Joe Rogan Experience #992 — Ian Edwards Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Oh shit here we go Ian Edwards back from Montreal. Back from another country. What up man? What's up brother? Good to see you man. Good to see you man. Yeah man. Was in Montreal at the comedy festival. First of all Canada is right there. Yeah. But it's such a hard country to get into. store and everybody took pictures with him and he was the mayor and he did crack there's a tape of

1:18 If you have a DUI, like Patrice had a DUI on... Diaz can't get up there. He's got some real shit. Yeah. online it's the new way to do it it's a new way to do it well again i got a british passport so So I can't talk about certain shit with you. You're from another nation. Well, especially that kind of fact, because it doesn't mean anything. It doesn't mean anything. But like automatically, like in the grand scheme of things, I'm supposed to look at you like, oh, you're on the other team.

3:53 well that sounds like the Americans They'll watch the shit come out of your ass. He said that he doesn't expect the Russian spy connection to help or hurt the sale. Dude got killed used to be the master. How old is your house? that it doesn't ask you if you knew about it. Remember? know kirk fox used to teach them tennis that's right that's right i do somehow vaguely remember

6:36 Were they? right because they killed their parents but the the parents could have been fucking monsters Yeah, I wonder what happened to their house. deal with it is that apartment like still empty hers now that he killed them So I wonder, doesn't bother him at all. Damn. I saw the murder scene photos. That's what it is. I started watching it over from the beginning.

10:06 like I'm not like You hear about that shit? Just like the people in Montclair. They got a house. That's a good question, man. The Americans is so fucking amazing. with eight other spies accused of leading in your neighborhood and that Should be. I don't think it was in high school. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, let's take a guess. Yeah, to raise money. And you just bring in a truckload of Vietnamese hookers just backing up.

15:06 start start having uh blackmail info on ted cruz we need to know we can count on you Look at him. Hilarious. 10 days this guy will talk well i have had a hedge fund guy i've had that peter schiff guy on before You're not the only one, by the way. they found out they're $20 billion in debt. their hundredth million Facebook would be laughing That's $900 million a month.

17:43 That's an insane amount of money. Even when something can work. Probably not. you know the word be like how am i saying this like i know what this is but i can't i don't say Reuters sounds right. I have way too much And then now somebody said, remember the time we did this? Right. You got to eat cheese and go to sleep. Yeah. and it's one of the only, like I think maybe the only one that's written in Aramaic.

21:23 It's so crazy. that are just thousands of years old and i'm supposed to trust this well not only that it's So like when you have a word, like words have like a numerical value. Oh, and they all have like numbers like we can't even think like that because none of our words have numerical value do you not let your influence influence this thing you do right you tweak it a little you tweak it

24:35 I mean, how many people think that they're the victim? How many people are just running around it condones slavery there's no there's no like talking about slavery as if it's some horrible You're a witch. During the Inquisition, they werenisition the during the inquisition they everybody everybody trying to figure out a way that they can use their power but that's what's

27:26 fucking up the country you know and it's kind it's kind of like like when obama was president you know no matter what you think of him like if if he if he was a good president right say he's a Well, there's definitely like a battle between the two sides right now. there's people like that out there and you adjust accordingly it moves the tide a couple degrees one

29:14 Right. It's this weird battle. And that thing that could help people is never going to help people. It's goofy. He's going to give all money to penguins. he voted Democrat like his whole life. The day before, I saw it twice. You should have saw it coming. might be the lying, it. up with, they're going to be like, fuck you. And when you spend your time going after people to remove them from their position,

33:55 countries but everybody knows this is the country that has all the fucking bombs and it's crazy He's so crazy. I get everybody being angry. I get it. It's not what I'm saying. It's so crazy. And people are so angry. And I get it. I get it. I get everybody being angry. Right. politically motivated there's so many people that are looking at this whole thing going whoa whoa

35:16 Yeah. But it's also like if the guy who's the guy at the top of the list isn't better than people feelings like someone just needs to like sit him down and just i think they tried he he ain't friends we used to hang out so we went to the screening and we sat there and we watched the This motherfucker, Trump bad and found something. This motherfucker Trump can find something like he could.

37:45 They have like eagles Oh, the cop thing. And they were talking about how no one mentions it. it say highest stock market ever best economic numbers in years unemployment lowest in 17 years So you got a negative Trump ad. It's all negative. it seems like that's news but all right so if it's true so if it's true right So if it's true, right? Okay. You know you have a powerful Twitter.

40:23 But that's not CNN. So it's like, stop putting shit that people can use to cover up and use instead of the employment unemployment But here's the thing. That's very disappointing. or just in presidents before, of like body cams on cops right they just did a study and they said from the study but if you're if you're the news source like you have to just distribute the news you can't

43:37 obviously it's a tragic accident because she was the one that called the cops and then they shot Like, inaccurate before it's just been growingly not accurate. was all real that was yeah like like just like not just like a kid that's like you don't know Or everything. the shit out of katrina and any, and they're just milking this. ways it is like that house of cards show yeah it's like house of cards yeah yeah

46:33 It's like he's got his kids in there. It's really fascinating. I'm going to kick the delegates out. back and forth yeah it's all so strange it's just so strange that people could still rock it like dudes up lock them up take their company confiscate it just throw them in a jail cell keep them there some charges on him. Yeah. They put some charges on him, threw him in jail. And who knows, man,

49:37 Do some dirt and also show that you're crazy enough to be down with them. Just to show that you can shut it off. amazon guy you ever see the photos of him it's hilarious the photo of him like when he first I mean, how much is he worth now? show up at apple and uh hire a bunch of hitmen that's him now is that what that is he's a pretty Okay. all the time.

51:45 you give him a hug he's in the 250 range big old friendly guy Yeah, they just swoop in, man. and pops up. he's like, Yeah. Nah, man. Like, what's left? 45. in the morning they already have an elliptical machine in his uh in his uh in his bed in his Poor roaring machine. You wake up in the morning. Pulling tires. I saw that one with Jay. fuck your day up they'll fuck your day up this is what you didn't do today and i know people like well hey man i read

56:32 Do you know why you have chains? That's how hardcore. Video game suits. stuff soon it's amazing what you know like uh i watched a game of thrones first episode and you If it goes down today, like, it's also timeless. be a great show. Five years of episodes? Anything. Because you start rooting for them. But if you watch it, watch a few episodes and see if you don't start rooting for the Russians.

1:00:00 And then put the house for sale. Can't be both. They know you could get is so said said there's the FBI all right so the husband puts on a disguise and starts dating the secretary of the director of the FBI. Well, not in the show. So the travel agency... then they just do what they got to do. oh my god And then one of their, a neighbor just moved in and he works for the FBI.

1:03:25 I told you I was a foreigner. Who are you? what i'm talking about right yeah that's what i was thinking you probably say football when you're but, You've never said football to me Not really. No, there's, well, there's an Italian version of it where they play, they have these little three cushion billiards now it's actually uh a part of the scene in the movie The Hustler with Paul Newman

1:06:28 It's really crazy. This is the actual game. four and five and even six rails to make something do what you wanted to do because that was the only It's really amazing. too. It seems like it would. Yeah. Well, they figure out how to uh move the ball better than Yeah. and they figured out how to play pool. guys like that guy Efren Reyes, he's from the Philippines.

1:09:49 They're real quiet, real friendly. it's like a table and you go into a bar and it's there you put money in there and you start playing Darts is a big sport in England. They get mad at you. And the cut of the rails is very different. And this is the greatest game of snooker ever, it's called, Every time he shoots the black ball. After the black ball goes in, the guy pulls it out,

1:12:58 He's going to make this red ball, and then he's going to pound up. least the shafts are made out of maple like there's a lot of weird variables like ash is very stiff I think somehow or another it's dried up. Exactly. Oh, yeah. type of i think it's like a composite plastic um and they're super hard like if you touch those affect the way the ball moves throw the game off yeah so if you see dudes touching cue balls and

1:16:05 you're trying to control the revolutions of a ball. You get this feel where the guy like that guy Efron Reyes that I was talking about, I know. I suck so bad. I know it's if you know how hard it is to play the way that guy plays i know i suck so bad i know it's hard to play see the thing about sucking so bad though is maybe you don't even appreciate how

1:17:19 I don't have the time to get that good. Yeah. You got to join a country club? free other than that you just go there and it's all free but that doesn't make sense i'm gonna And if you're a super baller, $250,000 a year. Yeah. You're only around people who can afford a $250,000 a year membership to this shithole. People that want to live on golf courses that don't play golf.

1:19:07 Where? There's a place out here. It's incredible. it's a beautiful community and these people have these houses that are like on a golf course if it mad at it like that you like use military terms yeah that's what they are man sorry You need to hang out with atheist Ari Shaffir in Amsterdam for a week. you want to keep that job you got to keep your behavior in check you can't be yourself right

1:22:32 like it's there it's like when you watch a like somebody on t you watch a james bond movie what you're regularly doing. It's a lot of pressure. well he gives a little bit of a fuck but not enough of a fuck to change yeah he only gives a but how many people you know turn down 50 million dollars there's fewer of those yeah you know just He just shows up.

1:24:41 Hey, Joe Rogan. you get together with a group of comedians and you look right like you can't funny like where i could backstab somebody with a good sketch to get my okay sketch on so i get some some time some shine fuck it that's well listen if you look at all the Daryl Hammond was on Saturday Night Live for a long fucking time. And that guy was really good.

1:27:57 There was a time when him and Pharoah were kind of like neck and neck. he was funny he gets all the And then you get cut loose, and then it's like, well, good luck. oh shit yeah he's a he's a senator now yeah and he. People want him to run for president. She was talented. Oh, shit. Whatever happened to Molly Shannon? I think one of the movies bombed.

1:30:04 I really barely, barely barely barely pay Yeah, that was hilarious. You couldn't do that today, ever. And they all get together. David, what's his name? And the other Puerto Rican leader of the Fly Girls. Careers that are still going, man. They had episodes called Simpsons already did it. South Park's been on 20 years now. yeah and everybody there they might have forgot and just fuck it let's do it yeah it doesn't

1:33:09 Not me, but I know people that can. it right you know like south park can do anything they could do any and their animation is so crude product but they're also like like, very socially responsible. I do, too. Like, what? There's a lot of people out there apparently make me feel lazy. doing a podcast, Occasional stand-up. And it's always about putting it together.

1:36:26 I don't. Right. There's no way around that. But, you know, bad shows help you get better shows. Also the sick feeling. Why isn't it better? going like trying to figure out how to way to and then also trying to figure out uh what to do with start doing the joke. and you're doing them for a long time you don't feel it anymore then you don't feel it anymore

1:40:11 Like if you watch a really good comic, like if I'm watching you, But the moment that you don't trust that person anymore, Oh, this subject's terrible oh the subject's Cause everybody's like, what is the LOL thing? Oh, okay. not what yeah she said no you're not i said all right we'll see we're gonna have you kicked out here what club is this it was a comedy nest oh in montreal montreal yeah i've been in that spot

1:43:51 It's a weird thing. people get mad what detroit's amazing come on bro but okay let's say chicago might as well be How do you know? Yeah. It's an amazing place. club soda i used to work there yeah it was dope yeah that was a nice that was a nice room there's shows yeah you're just you're just having fun man you're working how many days does it go uh

1:46:37 It's um, there's not another one. Right. Yeah, and I caught the flu up there. Whoa. He's like, I'm going to give you a room so you could sleep in. It helped me enough to have enough energy to just, and then you're at the airport and Money's the most important thing. Right. Get the fuck out of here with your health i'll be coughing counting my cash feeling

1:48:56 shirt on ah agony i was like oh no that doesn't sound good yeah anytime something goes wrong but shit lately doing the same thing over and over again. Taking drugs. It's not based on science at all. But these guys lie. And you're saying things like, Yes, exactly. all stacked up in there like that it's disturbing disturbing to see those rivers of shit where people run these pig farms.

1:51:56 There's a ton of actual facts that are disturbing. But that doesn't mean that grass-fed beef is bad for you because it's not all right good arguments to avoid processed sugar. There's a lot of really good arguments to avoid processed sugar because it's good enough yeah yeah and you're gonna get plenty of those there's a lot of those blood pressure wise that doesn't really happen that's not real no see that's another misconception

1:54:34 Genetic? Shaking up the salt myth. It's been referred to as the single most harmful wrote some bullshit There was a bullshit study that someone passed. Dahl also discovered that the population tends to continue to be cited as strong evidence of a link between salt intake and high blood pressure. Like, you can get off that. Himalayan, right. Put some lemon in there.

1:58:16 But I could feel something like towards December in my body whenever I ate. Jesus Christ. This, look, it's, they've proven there's not a connection. with in 1980 in the 80s 10 years after the 70s. And you learned everything that you learned. But I'm guilty of it especially. lead to high blood pressure? In fact, it's one of the healthiest foods you can eat if you're saying that chicken eggs are bad for you

2:01:19 Are eggs really nature's perfect food? Right. It's just a feeling like in my veins or in my... something eating food fucking All right. It'll be there. You might become a hunter. That is it. A large egg contains 77 calories with 6 grams of quality protein, 5 grams of fat, and trace amounts of carbohydrates. If you have free-range chickens, you could could just and i know a lot of people can't

2:05:04 Nothing has to die. Like no one's saying vegetables aren't honest or healthy, rather. But so is eggs. body and and most of the time i could correlate it with when i was eating and what i was eating nutritional levels. A real, a doctor that's going to do a real nutritional profile of you is going to concentrate diet. Go get yourself checked out. and they can greatly enhance your ability to understand

2:08:30 different factors i forget like what particularly it was but he had to switch to eating uh wild fish Whether he realizes he's an asshole or not he's not paying The audience doesn't know they got that shit from somewhere else. Yeah, you just have to find them. No, I don't think he looked like he does treadmills. Okay, what does it say? Angiotensin helps regulate your blood pressure when it binds to a receptor called AT1R

2:11:16 So this is still important. of fucking rap yeah you could definitely die from eating that much salt yeah i think that we just That's straight up bullshit. Baby eyelids. few other ones yeah there's there's a few of those uh like more nutritious, but you gotta be careful because you will shit yourself. almost it's not just like lube it's almost like your body's like what are

2:14:10 like two bottles it's not living those white loafers dudes wearing you see shit dribbling down yes oh you have diarrhea okay there's a lot of people You can't be using some cheap-ass Costco toilet paper. What if you had both? Fall asleep, wake up, covered in shit. So when you wake up, everybody's gone and you could just get up and crawl home. Do you want to go to Greg's house

2:16:56 right? You ever seen someone faint? She was just locked up. There was a bunch of people that surrounded. But it was like she locked up. Like, if you believed in the devil, you saw someone have a seizure... If you're having a fucking lockup seizure during the Inquisition, you'd be sure there's the devil. What do you mean believing in it? Like he crossed the line.

2:18:44 So, The devil? It's a weird thing that will allow people to not follow the package. It's like you don't want to go to hell. Right. We are a nation governed by God. I know. The problem is the devil. Right. Right. Right. What is the difference? You're swearing to an imaginary make-believe person. This guy's hearing voices telling him to kill some asshole.

2:22:22 I'm like, listen, motherfucker. No. I talk to Ian Edwards every all day long. Because you'll sound crazy. If somebody says this miracle happened to them, they're crazy. 2017 no you can't come no can't come with that no unless you got some super proof but now people Like you could say, hey, Joe and Jamie, let's do a podcast. The point is it's getting so close to being impossible to tell if something's fake.

2:25:08 It's going to be really interesting because they're also going to be able to have people, Didn't they do some shit like that? You son of a bitch. And here you are mocking social justice warriors. being on star trek but he's like hey folks it was just a tv show lighten the fuck up Is it William Shatner should be about? Shackner, Balfe, should date in real life.

2:28:57 It was a move that many fans also saw as its own kind of bullying, Oh, God. to argue with people on Twitter about who's dating who? That seems weird. He's 86. Wow. It's like vitamins. I mean it's an adrenaline rush They wanted to... no matter what side you're on, it's going to be some chaos. how much video games and jerking off are you doing that seems like can't do it both man how could you

2:31:57 Have you ever fucked with virtual reality? time ago no that's recently like try to i tried a game at South by Southwest. I was trying to, like, the helicopter was over there. Yeah, yeah. Oh, shit. And then I went this year and it was just a It's at the end of August going into, so August 31st going into September 3rd. Why would you do that? Friday night,

2:34:32 Right. Hilarious. He did a video with, when they offered it to him. Hilarious. Hilarious. sort of uh they're making kabillions i mean they must be it's giant right and bumper shoes are Two shows every night. Yeah. know they're like hey so here's the schedule and I'm like why is that guy on the corner you, And want to get on the podcast. Yeah. It's not even like the material as much as like who they are.

2:37:03 you don't want to be around them. should you be promoting yourself? But then I wonder how much of my creativity would I have to sacrifice for the hustle gene? Especially the promotional gene. there's this pizza shop that has an open mic so after the show on i think thursday night we went Oh, I see. Oh, yeah. Go to open mic night, But there's something about

2:39:47 you know, Yeah. But then when I realized it, the night I got into the store was like one of the best nights in show business for me. I call my manager. You're in Mecca. it's packed, someone's crushing. to develop there right yeah so that was that was useful like when I started, because before I kind of wasn't taking comedy serious. It did. new shit but i would have more new shit if i had a special and got rid of the older shit.

2:43:02 I want to do something like that. Yeah, doing that at the Ice House. Yeah, it's not what it used to be. yeah and just like you just felt so accomplished you know just just doing this artist thing or this comedy thing and you Oh, you used to go to Mel's. Standard is fantastic. All right, fam. What are you doing Saturday night night man after we land well you're gonna you're going to where san diego san diego i gotta fly back that

2:45:30 yeah see ya