Joe Rogan Experience #1194 — Tom Segura, Bert Kreischer & Ari Shaffir Transcript

Transcript

0:00 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Time to an end. Yeah. Yes. Any of you worked out. And the other thing I didn't expect ever, I thought Ari would just be like, whatever. Fuck this. He's saying that, and he means it while he says it. And then you could be done? No, then I'd be like, That was a big one to try to control, Joe. My plan was to keep up with you guys for two weeks.

2:50 The last two weeks, I just said, I'm going everyone was a little bit like, wow, Bert. If you get 70% of your max heart rate, that's three points a minute. for 60 minutes. If you're maxed out. Yeah. He has it on the whole time. Yeah, we thought we had you stopped. Well, you got a backpack on and you You got it relatively quickly, right? It was a thousand points.

5:16 The huge part was like, who had the most time to spend in the gym? I've got to say this. Fuck you with you posting Ari went through when he got this tracker, and he found out all the workarounds. and then I'd be like, in the middle of the night. Tom and I thought Yeah, yeah. And then I called him. the first week or two yeah and then you got in good shape and then i kept going okay first of

7:33 Whoa. Well, none of this is what we do. oh no, it's still going. Okay. Just think about breathing. That's nuts. I hit the bag. And then if you just go like, oh, I'm at 4.8 miles. Because I get to the place where I go, all right, I just want to get to 200 points. I'm going to keep walking. That's hilarious. And then you get it from there. What? The whole month you worked out as a 74-year-old man?

11:11 Oh. Whoa. I feel like that one would have disqualified you. Oh, for sure. I would have been insane. Yeah. That was definitely a good cheat in my mind. When that went wrong, I was like, fuck. I feel like that one would have disqualified you. It is work. I watched it on my phone. I went on fucking hikes. What'd you do? like a deep breath when I get to the top of

12:47 I keep trying to extend it but when I do that I'm going in the red and on top of going in the red It's way easier. I would weaken over the month. Which, man, those things, they really do work. were you using the ultras as well the running shoe the ultra I was using one Just an hour. He loves to run with me. It made my ass bigger. pants fit different.

15:25 Plus, also, your nature has got to be healthy for you, too. of running hills that I think boosts your God, it sucks when you're going uphill. You've got to 45 degree. Beefed up airdyne machine. It's not enjoyable. It was a mistake. was get on that thing. It's the shit. And it's just got enough shock If I was out in the wild, I was listening to books on tape.

18:17 And you're watching guys get hit. like oh my god that's what i'm doing'm doing. I'm allowing myself to get so caught Killer Mike I'll thank God it's over. to overdrive on some song going and going of Public Enemy through the first week and then I realized I could like that's. I feel like I'm going. Well, that's good, too. That's good, too. You know what got me through the first week?

19:57 Yeah, it got me through the first whole week. Really? I'm just trying to not have a stroke. Let's see what happens. the last week or so that's all it is but some people were upset by any stretch of the imagination. Everybody I know that does jiu-jitsu, I'd love a yoga black belt. And I wanted to be like, yeah, but then I was like, no. This is a big one for me.

22:49 for our natural instincts. And so we're about the government, fears about economics and fears about this. an engine that needs to be pushed and if you you don't push it, it starts fucking with you. People been trying to eat us things have been trying to kill us and this is the only time ever that there's none of that biological trick. I'm playing It got me back

24:54 No I like the station I said Oh, okay. It seems fun. He was there for an Trying to stay at 70%. And I knew he used to play basketball a lot. And I remember one time you legitimately swept me. I'll tell you 100% the truth. takes my leg out from under me and he swept by the way there's a part of me that really wants to experience like trying to roll with Joe for a second after this contest, knowing what he's capable of just to feel true helplessness.

28:26 Really? Do you realize what that sounds like to a guy who just competed with you? That's true. Talk about the percentages of how we finished in the – because you hitting them up, that blew me away. No, I'm not saying everybody was actively all using it. Because, like, we really don't know what percentage of those people actually keep it, right? would you guys say that, like, half the people

30:17 Killer was. I'm not joking. Do not get hurt. I was totally fine Right now He texted me Were you worried about me I'm dying, Wyatt. That's not true. One half day, one full day, one crazy day. I had a day where I was like, look were right back to full speed. No. Thank you, Ari. Thank you, Ari. That's not true. I got 40. So that's great. This is like something that we should all point out for health.

32:50 I mean, really big. They taste good. They're healthy for you. But thank you for the warning. Hold on, hold on. They used to sell them in the store, and then apparently what was going on was it's a strong brew. look, I, going to tell you earlier really worked hard I still felt good Do you think that's possible? No. I thought about that thought about that no it's a factor yeah it's definitely a factor

35:29 Yeah, I wonder how much of that too, and you're just enjoying that, He just cut in front of me way too quick. and most of the time They don't test you for shit. You're doing it wrong. No, every time I ski. They're almost adults now. There are people out there that don't know what the fuck they Joe is saying when you ski with your kid you do that? and at the end of the day

37:22 on my toes Don't fall down. as we storm down the mountain. Whoa! safest place to learn how to surf, and What? I'm in. Stand up. Since none of us know how to surf. Like dormitories. Go to fucking Hawaii with Shane Dor life and enlist in a place. Like, yeah. He got held under for two waves. Yeah, he lives in... That sounds so fucking cool. That's an Ari thing.

40:36 No bullshit. The 31st? I really did have some weird phantom idea that there was a pain. rhabdo um has actually been the source of death for a few fighters and you don't recognize that there's this point And we kept going, and then it became okay again. particular hour or any particular going into the fight. They might be broken down real early on, just pushing themselves through the whole thing.

43:27 And it's very dangerous. to a place where my legs were always fucking wasted. Dude, I felt like such an improvement oh right huge through the month Yeah, but also, I eat well. Yes. Yeah, we weigh like significantly more. Towards the end, I started, I'd hear, you know, maybe I'm the person who probably listens to this podcast the most, never i was like water yeah i need water yeah i never looked at food how crazy did you get

46:19 Cream soda. Do you get off at 400? 800? I had some, like, my body was like, ugh. My toes went numb at one point. what? dead man dead yeah dead how long after we started did you start having the marijuana dreams you take beta blockers so i don't get nervous i try to experience it as a yeah as just experience what See, a moose is probably like 1,800 pounds.

48:54 Like it's hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of pounds of meat. Oh, yeah, he covered up the moose. And Australia is an interesting place hunting cabin. He took... Dude, this guy They drink so hard. If you had to see what's the numbers, yeah. They're crazy. For sure. The Chileans are crazy. They drink so hard. And so this is a big-ass moose that he shot in the Yukon, and a grizzly bear claimed it.

50:42 They dug stuff out, but they were scared while they were doing it, and they got out of there. Who was the one that it was on... It's the craziest documentary ever. Foxy the Fox. His girlfriend got eaten too? Watch this. And she might charge him. that the only way he could get a bullet in it is notice. Because he doesn't use the podcast? And it's a giant female grizzly bear that would just tear you apart.

53:30 It doesn't know him. Fuck that. a portion. And man, I've never seen like a big one. So that's black bear, right? They're all brown bears. Eleven feet. They shot an elk. or the rest of the meat I heard Remy Warren talk about it. Its teeth were so close to them. which are like of Kodiak, Alaska, Yeah. And then they'll jump in and just pull out a seal.

57:29 There's somebody out there with polar bear jeans, though, for sure. Yeah. that's not sustainable for the whole year. He died. The message is not that you should do Marathons. I'm just saying that I'm like, dude, when he'll reply to mine and go, hey, brother, He goes, dude, that's impressive. I think he's being totally legit. to the person that running a marathon

59:49 he started out not being able to run for it's impressive that you ran a marathon? It's like if your daughter goes, That's really impressive. You're doing that all the time. You're like, dude, I killed. Impressive. But I'm really impressed. That's so cool of you. Really? span is. like, with everything. Yeah. It would go on too long. See, that's the problem.

1:03:01 It's going to be different. Yes. for sure it's not finished where people want to see, well, you've wrong with that, but I like to bring headliners Because he should be a household fucking name. 1990. He's a funny comic writer. He gets writing gigs on sitcoms and all these other different shows and one of the things about like burned into my memory and they rely on someone getting

1:05:59 He and I He's great. It's a legit show. I'm like, God. He's good at it, dude. Red Band's good at that. Jeremiah is a fuck. Right now, we're talking about comics that back in the day when we were coming up, no one ever gave us props for being funny and young. The way to look at it correctly, in my estimation, They had a local scene. And there was a lot and there was all these guys that nobody ever heard of that were really good but super ethical about their material.

1:09:47 Like what, We're the only people that understand The change was the internet. This is why. Because before Instead, it's hard to remember, There's also one person or one of 20 people who say, yes, you're in. A lot of them. For how long? At the store? He told 6,400 people. He would write a new monologue essentially. For real? I would freak out. That's not totally true because rats carry plague, and that's why we have an apprehension about them.

1:13:24 What were we just talking about? to being involved in this fucking insane battle to the death. you know, I could be doing a lot more That's health. I've been doing two days. So you think four days for just a half an hour? You certainly can. This is the dude that is by himself 40 minutes. 40 minutes with that? But here's the thing. I did 15-minute rounds with a guy with mitts.

1:16:11 And then – so that was what prompted me to start it. I could use one little just heads up. I wasn't beating you. My mortality is going to be so much. First of all, you realize that when I was doing the videos they were all for comedy effect Right. I saw Nikki a week after she was here I should just be really clear We are right after Bert has said he is going to be my new favorite clip. What is it? Dude, him talking to Nicky. It sounds like your mom house now.

1:18:35 Isn't that so funny, though? Let's listen to him. looks at me and you and can I talk shit. time ago. I had his trainer on really who's literally one of my all-time favorite literally one of my all-time favorite fighters i said he was a brilliant If you lose a fight and someone disrespects you or in public sentiment You become successful Conor McGregor and Bernie Sanders on?

1:21:08 And I said, I'm a big fan. He doesn't show his ideas. By the way, Mike Tyson owns a goddamn weed farm. I looked. Huh. He's having fun. Mike Tyson something or another. Did they edit it? I didn't see it on there earlier. I looked. Right. Is that in Nevada? Does it really say that? God. There has to be some way for people to bounce back from horrible things.

1:23:22 Dude, I met Mary and Barry on the Opie and Anthony show. I was like, my thought was like I had someone trapped in a corner. He's going to run. these things and manage to pipe. I go, what did you just say to me? Served it up, man. Yeah, he took off. I'm here to say hi. That I got a letter when we registered. Yes. Hold please I need that recovery from the weight loss podcast yeah to last year's sober october to this year why would you call

1:26:48 I know what it's like. October is not the right time. This is ridiculous. You did a great job, bro. You go, well, you just fucking I went and I did a day... Hibiki, dude. Todd White Jujitsu Academy in Austin, Texas. Pass some of them ice down this way, myotch. Try it. I mean, whiskey. Nice. Pass some of them Isles down this way. Best one ever right now is Garth fucking Brooks.

1:28:53 I didn't have any of it. Wait, wait, wait, wait. I'm dealing with it Cheers. That's stupid. Oh, I don't know what that feels like. Soundbite. He's two years older than you. How many have you lost now? Who saw this Wikipedia? It was yesterday First of all, that's insane. You try to because you're like, hey, man, I'm not the fattest comic ever performing stand-up.

1:31:44 I don't understand Mickey Mantle gene will validate But it's like, I don't want to just lose my family. Dude, we had so much fun. Tour bus, though? We just needed to appreciate what was happening. Do you want one? I liked it a lot. Oh, cool, cool, cool. I liked it. What would you feel like if you listened to my voice and you heard it in your head the

1:33:58 Oh, no, no, no. That sounds pretty awesome. Why don't we do... One giant show. Listen, we could do that tomorrow. That's all I got. No, no, no. I love you more. Who do you think loves who more? I never thought about that. That's rude. I feel like I don't I don't I'm like, I don't know how to register. I'm like, I'll register. Here's a So I think I should take you off.

1:36:49 But I mean a pot I'm in a podcast challenge with my friends Rogan's to Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer and go You were so happy. I caught feeling so hard! Oh, my God. Like a comedian Joe Rogan? I'd be like, oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah on my board. I'm like, oh yeah, yeah. people? With 0.1%, That's exactly what I'm saying. Yeah, I work out there all the time.

1:39:23 Yeah, those are the guys. like a baby, And I was like, I don't need you to get him up. He goes, i for sure could not get him up uh that's something i had do you think you're not allowed to answer You have a real problem with me. Yes. I'd be like, that doesn't make sense. We have to figure this out. So you guys are crazy the way you think. I know it's kosher.

1:41:36 Dead body within an hour. We know that's a delicacy and it didn't matter If you hadn't said this, and this scenario is real, the three of us would be so paranoid You're going to go get the water for today? How do you think we would go about killing him? than other things? That's right. How much time do we have left? You're all thinking of killing each other.

1:43:53 College football is your strength, I guess. That's true. Yes, it fucking is. about that. Okay. I fuck hard every time. That's how I picture Ari. Boom. Will you see it at a fucking sporting goods store or something, you're like, yeah, I'm That's what I picture Ari, Big Lee Chew laying pipe. That was the name of one of your posts. goes down fast? I got done the workout, went up to the room.

1:46:47 Here's my thoughts. Yeah, it cut off the monitor. yeah so i'm squatting i'm pumping up a little bit. Pumping. And yeah, 12 points. You know, in a lot of those kung fu classes, they make you do a horse dance and they make you hold it. No, no bullshit. It's crazy. No, no, no, no, no, no. Just go to the bathroom. Go to the bathroom. Just go to the bathroom. Go to the bathroom. I'm doing that. Are you doing psycho you fucked it up? Why no?

1:48:50 Tom. I couldn't believe you did, but I wasn't completely surprised. You're not a guy who gives up on shit and you're a guy who thinks through things yeah we've had many comments about Like the 29th of October. 15 miles. I was dead after that. I already decided. My life is fine too, man. That's why surfing is gonna be amazing Burt locks every door right before he goes through it.

1:51:38 I was like, how is that not a bit? lock it quick that actually means I ever heard do it We can definitely do an impression of Ari. Really? I thought it was Corolla. The God Godfather. Most professional politicians would be able to tell you who the first fucking president was. Marin. Why don't you stop arguing? I think he is. Yes. Which, by the way, lists your age at 53.

1:54:20 Ricky Gervais had a BBC show. Good point. Whose was? That's what I started. was the only thing This is an excellent I want the old Jamie back. So there's a difference because MySpace was offering an app on a phone where you could I believe Adam Curry. We're tricky about this. definitely had podcasts way before this. because you've witnessed so many like that i've that i've sat through sure that you've sat through

1:57:16 Yeah, that was fun. No, they've all kind of like. Maynard James Keenan. Yeah, I love this guy, too, by the way. Fucking super strange. when Tommy was like, hey, I think I'm injured, Follow your buddy, Garth, here in Nashville, Tennessee, But what we talked about today is we're going to introduce five cities before Christmas to go on sale Stadium as well. So those

1:59:14 some fun. And let's get physical playing music. Because, here's the thing. He's a top-selling actor. Like it's out of control. It really is amazing. It's on. You're it? He does that thing where he does this. He does that thing where he's like, Okay, go ahead. I think there's and you're like Or was Michael Jackson. Yeah. It's a country. I know that.

2:02:58 I can appreciate it, dude. But his social media is that special. He calls it Studio G. to end a video. And I don't know if he's cut a video yet, but you know Vic Berger, the editor? Go straight to the source. While we're making music. I like that. You know, like my dad would say? hearing someone talk. Wow, really? Your Mom's House fans are taking over this.

2:06:20 I don't wear a shirt. Bert, you're an official influencer. Oh, shit. Yeah, I want loose. Yeah. No, I get that. Too cool. That's the main thing. I'm dressing cool today. But if you're like, if you cool it among your friends. Yeah, yeah. It's like, I'm dressing cool today. No, that's who you think you are. Yeah yeah yeah And bring pressure Next year we're surfing

2:09:13 I grew up wanting to surf so bad. I know exactly where that is, dog. To Daytona. She's got a guy who's a good teacher. Can you help me write jokes? It's good buzz. Yeah. And I go, yeah. Beautiful job. Maybe arenas is a good start. how's, let's figure out Of course that's on list. Staples Center? All of us. I was like, wait, what the fuck? Can you say this?

2:12:21 Not even a chance. I'm not going to write it down. Whisper ear. No, no, no. I'm not loose lips. Oh, yeah, fuck you guys. I believe you. I'm not saying shit. Bert's the worst. That's right. full of bullshit. you do not want to It depends, He will always defend your friend. I'll let it out once it's all out And then there's stuff where somebody tells you something, and it's actually something that could affect their life.

2:15:46 talked to somebody about it. Oh, like I think about anybody who had didn't understand. I was like, I've never had anybody confide in me like that. And then I reached out to friends who told me about psychiatrists, and then we got together. especially like if i were to tell you this is a no you would never fuck me up on wouldn't even And I hear the thing.

2:18:26 definitely not sell you out. within 12 hours. And you're like, yeah, whatever, man. He said I had a secret who did you start sharing secrets with you? I'm ready you tell everyone told me a secret the other day should you not be he goes Because it lets you have more to say it? To nosy Jew. It's like blue in know, it's like Yellow. He's like, I don't get it.

2:21:16 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 23% Of course. And it worked, Tom. He looks great for 53. The way they problem solve is different. Dude, Asians are next level. What did you just say? What did you just say? funny. I don't know Salaam alaikum. And she goes, yeah, she goes, what did you say? Like, it seems like these guys all decided. Shoot. This is what Nikki said. I went on her show after this. Nikki Razor?

2:24:17 Oh, yeah. Listen, I've been Ari's friend for a long time. What's our reward, though? We're going to get that in a moment. Okay. That's the goddamn crate. That's the crate of Creepshow. There perfect, that is the perfect analogy. That's it, that's the goddamn crate. The fact that we actually did this was nuts. Thank you, Ari. I'll just say this. I was, uh,

2:26:31 than the three of us. This is like an advertisement for TRT. I've had several. have it many times. Let's say when you took it seriously. They might get knocked out all of a sudden and they couldn't take a punch anymore. It was a cumulative effect of all the punches landed. No, I didn't freak out about it. The first thing they're going to do is exercise you.

2:29:15 They just need more sleep, less sugar, less processed foods, do a little weightlifting, is what's really important they they think this is the case with a lot of people that have had So you either dive into them and listen to science and experiment, would go to that immediately that would be the first thing they would go to. That shouldn't say stupid.

2:31:53 I like those things. to. We just decide, okay, we're all It was great. It was great. Yeah. But what's more important is understanding how different everything feels when you work out for four hours or whatever it was the average day. It was like, I just have to mix it up or I'll go crazy. I wanted to do chin-ups. We hit 0.1% of all the people using this fucking thing.

2:34:29 Three of them obese. saying you were going to double me. That's all I needed. So there was a thing. And then we're like, hey, we talked. But you're not going to fucking do it. I go, Ari would be still out right now. did you really think you were for sure i. No, no, no. I was already thinking, let's cheat. I was a brown belt. when you were like, the check right now.

2:37:10 I know Ari. Now that we've done fight would be fun. Increase the level of sadness. I've been exercising my whole life. When he caught right up and I was like, oh, fuck. And he had to like come all the way back and then try to catch up. understand where you come from okay what do you do you like? I've seen why Florida's the swing. Kickboxing. Yes, and we go and see some kickboxing.

2:39:37 Leave on a Monday. We can eat some Thai food. You don't have to take off a gig if you don't want. Get drunk, walk around the streets. Surf month. I really don't know. I've never done it. Surf safari? Do you think you'll be good at it? Surf riding? Surfing? Surf safari. I really don't know. No, yoga. We haven't totally determined what the loser has to do.

2:41:01 I think Tom is going to try. Yeah, a lot of people feel like that. Can we talk about what you did yesterday? I will work out twice a day like that. I don't know. Like, I know what you're going to do. It never has been. So what I've decided to do on my days off is just do shit that I wouldn't normally do. to get past that point You guys are all addicts

2:43:55 You can work. That's not going to be a fun day for you. It's hilarious, man. Why did you talk shit, Bert? Listen, I don't feel bad that you talk shit. I never thought it would really get to that. No, there was another one before that. But I didn't, listen, I believe that right now. fucking win this thing. Wait, hold on. Did you all I knew we were done pretty quickly.

2:46:48 You fucked us. Not negative. I realize that right now. Yeah, I knew that. 100%. But fuck him. Like, I don't want him to beat me. Lose to Bert. It's about losing the bird. What was it? I did not enter this contest to lose. That's right. The guy who doesn't have any clothes on. How much was it? Hey, hold on. I want you to be yourself. What's that? Was that you?

2:50:35 drinking in a parking lot. Yeah. Oh, I heard that. Listen I don't lie and there was still it was not allow me And I went, I can't believe you didn't believe me. No, he sounded so sincere. I didn't know what to think In my head, I was like, I'm set. And in my head, all I did was wantonly wanted Ari's life. It was. kids are school okay that makes sense school you have this open amount of time from 7 a.m to 4 p.m

2:53:57 That's a lot of fucking time. No, you did it right, man. if you were only second the very last day when he had a picture he said do you believe in miracles I would have to be humble What was your end score? 324th, I think. That's crazy. Wow. They don't do that, though. You know how they used to have that thing with Oxycontins in Florida where you get a

2:56:37 chest strap and teach a hundred fucking Are we going to dinner? When we started this whole thing, everyone thought I couldn't do it. Yeah, if you have a bus to go back to, maybe you'll not drink as much. He was talking about depression and all the shit that he went through. and then went into a depression years later and then all of a sudden Wasn't it something crazy, Jamie?

2:59:25 happened? That was a Sunday. I got back in town Sunday. That's great. It's not enough points. And also the fear. Because we had a chance to beat him Dude, I looked at it as a win-win situation. Let's see what a regular score is. I'm kidding. on some thousand-point Hey, is everyone as fucked up as I am? No, you didn't make a reservation, did you? Oh, shit, son.

3:01:50 Tom pointed out how Bert pledged those $10,000 to those kids. Let's set it up correctly. A joking. I went to Atlanta to shoot the movie. We waited a world tour. Dog cunts. you're in Atlanta Tommy's not going to. For sure. He goes, yeah, yeah. $10,000. Yes. Very good. That's great. or that that burt pledged to those sick kids you you started fat burt wants six children to die

3:05:13 Yes, I did. They actually, And that's all right. Oh, my God. How about your pop son? By the way, when you mentioned it, I was looking at the numbers. I really thought it was going to happen. I can't. That's how much I spaced myself. You asked me, too. and that I'll say that when you woke up in the morning, you were like, I was, I really did honestly think I was

3:08:11 I got to breathe. either one of us fully trusted each other Dude, For R.E. Day? Ren and ZZ wanted R.E. to do- And I go, yeah. The best part of this whole thing was like a day after I had told Bert that it was a joke. I want a treat. You know who fucked? Look at it. I still want a little... Over 31 days. I'm not trying to fucking run up on you, but there's no punishment this year, right?

3:11:06 No, no, no. We should do something to celebrate. I would say. from America. And just do that. I have no problem with that. Drink that piss. You'll drink it? Okay. But did you say? You don't have to do shit, but here's the thing. New York I'll meet you guys at JFK. Honestly, fully, except you. on the trip, I could relax. and I was like, whoa. Stupid.

3:15:25 and doing this for publicity. And I said, yeah, Rogan's in it. He told you. I went down to 175. Be as loud as you can be. I was trying to go to Asia. Way back before UFC. I don't know. I'm free on there. Four days. No. Joe hates all monsters. That we can all go. Monst by the way, Joe, Joe. I'm fucking terrified. How cool does this make this? Joe hates all monsters.

3:17:58 No, no, bro, bro, bro. but I get off social media yeah Ari I'm still going to shoot it. They put it up for you? If it's after 10 p.m., wait until tomorrow. Limit the amount of variables you have to process You love it. We shouldn't be talking this much. That could be argued. If you guys could totally deal with a month But you could get your business

3:20:35 It's different. How would I know Yeah, if you can get off Oh, right. would be holding back You got so far ahead. in a bad way. in Instagram and a podcast. that maybe the outsider has. We all agree. No, I agree. And then he said some people are like, how dare you? Even if they're right about some things, the way they address it is what the problem is.

3:23:28 It might do you good to see what it's like for a month off it to where you're like, oh, I actually have a lot of time in my day. I don't know. Fuck everything next to the car, I'm fucking hammered. The quarterback for the... Panthers? Cameron Hayes or Cam Newton? God damn it, man. Cam Newton for the Panthers? I'm fucking hammered. both. Newton and Haynes.

3:24:55 Seriously. with every step you take. But we all did it. You wouldn't know what to defend. and go to the fucking world. We should do it Wait, wait, wait. Kelly Slater? Wait, wait, wait. Rules fight against Ari There can be no hitting. Okay? Especially when you're in your 40s. other. I'm telling you. Six months. Come on, tell them the real age. Wikipedia age. No, what's the real age? Come on, tell them the real age.

3:27:29 I'm 46. You're from real age, though. I'm 46. I'm not 41. His myosomes says 85. How much? You can get down to 205. I think that. Because you don't look like you put it back on after the fucking U.S. borders. Okay? Jesus. I'm going to be really honest. You were worried if I'd be tapping you? And even if you couldn't, I would think about that the same way.

3:30:28 It's just you said it. Yeah. We're going dark, Bert're going to the Darklands. Yeah. No, I've seen him. I'm telling you. You're an awesome person. What's he doing? He's pissing in the cup. I'll decide it's real. tell him about me for real the mickey manuel gene shut the fuck up and listen okay i think the Mickey Mantle gene what it tastes like you gotta swallow

3:33:28 that means I did far more workouts than you. What we're missing is what Tom's saying, It felt so good. a piss. I was like, what happened? I showed up at this comedy cellar But wasn't it cool to the other people go, other people go like, hey man, why are you am the last day so many people on the last day what I let down so many people Dude, I would jog down Lower Canyon and I'd hear people in their truck.

3:35:49 hey man, you got this, Bert. I went until I got right over 10,000. I was like, I'm done. So he beat you just over 1,000 something. You got just over 9,000. I got 10,016. I went until I got right over 10,000. 11,253. of all the people using these goddamn things. Killer. No, I like it too. The stuff that keeps your ankle together just breaks. Shout out to Kelly Slater.

3:37:35 Brad Gerlach then, fine, fuck it. Who's that guy? I'm looking for the top not for what has been. I'm looking for the top. today? Who wants in? If you really had to be honest, Easy. Seven full days. Thank you. Why four days? Hmm. Put him in. I can't believe you came in last, man. and Prince starts playing, Both of you fucking cunts for a short amount of time.

3:40:43 when we were all partying I would never do that. I like to get loud. We didn't try it, did we? Can I try it on? Yeah, for sure. You and Bobby? Who's your coach? surfing man we didn't try it didn't we yeah for sure you had that cruise i had this hunting trip which fortunately ended fairly early but if you were 10 days? I would have loved to have been not on a cruise.

3:42:58 Bobby did not work out. coughing up. makeup than the Mickey guy. When Tommy pulled up this idea, we were like, what? I love yoga. These fucking guys are so pissed about this. Here's let me be honest. You were so upset. I thought you were out. Oh, yeah. by the end of the month the kickboxing endurance has gotten way higher well We've got to keep going.

3:46:13 Where you started thinking like, what are our nutritional requirements? Not like, this is the best thing. At this level? There's no way. You could do it. Fuck yeah, I could. What's the bet I'm in on this? You can do what you did before, minus five days? I feel great right now. That's crazy. Bert was second. It's the only reason I stopped. Outside of the shit talking, which

3:48:47 You ran 15 miles, and then you rode five kilometers. in comparison to the average person that wears these things. Here's the other thing. Bro, I saw that naked on stage. what if Ari's like, I gotta change my life, But look at him Oh yeah Surf camp bro You jacked. But here's the thing. You crushed them But what's interesting is we didn't anticipate it at all.

3:51:43 And then it says the 9538 MEPs, which is the measurement, right? 60. Yeah. Wait, where's mine? This guy fucking swam around the UK. Oh my God! What? Didn't give you jack shit. I'd just get up in the middle of the night and just run. obviously every time is your own place. Steve Simone said he worked at Gold's Gym for a while. What do you want to tell people on the internet?

3:54:46 Did we learn anything from this? Start with Tommy Bunz. I think I like of being on a team. I'm capable of more You really did kill it, man. Like, how's Sober October going? It was the best. And he did not look like somebody I would think would say anything to me. It was fucking fun. We all did 15 together at like the 28th. I was like, oh, you could just keep doing it.

3:57:58 So what I realized last year by doing nine in a row, You know what's better? And then we do an hour and a half again. Then we're almost there. Then we're at three. Then we do an hour and a half again. It's because he's a fucking psycho. Put a fucking my zones on that guy and it's over. What about you? Oh, I don't fucking know. Come on. No, I was asking you guys ipad what'd you learn bert what'd you learn bert oh i don't fucking know come on no i was i was asking you guys but what'd you learn something i learned uh

3:59:56 I didn't think you were really going to upset. Parts. Ari? oh fuck i was like oh yeah of course someone that's 100 pounds lighter than me would be in man, I wish I had friends like you guys We got through this stupid fucking month We're not at all trained for this. In the final scores? And she probably teaches a gang of classes. just did a one month chaos run

4:02:30 Doe and you're like what? What happened? Well, I planned for that. So all that water comes right through your butthole. Your body, when you drink salt with water together, It was hard. All of us. No, who the fuck's getting 11? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He didn't want to lose to Burt. I was telling him on the 31st. I just got to the hotel. I was like, I can't.

4:05:38 So I was at least 300 something. If we stay. Because there was a point where I said So what you called Joe I worked out in the morning oh you fucking liar I actually talked to you Which makes it 500 at least that I can see. Friends are over, blah, blah, blah. when I say I'm done, and I'm not going to do it now. can you please just tell me so I can actually take this dancing

4:08:06 And I looked at Leanne. Let go of it. I had to go lay in bed and just go like, I i'm gonna give myself 15 minutes to lay in bed and get my I can't go with working out. The thing is, I book my podcast whenever I want. I want to run those hills with you and your dog. Some of them are more steep. you got to do you got to run you got to get your body out of there you can gotta get your body out of there. You can't get your body out of there. You gotta survive, motherfucker.

4:10:19 Do you have a place where you can what? Buy elk. But no, no, no, but I meant like, I meant like, is there a place that someone listening Yeah, that's because it's not for sale commercially. has a giant a couple times that day to quit It's crazy. It's like fucking, God damn, I know this is working out. Bro, I'm getting fat as fuck. crazy, stupid fucking thing

4:12:49 I think it'll help other people too. And then what they'll do, If it was rhabdo, that shit's super serious. They were confusing. I think all of us. I don't need Michelle. All the time. About a year later. Would you have felt comfortable saying it only if you had come in, let's say, second? A backup account for myself and I'd try to beat you on my own.

4:15:11 show your stats. And we surf to the death. in the beach and they in the background? No, no, no. Laird Hamilton's doing a whole underwater tour workout thing. Really? big wave surfers. yeah, Hey, hey, hey. He emphasized that they were there, And then his friends have, You can't figure, you can barely get by I didn't have animal I'd move with that had moved with that much

4:18:07 this could be how I go? If you went like that now, now it would be a fucking killer video. and it just never happened you don't want to do it January 10th until April 1st. Those dates haven't been released yet. I'm doing a bunch of dates. I'm doing a European tour. I did. I got a lot of shit. Let's do it. Are we really doing the stadium tour? Did you say it or not? Let's go eat. I got a lot of shit.

4:19:56 Let's try it. for Red Rocks for 20 fucking 21 let's do it But it was also, it was fun. There's not a chance in hell. I'd probably have been a better fighter if I trained that hard back when I put forth. That's as crazy as... I'd probably have been a better fighter fucked up. But what's important is we showed Whether it's ballet dancing. Mocha. we will see you guys

4:22:35 let's go champ