Joe Rogan Experience #967 — Bill Burr Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Five, four, three, two, one. Because I always go button-down jeans and whatever, nice pair of shoes. Trying to look good? Did you do that for yourself? the, yeah, you're bald-headed, blah, blah, blah. It's like shit, I don't know. They get me lately And they had a little ball on the little bunny rabbit tail on the end. Now everybody's shorts go down their knees and their socks are non-existent.

2:26 those hipster douchebags. Oh yeah. they're going to go do I just went running for three miles and my sneakers and socks were covered with dirt. I don't like them either. Oh, on the sneakers. You'll go crazy. Like the color of the frames is always The box was the art. That's it. I could build that. That lunatic will probably somehow hear this and actually go out and get some.

5:20 Well, it's definitely his kid. Plump. How do you say that guy's name? Basquiat? Want to get grossed out? This Japanese gentleman who bought it is some super billionaire character who apparently That should be like notebook, like, you know, I like the blue. And so he just scratched over it and just left it there. That's LACMA right there. to go look at it.

7:19 Yeah. Yeah, but isn't that like a billionaire genius? I just keep thinking. he's doing now but the video is hilarious have you seen what he's doing now the boring company And, you know, is this it, Jamie? So your car is in this sled. Now, now, now, they're created by men, near it and the handle comes out. So underneath the surface of Los Angeles will be all these streets.

10:21 that one i've seen all his fucking movie i love love all that. I even watched his cologne ad that he did over there. Yeah, it was very not Charles Bronson. He's got to work on the hair, though. Or maybe he just doesn't like his picture taken. That's a good question. Kardashians? with her. She had security with her. Charles Bronson. Yes. What a weird drive.

13:06 This is strange. For back then. Mandum. Mandum. Yeah, look at him in Hard Times. Didn't he work in mines and stuff in poland or something Maybe. well look at all this stuff on his coat he must have done something over there he was a uh he was So then he came back and became a movie star. Isn't that crazy? but the americans always had five we just totally mcdonald's them like billions and billions served

17:09 Hundred blue eyed men to move it. in Germany. No, and they evidently, a lot of the leaders felt, oh my God. But it just had this, the way Dan Carlin describes it is incredible, little just all right listen you take the philippines and no you give us guam for the uh Yeah. And it was just a ruthless knockout. Yeah, you're arrested. That seems like a pussy move, though.

20:18 They fucking whack at the back. Crosby almost took figure skaters. That's what I'm saying. You can't club somebody over. I don't play hockey, but if I did Oh. I might be a little taller than him. he was only 185 pounds. Yeah, they're huge. Eight or nine, you gotta then you don't know. The same way I don't want to get fucking sued. Honda and Toyota But in America, we're like, no, you need something.

23:48 So they go, okay, well, we're going to so they don't let him have the fast cars. pretty fast cars. I mean, they have ridiculously Can I mention F is for Family, that it came out today? is available and then you can ask me it's a hilarious show oh thank you I'm looking forward to the season it's fun and i And it just kind of, you just keep, then you have rewrite.

26:17 what do you mean i fucking knew you were gonna ask me sorry i can't let you go i can't they basically showed me right cover of yours. And whoever homepage, like if they want to watch a show that they with supermodel thumbs up yeah it's not the same yeah it's like what the fuck did they really do That doesn't make any sense. fucking thing in my life on m on netflix i don't get any of these places and i don't understand

29:37 That was fucking amazing. Yeah. that they could pull out like charles Bronson in that cologne commercial. So how the fuck was Amy Schumer's one star? Greenpeace attacked my special. This is a whole new world. i'm sure there's coming to the stage And then that's going to be the end of any sort of rebellion With a slingshot? The guy's like, go ahead, listen.

33:14 Well, they definitely could. Well, they think that Seth Rich guy got killed. There's a guy named Seth Rich. she resigned and immediately went to work for Hillary Clinton. he was murdered outside of his house, 4 o'clock in the morning. They said it was a robbery. They left his money. They left his What it is is to stop other people from doing it because they'll all get creeped out by him.

35:30 was a bullshit fbi report so they don't know what the fuck's going on but this guy's dead so Whoa. Yeah, how do you live in your prosecutor? Oh, I only have done it a couple of times. I'll light it up for you. Isn't it? Mandum. active listening. Oh, Jesus. Justin Long, Sam Rockwell, Haley Reinhart, Debbie Derryberry. Do you like doing a cartoon? no, no, no, it's,

38:26 we write for them because everybody's in the room and the biggest thrill I get is at the table read He's such a pro. tell you know anybody can say oh my god this is great when you really make them laugh you can't And then there was more stuff for me, and this guy said, Yeah, wasn't that an issue on, what was that girl on one of those cop shows? command their money

41:14 fucking HBO special. She didn't want to be nominated. So that was 10 years ago. Is she trying to motivate people now? 40 is 38. I mean, apologized for her her youthful And like, you know, like maybe thinking about an old acting, am I doing the work? to hang my hat on with this emmy and you just start fucking having your own inside the actor's studio with yourself?

43:59 Three-parter? I'm not really... Ground and pound. Yeah, I wish I was born during the grunge era. You get shitty movies, That's why there's like all these stars piling on like the Golden State Warriors every movie. fucking you know, in my own 747, 12 hour. burned through fucking money someone who used to be able to carry a movie in each slot right i'm not saying they still don't

47:18 That's just his gym? Kevin James had a trailer just for working out. He lost a shitload of weight, too. If you could somehow, if there was an app that you listened to when you were asleep and it convinced you that you were going to have to take your shirt off in a movie, like ask him Bert what humiliates you had to follow him he went out and he fucking did uh red hot chili peppers give it away now and came

49:49 Why didn't they have him go last? It's like, no, this is not a stand-up. That's what I would say if I was scheduling it. and just talk about how much you love music, So I probably played either He's in a bikini. He's lost more weight. Really? Huh? Next to Moshe Kasher, It's close. Huh? Yeah. Bonnie McFarlane and Rich Voss. They're contenders. You barely can get three episodes out of it.

53:37 I just want to sell it to you and then run away. In this first year Can we get him? But now entertainment reporter There you go. I was just picturing the industry like whenever you don't know what to say, you just go, where It's these gay guys who sell houses. His teeth are so white. That's not him? Yeah, the far right guy. Million dollar listing. I've only seen the one in New York with the male model in the middle.

55:56 It's actually a house that's really for sale. But they wanted $20 million from it. I saw that one. She read him the right act. You think it's worth $15 million? You fucking lunatic yeah you can't do that so he just sits My wife likes him. I don't care. I don't care. Congratulations. yeah it's I usually, I got my little glass of fucking whatever I'm drinking at that point.

58:43 Yeah, I take like periods. that it makes your teeth gray. I hate that. I got inspired recently because I read something about some celebrity that fucking was already good looking. how's that if you live a healthier you're gonna look horrible and she hears the ice in the glass fucking alcoholic she's like you're not an alcoholic you're so fucking dramatic

1:01:12 Fucking thing is huge. They have like a giant like glacier fucking ice cube in there. He puts water in the smoker. smoke-infused water. Weren't they like super Christian? The guy's whole fucking drum kit. Oh, that's disgusting. The drummer's name was Robert Sweet. They have a quote in the back. The picture of Ted Cruz and the guy. Would you not be?

1:03:46 That's all I was looking for at that point. I don't give a shit. There's some weird shit going on with them, too. by that guy well i'm not scared by him by Putin, but he's a scary fucking guy. He's right about that. leaves calls you fake news. Fake news. It's fake news. I've always thought that that guy's been killing it. He's one of the funniest dudes out there, and he's one of the best character actors out there.

1:06:23 Yeah. I mean, it's destructive. and they go, Yeah, I don't watch it either. I just watch the clips sketches. That's a very efficient way Plug it. Get on Netflix right through the TV. Yeah, we got a drone. And once it gets more than like a few hundred feet away from you, that fucking thing is not listening anymore. I mean, there was a town in Colorado that passed a law letting you hunt them.

1:08:52 It's going to be like skeet shooting with prizes. We were at a pool and one just, yeah, just came over. I will have a cardboard cut out of me You know what would be great? Like, you can only fly so fucking low. They have been trying to do that forever. They are now, though. All those people that live in Marina Del they passed that you know that those people couldn't figure out a way to bribe their way

1:11:54 they're playing you ads and some entertainment news tv show or something like that yep i feel the new one where they're doing with the what can we pretend to care about that will get us to sell more underwear? and they're very Greg Louganis. I'm like, I'm joking. Whatever that is. There's going to be traffic. If there's anything else you want to bring up, I'll...

1:13:52 Oh, okay. I always get the elk. I have plenty of elk. I don't have the fucking serial killer meat freezer that I know that you have. I'll go to fucking how to cook a pig leg. cooler. You can put ice in it And then brine brine the Yeah? a witch. Isn't that amazing, though, that that's what they used to think? Apparently when you get a late frost and wheat, you can get some weird mold that grows on the wheat.

1:16:35 And they could even really freak you I did the comic thing. Go. I did the comic thing. They were getting hexed by witches. Yeah. First Nation. Yeah. They have a different call them original First Nation. First Nation. They have that in America, too. What are you doing? You have no idea when you're going to snap and you're going to need a cop to show up.

1:18:18 meet some of the helicopter pilots They get nauseous looking at it. Like you look outside the window, And somebody broke in there, and they had, had like the helicopter spotlight was on it. They were all steroid it up out of their fucking mind crazy probably on meth and just got some of that hurt there i mean yeah they wouldn't pull him away they let him bleed out he got shot under the vest

1:20:31 My mother would have said, well, you shouldn't have shot at the police. like an athlete's when someone says fucking crazy shit to your face you're supposed to be above that And they're like, listen, you fucking crazy bitch. You know what else he does? I couldn't handle why the fuck you're gonna spend that It was perfect. Is that because they trashed him at the brunch?

1:22:49 Do you know every roast is always that raw meat guy and you don't realize that they're roasting. that was hilarious, like, coming. There's no way. There's no way this So, I don't know. But I hope it was fake. I mean the Kings yeah yep What? That's crazy. No, but he's Wow. had a fascinating answer jailbird talk. So, like, you guys are out of your fucking mind this guy should be like a ten to one

1:25:50 He didn't tap out. And that's a game that's easily fixed. player on the team in the first quarter, I give you If I keep calling bullshit fouls, I might get you on a technical foul. I was sitting going like, yeah, I went to a game It's like an umpire. You've got to be consistent. And then they find a guy who's all mobbed up that were part of a gambling that took bookies or whatever.

1:28:26 like look if you're a legit bookie all you're trying to do is get an even amount of money on Here's a game, probably, you know. But he went to jail for gambling on it, right? is a six-game of a seven-game series, Yeah, for money. while one of your guys is dirty before you'd realize, like, what the fuck is this guy doing? and there's so few guys on the team.

1:31:12 shit like i don't know how that works but some of the contracts that they that some of these guys No one gives a fuck about you. That's just what I'm not saying they shouldn't make the money. Some of you are like, ooh, that's Mike Conley. Oh, there you go. I watched almost every Celtic game last year. Playing in China. I don't know how a lot of shit works.

1:33:33 when NBA officials made between $18,000 and $78,000 each season. So you're kind of like, those guys are I don't even know the highest paid guy in the NBA. He stayed. I think the stress is too much for them, though. I mean, he's living like a fucking kid. How do they know he's sullen and comes home upset and he's gaining weight? You're not listening to anybody.

1:35:50 Like you don't know him. Yeah, you didn't have a conversation. It was a brutal couple of years, but it was ten years ago That's what it is. And I'm not condoning what the guy did, All I ever want to do when I watch golf is watch those guys fucking crush it. I don't play golf, but apparently people that I've talked to Bobby Orr, the way he played hockey, if you throw yourself around,

1:37:59 that's just a bunch of hype. And they did. if their marriage falls apart, But like, my fucking hypocritical finger at them? What about the ethics? Dude, that guy. is not who the fuck they are. Because he has to write it. Why can't this fat fuck shoot off his fireworks in his own country? Yeah, and then this fucking guy shoots off a rocket, and everybody's like, whoa, whoa, hey, what

1:40:34 Do you? Not allowed to work out. Is he? He would kill Trump. It's just solved with world leader, mixed martial arts. he can do whatever because first of all Kim Jong-un. They're friends. I have to throw mine out. See all the porn I used to watch? I'll take that off you next time. Thank you. Thank you. That was fun.