Joe Rogan Experience #909 — Bill Burr Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Let's clear our throats to start. where i did it yeah the rhyming there for the same reason yeah so i went out there and i was I was going to shoot it so are you on a two-year schedule you think that's the way to do it waits X amount of time. I'm kind of a big believer in that of, you know, be out there when you got something people going like can't fucking get away from this fucking guy and then i'm thinking like do i

3:03 movies. Yeah. And then i just hear through the It is fucking hilarious You know like oh those movies are stupid. Right. It was kind of like our go-to. I forget the name of the last one he did with Spade when he worked at the bank in the supermarket. uh you know he's a guy that gets a lot of shit he just doesn't give a shit it's like oh all right well,

5:16 you know, And then, then they'll come see you again on your next tour. no what about the other stuff i did that didn't suck it's like no no no yeah but your last thing but if you were in 1986 and you saw that, I mean, I never met the guy, Getting a bad reputation. That's right. then he goes home sweet home and then they all go yeah oh god pull that up pull that up give me some volume dude. It was the 80s those

8:16 This is the best treadmill song of all time. and I wanted you to talk about it Yeah, I got this great teacher, I can't even, you know, some of the music he's played, But his technique, you know, as but his technique you know as i've It's like every time it comes up to your hand once you get it going you're not slamming it back down to the floor You see it in his hands, how loose his hands are.

10:26 therapy i tried talking to people and shit and it's just like yeah i only get so far but like My wife still lets me go play for an hour a day because she knows it's good for us. They're all shredded. If he did hard drugs, those guys are just shredded. he's losing the elasticity but he's still How long ago? He's the Bert Kreischer of music. there is something,

12:47 But if you're kind of doing is this desperate thing, still trying to be like good looking, then it gets a little, I guess it gets a little cheesy. What if a tooth falls out? she's in better shape than i'll ever be in she seems a lot older than that doesn't she i mean She hadn't even hit her prime yet. I did think 27, though, when I was a kid. 48, and I'm just, like like going to be 49 this year,

14:40 And then one day you're in line at the supermarket There's just a bunch of babies who got older. Yeah. They have a little seltzer water and they're gone and they get eight hours sleep. I've never met one. adult like but all every every one of us is one shitty no it's not bad but every one of us is one God, man, what if I did that? They mismanagement.

16:58 Banging the maid or the nanny. That was never confirmed. Jesus, dude. and religions and the tenets of Islam. You would have, you know, what the fuck am I talking about? I got to do all this adult shit. Because I know I have the exact amount of time to get here. And I go, why? It would have cost you like 15 more so i do that all the time yeah i'm not a big fan of those

19:53 Good luck with that. up a lot of times they're calling up the credit card companies to uh to fight for their case they It's your credit card. You have to get an adapter you get it. So I was like what the fuck how about the iPhone 7 with the little fucking? It's got HDMI. It's got all this shit. It's tiny. The battery life is fucking forever. It's got this

22:11 disconcerting that your shit's out there. you scan through and you're even allowed, you You gotta go cash as much as you can. And his name was International Sal. He would go to the pool hall uh that i went to and just he was Go off a bridge like Thelma and Louise. It's like we got there because of all of those people. There was some article about Tom Brady's diet being bullshit.

25:00 Like Tom Brady talks about his, you know, beans and fucking rice. it's the same thing with what you do. Like that one that Conor McGregor had against, what's his face there, Ortiz? I can just picture myself kicking the guy once going, Elbows are a way that a lot of times guys break it. It's agony. vagina it's crazy no i got a whole new level of respect for my wife i was just like oh yeah she

27:59 a lot of comedians i know she's fucking hilarious and uh but she has this what i love about her some fucking classic lines every one time she you know i was calling her out on some shit she was So she's just sort of like grounded. But if she's with somebody who doesn't appreciate that, The way I processed it was, i saw my kid for the first time i was like

31:12 I was like having an out-of-body experience. And it just fucking hits you yeah um but even then I never And I thought, how many old people are dying simultaneously at the same time right now? And it's just because they're really like, they're not sane people, most parents. You know what I mean? dinner with them your wife's gonna be friends with some lady you're gonna let's go on a double date

33:59 like talking with his hands and i'm going jesus christ it's literally like someone's I always picture those people and I have a giant roll of duct tape. And then I just go back to eating or whatever and they just sit there and slowly have to take it off. That's just how it goes. and my kid he's a good player he's a player. They just won't put him in the game.

35:45 That's part of the problem with hanging around with comedians, too, is when they say something, Never. I'd do the Wim Hof method Watch, ready? Try to meditate in the face of overwhelming uh i get rolfed and i this guy uh that does it he's fucking rough and he knows how to do it hey I mean, digging it in. My buddy is a world champion at that shit. He's he's traveled more in that flying squirrel suit

38:28 I find my happy space while this guy's doing this. a show that's the only way to do it. with a couple like that you got to get the corner booth so then you're not directly across from each want to like tell him like you know i get you know you have this thing but you gotta it's got to be So there was that guy that jumped, So he's skydiving Jesus, what kind of fear.

41:34 compensate rather than just you know getting a book hey baby what you sign he's got to do this He'll jump off a rocket if you let him. They get real close to the ground, and then they hit the ground occasionally. And the other reporter was like, yeah, yeah, he does. to chop it down or something, and he just fell, and he went straight down and shattered both of his legs and dude don't pull

43:32 stands and they don't have a harness on and they fall off the tree stand and you know you're falling to secure a tree stand bear can get up a tree. Their nails can't, like, support their body weight. they run up those fucking trees. the fucking thing looks up and just runs up the tree next to him and now it's above him couldn't you? Do it if you've seen Hidden Figures

46:31 it would be like you'd have to watch that guy in the fucking restaurant with you, They were all on the same page. That's because they're women. You ever seen those? Spawns a march With the pussy hats on is? Do we all have to dress in the same fucking I don't think they like to do it. No one gave a fuck what we were doing. They thought 80,000 people were coming.

49:04 Oh, that's great. It's a new time. Vaguely? He says, Ivanka. Look, look, look, look, look. It replays it a couple times here. Look at the look he gives her. Go back to it. The very beginning. What's that Air Force guy doing? Oh, I see it. He's busy. she's giving him? looking and he stared her down Come on. He's got good looking kids. He does. He might have been like fucking lightheaded.

52:02 In a court like you are. That doesn't make any sense. Yeah, what is that? what the fuck happened but like because i think he did it but what am i basing that on you know That's what it really was. Yeah. Samson. He did it. This is how I would do it. There's a difference about all, And then black people weren't allowed to come along and take their fucking four wheelers and their hillbilly shit.

55:31 but it's not. Oh, wow. So just, there it is. just saw a thing. The if is written in red letters inside the I. Oh, wow. And, well, you know all from from slavery on those are some of the most scary photos. that girl, Bill. nut it's a crazy number when everybody looks at those fucking tv shows about cops and you know well I just don't want to fucking

57:54 And he goes, it's over. the water that's what happened so he told us basically how to get how to i guess you know And there will be cameras that record everything everywhere you go. That they're going to have like grains of sand The reason why they're going to get away with it But there's just been some shit. No, it feels gross. Don't put me on that pedestal.

1:00:46 I've got a lot of work Yes it is I do enjoy it. Speedbags are fucking weird. Oh, beautiful. And I'm going to go in there, You get a water bag. But it just goes No we have enough water The drought is now And you can only water at a certain amount of times a day like when it comes to your lawn I can't get into a sport where there's nobody trying to stop me.

1:03:28 But I think the people that are the best at it are athletic. fucking pageantry of it. the ball, the fucking clubs that you use to give you more distance, If they did, it would. I didn't know that. And just cover up the cork. the bat boy should never it'd be so down to earth. So the second you give a fuck I said that a month ago. How much of a difference does it make to have cork in the bat?

1:06:22 or hitting the wall A little push. When they picked it up off the ground Well, why don't you, well, it seems to me that it makes more sense And you know what? Dude, that doesn't make any sense. You definitely don't. Yeah, it's bad for your joints, but some guys do it. Tito won. crush. Tito's just a gorilla. Whereas like the right technique. because you're not even tired,

1:09:50 You know what's funny? he grabbed his head and he just smashed his head with his hands the only one i saw was when that he grabs his head Meanwhile, the other guy was killing the other guy. fucking like the fact that human beings understand pain and then they inflict it like slowly and other people is is the most Just to tell someone to cut your finger off, they will

1:12:07 If they think about that last finger that they need to open up their iPhone, like, all right. How about that? No, no, no. and all that but if you could somehow get everybody on the same page to be just like yeah you know you know, Vince Neal and I was thinking about doing it, and I'm so glad I didn't do it now. And then he became fucking president.

1:15:03 Or he's not a good man or doing is like oh the future is we're gonna fucking now do to you what we've been complaining about. We're just going to be. there's i can't just sit there and listen i mean as much as i rant and rave which is fucking Because it's not her. He wasn't compromised. And I don't get why that's legal. There's not one source that just tells you what's going on

1:18:27 We got like little nephews and nieces. fucking way i'm gonna sit there watching news i hope that people like you are the future i hope Hey, you know, people have a right That's going to take about 50 years. So I can't remember if this is my idea or somebody came up with it. future money off, though. Well, then it's in the dark and you You won't be able to see their face or anything.

1:21:32 Those new cameras that they have now are so good on camera phones, out? Just look at it disappointed. Let's get out well especially now gonna be like and they'll be happy and I like the jokes that I did on it, and I hope people feel the same way I've always felt that we went through this horrible period i was going for in this one although that's a shitty image of it on this thing but um there was a few concert films that i like to look

1:24:39 And you get like distracted. and a lot of it was it was And they always want to show the audience. that because it does have to it does have to be like you know sort of like a concert film but like Oh, thank you. it and uh that's what i'm guessing because it was a weird order it was like a half order so now um is like you you really like it's it's the war room to do a season is you map out the season

1:28:03 of the art of writing it. But you just want to make in a certain level of reality, this far with No. for my fucking ham sandwiches for a month right why do i want to uh because i how hard writers work it like it's fucking And then now I'm going to be, you know, married and be a dad. just don't work out for a few weeks that's not even on the menu i can't do it yeah it's almost

1:30:38 Yeah. fucking excited to get because i right after i did that special i think uh i did comics come home I'm going to be at the Ice House Friday night. So I'm going out and doing some club dates, And now that that's done, now it's just like, I got to get out there, dude. right so i'm doing a lot of monday tuesday wednesdays um i've told people that i'm working

1:33:13 it's like it you know it's an overused word but it is a basketball mecca so that's part of your Because there's good ones and bad ones. remember um one of the things that used to really bum me out when i would do clubs they would uh And he doesn't like doing it. Oh, he's so bummed out. was always the sitcom it was like that was what everybody went for and if you

1:35:47 Right. I mean, I got, don't get me wrong, I got a lot of money from it, but it wasn't like Seinfeld money. i i got a lot of like dollar 17 um you know i i got a friend i got a friend of mine i'm not gonna for you to sue them. so any smart criminal is trying to make his business legit so he doesn't have to world it's dirty that's why as far as trump like not reporting his taxes and all that type of shit

1:38:39 And the fact that they're allowed to just fucking overcharge like the level they do is just this stealing. Because I, you know. Because he's already running for president again. that's gold and it says trump on it yeah i think we're gonna be all right we'll be all right you I mean, that's what always happens. No, that shit he said about his daughter

1:41:21 Oh yeah, I date her. What do you give a fuck what- funny is but i find him fascinated as far as like the way if you want to be loved to behave to of innocent people are gonna get caught up in the wash of a very simplistic solution to a huge problem well let's get rid of all of them and already existing concerns for nonprofit organizations to take actions

1:43:53 I don't know but we'll survive it we'll survive it anyways what are you doing i was praying to god that those weren't going to be my two it was just like two trains fucking or say, that are upside down It's like, you guys are all filthy fucking stinking rich, too. like they say the percentage of senators and they they make like, I don't know, It's the people that paid you to get in there.

1:46:14 Not even giving a fuck. reservation like a native american reservation like i feel like that's what he like his goals Yeah. There's so much hypocritical shit, and I'm part of it too but like i love when people like oh you know like you know um like i was saying it too like the fucking celebrity apprenticed the host of that is now I mean, that's really what it is.

1:48:46 about Arnold. That if Arnold, That was like a, He had those Wayfarers. Remember that? Well, you remember what happened with him. Depressing. They definitely need a break. working her back catalog. So, yeah, I don't know. Don't leave here without taking some elk. I got some elk for you.'m a dad. Yeah. You've got affairs. Yeah, get my affairs in order. Don't leave here without taking

1:51:59 Alright. I'm bringing an I flew up to Bakersfield I had a good time Good, because I don't feel like I got a strong hour right now. Perfect. All right, see, we got out of politics. That'll be the next podcast, and we'll see you tomorrow. And then tomorrow, Alex Jones, episode 9-11.