Joe Rogan Experience #899 — Bryan Callen Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Yeah, gotta start getting, start digging deep. at the office and you're supposed to put like a dollar in there on rainy days, some people tend to not do it. Why do girls are always like, it's funny. happens with my wife now like i get a little horny because like i'm the man oh you're And I'm taking my girl on a little weekend in Santa Barbara. And she goes, you're going to ruin me for other men.

2:29 That have been essentially boxing people Sorry for being a provider. terrible magazine and Maybe a cigarette out of her mouth. turn into the biggest fucking liberal in the world i'd be like you are 100 right and i'll do whatever if it's a black guy there she is What am I supposed to do with that information? But, you know, she was so... Right, she's profiting off of a fortunate roll of the dice

5:18 Most of the time, you can't even look at her. things like that and he's kind of gross and clumsy yeah we think of it as like a dude being gross and But that's never been any different, right? I'm into being a feminist. I blame the weed. so they continue to do good things. Truman said something like, I read a quote. that people help people out. But they just don't have a position.

8:55 I think so. couple of times. People reacting like, would you have brought up the fact that she was fainting She was fucked up for six What is she doing now? well what's it like to be an attention whore and have sex you know for money and something like I don't know. Wow. groups but they don't really there's not a whole lot of cross-pollination for really but then again

11:48 Like, I'm just telling you, like, the reality on the ground My wife's mom is a nurse, and she used to work with pharmaceutical companies. They use influence. They become friends with these nurses they buy them nice dinners they take them out for drinks they Absolutely. what our school programs are, take a look at what their nutritional guidelines are and take a look

14:24 He's a scientist. He's a vegan. food and board nutrition. And he's a scientist. He's a vegan, so I don't really agree with him. I mean, he does an amazing job, though, in that book of making the argument for being healthier as a vegan. Well, it was a lot of parts of a lot of the ways people were managing their nutrition. Please consider the information presented here.

16:31 that manifest themselves in children with meat and dairy. a very happy girl. Oh, it's a girl. Okay. Twice as much as the average American Yeah. There's plenty of that out there. Yes. And he said, they said, have you ever – look, what about vegan diets? And then there's other vegan strongmen. that there's some initial positive benefits from changing your diet to a nutrient-rich, rich, nutrient-dense diet,

20:49 look it's all life Will you eat a Venus flytrap or do you draw the line? you can almost eat anything in the ocean with scales and fins, like whatever it is. I don't believe. And man, did that thing, I was like, don't touch anything. And I'm like, what is he doing? Which, good luck. Try not to go into shock, by the way. and if you're walking around in like a

23:21 I don't know if that's a rockfish, but it's not. Look at that thing. Here's the weird thing, man. Yeah. and you give him a signal for when you want that to happen. And I think evolution probably was the same way. Everybody like, woo. And all of us would be sitting there. Yay. And one in 1,000 turtles are going to live. Hey, man. You need 10 nests and then one survives.

26:28 And there's signs saying, don't disturb them. But then if you take yourself out of that context of familiarity and you just get a look at what that life form is, like, that thing is a shield on its back. and then it comes up but the kind of dolphins, and they'll swim with you I said, what do you mean? They're right there. And he said, What the fuck was he doing behind you?

27:58 I just wanted to come clean for a second. No, but I'd like to, and I'd like you to bring that up, Jamie. Anything. See, you didn't find one? They're incredible. smashing this turtle that's a waiting game yeah this he's not strong enough to Nah. Yeah, look at it. Like, you see his eyeballs? Right that spot right there, that's where you want to shoot.

30:16 thing's ass, and pulled whatever This is the one where it crushes the shells. Look at it. The turtle's making that noise because it's killing it? Look at it just keeps crushing. I don't want to hear sounds of turtles being tortured, but look at this thing. A dinosaur. It's interesting. I mean, that thing It's not here for any of that. Yeah. There's a fundamental difference, you know, the human beings who was thinking about how

33:11 human beings have this need to be immortal, right? drops their jaw in awe that stuff is that's what i think is fascinating like i was i was i'm writing So you kind of feel really sad, really happy. But it just seems like the only things that have that capacity are humans That Tilikum, is that how you say his name? Yeah, that whale from Blackfish is dead now.

35:32 And that thing bred in the wild. enslaving What's funny is I didn't know anything. it's in Canada, to expose all of these violations and he developed this really close bond with this walrus that he was training in. Fuck that place. It's insane. not if you don't have any of those things you're a fucking barbarian right you're you're you're not They don't pick things up.

38:52 Who knows? Right. like it right right and so uh but but I think we could do without. Oh, well, yeah. Their stock was not, it didn't take a hit. Really? Wow. No. Yeah. meeting ground where they meet these orcas and they get them to do things for fish they get them Even great whites, right? $90,000 fake hand whoa yeah and he squeezed it he was at australian navy seal and he feels good

43:16 Why is it different in my mind it is I have weird shit about my body And then he had to close it off That makes sense to be when are we just going to be like a spinal cord hooked up to all this stuff? That's true. And I'm like, what about things I can fuck? I'm looking to come in a drone. or a gel pussy and bang it in the bathroom he's working on sexual robots, but like he said,

46:19 Something's weird here. That would be too weird. We're talking about fucking robots. Like, when you talk like this, it's scary. she likes strawberries and what was the other thing? Yeah, there's like certain signals that gay guys will just throw up. Yeah, and the average gay penis is a half inch longer than the average straight penis. I'm not a fake scientist.

48:33 Right? This is kind of dicey situation and territory because we don't know all the facts. same sex and be gay? Well, because some people think that you can learn gay behavior, which is why some people But you're not an easily influenced guy in that regard. Sorry, he's not here to defend himself. Yeah. Because why is that any better than being, or worse rather, than being indoctrinated

51:17 A feeling, if I'm really honest with myself. And I thought to myself, if this guy's gay, and he really wanted to be my friend, and I didn't say that. I like really shoehorning that bad boy in there. I'll get some from around your mouth. Women are shooting their lips up again. Right. I don't like them. You've got lip and then there's like, you've got an Oreo lip.

53:33 I think to myself what that would feel like. They like big lips. what, what the connection is to their senses. You know, the more, probably the biggest one, I've dated. Like, I met you when we were on the set of Mad TV, and within like 20 minutes, we're Uh-huh. and you're like yeah Mike's a good guy And the fingers of the hand fit into the fingers of the other hand and everything's great.

56:07 How are you not in my rhythm? That's right. achieving peak fitness or running a thousand miles in an hour. Whatever the fuck it is, all of those things are working together collectively in the entire super organism of the human race. that comes out of a fucking grasshopper of what it's like to be someone else. The mom and dad are there cooking food and you can see it.

58:53 There you go. Hold on. right? The Middle East, I see somebody who's making me tea and bringing me into their house and giving me Arabs is I see a smiling face and a welcoming mat. I see somebody who's making me You know what the problem with all this is? six years? I mean, you have many generations that are going to remember Grandpa getting blown up when he was in a wedding party

1:01:36 What's it, Dan Carlin talks about how there's such fresh memories. You know, we dropped two nuclear bombs on their little tiny ass country. Of course. There's this idea that all the Trump supporters are these fanatics and they're anti this and that. Well, there's definitely a lot of people like that. But for a lot of people, people are really fucking simple.

1:04:11 That may be the collective dialogue. prejudices against cultures or religions or anything are very difficult to do because once So, you know, when I hear of a bomb going off or a guy driving a truck and running over 80 people in France, that some Muslim guy drove a truck over all these people. You're not there. Right. Right. And there's Like people have this idea of gun owners.

1:06:11 But you know how many people own guns? Like almost every day of your life you go through town and you don't hear a single gunshot. Gun owners a lot of times— But hold on. that they're always... I'm not equating those two, but I'm just It's going to sound crazy. It's something I prepare for. He's got pinch points in his house. The hot gates, Thermopylae.

1:08:25 If they have to make their way out into the field. Probably. I'm never gonna stop But you did stop once I'm acting like you dated my sister What kind of life do you have now? I know, man. By the way, a monster. What's the club in Edmonton? River Creek. I call him the monster. Whoa. Whoa. Yeah, it was pretty interesting. with all these soldiers when there was

1:11:23 full beard got no beard. I go, Joe Rogan has the best body in comedy. we call it mixed mental arts is better it's a bold ambitious project Like, I've had conversations with people about something, and I'll explain something to them. That's it. And that's one thing that people love to do with information. Exactly. really discussing what you're saying.

1:13:53 Yes. dogma. We're not saying you should go out and be an animal eater. This is the actual problem with not getting enough of this vitamin, that data. We all do, right? I'm defending my dad. And then I'll drop books like FAA hikes this road to surf them and all the things I've read and all I want to do feel better, Brian? are driving your thinking. Maybe there is a good argument.

1:17:08 So I like the idea. Department of Fish and Game. Because they've brought animals back from the brink of extinction to gigantic populations. It means they didn't have refrigerators back then, buddy. It was harder to shoot antelope and kill them off in this country, there was a host of factors, a bunch of different pressures on these animals. They've transplanted elk down to Kentucky and everywhere else.

1:19:37 But mule deer, they don't live off crops. but they only freezer full of them. I need some, for real. I got a freezer full. I've been hunting three times, motherfucker. I started thinking I did something wrong. Had a great time. You don't want to go hunting. so well read and he's so smart and he so articulate and reasoned like when he makes discussions and has debates with people about it his

1:22:09 And you won't have me over to shoot it. I'm not getting a new one. Yes. Yeah. There's like three or four really good bow manufacturers, but it's generally... on who you ask. I'm a Hoyt guy. And Cameron Haynes says the same thing. So I will shoot, like if I need meat and I'm running low on meat, I'll hunt an animal with a rifle. You want it on this side of the lifeline.

1:24:50 How bent is your- It hurts so badly. If you're shooting correctly, you'll be in a position where the big toe of your foot lines up with the ball of your rear foot. percentage of weight is in the front of the arrow it's like see what i love about that is when you Some people go down that rabbit hole, and they go, fuck this rabbit hole, And that's the same thing with recurve bows.

1:27:10 It's like, if you hunt an animal with a recurve, like I've watched hunting shows where people Like, 99% of the animals, like, they don't even know what happened, and then they're dead. years later, if you're actually sparring and moving around with people, you'll start developing Yeah, there's a lot of strategy. i think what i really get off on sometimes is the discovery is the is the learning maybe how

1:29:20 Now that one new thing is unearthed. You know, I was talking about patterns. I can't remember who's fighting him, all kinds of guys in there. And I watched him just do whatever he wanted starting on his back. It's just that you have learned how to chunk large portions of information the same thing and the difference between your practicing beginner mind and your mastery mind

1:31:52 like a master chess player, for instance, Whatever happened to Taylor Swift? so he was, Right. Right. When you're a world champion like that, It drives me fucking crazy, One of my favorite people on the planet. and movement. Yeah, man. Do you think you'll ever get to jujitsu again? going to get hurt with and I miss it good and you can roll with top-level guys.

1:34:40 You're still going to take a couple shots. It's nerve wracking. And Hearns' fight with Duran. sure did he was like one of the first guys to flatline yeah a guy like Roberto With all that torque behind the punches. I watched he went up to 54. That was because Roberto Duran had beaten Davey Moore. And I think he went up to 54 That was Because Roberto Duran Had beaten Davey Moore

1:36:52 Was my favorite fighter Literally a different Yeah, he needs to stay the fuck away from microphones too. I still to this day maintain that Hagler should have won that fight with Sugar Ray Leonard. We'll never know. See, the thing is, did you see proceeded to break Kel's Canelo's a murderous one-punch knockout artist. Jab low, and it didn't work like eight times.

1:39:08 But he also makes you pay for things you throw. It burns. Feel the burn. But I started at Box and Burn. behave that way. Lifts weights and have a hard time breathing. In a gym if you just have boxing Workout and then just get high. For reps. I like that very much. I sweat a lot, bro. in front of those guys at 145. No? That's a lot of weight. Yeah. You work out with 450 pounds?

1:42:32 Those ones you stand inside, those hexagon bars, you grab the sides. and now I do four plates and a little bit more. I never do 10. I do five. So like if I get to, like if I'm doing something heavy, So instead of doing one day where you blow your whole fucking system out and you do, we blow your body out, right? Have one workout every day and you don't blow your body and you'll

1:45:06 and stronger. Yeah, so that's mostly I joke around, I'll wrestle with you, man. I was a And I was like, that's not going to work with Matt stronger than me. And then know this, that there's guys out there that would ragdoll him. I said to Brendan we were about to do a live show, And he's like, hee, hee, hee, and he's jumping around. fighting and I get in you and he goes like that and I'm in here and he goes, what if I do this?

1:47:19 The way you would do when a girl sees a rock star, she goes, like the stereotypical, like in the movies in the 50s. The point is, I know what it's like to wrestle with a gorilla. back around. Now you get it. If it got ugly, if Rose McGowan tried to kick your ass, if you were on a beach and you were That's a very good question. Yeah. And she would just

1:49:15 Yeah, Russian mobster. Then she'd be your girlfriend. Yeah. And then the girls are just a little bit cold in their tent. If we don't eat them, the fish will anyway. Mine. keeps you sexually competitive. chicks. And while you're saying that, a coconut falls off your head Yeah, but she's an actress. They are emotionally, I guess, remote. Like when you see girls partying, but you don't see the guys behind them.

1:51:55 Of course they're real. a really fast, fancy car. Yeah. What are you going to do? No, no, no, no, because hitting the gas and heading straight for the rocks has been done When you see girls like this on Instagram. Yeah. so when when men go after young women there's one side of it which is you just young women are It's a way of telling yourself you're still alive, that you still have vitality

1:55:18 It's going down and it's growing now and it's starting to cut off the supply to your blood. still got $7 billion to burn through. Every day. Steak in the afternoon. Just a giant one. Your dick is like a fucking hammer. It's not going to happen to me. So those girls all have that. and then your heart attacks What's in the will? They won't eat me. I think so.

1:58:07 You know how sharks fly through the air? I would imagine. God what a bitch that must be It's a huge shark, too. that that might have been the animal that was in there. What a freaky fucking animal. It looks like a stone. That's insane. Yeah, uncontacted tribe. were the ones that sired the most children. And when they came back in the 70s and told the

2:00:33 They rejected that notion? Yeah. indigenous? Could you say Indian because of indigenous? These groups change location every four years or so. Thatch hut. knife. That's pictures from the air, dude. These people are living like people lived thousands of years ago. Machete? I got a machete. No, they eat a lot of fish for Murrells was the large barrage of arrows that tribes They live in the woods. Look at this. Equally impressive for Murrells was

2:03:20 Leave us in peace? That's not... Yeah, man. How many people are that? that they didn't know but if you live with them, You know, Look at their little hut, and then look at where they are, man. That's fucking- they planted all this corn, they knew where the food was, there's plenty. This is where you live forever. You ethnocentric motherfucker. She smokes incense.

2:06:10 For real. And they probably had to use- But the hair appears like he's got a razor. Cultures and other people and so they stayed that way well. That's the argument They've developed shelter, which is totally unnecessary for a dolphin or a killer whale. Sure there are. Yeah, you're right. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Usually it's sucking for about two years, two, three years,

2:09:03 Yeah. They never sucked anything. They must ingest the semen of their elders daily from the age of seven until they turn because in the book, A Billion Wicked Thoughts, I think That guy's cock from a guy If you're seven Scroll up so I can see that. That's a hell of a fro. They're eating roots and shitty food, and they're getting infections. It gets infected.

2:10:53 because they just get because you're getting It's almost like child molestation built into the operating system of their culture. Like throughout history, I mean, like literally from the beginning of time, people have been molesting young boys. Like whenever you consider Socrates, one of the things you have to consider is Socrates was a pedophile. boys, let's go back and drink some wine,

2:12:18 to have to let go of it anyway. Have I taught you nothing? and he had an opportunity. They didn't want to kill him. The Greek government said, get, you There's the apology and everybody should read it. Have you ever contemplated what it would be like? If you listen to Lenny Bruce today, it's hard to listen to Lenny Bruce today because you already know a lot of the things he's saying and it's not really so groundbreaking anymore.

2:15:42 But I'm just saying in the context of the civilization that existed at the time, what kind of a weird world would that be? So in other words, if you really get down to brass tacks at the end of the day, you're left with yourself. and though they didn't have the technological advantages we did, Well, first of all, the greater human knowledge is far vast.

2:18:42 our honest understanding of the day-to-day which you can get at the teaching company. which means they chained them up and marched them about what it sounded And what was really going on is you were waiting in your house, and they came through the walls. for generations, seven generations, wiped away, all killed. So your entire mythology, Joseph Campbell talks about that,

2:22:19 You just went through three entire different cultures. reflection that we look back at Socrates or we look back on the people that were on the Yeah, in any of these places. So let's jump ahead to 100 years or whatever. I'm going to be the fat guy with the white belly on the yacht. Try to get better at my management of life. If my body works, I'd like to keep doing jujitsu.

2:24:56 Yeah, I'm doing it three times a week now. Like, and so defining life at managing life as in knowing where to place your energy, Yeah. out and they were in a frown. I think we all are aware of that, though, right? I mean, we all know people who are always ramped up and they're always having bad things Right? Those are the ones that are interesting.

2:28:26 with your family and having a wonderful time. Everybody lives in a bubble, you cunt. What? Everybody's in a fucking bubble. in my my stuff but I find I I have to really guard against um unhelpful thinking you should I can't know about everything. Maybe one day I'll change my mind. do you have? How much time do you have? feet and you don't have I don't doubt that.

2:31:05 And I fell for it. talk about it as a rumor. But they printed it. We do. video of it. That I wouldn't be surprised. And by the way, I don't care. Me neither. So that's how he gets his rocks off. I like the new name. He was wonderful. I love it. Beautiful.