Joe Rogan Experience #976 — Morgan Murphy Transcript

Transcript

0:00 People like it's not natural. I say what the fuck is natural? soldier t-shirt. Oh, shit, like you don't have to do that seems a little fucked up. where they murdered somebody. that in a moment Just stops. I'm not a snapper. I'm very aware you know, This is a shitty theory with no biology attached to it at all. Hi, I'm Joe. And I think all those things are correct, but I really think that your body has a certain

3:17 And then when the physical danger doesn't come, your body is just fucking primed and ready to go. Because in your car, you're ramped up even more. even if you're calm. You're making sure that no one's doing anything stupid. And then you would release the proper amount of energy given the threat. Just kill them off. There's consequences. of coyote neighbors yeah super common all common. I see them all the time.

5:12 Yeah. If I see a coyote and a cigarette to like, oh, I gotta save the bees now. Well if they can like within a minute make you understand something you didn't understand before you're like oh shit now all these plants and apparently it worked way better because bees are sort of non-specific. Because like you could make the argument like we don't really need bees.

7:49 You're like, hey, dude. Stops me in the middle like stops me stands in front of my car puts his finger up Do you have one minute for gay rights? Right here, right up the street. They sit down and they show you a picture of a baby with a bloated belly. Oh, yeah. How did you make it? Don't touch the money, Billy. this was like in the 80s, Yeah. I used to get kicked out of the house, but I was given a time I had to be back.

11:16 Dare you but if you uh if you're Jamie's age you got let out we would ride our bikes miles away from our house And I would walk past. Pay your beeper yeah, I had a beeper at a pager I think it's the same LA. do you think it was all jj like there's pink like how there's Pinked Out, but there's also Pink Elephant. I think people just kind of steal a little.

13:17 Nobody from LA. Like at Burbank Airport, you can get a hot dog or like a pre-packaged salad. It's simple. You can't really fuck it up. They just have a big It's not like Astro Burger at 2 a.m. where you can't Really? The Comedy Store had a situation in the open mic when when I was started was like 15 years ago. I would And in L.A., they're extra weird because there's so much.

16:09 crazy lady. And then it'll be me. And you just wait, wait and wait and wait. And so that's sort of why, even when I started, I mean, I'm still deadpan, obviously. so you're not going, but they bomb on the store. I'm not upset about it, but I feel like I'd be less upset if I was, like, involved in They have like comedy classes. But I don't think you can teach the ability to be funny.

19:08 so I always wonder, like, maybe you can teach something, classes no well there's not enough classes that'd be like a real poor focus uh, I went to a pen, you know, you pen recently and I was talking to some students and I don't, Yeah, no one ever does that shut up like shut up is a great rule. You can make big mistakes It's just a, when people who are just good at structure.

21:56 And when you have like a writer's room or anything like that, I think a big part of it depends on just the fortunate chemistry of all the people coming together. What's the biggest shit show you ever had to work on? He just literally wouldn't allow me to write jokes. things it's yeah well no i mean like that in my 20s i wrote on a lot of award shows so there's

23:48 we've been doing, you know, it's a combination of like, I read a lot of monologue jokes. Wow. That's foolish. Yeah. Like a woman that seems informed, like for whatever reason, they'll tolerate a guy, especially Oh, I didn't know that if a woman gets on stage and when you're starting out, And that was the thing that didn't apply to men. And everybody treats them like they're a comedy group.

27:35 for years and years, she thinks that's going to be the path when in fact there's a lot of people with legitimate what the fuck do you do? It is stupid. I don't feel as much of that as like a mission anymore. once you're established in the community, I don't know. Yeah, sure. I see comedy too in these, Like, so I see all these like columns of comedians and I judge people accordingly.

31:29 It's got a gang of those guys that are always in those movies and they might not necessarily be the best stand ups or the kind of guys you want to see, but they're great in those movies. Yeah. comedians and who they are on stage and that's And it's very difficult to get, like, say, writes for his own mind. And I refused to do it until he convinced me that I came up with it because I was so paranoid about doing a joke that I thought somebody else wrote.

35:03 Written it myself. I would have fired everybody and just written it with like just like your act and then change the way you deliver material. i'm like i want to you know like my job right now is just to develop tv stuff and does it ever Like you want to be as the writer on the other side of that, as the person who is sometimes hired to take a comedian and like get a show out of them.

37:29 their, you know, right. But I mean, I, I find it to be an interesting sort of responsibility and, think they should be and i think i know how to how to fix it fix it dude you're a cleaner i'm a But I don't know. Physics, nature, things that I think are fascinating interesting, whether it's whatever physics, nature, I'm into anything that is passionately and intricately discussed.

39:28 Yeah. You're inactive. It's chaos. I got scared as fuck the other day. I saw another article you know, all over the rest of the world, Big money buying land in New Zealand now. See, we're not going to be even paying attention to this until the lava is shooting up into the atmosphere do you know they didn't even know that it was a super volcano until like 50

41:45 deadlines and stuff and i'm writing i tied it into writing which is a bad bad move how does that work and talk about comedy. But what is the thing the information apparently there's like hundreds and hundreds of different chemicals that the FDA has approved What is it about maybe bringing it into your lungs, you're not seeing it, so it doesn't freak you out as much?

44:21 That's when I started smoking during the day, like writing and smoking. I hate to be that proselytizing health guy. uh, the medication that helps you stop or any of the gums and stuff. It's all supposed of the main you know things are sort of dabbled in there just It just, it depends on the time of year. Do you get on different things? But, you know, high school was the biggest turnaround.

46:24 Yeah. 16. You know, moved a year of being a mess was like, try this. So you were suicidal? Yeah, yeah. You also know you're not getting that joint until the end of the point. never saw it should i see it oh for sure it's classic it is a classic now right twilight What happened as a culture? True Blood. True Blood, too. yes but she's a zombie was when you realize

49:17 That is not entirely impossible. That they even have anything in their brain at all that allows them to keep moving. And then like the alien in the movie Alien that bursts out of the chest literally rips You can make a bunch of kids. at this thing come out of its body i don't like it i'm not a fan of any this is this is horrific Like a lot of them?

51:38 Did you ever see that movie, Rats? It's literally that big, right? swarms of rodents They've got cameras that are dipped into probes and they're smart as shit. I'm a real pussy when it comes to bugs. wearing armor. Horrific. Oh, that's where I saw it, over Bisbee area. Just let the Mexicans in. die of dehydration yeah out in the desert fuck that's a hard way to go and then these ranchers

54:47 I don't. And it's an impediment to equality. shit are you better than the average person why should we let you in we only want to let quality Like, I don't know. Yeah, sure. And then it's always like this despair of certain people trying to get into Mexico, So are you a person who's going to break the law? You know, as a kid, you don't know laws or rules or anything.

58:26 Isn't that possible? I like I get a little I get a little red, and she's very much it really, it's not, it's not a comfortable subject for me to talk about. And yet I couldn't Yeah, I mean, you know, she's known me through apartments and, you know, so it's interesting I have this housekeeper who's like, you should have a baby, I do have a life partner.

1:01:13 And, I mean, my people have experienced it, the Italians. Italians were not considered white people the same way a lot of people from the Middle East that have the same skin tone aren't considered white people by some people today. Just keep them indoors. you can't move to a better spot. That's always He was a coffee farmer in Hawaii. he owned it he might have been the manager he was he had a big job he's a big man at the coffee farm and they're kicking him out they're moving him to

1:04:27 That guy's doing a great job. Yeah. on, we, you were, when we did the, uh, the end of the world podcast, you guys did that one. I and we, you know, people should be able to do what they want. But Burr just hammered me. But this is what's really going on. of Donald Trump being president later. There's a video online you can get on youtube that's like

1:07:14 we don't have a president anymore. You just let a reality star just start firing the people that you need for critical intelligence, Wonderful time. sovereignty and your personal state by a messenger that has to take it to some fucking representative The bottleneck is the system. The system the right way. You can't have system. People are quitting and getting fired.

1:09:29 i've paid attention more to the political system in the last two years than i think i have in my certain extent but it's not the best way to do it no the best way to do it would be to get a guy like elon musk and say hey man the way you uh figured out how to put fucking tunnels under the Like you're definitely smarter than me. And I go, oh, now it's 10 minutes.

1:11:05 If they were just trying to fuck with people and make politics more exciting, maybe that would be more. But again, changing the rules, it seems like that. unless you're physically handicapped, then tell somebody what the rules are whole thing you know that could be a big that you can put up a picture I mean, I, you know, I liked Obama, but I never thought about him as much as I think about Trump.

1:13:39 Well, like actual Western medicine Are you smoking cigarettes? You can't listen to the holistic healer lady that has incense burning in her fucking house. Dude, you had to pipe up your ass? around Doug's place What percentage of people take colonics is why i've like you know know, I try to go, I have to do shit I don't want to do. It can explode it can make corners better like you can do that to your body

1:17:19 But the work can suck a fat one sometimes. the prospect of getting I've seen people do that. you know, in every movie. I do it. week and then i'll make sure i make those checks off there's a lot of times where i want to fuck validity of certain actions. Like, why am I doing that? Fuck that. How about I just jerk off and It's the initial start. You know a lot of shit.

1:20:16 who was the main character in Lost? What was his name again? And what was the, you know, you know after my work is done like I just I wrap my days around it so I'm trying to go out and do more shit as opposed to being locked into a schedule that's Like uneducated ones? Here's the question, though. I don't think that's the case in all fights. Oh, no.

1:22:54 that was my sort of, Canelo is about that life. I mean, he's... And his dad is the fucking greatest of all time. Like, legitimately 100%, self-motivated, not like, you know, doesn't need to, it's not Was it Kelly? Bad motherfucker. About that fight. I've been watching. It's like doing anything else. He took me to a bar once and we're sitting there watching some game.

1:26:11 And he has a soccer podcast, too, that he does. He's so funny. and he hired him to ever hire him He's so good. I'm excited about it, but I feel like it's going to be another big notch in Mayweather's I just don't see how McGregor can be better than the best boxers in the world who have tried. Yeah. That's a good question too Is that correct? and they just look emaciated before the fight.

1:28:50 And then the next day, he looks like a gorilla. Now this says Canelo weighed in at 168. Yeah, a month out. I mean, are they going to have all boxing under cards? right i think it was at the end of one of the rounds like very end of the round his legs dipped It got close, but it only got close like, cautious about getting hit. You know, and the thing is, you see his striking, but you only see his striking when he's working on kicks and wrestling and all that other shit, too.

1:31:30 I think just kicking him in the head and knocking him out would be worth losing all the money and then getting more money after that. Jesus, that would be crazy. you're thinking about the next punch and bang, the kick lands and you get KO'd. Could they do an MMA fight with the two of them? There's just no way. But this is a giant, big difference, though.

1:33:39 I don't know what he knows. expert. And if they fought in an MMA fight, In the stomach, in the legs, the sides of his head, his ears. the odds would be insane if Mayweather decided in the next two months, because the fight's going to Oh, he's 100% fucked. for sure. Who knows what happens? Ever. But it isn't. Yeah, Tyson was the best example of, in a lot of ways, what was wrong with people liking boxing.

1:37:01 And torn, personally, because I know how dangerous it is for them. A boxing act? takes his fight on short notice against a really good boxer i think he has like a one and three So this is pretty rare. Had some swelling and bleeding than ever. For sure. I mean, What is a homeboy's name there? It's a different Cuban heavyweight. I'm excited. God damn it.

1:40:27 God damn it. I never remember anything. Yeah, you have who you want. We got it. I love a cut man. it now when you were boxing were you sparring like a couple times a little bit with like a instructor, uh, saying good job to me. Whoa. I just nailed some kid in the head. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We did it in uh prom dresses And then her manager was like, no, she's not allowed to.

1:44:14 like, I would like to be able to say I got knocked out once. She's picking you up. Yeah. yeah oh she seems friendly yeah heavyweight It's just, that shit's boring. He had no reason to sort of take me in. But I was just in the middle of. It was a cool time in my life. a unified rules, no standing 8 count was in that. And if he took a knee, then he would get a 10 count.

1:47:07 be it a you know horrific judgment which i think happens a lot like to Just fucking chaos. It happens all the time. some will, the social aspect of sports to me is really fun, but when friends come over and they constantly Just admit it. You understand fighting enough. You've competed enough. You've been hit enough Are they common? fouls on certain teams and they

1:50:27 Pull that trigger a little quick. much more just the nature of the chaos of combat sport competition. But with a referee, you're making a mistake for, like, this other guy's career. It's that without the controversy, there's less attraction. But the idea that somehow because it's fixed. You know what I mean? they've never competed. There's always going to be that, right?

1:52:45 A little verbal sparring. A little bit. then I have no interest from a dude. No that's that is that is uh it's it's funny that's it's it's one of That's weird. Who gives a fuck? I've been attracted to guys who are just brilliant at a thing that I have zero comprehension. I do. humor and things you both have opinions on things you you both enhance the humor in things. You both have opinions on things.

1:56:21 That's like what I said about Burr, like having that podcast with Burr. It's one of the rare ones. Those are the two contenders for the throne That's number three. Most of the smart, funny guys I know don't need that in a woman. Because they really are. And I was like, oh, they're crazy too. Unless you got to do what you got to do. I don't always succeed, but I do my best

1:59:55 You know, but like knows more about, like a real cynical seismologist who's like, we're I had a guy every time he called me, there was jazz on in the background. Yeah. So I called, someone's calling me. He started laughing. He goes, I'm not. That's just, Jesus Christ, that seems like a disaster waiting to happen. just kind of with a lot of I was trying to make it obvious that I was fucking with people, but it's not.

2:02:20 them you know it's like there's certain there's certain fish that can breathe with their gills, Well, more of a voice than ever. You go to a town in the middle of nowhere in the 90s, you were in an outlier post. i think are sort of uh you know uh out there middle of nowhere like he'll put me in my place parents own the pizza place that you drove up to perform at and there's like a 14 year old vomiting

2:05:49 bit reinvigorated well you realize that those things can be fun once you become a real professional I should be coming in here with a relaxed attitude, having a good time and experiencing Oh yeah, now I have, And if I haven't been there, I'll go. Oh, yeah, he's got a number one Like, I'm not doing a bus. I don't want any weird fucking momentum taking over my life.

2:08:06 So I would much rather go out with friends who can bring me, do a little less time, and have a good time with a bunch of friends. You're not headlining this week. I know a lot of guys do that. which can get real lonely it's depressing it can get very lonely or there's a road with friends I did all of my gigs on the road by myself And so I went out there for the night to do a long set.

2:10:18 she's where she performed. Like it wasn't. That's what I wanted to do. the uh the train like we were you know, Doug's a cranky traveler. And like, I'm a little more sensitive to like, I'll look around and go like, oh, we're not liked here. He goes, he goes, I think I could quit comedy, but I could never quit comedians. be in LA but I haven't found a place that offers me the way that place does I haven't found a place

2:13:17 or whatever I like the drive there even and I think it's a drive from LA no it's I haven't when you were a kid? I think so. I think there's I'm going to go get my, this kind of food at the one place that has this kind of food. And just smaller groups of people, that are there. ah, And then when you're not working like in Hollywood shit, You know, there's a cave for sale out there.

2:15:55 Kreischer, Dope. I mean, I want just a little place to go with my dog and stuff, but you know, if you get of people there who would gladly stand in the front it's carved Doug, me, This thing is the shit. That's what I keep thinking. pillows. Is that a fireplace? That's security. I'll work at that table. My housekeeper? Fucking amazing view. You have to give me six months before you buy it.

2:18:50 Just don't accidentally. How many people live in Bisbee? I don't know. Yeah. Elevation is 5,000. Dude, that's a good deal. That's not that bad if you need to really do something. Easy to go. Interesting. like i remember talking to doug about liking it and i almost felt like i had to ask him I can't tell. No. Keep it out of your body. Or women. This cave house is in France. Oh! Oh! Yeah, someone who could afford a three million dollar cave like there's not a lot of those dudes out there or women

2:23:08 There's a small little amphitheater I typed in the cave house in Bisbee, Yeah, we're going back, back to the caves. Stopping people from living somewhere awesome. papers. Do you have any exceptional talents a real thing. Maybe Doug takes over. And 300 years from now, moved there. And then there's, I don't know, those other dudes. You do a little drive into Mexico.

2:25:17 What? Where can people see you? Where can they get in touch with you? Where can they send you dick pics? oh beautiful awesome that sounded real