Joe Rogan Experience #969 — Andrew Santino Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Three. with these couple of kids that I knew from Long Beach. there drinking and this dude pavo his buddy man he looks down at my legs all these homies were always like, Like, I have to embrace Dude. You like him. Oh, there's so few. Boo I'm the literal enemy And an It was like, let's stop putting women in prison. heinous crimes don't, then they don't deserve

3:09 So much domestic. us being on two teams is so crazy yeah the penis team and the vagina team yeah it's that simple a big, there's an immediate uproar of like fuck cops and I hate And honestly, if you look at it statistically, like the number of bad cops versus the number of cops, Yeah, and they know that you're just a person just like them give this guy all the room in the world. He's like sir Please get back in your car sir. Please get back at start sir put your hands down sir sir put the gun down sir

5:48 Every time you pull a guy over, your life's on the line. Almost nothing is life-threatening no microsoft excel crashed this morning everyone's Yeah, man, it was just a little toggle in my head and then I'm good now. You see it so constantly in so many different facets. incredible it is, like her coming from a background of psychiatry, being an MD, going through the

8:16 Just the disassociative quality of these pills are so dangerous. Imagine if you're a guy right now working for a pharmaceutical company and every day you read the news, you see some fucking mass killing. She was talking about the numbers of people that commit these mass killings that are on drugs. But the only one thing I wasn't allowed to talk about or not talk about but specifically

9:44 eighties and the nineties to kill acne and then people and they they were like we can't say that i was like why can't Which I was respectively removed because I was like, I didn't need that piece anyway. I mean, at one point, I remember when I was in high school, there was like three kids. Yeah. I was like, no, nothing exists. You feel so weak. This is a list of the side effects of this stuff.

12:52 Look at this part where it says the list of birth defects. Yep. gave him inflammatory bowel disorder that required the removal of his colon. Maybe. Fuck man When I was in high school Because there's just grease in your face all day. I was like, let me eat shit food, be around grease all day. And I remember there was this girl, this really cute girl that worked there,

14:55 It's crazy. I had obviously just picked at something on my stupid face and my little brat sister was like I did everything to make it worse like everything possible everybody would get a sunburn to kill That's like in the summertime. He was one of those guys that was like his everything. I mean, his whole, all of his you can tell it's fucked yeah no i feel like i'm i'm lucky that that i that it worked because i

17:58 Addicted to this lady's Instagram page the point where it almost seems like she's sponsoring this show She's just cutting open these cysts, bodies and these What's that? I can't fucking look away at this shit. He started sucking my cock I was like, there's one in my complex. He said, it was at military time, actually. He's like, this is, buildup of semen is completely incorrect.

20:47 It was just a dude they found That's what it was. No filter So I'm gonna have to watch it like if you want to fuck yeah like i've had friends like literally get propositioned It doesn't make any sense was legal and it was kind of not a faux pas thing in society do you think he would have never had Blatant. It's like, those Instagram models in Dubai, this is who's paying for those trips. of course like that you we know those people exist there's nothing we don't care it's

23:56 It was brilliant. Right. It's remarkable. He can't fuck what does she gotta do I think we came up with the timeline for Viagra. I don't want you to listen to me, you son of a bitch. An attempt at a bang. it's nothing billionaire you know I'm sure someone Joe Rogan dude's gotta be a fucking billionaire dude here's the difference like we don't even think about it you know you just hear it you're like billionaire oh he must be a billionaire you know i'm sure someone joe rogan dude's dude's gotta be a

26:45 you're like, you have no fucking idea what a billion is. Billionaire characters, It's not like they're the CEO of a corporation. And he goes, yeah. right so now it's only accumulated into billions of, I mean, they own, well, what, what the, Which show was that? Guy's insane. The royal family is worth a staggering 1.4 trillion. Yeah, for sure. There's probably a bunch of those little scoundrels running around taking a piece of that pie.

29:25 Probably a kazillion. It's like when you guesstimate? See, He says he smokes it once a year. He said that during his custody trial. I partied with his kid one time I've never known a billionaire. little bit. So I, it's just like like there is no, there's no groundedness. It doesn't seem to work out. Oh yeah, dude. the social world that's why so many rich kids are socially so fucking awkward because they never had

32:41 You barely recognize you first of all you say the cliffs right there What if I just fucking? and we're both going to go off this cliff. decided to slam into you and knock you off it can happen have you seen those birds that jump Dude, it's fucking amazing. So people can... Nope, nothing, nothing. Just fucking bold. It's so far. Christ. So many head first, asshole, head

35:08 Oh, another hundred feet to go. Which ones live. That chick is tough as fuck. I had a bird come in my house the other day. So I thought he was probably dead and my that thing was going like 30 miles an hour right into a window biggest pan from the kitchen and pour uh sugar and water in it heat up the sugar a little bit They're fucking, their wings are moving so fast.

37:45 Do you know what it is? It's so crazy. Their heartbeat is, like, 100 times ours or something like that. That's incredible. Eggs are about the size of a jelly bean. Whoa. There's no consistency of color between all the birds. Flowers, tree sap. I really ignored birds until I saw my first eagle in person in the wild. We were salmon fishing. Yeah, just chilling.

40:28 It just seems so different than seeing them in the zoo. Oh, yeah. Dude, I mean, the size of a fucking school bus. Shocking. These guys in Canada, there is no like as he hit it, it went flying was under construction. Right over the median, right into another car. But, dude, I can't forget that happening. I think those Fast and the Furious movies have fucked people up when it comes to like what you can and can't do in a car.

43:36 But once I drive, I'm gonna be the best ever. Yeah, they're always like some guys like, some guys like, spin the wheels, dude. I mean, it's almost like if you have a camera and you're pointing it at the guy, That's the world we're in now. I'm 49. it i don't care i'm going to prison they don't know they don't know if he was drunk i don't i He always had like a nice Trans Am.

46:05 never like a complete human right they were always like a like there was just a few of them of what it's like to not have yeah well i Well, I'm watching these shows with my kid. Yeah. he didn't know what the fuck to do. And he got away with it. because it was such a fucking big deal. call the cops and they finally caught this kid before he could fucking off himself or something

48:51 came out in the paper the teachers did the teachers dude the shop the old shop teacher What school was this? That's it. It's over. It's over. So I don't really have any recollection of any of that. much influence on certain parts of society that my grandmother was like almost disowning. Like, Yeah, I mean what other religion has that connected to it like that? There's none

51:54 They want it immediately. deep dark mind control and when you find out how many is rampant and it's crazy. the story down, shut everybody up, yeah i mean it's crazy and if you bring it up immediately you get people defending it no no no any organization can have a history is the same as like some minor motherfucker. What about what you represent? The Pope is real bummed.

54:40 The church is all about fucking the community and the people. Yeah, fucking pissed. I swear. It's just like sand. It's one of those two things. How much time are you spending putting that together every day? He's in his 70s. There's nothing wrong with that. What did you think about all this Kathy Griffin shit? She's ridiculous. It's fucking insane Yeah, you can't pretend you want to murder him ISIS style and hold his head up to the camera like a hostage video.

57:08 If somebody did that with Obama, holy shit. Oh my God. Oh my oh my god i mean the fucking world would stop spinning there'd be so much chaos from that it would be fucking it would be an insane found the video of Osama Bin Laden and one of We are not going to become what we're afraid of. Like, what kind of nonsense, false imagery is this? But it's about a real person.

58:30 I know everybody thinks that the president has to assume a certain amount of mockery, and I agree that he does. who want to like literally promote the murder and torture of someone, cutting their head off. on the fucking New Year's Eve host that she does or whatever It looks sad. girl like yeah we're with you fuck him kill him like you're there's people that

1:01:13 series of opinions Whereas the left, climate change is almost 100% accepted. They like convenient things. It's creepy. I do it all the time. Then it's, hey, man. gets infiltrated it you you become vulnerable you feel like the walls are weakening it's almost like It's such a fucking delicate thing because you're like, you't stop that you're never going to stop that well not only

1:03:57 And his game is I buy houses. I know it's uncomfortable for people. They're like, we're losing the old neighborhood. Like, Things change. sometimes it doesn't work that way. and go. You can't control it. You can't control It's not even a thing. I'm searching for a word. were telling me about this was this Cuban guy, bought the recipes from the guy to help him

1:06:10 There's more to it than that. cooking it too? He paid him for the recipes being forced out. You're going to have to get a new place to live I know it's hard to buy a place when I get paid. But the bottom line is you're not in a cage. You don't understand agreement is a terrible thing to leave. He's going against science. He is perfectly No. building-sized air filter things.

1:09:05 So ahead of its time, man. I never saw that movie. Dude, it was that kind of thing where the future is like they's going to care anymore. We're going to clean that air nice. It's kind of like Idiocracy. Did you ever see that movie? So ahead of its time, man. They're like, it's better than water. It's got electrolytes. Nothing was alive anymore. I need to watch that movie.

1:10:28 That's all totally possible. Have you been watching this Handmaid's Tale? No, what is that? No have you know about is it on Hulu man? to give you too many details but then we're under a police state so these Meanwhile, that's a total possibility. planned parenthood or or what have you the choices of your own fucking body, I think there's so much echoed in this show that it feels creepily real, where it's

1:12:25 They became when, and changed the country. Essentially, I mean, and then shit changed. Let's go. I mean, Saudi Arabia is what you can and can't do today. I think they're straight property, man. during the Civil Rights Yeah, hijab. But at the same time. But when you connect an ideology with God and with the idea of the divine, that's the ultimate reason to stick around.

1:15:29 And when you have an ideology where you're trapped into dressing a certain way or wearing Bullshit. Yeah, this is somebody this is by a person. This is some cult shit God's not making burkas. for humans to wear. Yeah, someone said that a person said it we believe in it. Well the priest must dress like a wizard on he's got the priest collar look at that I know that he's real? I'm the one. Oh, he's got the thing on. He's got the priest collar.

1:17:15 Is that what it is? It's my favorite. Look at his fucking hat. What in the fuck are we looking at here? Kiss it. it on his lower back like it's a wedding dress wipe he did a terrible job of cleaning up so the Yes. that they want you to engage in. He's got a wizard's wand. But he gets the Pope alone. He's like you know I just wanted to tell you about my cousin and his

1:20:17 Does he? See these doors behind me? He started getting into corporate America. But this guy doesn't even think anybody's going to shoot him. The old bulletproof one. with sand explosive. Jesus top gear. Run a stop Is that it? analysts. Oh, dude, me so much. I think that's fun to watch people dump on each other. Yeah. shit. They fucked You guys are all drinking.

1:23:37 Yeah, why can't that be the end of it? He's a giant car guy. He's an icon. He can rip it. Out of all the guys out there that are reviewing cars now. My dad's worked in the automotive aftermarket industry for so my stepdad who's my dad but what does he do most of their sales go to like mechanics auto body shops but they're also they own the rights to um fictional how do i say this they own the rights to fictional mechanics uh fictional

1:26:06 then you had to put an engine in it. Right. You would get like a parameter and you know like a v8 ls1 or something right and try to put it in there put them in older cars so they'll buy like uh one of the big companies that does it is a company called Icon. And what they do is they take like a 69 Bronco and they strip it down. So they have like kits like they do that with LS1

1:28:19 and I think it's called GT500 Super Swap. Wow. That's another one, though. That's a beautiful car. early two thousands era. That's a noble. like an old, um, more like, what is the car I'm thinking of? We can't hear you, you know. Yeah, because if you're going 180, fuck it. I would Yeah fuck it Who That thing's fucking really sexy looking, man. Oh, when you...

1:31:36 See, go back to that cockpit. Did you see this? Oh, that's beautiful. I drove that once. Instead of up, reverse is up, they just are rereleasing the Countach's do you remember those oh yeah that was Yes, dude. The handsome bastard like, And he's driving. So he's It's so silly. I just gotta think about where my life is going. Man shit. Out in the. Fucking A, man shit. Man shit.

1:35:06 Oh, shit. Now it's everything gets checked and balanced so much that everything has to be proven by the studio. this week. Can you guys show Fuck that. I did, like, the stand-up at a benefit for Tom Arnold for this thing, this charity he runs. Very, very good. I don't think it was. He goes, oh, there's my mom. What's up? the verified shit and he's like famous famous and i'm like no no no no no no dude no no no i was

1:37:42 But then you realize that's the level of when you say what's famous around the world, you're like, sly. we've put that into fantasy film. So now it's Guardians of the Galaxy. Now it's any superhero Them because they know that there's such a big market for it. Yeah, but don't redo... Who's the Diehard guy? Still Bruce Willis. Get the fuck out of here. Oh, it's being done right now? Yeah, I think they're even making another one right now. Who's the diehard guy?

1:39:36 That really hurts. What? What? I love him. And who's the guy? 14% on Rotten Tomatoes? you like budget and i'll tell you what it made here in international look at that down there Dude, he makes tons of money. He's sticking around. There you go. Oh, man. He took 10 Yeah. Those two. That's so funny. I would Yeah, dude. Me, Eric Griffin, Jaron. Look at that, man. That and left. Judy fucking Gold. Yeah, that's awesome. Look at that, man.

1:42:58 But yeah, yeah, yeah. it was the most important thing man. in the morning they'd come to the club at night, Bunch of like top writers came to see him perform in an NBC showcase Yeah, I did this character. I did this fake sportscaster. You don't have that respect. from you. We're not going to pay you anything. whole thing is like i'm not saying what they did was what i did but it was there was just some

1:46:44 I told him that was one of your shit jokes from last night we always we always promote you whenever He goes, I'm going to tell the whole world. I know a guy. It's been a part of it from the beginning of time. but they would offer you, if you wanted to get paid, Can you do a half and half? It wasn't like they were killing people, but they were selling Coke.

1:48:43 Yeah. And just be killing. You can only stay on that fucking train for so long. the best example he's the best example of a guy who at one point in time was just arguably the Like a fucking human storm of comedy. Yeah, it's like a smart madman. Yes a genius, but he but he didn't it's but he's not but he didn't miss It was weird. It's like a smart madman. Yes, a genius. But he didn't miss.

1:51:25 So we go from this hippie peanut farmer from Georgia and Kinison came along, comic i think if you don't have that around you if everyone around you is like more fucking coke Dude, it's amazing. that's how you know you're fucking you're he put in work yeah and that was like after he had gone It gets them. world of like, That's the thing about Rogan, dude. I like him,

1:54:42 There's no easy way out. Gets out his car, puts the e-brake on. You know that slap where you live, too. Oh, yo yo the best Next week I got a new shipment For this shit bro in school He's like, Out of here I gotta go I'm sure We only split so I could sell pot. She's a registered sex offender. So he's 55. That's so stupid. We should go see his shows.

1:57:18 The show's amazing. How many times have you done ecstasy? lied to in chicago mdma was uh mdma the first time i ever did it was in london and about 10 years ago and years and i tried it again one more time that was it never again i only did it once but it was Sometimes I feel- I needed to see it, but I didn't. and oddly enough, I mean, I just remember a lot of the crashes

2:00:00 Six months ago, something like that? So it balances it out. The 5-HTP apparently can help mitigate that. it was like, Uh, It's fucking great. Chorizo and shit. Like a stew What's the fucking spot Cause I love it How'd you find this place? And they have to ask you like two or three times. I love the vats, yeah. Where's my horchata helmet? Just going to have some fun.

2:02:55 He's got all of it. that were sold out at the Ice House. Fluffy is fucking back. He's connected, bro. Where's Rone Park, California? It was so fucking surreal, dude. Wow Oh Jesus Did you do it in Chicago? Did it back home At the Vic Theater Where I used to go Watch bands play When I was in high school Strong beard Do you know what that's Oh wow For her family, she used to touch her ear? Her grandmother was like,

2:04:58 They'll fucking fire me. To appease some annoying family members. It was weird. That show, so much. It's kind of crazy man. Like at the time so powerful man How about that? But everybody knows who Lucille Ball is. I'm bad. Can't. on TV. It's like a Spaniard. Do you think he ever no chance wow They still like it. But meanwhile, behind the scenes, they were just as freaky back then, if not more freaky.

2:08:37 Uh-uh. There was something along those lines. I don't even know if he did it. the manslaughter and endured not one, not two, but three trials for the alleged crime. Yeah. I don't know what that means. said above he didn't want to fucking get into details, and then he sort of ridiculous description endure the cuts too oh yeah it's like a like a dense. It killed his career. He,

2:11:51 that he was acquitted, It was it, son. had a YouTube page. They've got good shows, man. Billions is good for them. Yeah I did a They buy out the rights to that. Well, not only that, more people find out how good it is, more people watch it, I think it's breeding to people to be stronger and stronger. Sometimes I see fucking guys where I'm like, Guys coming up.

2:14:35 Kinison was dead. 100%. For me, yeah. and they were just rotating. We do two shows in the OR The belly has developed itself into like a real fucking great room. gonna be fucking amazing so stick around because everyone you're gonna see is gonna be a fucking Weird. cap city then i go chicago denver Just for Laughs in Montreal, Raleigh. It takes about, you know, it takes whatever, a little bit of fucking manipulation time of them deciding what they want to do.

2:17:22 He's the executive producer of the show. It's not a comedy. It's fucking, dude, I really hope people enjoy it. I sit along with those people and I'm like, fuck me. Wow. Big names did you always want to act or do you want to do stand-up or do you want to do both? Oh, I Training wheels. I started in LA and I was like, I'm either gonna to sink or swim. When did you start? What year?

2:20:43 Learn some lessons and then fucking drive back home, pick him up. And we fellas, you know get intimidated uh learn some lessons and then of crowds. we were going through it. The hallways are jammed with people. I've been there since 94, man. fucking club in my opinion the club it's just something else man there's something powerful than just a comedy club.

2:23:00 and I told him that your mom's one of the most important people ever in comedy period like ever one of the most influential humans in the in the and he had the monocle and everything like that, them work for it that was that's the best part about that club you think someone's funny good It's what they've always done. for five weeks. I started from the crowd.

2:24:50 spots and we know those people. Am I on next? I fucking love watching him. I'm glad you set yourself up. Right. But that's not why you get into it. your rock bit the bit on the rock it's on It's on Showtime right now on the South by Southwest tour that I did. Because I did that first, and Showtime put that up. showtime so they can watch my other set and all that stuff that's another 15 minutes that I didn't

2:27:34 What is that? Say no more. That's when it first airs. one of my favorite up-and-coming guys. I think school because he's been forced out We are we are almost at the breaking point of political correctness