Joe Rogan Experience #902 — Live Underground from The Comedy Store Transcript

Transcript

0:00 the joe rogan experience train by day joe rogan podcast by night all day The sound dampening stuff. after why not do a podcast have some fun i love it hi everybody what's up everybody happy thursday Aw, sweetie. of crazy so our producer joel gallen had the idea to go in there pull the stage a fucking apartment there. If you can afford it, of tired listen baby it's just across the street yeah you're there right here come on over okay

3:17 Oh, foosball. I didn't even take it. I can't. where Eddie Griffin in the room no no no no i think this might be bullshit but i think the new rule was what i had heard was that you can't point It's 2017. Prince, George Michael, David Bowie. Tough one. Wasn't that the detective show? Yeah. Do you think this now that you've been on TV a bunch of times,

7:09 Otherwise, it's hard to understand. There's almost too many things going on now, Jeff. they said that they were going to turn that into a television show i'm like that can't miss it can't so when is it uh it's 26 27 28 and 29 january four nights in a row and it has it already it's It's kind of great. I ran into you in New York five months ago, and you had shaved your eyebrows.

9:46 I thought eyebrows would be like a beard. Fuck yeah. Okay. You know, it was one of those crowds where if you did new shit that you were excited about they were with you And they sense there's a difference between the material. doesn't even believe it. I try not to be. The cortisol reaction that happens in a kid's brain and all the stress hormones that get released, it's like there's plenty of fucking bad shit going on in the world.

12:19 It's like a couple of pussies right now. maybe i should be a little harder just leave some videotapes of you doing jiu-jitsu on somebody. Yeah. they're allowed to practice techniques on me i allowed them like full blast leg kicks so especially I did know that. That's nice, though. It's great if you fight a midget it's a junior black belt. Easy, buddy. That's nice, though.

13:55 You learn a lot when you teach. eight years of anything at that age is pretty great what's tough is once they get the black I wasn't aware. That takes a while. And because of that, I think it's not as engaging as like jiu-jitsu do you finish them off oh yeah fuck yeah good man i was just i made a joke just snuggled? I guess I saw, This is part of the problem

16:48 wound up battling on Roast Battle? He's going to destroy me. at his golf course. Well, when you're a successful man, you don't have I wish I... They say that. Really? I don't know. It's over. Don't freak me out. And who the fuck is that good that you could time it? It's probably not good. At a certain age, when men have children, there's a high risk of autism.

19:51 that shows you how much he hurt her. he was talking like someone said She was talking about how sad she was Well, the kid's 10 and he's 70. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hmm. It kills the tumor first, and it brings you to the door of death, kimchi well probiotics is anytime you're taking in like healthy bacteria like uh whether it's in the form of yogurt acidophilus uh sauerkraut

22:54 tap water treated with like chlorine yeah but there's only so much they can do with that shit up your asshole into your body yeah and some people even swallow poop tablets wow yeah they It was some kind of a bacteria. Bacterias, right? Yeah. Do you have a light? head around it and i would be like okay this is normal trump is going to be president like

25:36 and all these weird people around him Have a seat, fella. Huge Trump supporter. Yeah, Santino. He's got a frequent fetus card. when he was in college. Yeah. Went to Yale, yeah. What are they doing? What do you think, I didn't see him for years. He was old. Carter's in Atlanta. Really interesting, man. Yeah. you know the agnostic route and say that all religion is evil and all that but it's like

30:06 It's like, yeah, there's a lot of fucking negatives to it. a war between the protestants and the catholics no it's the fucking brits yeah trying to colonize He has kids with him, and two dudes just... It's just crazy how tribal people are, and that's one of the things you're seeing with this election too whether you're a trump supporter or a hillary supporter or

32:10 going to be a disruptive thing and this system is not good it's not good to have the same fucking There's plenty of debate and influence, and it goes back and forth from side to side and all that keeps it relevant The Bernie chaos, the Bernie thing was crazy. You know what I mean? There's not enough people in the middle of it all. There's no one. There used to be like, if you watched

34:41 That's a really important point. Fox News was so clear on Trump's side, and CNN was so clear on Hillary's side and CNN was so clear on Hillary's side. on your phone that pulls from different Politico and Guardian are good for different angles. Yeah, Guardian's good. And he was talking about what Eisenhower had warned about, the military industrial complex.

37:26 The FBI doesn't give a fuck about politics they care about the fbi and if anybody crosses them the way trump already has yeah what am i immoral it was what am i stupid right it's unbelievable yeah and then you watch how he Well, I think that there's a protocol for who you go to first. The press corps is no longer traveling with him. do simple shit. But that's just part of their fucking gig. That's what they've always

39:52 and yell questions at them don't go in his room, And then the rest of the nine-hour plane flight is fucking miserable. but there was just a meme floating around on the And then you see fucking that He gets to invite his actual friends. His lawyer, his buddies And he was like a part Secessionist? Have you guys seen his brother? He's pretending to be his brother?

43:11 That was crazy. what do people need to see now? what do you need to know to divulge your income you do wasn't that a deal with howard that's why howard didn't eventually He has money in certain types of ways, but it's not his income taxes where you know what And apparently he hasn't given any money to it in like two or three years. Of the nonprofit.

45:11 He's going to change it. You really think so? maybe it's the next guy to figure out how to do it like that. Which is why he fucking won. And he predicted he was going to be president. So now it's like you said, Jeff, who fucking knows? No, then it's just there's no more terms no more terms no more terms that's it no then it's just there's no more voting you really think so i feel like it's going to get interesting i don't i

47:30 He's having a satellite White House in New York City. I am fucking freaking out right now. it to that one young singer that chick and she said um i'll i'll do it if i can sing um But she was just like, I'll come do it what's the country guy's name was saying are you singing is it hank williams tonight Is it Hank Williams Jr.? It was tonight. Oh, Leo Greenwood or whatever? No. No, bigger.

49:12 I think it was tonight, actually. They have that one song. That's a good song. Right? Are they going to sing that for him? Sorry, Don. Did the boss say anything about it? No, I think Bruce's fans were very vocal I bet you could find a comic that would do it in a heartbeat. Celebrities against their will. They're saying that they're supporting patriotism.

51:44 I swear to God. What does that even mean? I don't know what it is. If you have never seen this. I got your blue state right here, baby. I got your blue state right here. Oh, my God. Really recently? Yeah, it was a while ago. Every week, not just once. He doesn't have to go to the cast. we love it when we hate somebody He had the lowest favorability rating of any president in history.

55:12 Who are they asking? Well, what's interesting is they were right. He goes, that's a different race, though. He's right. He knows how to fucking do it. What is Trumpism? lower the fuck out of business tax he wants that to go to the low so he's saying zero government I like it. I mean, it's like any other time when I'm not happy about what's going on politically, I just put my head in the sand for a while and I go, I'll just check in in a few months.

58:16 of the bursting of the internet space Halfway. i remember flying with him once no fuck you go back you can't you can't just fly past that. Some of his best friends own tabloids. People can really get to him. look at like what he's what he's talking about here if there's any shred of truth to it that You might do something like that, attack yourself, so that you look vulnerable.

1:00:57 That's what he talked about with Kanye West when he was talking about Kanye. Who knows what he's going to do? Maybe. someone who lives a fairly simple life for a guy like that. No, that's it. You're right. You can't tell me it's not amusing. I think we all have Would you want to be on his enemies list? when you see him in new york you go all of a sudden you're like holy shit there's a tower there

1:04:09 It's different. That's a really hard thing to do. So I get it. one popular person that gets into place and run this entire thing. Look what you're talking about with the security. his companies Yeah. Is it possible? I mean. He will become. You become you're gonna bet against it i don't think so larger I read someone. How high are you? Like, he got past grab

1:08:38 decide while he's in power that he can't be in power people decide that there can't be a president he said, she goes, maybe Trump should win Do you think they'd be coming for her first? Well, it's bizarre too because he's actually like publicly in support of Putin. And if you meet somebody famous once or twice and they're nice to you. And that's how he gets going.

1:10:47 to make people realize that this is a ridiculous system. Well, maybe it is a good system because it's got that, And we will always say. I think it might be coming. No. Cyber warfare? Outside of a dictator, what would be the ideal way outside of a dictator what would be the Yeah, it's just a weekend thing. i was betting on the best horse but i thought it was the best it was

1:14:27 It seemed like it was just another thing to, that was going to happen, but gotta say i was shooting the night that Burr and Stan Hope and Burt Kreischer. Yeah, why not? Wow. We were just, it was just Burr killing. He went right in there. Bert's running around. Troy Conrad she's thankfully Doug Stanhope is a special human. the podcast as an open mic.

1:17:47 His podcast is awesome. He's fucking buying the town. What do you want to do? chunks of carpet um and they uh uh tie them down to your to their shoes so that they don't make any footprints. It's also pretty comfortable because it would be like running across the border on a carpeted area. You could get fucked. it's like it's a landmass. This is a part of the entire – this thing.

1:20:53 It's just so deep. stop something like that just well the hope was globalism would you know that with all of us It's like everyone should be the same, but most places you go around the world that are westernized quote-unquote that are globalized it's it looks like us yeah but i So what are you saying? or whatever the fuck they make. life is much better than it was before the factory got there you know before the factory got there

1:24:05 proposition like either the factory's there or they never get their shit together like no that's It's goddamn commie talk. You can't immigrate from Mexico. This is a hiccup along a gigantic trail that leads from us throwing shit at each other from a tree to us being able to transcend literal space and time, become a part of some artificially created dimension that they established.

1:25:35 like this guy's going to present a lot of challenges as like how much And the problem with it is, I'm reading this book right now about it, and the problem with it is that we can't keep up culturally, emotionally, legally with how fast information is traveling and how, like you said, it's become everybody has access to the same information, but it's also just the ramifications

1:27:02 I'm looking at this car. No. He's probably hydroplaning, and I said, this guy is just not keeping it together good. And when you wind up sideways on the highway, you're fucked. juice and I saw it and I changed lanes quick but not that far away from it. Like I barely missed mirror. I realize people are probably dying I've been banged around and spun around

1:30:23 months ago on fountain where a girl was fucking shit-faced. You know what I mean? I mean, we've all been I think about how many times I could have died. Tarrytown. A fish tail. And this fat fuck just got right out of the car. all this uh in memory of this person and then i looked up the story and it was two kids. any other three guys in the car walked away

1:33:41 well LA doesn't really have a lot of it at the intersection. Don't give a fuck. Sorry, dude. on your fucking podcast oh definitely not What? Be the Weasel. Well, I would have taken that. one of the most, I saw Yakov Smirnoff big taping tomorrow That's next week. It's a bracketed tournament. Oh, he is doing it. right? Yeah. And does he And roast battle helps them figure that out

1:37:44 How long did you write those jokes for? They'll be like, showcase. dude right now i feel like you're on tippy toes sometimes when you do shows in places and you're you know, like I know Joe and I were really into Bill Hicks and like, yell out if they disagree it's like that's not an option i had that last night guys like not funny And sometimes the ball goes out of bounds, and sometimes it doesn't work.

1:40:27 Yeah, sort of. prefabricated, late night set. an inch of any sort of faltering just because i'm trying to get in the habit but yeah i mean i think so i mean that's a personal that's for me i know that that's like the new thing but i don't i think even louise backed off Yeah, right. Joe's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You could do this. that that's why anybody that comes on SNL,

1:43:29 anybody who can do a voice like that is going to get compared to. Everybody pays for their own soup. You're doing a great job with the Catholics. Trying to make some sense of all of this. You don't even know if it's raining out. What's the truth? I would love to have an old He does. I was there for the right reasons. maybe I'll go. Who knows how it would have played out?

1:46:17 What key states I can't accept your presidency. I'm stepping out of You want to make college free? I'm not going to show you my tax returns Don't tell me I don't like the LGBTQ community They're better than Omaha steaks I'm racial. I'm going to mock a between those two, and fucking his fans everybody that he thinks is flustered there's like a whole series i saw that really yeah like every time he thinks he goes he does that with

1:49:45 There was this comic, and you guys his teeth just jutted thing on their face you you just kind of even feel it on your face do you know what i mean it's not there but you start to like feel it on your own face then you got to go dude to Yeah, you had a lot of shit going on here. John Mayer, Sarah Silverman Jason Sudeikis Andrew Santino, your Showtime special

1:51:48 when you were talking That's fucking awesome. Yeah. What's up Tampa Like a live poker podcast. open it up to a little bit of a... It's nice and cool down here. Yeah, it's pretty badass. It's cool that they have it. Because you can also open it up to a little bit of a... We've got to get a TV down here. We can see what's going on Jeff, thanks, buddy.

1:53:24 Thank you, sir. And Greg, where can people get a hold of your shit? as you're doing podcasts with you man shake thank you sir and uh is your twitter right so it's an inauguration First time ever. Yeah.