh, oh, it's my book came out by the way by the way They brought the shit. Did a photo shoot No. I've never seen it. It's a great fucking movie. Bird is going deep. I was like, No. We produced Van Wilder. Big fan of your work. We want to do a sitcom. And they're like, do you know, they have my book in front of me and they go, do you know who we are? And I was like, no.

1:53:11 have you ever seen it? and watch it live with you. Is it? He's reasonable in his approach Did you feel the same way? You're going to do great. he's so successful is he didn't give a fuck. Like the best stuff I think that we've done is stuff that we've done online where you just What's high and tight? Don't you get them from people that go, Hmm. I'm walking through Walmart

1:56:26 I go, you're a doctor? You're a doctor. I just want to see. Really? You know, when we do even the Bert stuff, we do it to make you laugh. or is affected by something. So Tom goes up. And Tom does this, like, snidely, witlash, like, giggle, like, and he goes, he's brown, he's brown, they're thinking about killing it. Oh, yes. It was the rundown of how we had fucked up.

1:59:49 Yeah, he was super cool about it. He's the best. Doing meth. Yeah. And no one- Don't do that. It's me, Tommy and Push, Leanne I don't know, what's her name? What's her name? I've never been attracted to any woman. And then the next day, we went on the cruise to Pearl Harbor. gonna go under and we're in an open boat like on the tour it's a boat yeah it's

2:02:37 By the way, the best group of people to witness that statement with is Russell Peters, who has his arm around her. Look at the window. No. Dude, first of all, as soon as they closed the door, everything- What was it for? no it was just a submarine oh wow holy shit but getting in there is very claustrophobic same i'd What? You'd be freaking out all the time.

2:05:31 Oh that would happen. Oh how quickly do people? Because it used to work. treated equally. Otherwise, if there's any I saw that. And then my buddy Chris Gillen goes, oh, back in the 30s, the 20s, the owner of the Cubs owned this island. Oh, that's fucking hilarious. I feel personally I can't enter a bet. That's the moment. You're putting it in our hands?

2:08:30 In your book. It feels like a change of the way he feels about it all together. Dude, please. A while ago. No, no, no, no. We talked about that. That would almost be worse than shaving it all off. tickets with carter carter carter yeah you know what i'm talking about carter carter no carter And I won. and his dad starts going you look like Simple Jack

2:11:02 the bet isn't it looks good the bet is I'm the prince. Mom, the guy who's doing the tiles is here! Here's my comedy beard That's It's one of... Can we do like Puerto Rican guy beard Oh, look at this guy. I can't talk. I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe. Who is that? Yeah, I did it. Sean Evans is the guy that does it. And they were like, really?

2:14:44 Joey Diaz is coming up soon. Dude. It's one of those things where we always made plans to go there, but we didn't go, and then And I had tried like a 7, and it was insane how hot it was. And they would give you these little scoops like a, like a, But imagine people talking to you during that and you having to answer questions. Why don't you do it? Definitely not want to fucking shit my pants.

2:16:44 Oh, something weird. No, no. Go hunting. Go hunting. I've always wanted to kill something. For real? Yeah.'s what I'm saying. Colorado. And we'll get a cabin for a weekend. Go hunting. Oh, something weird. I'll cry more than the time traveler's wife, but... That was the first one I ever killed. I know, but regardless, I heard that as a newbie. The most giant of giant deer, their antlers fall off every year.

2:17:50 And they grow that stuff in their head just so that they can fight to the death over pussy. My friend cam stumbled across one this year and another friend of mine stumbled across one last year in California They've been killed by another one. They just stab each other in the body and like puncture each other's lungs and shit So what's the benefit of like when people go, I got a 10-point deer.

2:18:53 Yeah, let's go hunting, Tom. if you let the younger bucks start breeding now as well. It's intense. That's what you want to try? We have to have another contest. I would agree with you. more than anybody. I could do whatever. Yeah. Do you think he's not going to make you take him on a trip? Oh, so you want to take it to another place. You're right.

2:21:28 We're too comfortable with the lack of competition, aren't we? There it is. Talk to old no teeth, no fucking access. like he just caught a rat in his hands at eight o'clock i was like he's not making it yeah like And halfway through, she goes – I had to edit it out. Wow. Oh, that's fantastic. Three waters. I know. No. This could be a show that's a contest between you two every month.

2:24:38 And not that you've ever had bad relationships with any of those people, but you won't be able to smoke pot. People know you from the Travel Channel, and they love you from stand-up, but until you see you, you, you, you, you. Travis Hill is great, but you're better at stand-up and you're better at podcasting you're better at like being you and it was like one of those things where you go oh yeah maybe i am a

2:25:54 Occasionally we traveled. It's true. I'm going 18 weeks straight on the road. I have never named a tour. that someone named one was Jen Kirkman. I've never seen a person name a tour everyone was talking about I think he's doing that there's people that catch genius in a bottle, man. You're right. It was kind of open. did that special, whatever that special was, and I watched parts of it, I don't even know if I had,

2:29:22 It might be it. Him and Cat Williams. I don't know him. I don't know him. Yeah, but you know what, man? if I see him at the store or something like that. You don't text to time down. Come on. And I was like doing like shit you're embarrassed about That's hilarious. Not anymore. Yeah. It was some fight in Vegas. That got like fucking something like 249,000 likes.

2:32:28 Hmm. Yeah. watches some boxing matches. That's a podcast. Comes and hangs out. And then we'll just add nights if he feels like staying. You think he says that? For anything. Unreal, man. Doesn't want to do interviews. Hang out with him. Untethered meaning, yeah, not controlled, yeah. that's one way to do it. And I go, No one knew any of his jokes. He goes, no.

2:36:17 Like, I had gone. The guy was a dick. You were shirtless for seven years in a row. Literally, the guy was like, okay, here's how it goes. You know, in a very Tosh way. Like Magic Johnson AIDS, where he starts opening movie theaters. and I was like, He's a good guy too. Never has been either. Him and Judd Apatow bumped me. 215 what time do we start this pitch.30? Yeah, do we get it?

2:39:16 No, hold on. Put a nice line. No! That's what I'm going for. Oh! I gotta put this on my phone, too, because I don't want to show my daughter. Okay. I know but I don't want you to have to focus on me, on you holding it. Give me that fucking thing. Oh, you got your passwords, son. Find your phone and challenge the internet. Orchard or landscape and which one is which?

2:41:52 Okay. And he lost a collective, like, six pounds more than me. I will not look better, Joe. Here we go. What I do is I went to a black barbershop and I taught them how to cut my beard. I'm not laughing. going so high that's really high that's not even jawline tommy why have you decided to- Why are you going so high? That's really high. That's not even jawline.

2:44:00 Your phone is exploding with text Oh, my God. Oh my god, I can't breathe Yeah. You're in labor. ...offer to sculpt a fan's beard. That could be a show. What was that move? This might be the greatest time I've ever had On a podcast In what could best be Either that Or Or someone who would lie about being Puerto Rican. Oh, for real? I feel like you might really be happy with this. You're getting really grossy.

2:48:24 Let me see. I'm not bullshitting. You look good? I'm not bullshitting at all. I kind of want to be surprised. Let me see. Oh, my God. You get an earring on each ear, a big hoop like a pirate. Definitely, definitely two fucking giant hula hoop earrings. Fuck yeah. What can you fix? Oh, the rash. Rashes, in fact, are bacterial infections on the surface of your skin.

2:50:09 If you want to make him keep it for a while. What? You look like a top notch bowler from Wisconsin Oh this guy would be covered in a beard Nothing like that could loosen up his shit. You're here? keep going healthy style, you know, I mean, we've got to figure out a way to get you guys man image. Exactly. No, it looks good. just not enough to win a competition,

2:53:37 Like most of this was healthy for you, Tom. You know, I mean, you got to feel lighter and better, right? be um it could be anything man that that's no. What could it be? What could it be? we could just do. your body. Yeah. It's always chaos. And I think it should be something crazy. Well, here we are Let's do it. Like what would be a fun thing to do, but also a difficult thing to do?

2:56:26 Yeah. Oh, really? Was that a sentence? If you guys wanted to do some crazy from the monkey bars and climb on the pole and all that jazz and climb up the net, the rope net, race each other doing something like that and make a big deal out of that. But the problem is, like, do you really think you could even complete that? That you'll be able to get halfway through and fall down?

2:58:11 Oh, definitely more than half. of Fear Factor. The Ironman will come in and sponsor us. Go to the Ironman? Fuck no, dude. It's like teams relay races, but they could probably do it. of impulse and discipline. You don't make the tip of the spear Where we both have teams of losers like us. your body had more energy to it thanks man i definitely do i mean it's you know it's a lot

3:01:25 can never be discussed because it hurts people's feelings, Give yourself reward days, but don't let it control your goddamn life and don't wrap it That's encouragement. It's an uncomfortable thing. I know. family man, a great fucking podcaster, a great fucking comedian. it correctly. I am the highest functioning party guy, probably. That is hardcore, man.

3:04:21 Yeah. the same human being. I'd be like, shit. You turned the battleship How much have you put on since we started You have a drink in your hand though How dare you? It's bizarre when you, I want to see what you are. That's insane. If you had to go on a foot race right now, do you think you'd be okay? What I'm asking is how much have you recovered from the way you felt when you came in to weigh in?

3:07:10 Like, if you weren't, like, you feel like physically you feel bad? Like a month ago. It's Stevia flavored soda, but it's got zero sugar in it. Well, you are the water champ, though. How many ounces are in those cans of C2O coconut water? Hey, coconut, you're allowed to steal that and put that in an ad. I mean, they're really yummy, but they do have a lot of sugar in them.

3:08:53 The best. That's a different one, but yeah. Because it was just getting more and more janky looking up there. It's way easier. But I do look, I feel like I work at Deadwood, but on the south side. Looks good. Go get a real shave. over or do you feel physically drained today i'm really tired man right and i'm but we also I guess it's dead. Why don't you guys have a jiu-jitsu match?

3:11:56 Okay. Is there a second place? I don't know. The loser gets to go on the trip in this case. John Travolta was in Gat shorting. He was uh, yeah, he was right. He was a bookie what year is that 90 what what? Was it 95? and he flies out to get his money from him, That's the guy He died recently We should do a fight companion when we watch it. Let's do it. I, let's fucking do that for real. I haven't seen this movie in forever. Let's do it

3:15:11 That seems crazy to me. No, but I think Ryan Reynolds is into it. I like how you made the assumption that he'd be Some writer. And there was never an issue because it wasn't really you. So then I got discovered by Will Smith and they thought that was going to be the one. But at the same time, my best friend in college, It's a little sidebar to your life.

3:17:20 You did one yesterday. This fucking podcast is eight hours old. Yeah, top of the hour. This is slow, steady marathon versus sprint while you're drunk. I love it because you guys are so opposite ends of this spectrum. He said multiple people. I like, I'm being dead serious when I say this. That's what I like. He's definitely in this rare group of people that I seek out to watch do stand-up.

3:19:44 Yeah, man. Where we're at right That's the store. Yeah, man. Santino. There's a bunch of people coming up that are really fucking funny. and then go, oh, what would they Never had Jeff Tate on. I said to him, I was like, hey, you should do Oh, Carlos Valencia, you know him? they've experienced the whole internet boom during their adolescence. or a Dice cassette.

3:22:12 when I used to open for Bert and, like, really early on see how hard he would kill. but I'd be like... It's a real bad bomb, too. Well, it was... Right. And, I mean, not only did I get a laugh, and I'm telling you, it's a full house. it would flatten I thought you were Yeah. that. He goes, just open on a different joke. And then I go to the manager who's behind a curtain in the kitchen.

3:25:49 Yeah. They used to sell out the place to a church and then you didn't know I know they do. Oh, they can do pills. Never? But you're so even keeled. I've never overdosed. Oh, my God. Wow. You've told this before, though, right? So they gave me... what's going on that see if you can help them know what's in your system. you write out I'm left-handed the seems like it would be way quicker. They found out the toxicology report.

3:29:30 And he goes, honestly, because you're a pretty big boy. Yeah, of course. Bert, you love jumping up and down. The best is when he is. That's. You do. You love the, we're doing it. We're fucking doing it. Woo! You want to drink? Yeah, no, I am no, that's not who I am somebody's never got you're on board You get Jack Smith. Maybe it's not fair since Eddie knows both of you.

3:31:20 I'll just take some Brazilian. I can figure it out. 10, 12? No, buddy. I don't know do you think it would be, like, a five-minute match? Ten, twelve? I don't think there's no need to, there's not no need to come up with a definite contest right now. Oh, no. You really did. I was like, hey, your dad has too. With the face? Agree to disagree? They're going to be fine with it.

3:33:45 I'm good. I don't have to leave either, Tommy. We just made a decision. Yeah. We're going to go. It's a waffle date? I don't have the time. There's no time. No time. We just made a decision. You're just jumping all into something. You're just making I was at Rod Stewart's They took the caviar away from you because you were eating too much? I was eating so much because I'd't take it away. Bottle number five. They took the caviar away from you? You were eating too much?

3:35:01 So you were going at it so hard they decided Like just dip it in. It was like literally a three-foot plate. Oh, for real? It's just some party shit. He gave you two slices and made a sandwich. Out of gold and silver? We should do it. because I ice skated yesterday I don't know if you guys How do you judge it You should have him on the podcast. No, I mean, I never even saw him,

3:37:58 pool no I Can you play it real quick? This is insane. The water champ is just breaking into his sixth bottle of water. Come on, man. What? Yeah, it's a pool no it's a pool 100% it's a pool. This is a pool? 100% it's a pool. Oh, my God. Yeah, and there's sides on it. It's not really. And this is, you said Malaysia? My pleasure, man. it was really a fun time.

3:41:04 water at this point. Thanks, man. Instead of coming up with reasons why you can't do it, try to figure out a way that you can. people do that i love seeing people get their shit together i think it's it's been a blast i'm glad you got involved because i think it stepped it up to the next You don't want to go to Brazil. I barely finished his vodka. John Jock is the best.

3:42:56 and Tom Segura. I'm in Kansas City, Oxnard, and then a big theater tour. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Levity Live. You go to their websites for further details.