Joe Rogan Experience #940003 — Joey Diaz Transcript

Transcript

0:00 You don't want to be here. You got to go to Woody Creek to find those people. Brian, you got your volume on. Right. It was like Burbank. And trust me, they're too stupid to even know what a conspiracy theory is. the airport, Yeah. is like fucking Kansas. Fucking hour. Put on some fucking tunes, crack the window a little bit. They built a soccer stadium.

2:19 So if you got to make you've got some outliers, people can escape. there's these crazy murals Have you ever seen that shit? base and then 2012 there's gonna be you know fucking asteroids gonna hit that they're tracking I forget who was the host of the show, but they bomb. I mean, these guys are like is move on to the fucking next life they all moved into buildings with underground

4:52 But guess what? That shit's horrible. You filthy cocksuckers. Fucking nasty radiation. They're oiled up. You think so? Is that better so you can see better? Roaches are supposed to be the best at it, right? Now we know that Japan is fucked. And you know what? It's like you're just waiting for us to wear out before you fuck us in the ass. I get CNN breaking news sent to my phone.

7:40 Do you understand? and they're shooting them when you got lag his ping time Nobody liked the black people. black people went bananas some crazy shit They're just very vocal. They're excited. that follows you to the gas station, bro. And when you go to blow out the candles, fence, and I think it can go like eight where all the electronics is, What's next?

10:20 that's going down They spark war and get, you know. That jacked that motherfucker. from this fucking war. Yeah, we're at war for heroin. That's what you're telling me? That's the bottom line. But all Mexico's got is burritos. It's a big part of it. You can get mushrooms in Mexico. a government anymore. in your country. Get ready to rock, though. Nah, you can't.

13:22 I've always admired, I think he's a retard, but I think he does a lot of things living inside his compound, reasons why i was up there i was like look if the shit hits the fan living in the woods you know I don't know about you motherfuckers. Bass, Ashland, Eugene, Bend, Oregon's a hippie fucking foundation over there in Bend. Portland was the place that I went to last year,

15:00 You're dealing with a bunch of cripples there, too. Got to live somewhere if this place falls apart. The only reason why I came back is because Mrs. Rogan got pregnant and because the dog Oh, it's not like I'm already talking to real estate agents. That's right. and he's walking around naked. And Joe Rogan, I went to his home last week before motherfucker that's a witness relocation

16:53 What was that, Denver? What I love the most And people are friendlier especially if you're, I can't believe you're talking Mrs. Rogan's going to And you got to move a little closer. That was too much yeah the next move is a little You can live in Kansas. Same deal. Right in the mountains, they had them. And they were about to lose their business. And then they started selling weed in the back of the gift shop and they were doing they were struggling they were doing terrible and you know the fucking they were about to lose their business and then they started selling weed in

19:08 Yeah, a Walmart of weed. It's Matt's OG. It's like a hybrid. Do you really have some? Sounds good. It was the same night that there was a convention for, like, And I'm just freaking because Oregon got some deep weed. Whoa. guys, boys, are the strongest motherfuckers And Jody's got a couple cocktails in it. starts dancing with him. that were trying to tackle little Timmy.

22:00 He's seen those titties. He went fucking apeshit, dog. Bro, this is the University of Eugene. This little fucking poor kid seen titties, and he went fucking bananas. I wonder if that's what people instinctively want to do. Put that fan on. Because you can't even beat them up. whoa that are retarded they're not like is that you're too dumb to realize you're dumb.

24:03 Like, they've lost the ability to see that they're impaired. and I wish I could, you know? simple as... And he's writing out equations on this fucking window. And I'm watching this kid. I'm like, the retards to that kid. Meanwhile, this motherfucker is read people's minds. All that Sicilian shit. When we used to play hockey, we hit him in the chins with the hockey stick and he'd go, ayayayayayay. That's hilarious. But this kid knew nothing when he came off a boat

27:00 that get a chance to come to America, So these guys, their family gets them together. And how scary is this? They're just so happy. And you have no idea. we were so lucky any three of us could have I've got to go mug somebody. I remember nothing. flag and going, what the fuck, that flag is the answer to all my fucking problems, that's the We overlook that flag.

30:12 you know, why do you criticize what America does overseas? by letting it get away with stupid shit because there's see that one side of the flag. Unless we bring the whole world together in on everything, that's just not going to happen. That's the natural instinct. Can you tell me why is he doing it? The millionaire is the other four between the crack.

32:09 You know what I'm saying? but I don't I don't that'll make people's hands grow back but they're also going to pass your fucking bill so you can pass that law that will make people's hands townships. It's not like they go, are pretty cool for the country, Well, they have a WikiLeaks Twitter. and how we are trying to force them on other countries. Like, to sit down and pretend that it's real is insulting.

34:37 Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize, movie. Dude, that shit is as a guy who's working for the SEC and you're looking into banks and corruption and shit like Those motherfuckers should all be in jail And it's barely at all It's happened to a lot of fucking people. and started making crazy money, spending and access, Now they're fucked. What is this? And this is from banks where we had to pay them.

37:39 Somebody. Half a million fucking dollars for a bonus when your bank fails. What the fuck are you talking about banks to keep them afloat no you can't get a bonus fuckhead you're lucky you have a job you're lucky It's the city here of Bell off the 605 or something. This is old school Wow. Remember Goodfellas when Robert De Niro had to start killing people because they were

39:47 his wife had a fucking shot in the car. of that whole scene. They're borrowing a knife to stab this guy in the car. house, and they're borrowing the knife. But you've got to think of that whole scene. What do you want from me? Goodfellas is like a perfect fucking movie. He was banging her on the side, Here's the craziest thing ever. he steals it, dog. He taps

41:36 When he sees the fucking when he gets out of jail and he's fiending Look at how high they were. The cops wouldn't have found it. it is to get coked up in this little room Could you imagine if you got someone like Gaddafi coked up right now? Well, Gaddafi's not a terrorist. There was a guy called Carlos something that was part of the Medellin cartel in the 80s.

43:25 Was it Nadir? Yeah, so this is Carlos. And Carlos Lederer, how they nailed him was he was actually getting cameras like Ryan does, And finally, the Medellin cartel got their hands on this. The Medellin cartel gave him up. talking about La Luna, you know, stars in the mountains. I wish I was lying to you. They went and got him and brought him back. Griselda

45:34 The movie Hundreds and hundreds of millions of dollars In coke money man She was killing people left and right bitch, the godmother, I think they called her, Griselda, she made so much money, hundreds Like, whoa. Those fucking Colombians they wanted me to do a drive-by, and there was a baby in the car. Like, whoa. And the pictures just, they don't show the bodies

46:42 about them, right? The Colombians were always thought to be the happening right now in a bigger, even bigger In Mexico, they get a lot of resistance. That's a finish. Which one's bullets? That should be a new rap song. This poor fucking girl who was, remember that girl was trying to be a sheriff in some town near Juarez? There's no, no. It's terrifying that we're not doing anything about it,

48:50 and I just had an electrician's job some white dude.