Joe Rogan Experience #1317 — Andrew Santino Transcript

Transcript

0:00 do do do do do do do What is it called? Lucky Devil? Oh jealous devil Truly manly way of cooking Hardwood charcoal bitch No In a skillet or no And you know what else I use? I was going to say. If I go to an Italian restaurant I'm disappointed But damn I wish you were from Italy That's a weird one right He could or he couldn't As long as I can understand him That have an accent. I don't need him to have an accent. I wouldn't care if he's from Greece. He could or he couldn't, as long as I can understand him.

2:13 You know what I mean? Is this gonna measure up P.F. Chang's Cooking that shit A bucaaneer beppo If you want like They try to fucking kill you Bucca di Beppo is like 50 pounds of fucking pasta when you go to Bucca di Beppo. Like that kind of food With clams The chewy goo Oh there's green I feel like stoned or drunk Everybody remembers from like Can we google if that's true So I've been told that there is tryptophan There's always tryptophan from turkey for it to put you to sleep yeah, I've heard it's bullshit I want to know if that's true though you know if that's true

4:50 Which forms the basis of brain chemicals Which gets converted Similar amounts Yeah Eating and eating and eating Not eating before shows Yeah We never eat before shows I don't mind some fruit your body just you mash it into mush so quick, and it just goes sliding down there. But if you looked at like the size of what you would eat on one of those mother...

7:07 Cheese pasta cheese pasta pasta cheese Oh yeah you're useless What do I got to write? I feel more fucked up and out of it than if i have a I don't know if it's a bullshit sale pitch, they have this delicious dessert that has papaya in it. It's wild Fogo de chão who comes by it's good with booze Yeah. Made me want to move. it's super hard to have things that you're saying back then that everybody says don't even exist eventually turn out to be true.

10:33 He started talking about the 80s. he's a scientist that definitely worked at los alamos lab there's a there's a record of him get without divulging too much three brothers are born uh triplets are born and they are separated And they end up And putting them Scientific experiment. Gross as fuck. It's not. to the public it's something that's it's someone's holding on to it and it cannot be released they've

13:46 It was so trippy, man. Isn't that like anything in our world? What do you believe in? No, at the time. Oh, right, right, right. But whatever he said about all these different things, only he knows if it's true. I don't know his real life, right? like if you put your hand down that thing and then jamie's hand it would give a different measurement like there's different each bone is a different length and

16:34 or they conceded that these were a real thing. So he when they went there with the documentary crew with jeremy corbell, they just walked him through he showed where he worked and about how the problem Right. that he was a scientist at Los Alamos Lab, a physicist. He showed it. He really did work there. Everybody calls him crazy. and I'll let everybody figure out if it's true.

19:01 You're pretty fucking keen, dude. So when I'm trying to talk to someone, I want things to work out well. Right. You can't lie to me, bro. It's like this whole thing of looking in someone's eye and talking to Like, you piece of shit. You know what that is. Hey man I didn't get your call I cringe you did today oh fuck i didn't see yeah sorry man i didn't see it did you not get my text that's

21:20 You ever have someone send you a text that's like a little on the needy side and then they When are you coming over? Did you get it? I've been calling people a lot more. calling me hey what's up tom like you would never right you know i'm saying like you would never if Even if we were. That's why a text is good because you could be in the middle of some shit, right?

23:43 Yeah. Yeah And bad things and terrible Yes, because you can get delusional. How about this guy? Yeah, they're phenomenal. bars and should this be the sober october challenge yes first of all yes and second of all what if we and it was a discussion. I mean, that's up to you. You have to have those three twin guys. Give them nothing but Snickers till someone's on the verge of death.

27:02 You could fucking find this. Yeah, he ate pizza for 20 years, something like that. It's like glue mixed with protein. How the fuck? Sorry, buddy, for laughing at your diabetes. But how the fuck sorry buddy for laughing at your nothing's there yeah that's why you can look small but you don't have anything there. Right. Skinny fat people. Your limbs are barely hanging on.

28:58 It's funny when you hold, that's like when I take pictures after shows and say hi to Sticks covered with jello. It's a discipline thing You only get one Yeah That's why you work out. But you know what the irony is? All of these High school Like insecure people I'm not into that. don't want to do it i never i fucking hardly ever want to do it if i maybe want to want to actually

31:30 got to push past that creepy resistance that steven pressfield wrote about in uh the war of art That's what Jordan Peterson always says. to be fair. Like, she wants new blinds at the house. What, can we just have this window? Give me some new fucking blinds. They'll find you one. A beautiful piece of land You can't just shoot them From helicopters and shit

33:46 They own those trees somehow. Trees can't move, man. seen a place that's been logged yep it's interesting yeah it's wild to see oh it's Sometimes the canopy keeps smaller things from growing. Easy hunting season huh? this is how it's been explained to me again remember i'm a moron so you're talking to a fucking idiot i'm like i'm like community college and i went to boston

36:05 a puff of talc and as it drifts you see which way the wind's blowing it's a wind checker right so And it's just mist Three ozone bonds Your odor Maybe it works for like 80% of the time. by you. I wear one To figure out where the fuck they're going thing there's no reaction take it off and then it's a reaction where it's detecting the signal What's the only fix for the smell thing other than that?

38:53 Like Bears have the best sense of smell? Bro. It depends on the animal Eagles for sure My friend from Alaska, he goes halibut fishing all the time. Three fucking feet of ice? let this monster know I'm here What the fuck Did you ever see the video ever bro and this guy's got cameras on him the whole time shit in his pants just dukey and left They're the cleanup crew.

42:12 So he knows it's in there. If it breaks, you're dead. this is what I look like he's like dope if it just... How do they rescue He goes, fuck this. at that He goes fuck this Oh the bear Dude They run like that on ice Those things just dig in with their claws Fuck out of here You ever seen how fast a bear runs? Yeah they're insane Dude No big deal man

43:41 It's black skin Yeah snow blind No that's a black bear bro Also, it just doesn't look big enough. Hey, maybe when they get mange, their fucking hair on their head gets black. Well, I would imagine. right no it's yeah it does it does it looks translucent translucent almost right but what And it can eat a fucking, like a hole through ice to get to you, too.

45:36 And for how long can they swim? miles an hour is 5.2 knots my boat goes five knots why would you want to make it slower that's so Kilometers, then miles. Fuck you and fuck your systems of 10. I was talking about this today People have goals The NHL Right? That's what it fucking should be the only black guy i know that loves soccer in america is that real in america how many black

48:08 if you want to get blasted on some of this uh mike tyson weed that we smoked today it's the So people would get really mad if they found out these Inuits were killing polar bears. There's a comic who's a, he's a also a uh veterinarian kevin Like out of the womb, they're just trying to bite and kill. And occasionally you catch something slipping. started sinking and they had a real problem because the next boat was hours away so they

50:35 Ice island away. Jumps in the water. Goes back on the other ice island. Depends on who I'm eating He I mean maybe the guy What do you fucking do You can't swim away you'll freeze to death if you is just like that oh maybe One was a dude that I was working with. dangerous a lot of a lot of blood flows through that area a lot of main arteries that can fucking

53:46 He was in a pickup truck. on some rural road yeah but it's some rural road you gotta worry about people not paying attention for a long time. It took him I mean, he was a young guy. That fucked up shit has made him look old always. from maine right it was a guy from maine yeah and then this crazy shit would happen to him He's got so much good stuff, man.

56:38 old words like that tommy knocker find out what it is let's find out like this word hey i want i With no case? How long? Do you feel better than other people? He's twirling it around his fingers. why did I buy it like it's an Otterbox what I know this sounds privileged, fine, Jesus. Oh, shit. How many episodes? I think that movie if you wanted to really figure out what the book is it would have to be

59:36 No, there was like some alien thing. Mandy Patinkin? What the fuck is that guy's name? Billions, that's right, that guy. As good as he is at being an American, that's creepy. Also, Damian Lewis. white trash trailer trash dream catcher same kind of thing though you know that is dream catchers Bummer. The best dream catcher sucks. Yeah, it catches them, but you don't fucking get them, dummy.

1:01:56 It was exactly who I am. and Leos are supposed to be I think it's all bullshit. October buds. By the way, Whatever you do, And I know there's going to be a lot of shit I have to do. What if you do a different kind of challenge? Someone do a deep fake of Joe eating Snickers. do the split. He goes, yeah. Can you do the split? I go, I can do the split. He goes, do it. So I did

1:04:13 For a guy that's been sitting on dick for that many years, and jamie in one of those bubbles so we can just get high and drunk and roll all right yeah give no no I didn't like what is it like is the better vision but you gotta keep Have you seen that shit? I imagine being that guy's dad. People are fucked. at the end of my show that's San Diego hey

1:07:30 This fucking guy. Of course. Oh, wow. Not thrown, but like tossed. you can't throw shit at me get the fuck out of here so they remove the dude but the best part no you can't throw shit and the poor girl man i've never seen someone so embarrassed she was his girlfriend go they're kicking him out he goes sir was in front of him who's his girlfriend I go did I do that

1:09:58 yeah imagine the kind of enabling where you're right next to the guy who's yelling out stupid shit About certain people Your fucking I mean, everyone's lighting him up because they were like, is this. You can't just do it. You seem like you'd be fine enough water. Their brain looks like that, too, man. I just wanted to help out And all these dudes Don't.

1:12:53 they'll throw in a few extra shots. Mexicans the best. small hole in the wall type place everyone speaks spanish 100 everything's written in spanish the food is It's not eaten before I go. That's all my concentration is on. I'm taking somebody. Unless you did something horrific and you want to die and you know you're terrible. They make it real hard.

1:15:11 with it, right? Yeah, but I do think, though, You do. That's always like the appeal of a show like The Punisher. It's the dumbest shit of all time It looked so bad. And they're going to make the makeup so bad and so dumb looking. Hey, that's us. That's almost like they know this movie is a piece of shit and they are going to make the makeup so bad God damn.

1:17:11 No, not Punisher. Can we have that Mike special anymore There was a close up Like I remember watching on TV Perfect. That's what I'm talking about. wolford brimley you know you gotta get like you know mike beltran is you know i'm talking about Look at that shit. Would you get an extension added to it Yeah it's a look right but at a certain point in time i would imagine you become like

1:19:30 This is the, I remember playing in a band with this guy, He does have a really long one, Well, why would nature do that? Anybody that says complete bald Why can the hair on your head Jamie They get fucking repulsive. Yeah, angry. why pube hairs thick shield Imagine if it wasn't. It's braided like my Beltran's beard. If you're trying to start a fire.

1:22:10 Do you fuck so hard you could start a fire? and a slayer. Have you ever started a fire like that? with your fingers is ridiculous. I think I was Boy Scouts when I was doing that. You seem like a long time. Not really a suburb. The white people are spreading out. I wasn't used to really About why you're talking about the angry Boston people? I completely lost it.

1:24:32 So I went to camp with these fucking kids that lived in this really tough neighborhood. We used to go into the swamps. They were tough-ass kids. He shamed me. Every other kid You would think You would go up fucking boy scout camp with these criminals and dude the first night the first night they tied No lights So in all my life as a person don't remember they did something i do not remember but i remember the other kid they put toothpaste

1:27:57 I think it was him. Right. You hear ricochets. It's like crack, crack. People kill people with.22s. Nobody did anything to me That's where that happened I always think that maybe I wasn't cute enough or something like that. that but like blew my blew all of our minds like holy shit it's gross that shit is fucking gross That's peanut butter and jelly bro

1:30:36 You see a priest, you're like, oh. Sure you are, dude. How crazy is that. You'll never get away from that. Just trying to teach the word of the Lord, man. Sure you are, dude. in his life, he was involved let this one guy go, rather, catholic church because there's a lot of great people that are parishioners. Yeah, not everyone is a shithead. The number's insane.

1:32:14 documentary speak speak no it's a horrific deliver us from evil deliver us from evil We Know? Which one's that? Teflon is in 99.99% of the world's blood. Watch this fucking documentary. No. any credible sources sure and i don't necessarily automatically agree with them but are there any supposed to be polluted they lied they put they put their their runoff in his water cows had fucking like blue teeth and shit their eyes would turn different colors dude he was like

1:34:47 It's fucking absurd. Jamie can type with five. Fuck out of here, NBC News. Penafiel bottled water sold at Target and Walmart. Unflavored mineral spring waters High levels of arsenic per billion just show me a dick, bro. Arsenic Hot car Before you Who the fuck knows what's in there Did you see the shit with Justin Trudeau Did you see it earlier? Wait, rewind it one more time.

1:37:47 You're fired! If you asked me a question like that about my job, imagine if somebody said, hey, Joe, what do you think could be done to stop head trauma in MMA? I gotta get home There's not a fucking bottle in the house His whole house is plastic, everything. Something's wrong. He's going to stalk you. No. Okay, I went through a six month dry spell when I was 19 and the first time I had sex with a girl after that I

1:40:36 All I was doing was doing martial arts and training. no one put that in my head i put it in my head because i was trying to figure out how to get to want that's a lot of good foresight because most kids at that age that are testosterone levels about doing something wrong and getting hit. It didn't hurt, per se. They just stopped. The referee stopped the fight.

1:43:39 Never once? Two? hitting me in the head and it hit me in the head pretty fucking hard or um i didn't go unconscious And if it's in a fight, you get a, you know, either you fall down I had my fucking knees taken out from under me. And I remember vividly two moments. I fell on my fucking neck. And he was saying he wouldn't have his kids play football.

1:46:22 He's like, who got shot? in his childhood too. He was saying But yeah, there was a documentary. what was it crazy life got knocked out on the. Got knocked out. Wrong side. You're talking about concussions. Wow. The hits are harder than the fights. People are scared fights the hits cause more concussions oh for sure far well soccer players have problems big time

1:48:31 Anybody can have a head trauma. That is a dope line And fix your mental illness Sorry, bro. No, not Burt. Would you just choose that moment to be a victim? What did you do? aren't there some bitches though right okay there's a lot of people out there that have It's not everyone. Come on. That was so good. Like, that, yeah. Imagine a ten-pound baby coming out of your dick, and they respect that thing.ussies are always strong 10 pound babies come out of a pussy imagine a 10 pound baby coming out of your dick and they respect that thing you know i'm saying i mean what

1:51:27 Yeah It's a cheap insult You fucking nice thing I want to fuck. You're getting someone scared. You can scare someone. said the scariest thing he ever said was when he was talking how dare they threaten me such a masculine dude I don't want to say Or Sugar Ray Robinson. And he fought all the time. Floyd Mayweather would box him up. Who's the best at that?

1:54:07 McGregor was, well... He's a skillful master. Even though, you know, make you think it's easy it's fucking impossible what he does sugar ray robinson was a motherfucker out. He saw it through. See, Robinson I cannot envision a world where Jake LaMotta outboxes Floyd Mayweather. the first he was the guy who opened the door he was the guy who did the weird shit that we would

1:56:10 we hear you watching In 1946, but about MMA against the ropes I think they're different animals. That was the 40s, man. But did you watch Roy Jones Jr. in his prime? Well, taunting and shit. Do you know how crazy that is? He didn't maintain it. I don't know why. Put his arm out. He was so good. dynamic, explosive style, was a couple years where roy jones jr was it was just a show naz. Because there was a couple years where Roy Jones Jr. It was just a show.

1:59:55 Watch this. This is why. 25 pounds. That's a lot of fucking weight. Mexican supplements. But if you look at Roy in this fight, he just does not look as good. depleted, man. That was the left hand that knocked him out. And Roy Jones Jr. just retired. could box with him because of the movie creed Oh, get the fuck out of here. And Roy was legitimately trying to set it up.

2:02:41 Listen to me. He's going to light you on fire. And you know what? you wouldn't watch that fight there's pictures of that he's 55 though they're both super small too I worked with him young but if you're gonna do it he's handled it as Listen, man, that ain't a way to do it, but if you're going to do it, what the fuck Well, that's what I'm saying. yeah

2:04:34 I've ever been in anything I'm like no and those motherfuckers the weed food into the car ride I'm like, I'm going to take a break here. Action Bronson does that show where he gets high and watch Ancient Aliens. That's fun and new. Yeah, hilarious, bro. He's not even awake. Look at him. He's a good dude. Action? Yeah, he's a here, folks. Look at DJ Alchemist is sleeping on the far right. He's not even awake.

2:06:32 Yeah, come on, bro. He's a legend. Isn't that weird though for him? dude, I love your shit. Because Big Bamboo was the album that looked like rolling papers And then in that album They would later put an actual piece of rolling paper in there. was big bamboo oh wow a big bamboo was before okay so i was five there's the record six yeah That's crazy.

2:08:40 I can find it. Can you believe that, though? Who would be from that era that's still doing what they do in the comedy world? Did you see that someone was tweeting from Bill Cosby's account about Father's Day? Not a good idea to hang back. I. Definitely a good idea to stay relevant. Not a good idea to hang back. He was Fat Albert. You know what I'm talking about.

2:10:39 Of course. What's going on behind your fucking screens, bro? Hilarious story. He goes, I wanted to see if I could do it. Respect women. I'm on Twitter, always live in a glass house. You see Louie at Skank Fest. that's i i understand that people are upset about what he did but he did not sexually assault women What he did was definitely not good. That's what I've, that's all I've ever heard.

2:14:15 Right. And again, I don't think he's happy about it at all. but you are saying at a certain point in time, you've got to give someone a way out. try to be a fair person, I don't know if he's done any of that stuff. splitting up like that too i think that we can't get to this place where women feel like they can't trust men and men feel like they All Filipinos

2:16:58 It's silly though It doesn't make sense Sure. dude. You don't have, It's wrong. And I appreciate that, and I understand that. We fuck up. And I was also thinking that also when This kind of stuff happens Bro they were laughing about it While Kevin Spacey not a lawyer but but I think, touching his dick. I don't know if he's, I'm like, you're not going to fuck me, man.

2:20:45 The accuser continued texting, saying that he was being touched Look at this, Joe. Not once does he Help. No, this is Kevin how crazy this is. He was enjoying the fact accused of blue balling It's fucked up. this was an isolated incident that was one one of many but different it's a different thing he just grabbed my dick Kevin Spacey a normal I'm not worried about him raping me is what my point is.

2:23:39 Because women don't know if you're the kind of guy that would rape them. Yeah Right Bring the whole team. I'll fuck all of them. He said he invited me to his house. He's jerking me off in his mouth. I'm not gay. sexually assaulted. And you're accepting this drug How dare this guy. Just sue for being a bitch. touched this boy's dick over and over again

2:25:59 he's legal but maybe he's like bewildered like he doesn't know what to do. Maybe he's never been around a famous guy like Kevin Spacey before. He's doing this game. No. The plot thickens. time he walked by? Yeah. Which means it's going to happen. Is he going to go to jail? No. Fuck no. a financial opportunity and he had to capitalize. Yeah. The kid?

2:27:18 He worked there. The USC people? The billboards She's amazing in the show. Bro. you bought it okay that's not ron howard pretending to be banging dudes and getting He was unbelievable. out of your head were like everybody's gay It was crazy. After they kicked him out, you're like, what? It just looked off. Continue this game His assistant In front of a train

2:30:53 That's right Oh, I know that. Breaking the mold of the Netflix mold. Nice. Nice. No. You have to have delivery at grocery stores. You just leave and they charge your account. Living in the future, bro. and amino acids 3D print Yeah but you know what There's no soul Just little things Imagine. oh choc a robot that's why a lot of the world Maybe yours, bro.

2:34:41 I still think there's something about the touch of food when you feel- you're talking about like a cast iron skillet like do enzymes come off your fingers there's Dirty hands How do you think their dirty hands ate food? Get out of here Look at a I got to pee. How about that? There's got to be... People ate a lot of raw shit for a long time. there's gotta be something secrets of people who never get sick. Let's see. It's just about sleeping, sneezing, vitamin C, sleep it off, get a handle on stress,

2:37:42 I don't know where you're getting this from. How are you going to fight that, dude? Tons. Absolutely not. People, cultures, they eat with their hands. You never lose contact. So it's like, here's a perfect example of what we were talking about earlier with Louie. that you're supposed to forgive louis which i think yes and then i don't see a path for bill

2:40:01 and your pants are down by your ankles and you realize he fucked you while you're unconscious drug you and treat you First of all, I think it would probably open up the door to more lawsuits. What's the line? The line of compassion. putting him in a cage right right but if you were gonna really decide hey we're gonna we're gonna But you would have to figure out what are the laws that allow someone to kill somebody

2:42:25 Right. And we see it with so many aspects of our culture. is there ever a line? I've said it a million times but disturbed but what i think is happening too is that a lot of women feel like when these guys that are abusers got taken out I mean, he had a clause in his contract detailing what would happen for the first case of sexual harassment, second case, third case in the contract.

2:44:16 You're a talented guy. They're like, three strikes, you're out. He made Pulp Fiction. He's jerking off For a glutton And the looks, too. Yeah. More modern. like some kick-ass female character winds up shooting him and killing him. Daryl Hannah winds up killing him. There's two Arquettes. No, no, there's a girl. She's dead? if you miss it oh shit wasn't she one of the,

2:47:14 They had to help her. He goes, oh shit. wasn't that it? that's my fucking wife, Amazing movie. like what i remember i saw that movie when i first moved to hollywood it was like 1994 i think Yeah, it comes out in like a month. If you haven't realized why some of it's been repainted in weird ways, and he likes that place. That place is amazing. He goes, meet me at Musso & Frank's. I love Mus he is. Yeah. He's a dope dude. Him and I were going to dinner at Mousseau and Frank's and he likes that place.

2:49:13 what the fuck is going on? for them to do it. Oh, wow. He's like, Nah. in the trailers That place is amazing. We should go. big piece of ice. I feel like Mick Jagger They went there before had open heart surgery That just means Button your lip, baby. Fucking unreal. You think so? He works out three hours a day. this weekend, Friday, The Whiskey Ginger podcast is available.

2:52:13 I love you.